Just want to die

[2hurt2liv]

I am going thru a break up and I am having a really hard time with this. I feel like I want to just not wake up. He says he doesnt love me anymore and I cant seem to understand that. How can he be so cruel and watch me hurt like this. I live with him adn dont have the money to leave right now. I keep trying to talk to him and work things out but he refuses, I have begged and I feel terrrible for that. Im hurt, angry and a mess right now

[Ocean-Blue]

For someone who supposedly loved you at some point, he's acting like a royal a$$.

 

Stop and think rationally for a second. Would you believe what comes out of the mouth of an a$$? Should you allow his words to dictate how you feel? NO.

 

He's scum. He doesn't have the decency to give you any explanation...he's just put you in the dark. These are not the actions of a noble man.

 

Clique yes, but this idiot isn't worth your pain or tears. Don't waste your time validating his pathetic existence. Be glad you're rid of him and get yourself out of there ASAP.

 

In the meantime, get off the couch or wherever, wash your face and do something you like... Think about the new and exciting things that await you.

 

If he's treating you like this now, I'd hazard a guess and say he's hurt you before (with cruel words and judgy BS).

 

You're lucky you got out. You may not see it now, but you will.

[2hurt2liv]

It just hurts so much right now and although I do have feelings that he is being a total jerk the fear of being alone is killing me. The rejection and coldness he is giving me is like a knife in my heart. I have been reading things all night and cant sleep Im throwing up I am having real mixed emotions right now. I want him to hurt like he has hurt me, then I feel like I cant go on anymore then I feel like this is the best thing to happen. I want to ignore him and act like hey who cares but I cant seem to do that either,,, I really am I mess

[Ocean-Blue]

What you're feeling is totally normal. You've been hurt by someone you trusted, someone you thought loved you.

 

Whatever his reasons, he's not fit to be your mate. He has clearly demonstrated that by being cold, callous and an outright pr1ck.

 

Cry however much you want to, but realize that you will be OK at the end of all of this.

 

How long ago did you two break up?

[ate_the_paint]

It's incredibly confusing and emotional when someone just ends it like that and you don't know why. Feeling like you do is okay, because it's perfectly natural (and I wouldn't trust somebody who didn't hurt so much).

 

I'm not an expert or anything, but when my ex left me she just up and left without an explanation. We had been together for six years and were two months away from the wedding date. What I didn't know at the time is that she had found someone else. She went away one day, everything was normal, and she turned off her phone and never came back. Turns out she had gone on holiday with the other guy.

 

It's the hardest thing to do, but so long as you take care of yourself you CAN get through it. I would suggest getting out of the apartment immediately. You may not be able to afford your own place but surely you have friends and family you can lean on? Is there a spare room or couch you can stay on?

 

You need to start cutting contact from this guy. Just think: is he really treating you with any respect? No, not by the sound of it. So from this point forward it's not about him and you anymore...it's only about you. Do what is best for you and take the time you need for the emotions to settle a bit and your feet to get back on the ground. Trust me, it helps sooo much to get away from it.

 

Good luck to you. I hope that in a short time you feel better.

[2hurt2liv]

He told me this mroning we were done. He said he has no feelings for me. He knows I have no one else and that in order to leave I need money he has offered to that. The reason he has ended it is because he says I am to jealous but I have every right to be when he has lied to me about financail things he talks to other women and even finacially helps them I was understanding about all this in the start but then I became a little leary about it and started questioning things. I know I am stupid for ever putting up this but I really loved this man and thought he was finally the man for me. Im a good woman but Im scared Im scared of starting over again Im scared of my emotions right now the feelings I am having and I want answers that he wont give.. It just hurts that I tried so hard to be good to him and not take advantage of him to love him help him with his buisness have fun with him be there when he was down..Im just really lost right now and have no one to talk to I have the next couple days off work I wish I could work and be around people but I am alone and concerened that my emotions may take over and I will do something stupid like hurt myself thinking that would hurt him

[Ocean-Blue]

Can you see that you dodged a bullet?

 

What is the point in pining over a man who has lied to you and not treated you with respect?

 

If he's offered to help you out financially, do you plan on accepting it and getting out of there?

 

Do you have any other options?

[2hurt2liv]

Yes I am sleeping on the couch ... well not sleeping but crying and being sick ... I know I need out soon and I am working on that I found a room near my job that I can afford but in my mid I keep seeing myself going to work and to a room and being alone I cant bear it.. I hate him right now for what he has done how is handling this. I could never hurt someone like this

[2hurt2liv]

Ocean I know you are right and yes I am going to take the money and go. Im just having some very bad thoughts about myslef right now.. Like whayt wasnt I good enough will I be ok and how am I going to do this

[Ocean-Blue]

Ocean I know you are right and yes I am going to take the money and go. Im just having some very bad thoughts about myslef right now.. Like whayt wasnt I good enough will I be ok and how am I going to do this

 

2hurt, every night, I'm sure there are others who shed similar tears and ask the same question. This has (understandably) affected how you feel about yourself and made you question your worth...but remember the source when you feel crappy about yourself. If this were happening to your sister or best friend, would you think, "yah, he's right, you are a loser" or would you be angry at him and desperate for her to see that she has value and worth...that he does not define her?

