signum Posted September 12, 2008 Posted September 12, 2008 I am new here so please be gentle! OK, I have never ever had any luck when it comes to relationships but the funny thing is I always give top professional advice to others and it always works. in today's society, people are so obsessed with looks and never about whats on the inside and that leaves me out all the time I dont do flings, i dont do one nighters, i dont even have any female friends to hang with and I am hurt every week. why? because I have no one, I know what I want, I am a professional (in terms of my careers) - stable, solid in every way, have my own place and brought myself up etc... etc... - still nothing its like anything I do is never enough. I only ever had 1 girlfriend in my life, seriously. how did that happen? Well, I dunno - guess it was a one off, kind of used me for her needs. Any way - im very lonely, alone (no, not needy but then there is nothing wrong with that to a certain extent). there is only so much you can do as a person to improve the circumstances, the rest is up to the opposition - know what I mean? Any way, I have tried dating sites, never really worked.... and its just one stupid response after the other - to some extent. it always ends up like this: "wow, your ad is so deep and meaningful, and can really relate to it." "amazing, just great and you are too good to be true" "if only there were more men like you that existed" etc... etc... time comes to trade a picture and bang they dont want to know you any more. so hang on, because I don't look attractive but have deep feelings and thoughts etc... which initially has attracted them, they run the other way? All they want is someone who is white and slim. thats all - so what about me? I don't fit there...aside from the slim category I guess. cant help the color I am! I'm not fussy, im a very open minded person, and a very positive person.... trust me I've been told im comfortable to be with....so whats the problem? what is that all about? The end result is me still being alone but more down than before - it is a serious issue. how can I have a relationship like everyone else? i see everyone else who have someone, i look to my left and right and nothing for me...and it hurts, you have no idea I do everything they ask for...still never enough. I have only had 1 date this year, seriously. just 1.... others, hundreds. why is it so much to ask for a simple hug, or a kiss? yet other "pretty" people cry if they dont get anything their way, such as a "hot white slim" guy and make a dramatic scene who really dont have serious issues. so please, I am here for some good comforting advice... please, help a human being in need for the sake of humanity!
Author signum Posted September 13, 2008 Author Posted September 13, 2008 hmm many views, no responses?
BuJin Posted September 13, 2008 Posted September 13, 2008 in today's society, people are so obsessed with looks and never about whats on the inside This is true to a certain extent. However, we must not forget looks are usually the first thing that attracts. Then those who are attracted want to know more will seek that out. there is only so much you can do as a person to improve the circumstances, the rest is up to the opposition - know what I mean? I wouldn't necessarily say it that way... More like, we can only do so much and the rest is left up to luck or the "universe". Any way, I have tried dating sites, never really worked.... time comes to trade a picture and bang they dont want to know you any more. OK, I have some advice for dating sites, since I met my wife on POF and I was not on there very long. Put pictures of yourself on there. Honesty is important, both to yourself and those who may be interested. cant help the color I am! OK, start with the pic I mentioned above and maybe things will improve. In fact, profiles with pictures get far more responses than those without. A semi-wise man once said... "No matter whether the square block is red or blue, it will not fit into the triangle hole" That applies to anyone and everyone. what is that all about? The end result is me still being alone but more down than before - it is a serious issue. how can I have a relationship like everyone else? i see everyone else who have someone, i look to my left and right and nothing for me...and it hurts, you have no idea I think it important to recognize that a person can feel exactly the same way and be married! I know, I have lived it before. And yes, I do have a very good idea of how that feels. At least you shouldn't feel trapped as I did, not only was I emotionally alone, I also felt as though I could not do anything about it because I was committed to that person. I do everything they ask for...still never enough. I have only had 1 date this year, seriously. just 1.... others, hundreds. why is it so much to ask for a simple hug, or a kiss? yet other "pretty" people cry if they dont get anything their way, such as a "hot white slim" guy and make a dramatic scene who really dont have serious issues. Lastly, maybe you are ignoring the 400lb gorrilla in the room... Maybe you are not being honest and realistic with yourself regarding who you seek. Final words... Keep going! Life is wonderful! We have only one life and one body, we can only be the best we can be! So it is important to not constantly compare yourself with others. If you are honest and realistic with yourself and others, you are likely to find what you need. PS. Be up front with people and post a pic of yourself on your dating profiles. It will make a difference.
Author signum Posted September 13, 2008 Author Posted September 13, 2008 i dont understand what you mean by not being honest and realistic? I am VERY honest and VERY realistic..... trust me on that but i do appreciate your response, really. i just dont like it when people dont see the full story or are too quick to jump to conclusions
BuJin Posted September 13, 2008 Posted September 13, 2008 i dont understand what you mean by not being honest and realistic? I am VERY honest and VERY realistic..... trust me on that but i do appreciate your response, really. i just dont like it when people dont see the full story or are too quick to jump to conclusions It wasn't meant to imply you are lying to them. I was only trying to articulate that in regards to your online profiles at dating sites, you should put a public picture up that way you are upfront and the responses you get will be those with an interest in you. What is on the inside is certainly very important to a lasting relationship because physical beauty fades with time. However, each person must be attracted to each other's looks. That is human nature for those that have functioning eyes. We live in a world of sight, so certainly sight is important. Also, a person is not attractive to everyone. People have different tastes. We are always our own worst critic. I understand your frustration and feelings of lonliness, but there is no one answer that will solve things. It is a discovery process. All I can say is keep going and eventually you will find what you seek.
lori0178 Posted September 13, 2008 Posted September 13, 2008 It will happen when you are NOT looking for it. I've seen your situation too many times to doubt how yours will turn out. I'm not saying that it'll be tomorrow - it could be in 2 or 3 years from now.. which, you probably don't want to hear - but in the meantime, work on making yourself the type of person that other people want to be around. So.. .join a class... a gym... a church... develope yourself into the kind of person that a potential mate would want. Physical isn't everything - But, if you have the confidence in other areas of yourself that you've developed... Confidence! Is more attractive than anything.
Author signum Posted September 13, 2008 Author Posted September 13, 2008 i understand and are aware of this but i cannot be alone forever, it has been a number of years - just unfair how other people move on instantly, jump from one relationship to the next immediately where as I never really have had a chance to be in a relationship I believe I am everything a "mate" wants but again, all down to appearance. not right at all, us unattractive people also have feelings too you know
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