ohwhyme Posted September 13, 2008 Posted September 13, 2008 So my ex kind of wants me back after trying to date other people. I have tried to myself and it wasn't the same, all I could think about was her and compare her with someone else. So we both broke it off with our temporary partners. But shes also confused and wants to straighten her head out, should I wait or ask her what she wants from me? I guess she went all crazy and started partying a lot to escape from everything and she never used to be like that. A part of me wants her back and I still think about her all the time. I'm never going to move on if she keeps trying to talk to me. We've been separated for 3 months and its a LTR, I'm supposed to move closer to her. She says that I'm the only person she has ever loved and writes me text messages all the time when shes a little tipsy and we still have good conversations on the phone. She writes in her emails about how leaving me was a really big mistake and that shes tried to move on but it didnt go so well. Any ideas?
BCCA Posted September 13, 2008 Posted September 13, 2008 I dont see anything wrong with asking her what she wants from you. I dont think waiting is going to do anything but keep you wondering. If she's anything like my ex, she isn't going to come right out and say anything, you'll have to pull it out of her. Be prepared though, you never know what she's going to say. And dont let her get away with being wishy-washy. Like Trialbyfire told me, corral her in and make her give you a straight forward response so there is no confusion.
sid3 Posted September 13, 2008 Posted September 13, 2008 corral her in and make her give you a straight forward response so there is no confusion. yeah if that would only work. More than half the people here are dealing with the fact that they believed/ trusted in what their partner told them. I agree with the the advice given. Although nothing anybody ever tells you will end the confusion unless their actions match the words. Sure we may at times be guilty of hearing what we want to, but just as likely it had come from a person who was telling us what they wanted us to believe, for their own needs. Communication is vital to a healthy R, it will never matter when your dealing with an unhealthy person. Not to say this is the OP's case. I'd suggest moving slowly and see how it goes. Maybe your relationship will have become stronger for having seen what else was out there. You never know. There may be very few successful reconciliations, that doesn't mean you two won't be one of them.Good luck
Author ohwhyme Posted September 13, 2008 Author Posted September 13, 2008 that kind of makes sense but I'm not sure if I should push her if she asks to get some time alone because she just broke up with her ex and so she isnt confused. But she told me that she meant everything that she said I guess thats not enough yet. Or I should just lay low for a while and not talk to her cause NC seemed to bring her back heh.
WiseOne1 Posted September 13, 2008 Posted September 13, 2008 This is a pretty solid case. She broke up with her current BF which means shes ready to jump ship, but there only one little thing you must do, show no fear! Due to if you were...she'll run off, you have to go limited contact, because if she sees you as being weak or to ready. Dont let her come of being wishy washy, thats not gonna do you any good and then'll shell get back with the other dude after time. You bassically need to stand firm but show her attention, "not to much". This is your time, this may be one of the only successful reconciliations of LoveShack in 2008, about 1,000 people join ever year, yet only about 5 people a year get there ex back.
sid3 Posted September 13, 2008 Posted September 13, 2008 Yeah Y, stick with what you were doing if you felt like it was working.
Author ohwhyme Posted September 13, 2008 Author Posted September 13, 2008 I think wiseman is right. Once you turn into a pussy the girl leaves.
WiseOne1 Posted September 13, 2008 Posted September 13, 2008 I think wiseman is right. Once you turn into a pussy the girl leaves. Seriously, once you show one little sign of weakness, shes gonna run off. Shes going to feel like she has you wrapped around her fingers so therefore shes gonna see no reason to take you serious, and if she does continue she'll take her sweet time. Dont be nicer or dont be sweeter, if anything turn more confident, you have to let her know thats its now or never. But asking her what she wants from you is ok, theres nothing wrong with that.
Author ohwhyme Posted September 14, 2008 Author Posted September 14, 2008 yea I'm done with the weakness crap, I spent the entire months just working out and stopped taking crap from anyone now. I figured if its over, it doesn't really matter because the way I feel now is different from the way we broke up. I felt inadequate and weak and thus ignored everything she said and blocked her out of my life completely. Now I'm back to my old self again which feels great. I'm going to ask her but I think I will wait a little and just focus on myself and not talk to her all the time and go out on my own. We only started talking again a week ago so theres no reason to move that fast?
0hpenelope Posted September 14, 2008 Posted September 14, 2008 yea I'm done with the weakness crap, I spent the entire months just working out and stopped taking crap from anyone now. I figured if its over, it doesn't really matter because the way I feel now is different from the way we broke up. I felt inadequate and weak and thus ignored everything she said and blocked her out of my life completely. Now I'm back to my old self again which feels great. I'm going to ask her but I think I will wait a little and just focus on myself and not talk to her all the time and go out on my own. We only started talking again a week ago so theres no reason to move that fast? Yes, there's absolutely no reason to move that fast. A week is too short of a time to establish any changes that's happened that will be conducive to your attempt to re-build your relationship with each other. Take your time. You've already proven that you can live without her and that you've made improvements for yourself and not for others. Don't settle for anything less than a sincere effort to work things out. I believe in Second Chances and if you're among the few who get it, then golly that's great! Good luck, ok?
Author ohwhyme Posted September 14, 2008 Author Posted September 14, 2008 Thanks for the advice. Its harder to reestablish a LDR but I guess we shall see how it goes. We havent talked for a while (few days) and shes usually the one who tries to talk to me. Shes changed a lot since and parties a lot but I'm not too bothered by it. Really have nothing to lose and I've noticed there are women everywhere. I hope you all don't get too attached to your girlfriend/boyfriend.
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