chicutie Posted September 13, 2008 Posted September 13, 2008 My Ex and I have gone back and forth for years. Two years ago, I started dating him after a divorce (I know too soon); of course he freaked when he felt we were getting too close. I am an expert at NC, however I'm not so nice with it. I'm typically pissed when I'm in NC mode and I haven't mastered cheery when called. Well, he called me 6 months after the poof and I managed to be cordial but I wasn't entertaining the idea of "US" again. He finally got sick of hitting my wall and poofed for what I believed to be forever. Well, fast forward to a year and a half later (last week); I get a call from the Ex that a mutual friend is in town and would like to see me. I was very nice and said I'd love to see this friend. Of course he says, well you only want to see "Friend"? I blew him off and kept it light. I called the friend while EX was at work and picked her up-she was staying at his house. This person is always trying to play match maker with us. I dropped her off at his house and declined when she asked if I wanted to come in. Mr. Ex called me in the car and asked why I hadn't come in to visit and I told him I had plans. Friend of course played up that I looked GREAT (which I did), I;ve been on a healthful kick and I've lost weight. He invited me to go with them to a cookout and I declined, but I agreed to come over for a drink with him and my friend after the cookout. I called from the car to verify his place because I hadn't been there in 2 years. Of course, he gave me a hard time and came outside to great me at my car. We hugged, and I maintained my cool-he's such a cutie! He complimented me on how great I was looking and that it was great to see me. The three of us had a couple drinks and a pleasant time. He then told me there were some people in town he'd gone to school with and they wanted him to come by, and would I go with him. Well, I said yes and only the two of us attended the party. It was fine, and I was happy to see people there I already knew. We only stayed an hour or so, and he drove me back to his house. I got my car and went home. He asked me to call him to let him I know I made it home safely. I sent a text and told him it was good seeing him. Well, the few drinks I had made me flirty and of course he took it and ran. He's been texting and calling me since.....the problem? I said never again after the last break up! Now I'm acting like a wimp! We've been talking and texting. We went out for drinks and it was great. We kissed at the end of the night.....really kissed. I feel like he's freaking again because I havent talked to him in 4 days. What is the deal with men!?
megapositive Posted September 14, 2008 Posted September 14, 2008 Wow, sounds interesting! And sounds like there's lots of chemistry between the two of you. Why haven't you talked to him in 4 days?
Author chicutie Posted September 14, 2008 Author Posted September 14, 2008 Wow, sounds interesting! And sounds like there's lots of chemistry between the two of you. Why haven't you talked to him in 4 days? Sigh, I'm letting him have space and take the lead. However, I now feel he as freaked out because he's getting close. Is he overwhelmed? I'm also gun-shy because we've been here before. If he is wanting me back, why isn't he closing the deal? I'm about to say screw it and keep my life moving!
megapositive Posted September 14, 2008 Posted September 14, 2008 Maybe he's waiting for you to contact him? Who made the last contact and what was it?
Author chicutie Posted September 14, 2008 Author Posted September 14, 2008 Maybe he's waiting for you to contact him? Who made the last contact and what was it?l He text messaged me, but not really saying much of anything. I'm so down today and second guessing myself. I thought we had a really good time. He kissed me - great kiss; very passionate but respectfully hot! I don't know what to do or what he wants!
megapositive Posted September 14, 2008 Posted September 14, 2008 l He text messaged me, but not really saying much of anything. I'm so down today and second guessing myself. I thought we had a really good time. He kissed me - great kiss; very passionate but respectfully hot! I don't know what to do or what he wants! So he texted you last, over 4 days ago, you didn't respond, and now you're thinking he's not interested and you're bummed? This is confusing. Why don't you just call or text him?
Author chicutie Posted September 14, 2008 Author Posted September 14, 2008 So he texted you last, over 4 days ago, you didn't respond, and now you're thinking he's not interested and you're bummed? This is confusing. Why don't you just call or text him?[. B No, I responded but I felt he was being distant. He is somewhat shy and laid back....I am so NOT. In the past I've been over the top with my demands and expectations. I'm trying not to push or manipulate. I'm affraid that in my attpt give him space I've totally shut down. I want to be sure were wanting the same things and that I'm not out-pacing him. I think we end up with these really intense feelings l, I'm ready to go full spear and he's trying to figure it out. Now he has alwAys tried to get back together with me and I've been a hard ass fod the most part. I've punished him for the break up in the past. Now I'm ready but I'm afraid to give my all.
Prettyinblack Posted September 17, 2008 Posted September 17, 2008 Sounds like there are some committment issues at hand here. Just a guess. What do you want from him...what does he want from you....has that been discussed. Why so many break-ups...your idea or his....whats changed....whats going to be different.... Chemistry is great but it is only great if it exists OUSIDE of the bedroom as well as in the bedroom. In my books, that means being attentive and not keeping you on the hook for four days!!!! Thats a long time. Why let him take the lead....ask him what the heck is going on!
Author chicutie Posted September 18, 2008 Author Posted September 18, 2008 Sounds like there are some committment issues at hand here. Just a guess. What do you want from him...what does he want from you....has that been discussed. Why so many break-ups...your idea or his....whats changed....whats going to be different.... Chemistry is great but it is only great if it exists OUSIDE of the bedroom as well as in the bedroom. In my books, that means being attentive and not keeping you on the hook for four days!!!! Thats a long time. Why let him take the lead....ask him what the heck is going on! Basically trust issues and uncertainty on both our parts. I harbor grudges and have never given a real opportunity to him when we try to start over. My heart is very closed. He is gun shy, ended a relationship in a bad way and quite frankly is sort of a wuss. Our chemistry is no based on sex. He has pursued me for years and only recently did I give in. I don't know why we alwAys end up here? I have moved on many times. There periods where I will refuse his calls. I want to let down my guard and open up but I can't and I think it has caused him to be cautious. We both have ended things in the past, but always initiates contact after he thinks I've had time to cool off. I can't explain the connection but you feel it when were in the same room I think I'm just going to give up on this....it's too hard.
Author chicutie Posted September 18, 2008 Author Posted September 18, 2008 when I say we haven't had sex until recently I mean a year ago or so; we've only recent started speaking again.
Recommended Posts