blackberry23 Posted September 13, 2008 Posted September 13, 2008 My ex and I have been apart for a long time... But he had come back to me several times, but it never worked out, although I don't think we really gave it a chance. However, I still don't feel like I've gotten ANY closure what so ever. I ran into him sort of the other day and he like avoided me. I just don't understand how a month or so ago he could be so emotional on letting me go and then want nothing to do with me. I've been stupid and sent a bunch of texts, and he doesnt respond. I really wish he'd just straight out tell me he doesnt care anymore, but he wont. He wont tell me anything. I'd rather know that he doesnt care anymore than be left in the dark. When we/he decided we shouldn't try anymore it was never closure... he always just said "for now" or "whats best". I think its a cover up for the simple fact that he doesnt care but doesnt want to tell me that. I wish he would though, it'd be easier. I guess by ignoring me he's implying he doesnt care? I don't knooooooow.
BCCA Posted September 13, 2008 Posted September 13, 2008 You have to realize that closure comes from you. Nothing he says is going to satisfy you, trust me. You aren't going to want to accept it. He probably avoided you because thats honestly the easy way out. What do you two even have to talk about? He probably figures the only thing you'll say is something about the relationship, and he probably doesn't want to deal with it. Just close the door on the relationship yourself. It doesn't really matter what his reason is, the only thing that matters is that he wanted out. Take care of youself.
0hpenelope Posted September 13, 2008 Posted September 13, 2008 Closure is something you can only give yourself.
Karma101 Posted September 13, 2008 Posted September 13, 2008 I've been stupid and sent a bunch of texts, and he doesnt respond. I really wish he'd just straight out tell me he doesnt care anymore, but he wont. I read a book some time ago called, "He's just not that into you". There was a passage that said, "Sometimes NO answer IS your answer." As much as it sucks, it's the truth. And honestly, even with the official "break up conversation", the pain is just as profound and real when the answer is not what you want to hear. Break ups suck. Plain and simple.
sid3 Posted September 13, 2008 Posted September 13, 2008 It sucks to be ignored. Like BC says, it is often the easy way out. But not always. Sometimes people who have chosen the ignore approach find themselves hurting much more down the road. It's like sweeping something under the rug, you don't have to look at it, but you know it's still there. And at some point it will have to be dealt with. When a person doesn't have the common curtousy to reply, it is a sign of disrespect IMO. What you are doing at that point is feeding their ego and giving them control. N/c is always mentioned as a way to heal, that is because it gives you back some control. At least over your actions. OhP is right, true closure only comes from within. It wouldn't matter what is said if you don't find it within yourself to have closure. Just remember that when your ex chose to ignore you, it was all about them. What they wanted and how they were trying to make you feel(like crap)....now would be a good time to think only about you. You know you can't change him, but you can change how you think over time, thus changing how you feel......take care!
watermeloncandy Posted September 14, 2008 Posted September 14, 2008 i wasted too much time years ago wondering 'why?' after a break up. i look back now and shake my head. the guy was SO NOT worth my time. at first it's hard because you need answers, but you need to realize that you aren't going to get them, and that's your answer. there is none. i'd highly recommend that you have no more contact with this guy whatsoever and start focusing on yourself and your life. be glad he's out of your life. obviously he's treating you poorly and you don't deserve it. give yourself the closure.
Ingenue Posted September 14, 2008 Posted September 14, 2008 blackberry, as much as we all want closure, it can only come from within ourselves. Nobody can hand it to us on a platter. We achieve it when we realise that life is too short to spend chasing after this illusory sense of finality that we all hope will be the path to our healing. A friend said it best to me when he asked me, "would it really matter the reason he broke up with you? Would it really matter what he has to say now? Why do you want to talk to him?" I thought about it and realised that my friend was right. It wouldn't matter. For some reason (whatever that reason is and I may never know), the relationship didn't work for my ex anymore. He didn't want to be with me. It wouldn't matter to me the reason he might give me in a closure discussion because the end result is the same. Whether it's because aliens abducted him and brainwashed him or whether it's because he fell out of love with me, the end result is the same. The relationship didn't work for him. That's all I need to hear. While I'm not completely healed (it's only been about 2.75 months), I'm better off than I was 2.75 months ago. I know that no ex-partner will ever give me closure. It'll come from my own strength and my own mind and my own determination. Good luck
Author blackberry23 Posted September 17, 2008 Author Posted September 17, 2008 ya know after all that.. i really realized that i do NOT care. like him ignoring me and stuff.... like seriously F THAT. and you're right why would it matter what he has to say? it doesssssssssnt. i think it only bothered me so much because he WAS ignoring me ya know? like i think i just hate being ignored lol I don't know but lately I really could careless what he does who he sees.. im over it basically.
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