 

Try to be objective. Don't see yourself through his lens. It's quite obviously FLAWED.

 

Of course you're sad and self-doubting...it's because HE has chosen to not give you any information...he has dumped his BS on you and expects that you will somehow just be OK.

 

He's an idiot.

 

You're human and you're allowed to cry and wallow. No one is taking this away from you. You heal on your own time (esp. considering he told you recently).

 

All I'm saying is try to keep the larger picture in mind. You will be OK. You will move on from this.

 

Don't do anything to hurt yourself because of the actions of an idiot. It's not worth your time or your effort.

[2hurt2liv]

Thanks so much and although you are right this is all so new and I know I am going to have a rough time he is an idiot and selfish and in my heart I think there is more to this than just he lost feelings for me and I think thats why it hurts so much I have been sitting here reading others stories and seeing that I am not alone with all this there are many ou there going thru the same thing one minute I am trying to sleep and the next I am up asking him what the hell happpened Im sure I am driving him crazy and I know I need to leave him alone and stop the crzy thoughts

[2hurt2liv]

I appreciate both of you for taking time to talk to me I cant say it has really helped but I am actually going to try and get some sleep so I can get up and face the day and deal with what I have to hopefully I will be able to function and get some thing done

[Nemo]

stop the crzy thoughts

That's the trick, but it's easier said than done. You have to believe that you can get through this, and that you will feel a lot better when you get back on your feet, and regain some independence.

 

One day at a time. And try to take good care of yourself, because you will need all the strength you can get.

[Ocean-Blue]

I appreciate both of you for taking time to talk to me I cant say it has really helped but I am actually going to try and get some sleep so I can get up and face the day and deal with what I have to hopefully I will be able to function and get some thing done

 

Glad you are going to get some sleep.

 

Come back and post and keep reading the LS stuff...it really does give you some perspective.

[Nemo]

I appreciate both of you for taking time to talk to me I cant say it has really helped

To be honest, the people we have here on the night shift aren't the best. But at least they're trying.

 

I have helped so many people during my tenure here, and gently pushed so many lives back onto the rails when all seemed lost, but the truth is that I can't do it all myself.

[Ocean-Blue]

To be honest, the people we have here on the night shift aren't the best. But at least they're trying.

 

I have helped so many people during my tenure here, and gently pushed so many lives back onto the rails when all seemed lost, but the truth is that I can't do it all myself.

 

The resident idiot is right, 2hurt, I lack some of the sensitivity and life-experience (and just plain perspective) of the day-timers.

 

Also, Nemo will be happy to bore you till you force yourself to be happy. He's gifted at this.

[ate_the_paint]

Like nemo said, one day at a time. Hang around loveshack and read some other people's posts. Keep checking back at your own to see who's written something new. If you're crying lots, make sure you drink plenty of water. Warm cups of tea will not only keep you hydrated, but will make you feel just a little better.

 

And by the way, I don't like the sounds of this guy. You're seeing his true colors now. It seems like he's a coward, plain and simple. I don't have much respect for cowards.

[Nemo]

, Nemo will be happy to bore you

Being the rebound is my specialty. But I have to warn you that I prefer anal.

Warm cups of tea will not only keep you hydrated, but will make you feel just a little better.

Great advice. I can see that I underestimated you guys.

 

It's a cliche, but time wounds all heels. Don't get even, get angry. Surviving one more day will prove to yourself that you have real courage.

[marlena]

Don't get even, get angry.

 

This is the trick. Never fails.

 

Think like this: Who the heck is this jerk to treat me like this? I won't stand for it.

 

Then pick yourself up, walk away with a click of your heel and say good riddance! I can do better than this.

[2hurt2liv]

Well I did sleep some but I am up now and still feel horrible. I know I need to go on and do what I need to get out of here but part of me wants to try to fix this make it better do the normal routine that I would have done on any other given Saturday.

[wayfaerer1]

I know exactly how you feel.

 

I thought my girlfriend and I were going to be together forever, and then all of sudden she has second thoughts and decides we need to break up.

 

The only thing I can tell you is that you do not want to die...You'll make it through this, everyone does.

 

The people who don't make it through are the ones who sit around waiting expecting their ex to "come to their senses" one day and realize they made a mistake in dumping you.

 

I know it's hard to see this right now, but start worrying about yourself.

 

Go to the gym, listen to music that makes you happy or that motivates you.

 

There is light at the end of the tunnel.

 

Believe me, my ex has been a total B**ch since we broke up, almost as if she doesn't care how I feel.

