Bad thing about NC

[ioncebelieved]

Since I have been in NC for 3 months just about now, I can see the changes in me!! The changes for the better and I know that sooner than later I will be the person I was before I met my ex, but ONLY MUCH BETTER!!

 

I also know that it should not matter that my ex may never see that new person, which I would say her loss. But it does bother me that I may never get that chance to at least let her see that I am better and much improved if you will. I also know that the changes and healing will be beneficial to a new relationship.

 

NC has helped me a great deal and I have done it for me. In the beginning I thought it would help her make her mind up, but in the later stages I clearly see that I use it strictly for me and really do not see her breaking silence even though I started NC.

 

Anyone else struggle with this??? I guess it is just a thing I am going through and at least it is minor compared to what I was dealing with.

[CaliGuy]

You'll know you're at the right point in life when you don't care that she doesn't see the new you. That you are thankful for the experience and to have grown as a person and learned so much.

 

When you are indifferent towards her completely you will have truly healed.

[marlena]

I also know that it should not matter that my ex may never see that new person,

 

 

Not true. They know. You take away their power with NC. They know you are moving on... that you don't need them anymore.

 

NC drives this message home loud and clear.

[selena_cat]

I feel the same way about NC, thinking, well how will he know hwo much more confident I am( well,sometimes) if he doesnt contact me.

But like Marlena said NC is taking the power away from them,

thanks Marlena,and Caliguy too! I just copied and paste those answers,

I am sturggling w/NC if you read my Post, but no..I have made it this far 6 mos so I will keep on going.

Thing is if they want to know how you are doing wouldnt they be the one contacting you?

[0hpenelope]

I agree with Marlena. Once the ex knows that his/her power's "gone" (or gone enough that the person can finally make the small but very important steps to move on), he'll/she'll go looking for someone else to fill in the void.

 

NC has helped me a great deal and I have done it for me. In the beginning I thought it would help her make her mind up, but in the later stages I clearly see that I use it strictly for me and really do not see her breaking silence even though I started NC.

 

She won't break NC. She's not that stupid (or at least I hope she's not); she would be completely disrespecting your wishes. But then at the same time, if she breaks NC then it will show you how disrespectful she's being, too.

 

In any case, I think that whoever initiated the NC would be the proper person to break it. But the initiator (when it's the dumpee) should avoid breaking NC with all they've got because it will just show the ex that "Hey... this person can't even trust their own word. Add this to the list of why I broke up with him/her: he/she can't trust themselves." I doubt a lot of them are that insightful, though.

 

It is frustrating. We say that the exes won't be able to see the "new" us, but in actuality... we don't know what they're really thinking. But it's ok. We've crafted our new lives for ourselves that we've finally won over the heartbreak they caused. That's the way it goes, though: the lessons they learn from our absence from their lives (if any), others will benefit from and rarely do we benefit. :shrug:

 

Under-appreciated thread, if I may say so. Thanks for sharing, bro.

[marlena]

It is frustrating. We say that the exes won't be able to see the "new" us, but in actuality... we don't know what they're really thinking.

 

They don't need literally "see" the new you.

 

They feel and experience the "new" you every single minute that goes by and you stay in NC mode. They "see" that you are no longer clinging to them, pleading with them, thinking of them,longing for them,hurting for them. This drives them mad as not knowing what you are up to only allows their fantasy to run wild with images of you, yes, why not, perhaps in the arms of another.

 

Trust me, it kills them that you are no longer dependent on them...that they have no power over you anymore. It hurts their ego.

 

Like Orson Wells said, "living well is the best revenge." Very, very true.

 

And the best part? The longer you stay in NC, in the end, you do become that "new" you - stronger, more independent,more confident,proud of yourself - and everyone around you can see that.

 

Once you get to that good place, anything can happen.

[0hpenelope]

They don't need literally "see" the new you.

 

They feel and experience the "new" you every single minute that goes by and you stay in NC mode. They "see" that you are no longer clinging to them, pleading with them, thinking of them,longing for them,hurting for them. This drives them mad as not knowing what you are up to only allows their fantasy to run wild with images of you, yes, why not, perhaps in the arms of another.

 

Trust me, it kills them that you are no longer dependent on them...that they have no power over you anymore. It hurts their ego.

 

Like Orson Wells said, "living well is the best revenge." Very, very true.

 

And the best part? The longer you stay in NC, in the end, you do become that "new" you - stronger, more independent,more confident,proud of yourself - and everyone around you can see that.

 

Once you get to that good place, anything can happen.

 

Ok Miss Marlena. Where do I send you some delicious, homemade cookies? Do you like semi-sweet chocolate chips? Milk chocolate chips?

[marlena]

Ok Miss Marlena. Where do I send you some delicious, homemade cookies? Do you like semi-sweet chocolate chips? Milk chocolate chips?

 

Ah, that's so sweet!!! Thanks. I like 100% sweet chocolate chip cookies. Let's pretend that you have already sent them to me. I am gorging on them right now as I type.

 

Stay strong, my dear.

[ioncebelieved]

 

 

 

Under-appreciated thread, if I may say so. Thanks for sharing, bro.

 

Thanks a bunch to you! Also thanks to you Cali and Marlena!

 

I initiated the NC and it has had its ups and downs, but for once In a sense, I had the final say without saying anything at all. Sad part is that I still love her more than anything, but again it is her loss!!!!

 

I have been doing many things to build me back up and feel really great for them! I see and know the wonderful person I will soon become... I just lost myself in her, but never again.

 

Maybe one day she will contact me with questions that I will answer in short, but NEVER would I ask her how she has been!!!!!

 

Thanks LS posters!!!

[mollers]

Thanks a bunch to you! Also thanks to you Cali and Marlena!

 

I initiated the NC and it has had its ups and downs, but for once In a sense, I had the final say without saying anything at all. Sad part is that I still love her more than anything, but again it is her loss!!!!

 

I have been doing many things to build me back up and feel really great for them! I see and know the wonderful person I will soon become... I just lost myself in her, but never again.

 

Maybe one day she will contact me with questions that I will answer in short, but NEVER would I ask her how she has been!!!!!

 

Thanks LS posters!!!

 

I'm in the same place as you, I lost myself in my ex and I still love him but I think I am a better person now we have split.

 

(Indeed I often have this little fantasy that one day he will say he wants me back and the new me will say 'No thanks'. )