buzzie2 Posted September 13, 2008 Posted September 13, 2008 There is a guy that I have a crush on and he knows it. The problem is that I am very shy and have trouble expressing my feelings for him especially when others are around. So anyways a couple of days ago at work, he walked into the staff room when I was talking to another coworker. He said "hi ladies" in a very flirtatious voice. The other girl said hi but I just felt embarrassed, looked at him and then looked away. I believe this has angered him. Now he is very rude to me. Just yesterday I walked by his desk and he said "hi"! In a very angry and bitter voice. I said hi to him in a friendly tone but he refused to even look up from his desk or say anything else to me. I don't understand why he is being this way. He knows that I am shy and that I get nervous around him. I am wondering if he's mad because I am not falling all over him like most of the woman that work there do. What do you guys think?
Nemo Posted September 13, 2008 Posted September 13, 2008 He said "hi ladies" in a very flirtatious voice. The other girl said hi but I just felt embarrassed, looked at him and then looked away. I believe this has angered him. It sure did! He thinks that you've figured out that he's gay!!!!
Walk Posted September 13, 2008 Posted September 13, 2008 If that one little incident angered him so much that he's felt it appropriate to be rude to you, then I have to question why you like this guy. Look at this from an objective view. There have been a million instances in this world where someone has said "Hi" to a friend or co-worker and not gotten a response. NORMAL people don't become rude and upset about it for days. They might not be happy with that person, but they don't get rude or beligerent about it. You have a couple options. You can ignore him til he comes to his senses. You could try talking to him about it. You could beg him to not be mad at you. I think he's hoping for the last option. You damaged his ego in front of someone else. You were supposed to be happy he cared to say anything to you at all. It's an ego trip for him. Nothing more. You hurt his ego, and he's throwing a tantrum.
Ronni_W Posted September 13, 2008 Posted September 13, 2008 I agree with Walk -- there is no reason for him to retaliate to your rudeness with his own rudeness. It is demonstrating that he doesn't have too many effective coping skills, either. OTOH, it is not for others to make allowances for the fact that you are so shy and get so easily flustered that you come off as rude, and/or aloof, and/or anti-social. That is a personal issue that YOU will have to overcome if you do not want to be perceived by others as being socially inept.
Walk Posted September 13, 2008 Posted September 13, 2008 OTOH, it is not for others to make allowances for the fact that you are so shy and get so easily flustered that you come off as rude, and/or aloof, and/or anti-social. That is a personal issue that YOU will have to overcome if you do not want to be perceived by others as being socially inept. That's a good point Ronni. The OP says her crush should "Know" she's shy. But she's making assumptions. Just because she excuses her behavior by saying she's shy and embarreses easily doesn't mean that other people understand why she acts the way she does. I did that as a young adult also, but my actions lead to a great deal of confusion and miscommunications in my life. I had to learn how to control my own issues and not expect others to "just know" how I was feeling or thinking.
Ronni_W Posted September 13, 2008 Posted September 13, 2008 I had to learn how to control my own issues and not expect others to "just know" how I was feeling or thinking. Exactly. I would take it further and say that even if they DO know, that doesn't put the responsibility/obligation on them to cater to it. Just had this conversation with my son's g/f -- she wants it to be "good enough" that everyone knows she has anger issues. That's well and good but not the end -- she still needs to DO something about getting it under control, or people will withdraw from, and avoid her company.
paddington bear Posted September 13, 2008 Posted September 13, 2008 I've met shy people many times, and their reactions to me trying to talk to them just come across as plain rude or totally uninterested. If (after feeling totally ignored/unwanted etc) I get to know them better and I then realise that it was shyness and not rudeness it changes my first impression of them - maybe he thought you were being rude to him, hence he's acting so rudely back to you.
Lucky_One Posted September 13, 2008 Posted September 13, 2008 "There have been a million instances in this world where someone has said "Hi" to a friend or co-worker and not gotten a response. NORMAL people don't become rude and upset about it for days." You work with him. He knows you. He knows your personality. You aren't some stranger who didn't respond to an extraordinarily simple "hi". If he gets mad over stuff like this, then you don't want to be in a relationship with him, bc you will walk on eggshells as long as you manage to stay with him. If you buy 1% instead of 2% milk, if you don't kiss him good-bye properly, if you don't answer your cell by the 2rd ring. Personally, though, I think you are making far too big of a deal of this. Maybe he was mad at something else or someone else. This is a VERY small incident to get mad over and hold grudges about. He was at work, and maybe had just gotten chewed out by a supervisor or a client. You didn't do anything wrong, so why are you being so quick to assume that you screwed up?
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