 

So I know how you feel - I've been crushed as well and my heart has been shattered into a million pieces.

 

Slowly but surely I am picking up those pieces and putting them back together.

 

Just remember, EVERYONE gets their heart broken at one time or another.

 

We all go through it, it's a part of life.

 

But it's a necessary evil in life because it builds character, you grow stronger, you learn.

 

So, I feel for your loss, the only thing you can do now is to do what I've been doing - stay busy, stay away as much as possible from the ex, (try and completely cut contact if you can).

 

If you were going out for a long time (in my case, almost 4 years) then believe me, the ex is still thinking about you, they just aren't going to communicate because they know you're the same person you were when they left you, that is, needy, desperate, upset, angry, etc. And they don't want any part of that.

 

I promise you, you'll love again, it may not seem like it now, but you will.

 

And besides, as hard as it is to accept this, because you're still in love with the ex, you don't want someone who treats you like garbage or second best.

 

As cliche as it sounds, it's also very true - there are soooo many fish in the sea, and I guaruntee you, that if you take your time and heal, you'll eventually feel happy about meeting someone new, and you'll find someone who actually treats you like number 1.

 

And that is what we all deserve - a person who puts you first.

[2hurt2liv]

Thanks wayfaerer, I have been up and about a bit this morning I called on a room that I checked out a couple months ago when this same issue happened. I was all set to move out then and he decided we needed to give it a chance so I stayed (I wish now I didnt perhaps it would have been easier). Anyway this guy now has the larger room in his home available and I am going to shower and go over and see what I can do. The hard part is my BF got up this morning and was actually very nice to me asking if I needed anything I have had a cold and he said I heard you coughing all night I appologized for keeping him up he said no thats not the problem I was worried about you.

 

If he is so worried about me then how can he still want to end our relationship I just dont get it. He even asked if I wanted him to leave me the truck today. In one moment I hate him and then in the other I love him I feel like such a fool trying to hold on to something that isnt there.

 

Im going to miss him so much and every time I think of leaving the hurt starts again but I know I cant stay I need to show him that I wont tolerate this behavior of him and the lies and evasion he has thrown upon me. But again I dont want to lose him as a freind.

 

You see here is my story: 2 years ago I moved from IL to FL I met a guy on the net and came here to live with him. That relationship didnt work out and I moved out found a roommate and made it work. It was hard I cant drive and never will be able to again so I have to walk and or ride a bike everywhere I go. I am 45 and beleive me that isnt easy. But I look at it like hey I stay in good shape because of it. Anyway me and my roomamte went out and I met my current BF he was exciting and funny and we loved doing the same things riding motorcylces and dancing and having a great time. he was always very flirty with other women but I over looked that beacuse that was one thing that attracted me to him. As time went on though and we moved in together I began to see another side of him .. He had many women friends and was always handing out money to them that bothered me because all he had to do was be honest with me about it.

 

I dont know if I am heart broken (well of course I am) or I am scared to venture out and do this on my own without any one what so ever here. I have no one in IL to go back to and I have made some freinds here thru my job. Ill make it but I am scared and feel like I really have nothing to live for right now. I keep having this thoughts of renting a room and going to work and going home to a room and no one there to talk to or do things with I cant live like that I am to outgoing yet I am restricted due to circumstances. Expressing myself on here has really helped though it made me realize I am not alone in my hurt and sorrow there are others who are going thru or been where I am. I truly appreciate all the kind comments and the help everyone has given me. I know this wont be easy and I will continue to express my feelings because I am sure there will be plenty

[EmperorR]

i don't feel like I want to die, but I feel no emotion towards anyone anymore, its like if someone pointed a gun at me i would have no reaction but to tell them to pull it.

[lonelygurl]

I'm really sorry for how much pain you are feeling. I have been there myself with my X at the time. We lived together for a bit and I did the same thing. Eventually he moved out but didn't finalize it until he had found another girlfriend.

From my own experience and learning, if I were you I would take the money he is offering and get out now. The longer you stay the more he is going to resent you. He has probably been thinking about it for a long time, you may not have noticed or recognized his signals. I didnt' the first time with mine.

My boyfriend and I are back together again for 3 years, but I am in tune to the signals. He is giving me red flags and unfortunately, for him I am planning on separating from him. He doesn't seem to be making an effort anymore.

You need to break so that you don't keep lingering and hoping. It only drags it out longer. THe pain is unbearable and it feels like it will never end. When my X left the first time I thought I was going to die. I had never loved someone so much and he ripped my heart out. After a few months I still had pain and lonliness but I started going out in groups with friends I had made on flirt personals. I had a lot of good times, but still lonely times.

THe more you beg and plead the more he is going to pull away.

Move out and attempt to move on. Just take it minute by minute, hour by hour anything to get you through.

Take care

[lonelygurl]

PS

DON'T do friends. Go absolutely NC!!!!