livinlovin Posted September 13, 2008 Posted September 13, 2008 My SO and I have been dating for about a year. At the beginning of our relationship, things were great and we "clicked" really well. He was upfront about his sister committing suicide three years before we met. He seemed to be adjusted and coping with the situation. Lately, though, he has become really moody. He has classic symptoms of depression. He realizes this and has agreed to go to a doctor. The thing is, I'm not sure how much more of the mood swings I can take. He is never mean to me, but I definitely feel not appreciated and not wanted. He tells me I am the most important thing in his life, but it seems like he just wants to be alone and sad most of the time. I know it would be awful to leave someone who is depressed, but I can't very well stay with someone just because they are depressed. When he was well I thought he was such a great match for me. Now that he is not, however, I feel my passionate feelings wane and am not sure if it is because of the depression or because the relationship has ran its course. I will be there for him as a friend regardless, but how do I know whether to stay as a so?
almost famous Posted September 13, 2008 Posted September 13, 2008 I think you are letting his "depression" be an excuse for treating you like crap. Maybe it's not "depression" but his real colors. I would leave him.
Ronni_W Posted September 13, 2008 Posted September 13, 2008 When is his doctor's appointment? If he isn't doing anything to help himself then, yes, staying alone and sad is more important to him, right now. You will be doing him a favour by not "supporting" him to just stay sad and lonely. Which means being firm about expecting him to contact his doctor's office and following-up on the doctor's recommendation, and setting your own clear boundaries of how much time and energy you are able and willing to give to ANYone who isn't interested in taking care of their own mental, emotional and/or physical needs. It isn't inappropriate to leave someone who does not have the desire and motivation to get help for something which they KNOW needs to be improved. You ought not be called upon to make choices (sacrifices) that will put or keep you in a situation that is going to suck your own inner strength and resources.
Shygirl15 Posted September 13, 2008 Posted September 13, 2008 I think you are letting his "depression" be an excuse for treating you like crap. Maybe it's not "depression" but his real colors. I would leave him. I agree with this one.
TerryTeardrop Posted September 13, 2008 Posted September 13, 2008 Depressed or not do not let him treat you badly Do not feel bad about leaving if you are not happy
Author livinlovin Posted September 13, 2008 Author Posted September 13, 2008 Maybe I was too harsh. Its not that he treats me badly. It really seems like he tries to make me happy, but when he is not well it is just not working. Until about a month ago, when I started to see signs of depression with him, I was very happy and satisfied. Has anyone actually dated anyone who suffered from depression? I don't think its just an excuse for treating me badly, especially considering his family history of depression?
Shygirl15 Posted September 13, 2008 Posted September 13, 2008 Has anyone actually dated anyone who suffered from depression? I don't think its just an excuse for treating me badly, especially considering his family history of depression? My ex who is a US Marine suffered depression soon after he came back from Iraqi last September. He didn't treat me like crap however he was soo withdrawn it was difficult to get anything out of him. He avoided the world as much as possible and would get out of his house/routines when it's very necessary. I tried to deal with it initially and being supportive and all that, but heck, I also have a life to live.
mortensorchid Posted September 13, 2008 Posted September 13, 2008 Depression hurts not just one person but all those around them. When you are with someone who is depressed, they will do nothing but bring you and everyone else down. I think you better leave. He will make you depressed as well with all his mood swings. And you will realize later that he is using his depression as an excuse to treat you badly. He could just as well be angry and abusive and you would be saying the same thing. He should work these things out on his own time without hurting you.
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