LadyCakes Posted September 13, 2008 Posted September 13, 2008 Hi everyone, I was wondering if you could give me your opinion on financial provision for ex partners who are the "resident parent". To cut a very long story short my new boyfriend has recently slip up with his ex and they have a child together who is 2 years old. My partner is a good man and wants to provide for his child to ensure that he never goes without and has everything he needs. Even tho my partner does not love his ex anymore he does love his son and wants to financially provide for him. I would just like to say at this point that i 100% support this, after all my partner is a father and the fact that he wants to provide for his son just shows that he is a great man. Anyway, he and his ex were never married.They were just together for 25 years. They own a property in joint names with a small mortgage outstanding. My boyfriend is currently staying with a friend while he decides what is best finacially to do. I think he should sell the house and devide the equity. That way she could afford to buy somewhere small outright for her and her son or put a huge deposit down somewhere larger. My partner seems to think that she and their son should stay in the home they own together and he should move out!!! This would mean he would still be paying the mortgage but would not be living there and would have to find the money to rent somewhere for himself as he would not be able to buy as all the equity would be tied up at "home" if he allows the ex and child to stay. Sorry, i dont mean to sound heartless but this seems like a totally unfair situation! why should he have to pay a mortgage for where he is not living!!! Oh i should point out, i live in England. Secondly he wants to give the ex £500 (pounds! - so about $1000) a month to support the child. Is this too much/too little?...on top of the house to live in mortgage free! He earns about £40k a year. I know this is going to sound selfish but what about me and him? what if we want to buy a place together...he wont have any money to help with the mortgage? Why shoudl he giver the ex his 50% of the house and walk away with nothing? Does a 2 year old child really need £500 a month? What if we have a family???? I want him to provide for his son...but what i think im really trying to say is i dont want him to provide for his ex...why the heck should he...thy were never married!!!! In this situation what financial provision to teh ex an child do you think is reasonable???? LadyCakes
lonelyandfrustrated Posted September 14, 2008 Posted September 14, 2008 I think that it's between him and the mother of his child, and imho, none of your business. 1k a month for the care and feeding of a child, no matter the age, is reasonable. I think it's excellent that he wants her and the child to remain in the house. I have four children myself, along with a rocky marriage, but one thing we have agreed on is that if we do fall apart, I will remain in the house with the children and we will share the cost of the mortgage, and sell the house when the youngest is 18 and split the proceeds then. That should be an option for your bf. But it sounds like he's been living with her for 25 years? Um, why is he your boyfriend then? Are you sure about that?
2sure Posted September 16, 2008 Posted September 16, 2008 It is a hazard of dating a person with children and obligations. He feels she is entitled to the house after 25 years - and chances are good the courts will give her that. There will be legal conditions to this of course. The amount he is proposing to pay is, according to his income, is about average (here in US) for child support - he has added about 100L a month for spousal support (he may have to pay more after court). So, no...it isnt an unusual amount.
hotgurl Posted September 16, 2008 Posted September 16, 2008 no that sounds reasonable. After all they were together for 25 years and have a kid together. $1,000 a month is reasonable in the state they take roughly 25% of you pretax income. He is being kind with the house. HE probably want the child to have a stable home. I agree with lonelyandfrustrated about splitting the mortgage and selling the house once the kid turns 18. But it is really none of your business.
2sure Posted September 16, 2008 Posted September 16, 2008 I know this is going to sound selfish but what about me and him? what if we want to buy a place together...he wont have any money to help with the mortgage? Why shoudl he giver the ex his 50% of the house and walk away with nothing? Does a 2 year old child really need £500 a month? What if we have a family???? No, after 25 years, unless he earns a lot of money - she will be entitled to 50% of his assets and that doesnt even count child support! And Yes - 500 / month for a 2 year old will be okay for awhile- But then he will have to factor in unexpected medical costs like braces, educational tutoring, music lessons, sports , every day child care, away camp, education.....and of course college. These things are not part of court awarded monthly child support payments - they are extra! And if he gets a raise, his payments go up.He will be responsible for at LEAST 50% of these things. Unless of course he earns more than the Mom - then he will pay a higher percentage. In fact, should you marry him, your combined income could be used in calculating the percentage each parent pays. I want him to provide for his son...but what i think im really trying to say is i dont want him to provide for his ex...why the heck should he...thy were never married!!!! Dont forget that every other weekend, or possibly every depending on how great a dad he is - you will be home with her child while she is out "shopping & traveling". Ditto for holidays and school vacations. Should you have children - his first child will be seen by the courts as the first priority. I know I sound harsh - but ask around, its the amazing truth.
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