Has anybody else resigned themselves to never being in love?

[Art_Critic]

Has anybody else resigned themselves to the fact that the only person they've ever felt in love with they'll never be with and it's unlikely they'll ever fall in love again?

 

 

Throw in that I'd also die alone and wind up having to pay some 24 year old blonde nurse cutie to wipe my butt while I'm dying alone.. then yes.. Until...

 

I met my now wife...

 

Life is funny sometimes.. just when you stop looking for someone it hits you like a ton of bricks and you find yourself in love with someone

[buzzie2]

Yes, sadly I have to say I feel the same way. In my entire life, and I am 30 years old, I have only ever felt that kind of love for two men. Sure I had crushes, but not the kind of love that you think is going to last you for a lifetime.

The first man that I was crazy for was unforteunatly in another relationship. He was willing to see me but only if I would be his mistress so I had to end it.

And the other guy that I felt that way for ended up moving away.

[marlena]

Never finding love again is as much a possibilty as finding it again is. I do not stress about it. If it happens, it happens. If not, well, that's OK, too. I can be happy without a SO in my life. What I am thankful for is the times I have loved and been loved. Nobody can take that away from me.

[Ocean-Blue]

Shadow, I had resigned myself to this very thing when I was with my ex. I figured, he doesn't beat me, loves me, is educated, etc...so why not just SETTLE with him? And so, I did (for a while anyway), despite being haunted by the feeling of "meh" and emptiness that comes with loving a man but not wanting him. It was a horrid feeling and sucked the life right out of me.

 

All I can say is that it can happen. And when it does, it feels good (esp. to those of us who've felt the brunt of a passionless relationship).

 

Don't decide that you can't and won't...you WILL.

[sumdude]

That old ohrase "It's better to have love and lost than never to have loved at all." may be true... but it's definitly more painful.. lol

 

I wonder too... this morning I woke up with the empty bed blues for some reason. Sometime I think the question is whether or not I'll allow myself to fall in love again. Take the risk that I might go through the big hurt once more. As it is I try to think of it as something that may happen one day. For the moment I'm still healing a bit. I'm one who once I let myself fall in love... I fell deep and hard. Cripes... now I know why the call it FALLING in love.. some landings aren't soft.

[JoeNewbie]

I've been hurt many times but despite the pain, never will I resign in falling in love again. Love is the most intense emotion a human being can feel and to deny it is to commit suicide.

[Rooster_DAR]

Chalk it up for me too. I really don't want to feel that kind of love, it's terrible when it ends and not worth the trouble.

 

Queensryche (I don't believe in love)

[I Luv the Chariot OH]

Shadowplay, it sounds like you just need time to heal wounds and let go of that past guy.

 

The problem with many in your mental situation right now is that you're still hooked on the ex, and even if you found someone, you would want them to be your ex, only without whatever flaw or problem that broke you two up.

 

Diagnosis - be single, be alone, have some "me" time, and heal the wounds.

 

 

My attitude has been and still is that I treat love and relationships as an added bonus to my life.

 

• I first worked on fulfilling myself in life and making myself happen.
  
• Then I wrote out in my mind my goals for my life. Things I want to do before I die, but I wrote them under the logic that I never find anyone and I am alone til I die. Right here it sounds miserable, but you think about travel, learning things, etc...it comes out as exciting. When you depend on the idea of holding someone as you sleep, then you won't be happy in life. I also wrote this as "in pencil", so if I do happen to find Ms Right, marry, etc...I can erase and rewrite things to fit in better with the changes.
  
• Now when I meet people, date, I am happy with myself, and I don't feel that I must "have someone" to be happy. Even the girl I am dating now is not a big hope for marriage, but an added bonus to my life.
  

Don't be codependent and you'll be much happier in this world. Heal your wounds and then move forward.

Well said!

 

Shadow, I've felt that way several times--always after breakups, of course. And guess what? Every single time, I've picked myself back up and found someone even better. As Art put it, "just when you stop looking for someone it hits you like a ton of bricks and you find yourself in love with someone." And it really is true!

 

In your previous thread you sounded happy, were considering marriage with the on-again-off again--what happened?

[paddington bear]

Well said!

 

"just when you stop looking for someone it hits you like a ton of bricks and you find yourself in love with someone." And it really is true!

 

 

If only that were true. I've consciously stopped looking for someone on a number of occasions for extended periods of time and...contrary to popular belief I still didn't meet anyone. Looking for love or not looking for love, doesn't seem to make one hell of a difference. I know it can happen (to other people obviously lol), but as a rule I don't think it's always the case.

 

I'm going through a current period of 'nearly's' - spark between me and him, turns out he lives abroad, spark between me and another guy, just wants to be friends, guy flirts with me, we get on like a house on fire and he's a non-camp gay guy just chatting when I thought he was flirting and so on. I'm sure I will fall in love again, just hope the next time it is reciprocated and that he wasn't another 'nearly someone' for me.