neveragain2493 Posted September 13, 2008 Posted September 13, 2008 i have a best friend named victoria that i have known since the 4th grade. she tells me just about everything, but this year she has changed. she's recently met a guy she likes named steven. her mother took her phone away, so she uses other friends' phones to text steven. my friends and i have read the texts before. they say things like: "i'll be alone at 4:30, i'll let you know when the coast is clear." recently, victoria told me she couldn't get to sleep, so she called me over to her locker and showed me a bottle of wine she had stowed away in her locker at school. she said it helped her sleep. i asked how much she'd drank in one night; almost the whole bottle was empty. another one of victoria's best friends, bethany, is my best friend as well. yesterday, bethany came up to me and told me "please don't tell anyone this, because victoria told me not to tell anyone. she had sex with steven, and they didn't use a condom. she says she regrets it, but now she thinks she could be pregnant." i don't know what to do. please help me. i wish i could tell victoria i knew about her having sex, but then she would know bethany told someone else. please note that we are only sophomores in high school. yes, i understand teenage drinking is normal. yes, i understand that exploring your sexuality is normal.. but this is not her normal behavior. this is wild. what do i do? :|
Ronni_W Posted September 13, 2008 Posted September 13, 2008 You're in a tough position, that's for sure. (((hugs))) Perhaps the best thing you can do is just let "Victoria" know that, no matter what happens, you will be there for her, you will not judge whatever she entrusts to you and, if it's something that she needs help with, you will go with her to whatever meetings and appointments. You know about her alcohol abuse, so you can already offer to help her research about AA meeting in your area, and see if there are any that you could attend with her. You could also just come out and say something like, "Hey, when you and 'Steve' start to have sex, I can count on you to do it safely, right?" It gives her an opening to talk to you, if she is ready...and at least she knows that you won't judge her, you're just always gonna be interested in her well-being. (If she does tell you of her current fears, you could offer to go with her to the school nurse, and/or counselor, and/or her family doctor, and/or a community clinic.) Mostly what you can do is reassure her that you care about her mental, emotional and physical health; that you will offer your opinions but then you will leave it up to her and respect her right to make her own choices. That is, that you won't be critical and judgmental of the choices that she's making EVEN IF you would never choose those things for yourself. PS: All the above names are just made-up, yes? Good!
Meaplus3 Posted September 13, 2008 Posted September 13, 2008 The most important thing right now is for your friend to see a doctor to find out for sure if she is expecting or not. She also needs to put down the alcohol right away because, The most critical time for a developing fetus is in the first trimester. I would talk with her as soon as you can and address your worries with her. Since your both so young..really a parent should be involved here. Hang in there. Good luck. AP:)
Author neveragain2493 Posted September 13, 2008 Author Posted September 13, 2008 from what my friend told me, she had sex last saturday.. she wants to buy a pregnancy test but doesn't know how to get one. she wants to be able to avoid telling her parents in any way possible. as far as i know, she was drinking before she had sex, and that was the only time she drank. but this is really all i know. when i see her, i'll talk to her and tell her i'll always be there for her no matter what, so if she ever needs anything or wants to talk, i'm here. i'm a little worried because pregnant girls at my school are automatically kicked out, and 'bethany' told 'victoria' if she ever got an abortion, she would never be friends with her again. i personally think it is 'victoria's' choice.
Ronni_W Posted September 13, 2008 Posted September 13, 2008 She can buy a pregnancy test at the pharmacy, or go to a community family planning centre. Some tests aren't accurate so close to having unprotected sex -- advise "Victoria" to speak with someone behind the counter at the drug store. I agree with you that it would be "Victoria's" decision. She's lucky to have friends like you who care more about her well-being than about trying to judge her. Best of luck to you and all your friends. (For now, just keep positive thoughts that she is not pregnant, and did not catch an STD. And pray for that, too, if praying is in your belief system.)
Lucky_One Posted September 13, 2008 Posted September 13, 2008 Our local dollar store has them for $1. They are just as accurate as the $20, according to my OB/GYN's nurse. If money is a consideration, this is the easiest and most private way to go. They may not be as sensitive though, and you just have to wait until the right time to test. You typically have to wait a certain number of days until after a missed period. Unless your friend was supposed to start her period the week after she had sex, she isn't going to be able to get an accurate test yet. And if she WAS supposed to start her period in the past 6 days, it lessens the likelihood that she could get pregnant. Basic, general knowledge - If you start counting Day 1 of your period as Day 1 of a 28 day cycle, the best days for fertility are Days 9-14,or a few days before you ovulate on Day 14. Sperm can live for 3-6 days, but an egg only lives for about half a day. So if there is no sperm in the genital tract when she ovulates, it is likelier for her to NOT get pregnant. A girl would typically start her period 12-16 days after she ovulates. Everyone's cycle is different, so don't use this paragraph for family planning or contraception purposes! But IF your friend had sex on Saturday and is expecting her period in the last 6 days, there is a very good chance she is not pregnant. Personally, I would tell my guidance counselor at school that your friend has wine in her locker. Then let the chips fall where they may. 14 year olds shouldn't have to drink wine to relax at night - this is a serious serious danger sign for alcoholism. Her parents need to know this ASAP. Let the school handle it. She may get suspended, but that is ok, too. Risky behaviors come with punishments.
Author neveragain2493 Posted September 14, 2008 Author Posted September 14, 2008 the subject of our periods came up on the 8th. 'victoria' had sex on the 6th, if my calendar is correct. she said 'i just got off my period earlier last week.' which must mean she was about 4 - 5 days into her cycle, if she was telling the truth. if she were to get a test, her mom would have to take her.. and i know there is no way she wants her mom to find out about this, even though i'm sure it'd be best if she knew. the wine's gone now; this was a couple of weeks ago.. and she's about to be 16.
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