Whey2Big4u Posted September 12, 2008 Posted September 12, 2008 ok...well im not really scared of dating, just the cost of a first date. long story short i have been used for my money in the past and it hurts. Now everytime i meet a girl i think about how much am i going to spend on my first date with her and then if it goes well the second and so on. Im not cheapin fact im far far from it!!! just ive been used horribly and even got into debt over it (now paid off) and I dont wanna do that to myself again. and yes I know some of the spending is my fault. I just wanna know what to do so i dont come off as cheap yet have a good date. and maybe even have her pay for half. dont get me wrong in relationsips im very giving its just now witha ll the burns im scared to even spend a dime on a girl, i feel they havent earned it form me.
mortensorchid Posted September 12, 2008 Posted September 12, 2008 You are not the first who has issues with money and women I have heard of. I was with someone just recently who said that his live in girlfriend of many years stole his credit cards from his wallet, spent a bundle, and put them back before he noticed they were missing. It's a shame that there are such dishonest people out there in the world. And I understand why you are hurt by this. All I can tell you is that you don't have to be so afraid. Don't assume the worst out of others. After all, if you just have one get together with a person it's not a big deal. If some guy just wanted to take me out for burgers and fries that's fine with me. You don't have to buy a five star meal at all times to impress someone. As for your insecurities in terms of trusting women in other fields, I suggest you get professional help. It's done wonders for me.
Author Whey2Big4u Posted September 12, 2008 Author Posted September 12, 2008 thats the thing, burgers and fries is good and all, but then some how afterwards they want a drink and drinks are alot lol. dont get me wrong i went out with one girl who offered to pay half........awesome, but she had no depth to her and i wasnt intersted (very very cute thought lol) we never went out again.
Author Whey2Big4u Posted September 12, 2008 Author Posted September 12, 2008 and especaily in new york city and burger and fries can run $50 plus lmao
KinAZ Posted September 12, 2008 Posted September 12, 2008 Well, this is when it pays to be creative. BUT creative only works for certain types of people. For instance... veggie burgers and fries are cool if you're doing something else. Say you invited a girl bike riding or skating, and had something to eat at a food stand, or something. That's better than saying "Hey let's go to McDonald's." I had a really bad accident on a bike when I was little, and haven't been on one since. I wouldn't be the one to invite on such a date. Picnic lunch at the zoo, maybe? If you live in a large city, I'm sure you can find something that's either cheap or free. You just have to look around. Dollar movies (which I think are more than a dollar these days). But, of course, you would have to be into those sorts of things, as sometimes it's the showing of "Something not mainstream". Also, there are small theater companies which may have free or cheap plays. But for the first date, there's nothing wrong with coffee or tea. It's a nice chance to talk to one another face to face and see if you would be interested in going out again.
D-Jam Posted September 12, 2008 Posted September 12, 2008 I just wanna know what to do so i dont come off as cheap yet have a good date. Be imaginative, but keep the date SOCIABLE. The primary goal is you getting to know her so you can both see if there is chemistry to go further. Most guys think it's about a fancy dinner, show, etc in an effort to impress her...bad logic. If I don't know the woman too well, I keep first dates simple. Coffee, drinks, or dinner. I know some women don't like those kinds of dates because they seem to the "usual", but I spice them up by suggesting someplace interesting that she never went to, but maybe wanted to try. I just try to make it a date where we sit and talk. If you want, get more imaginative. Look for low-cost or free events to take her. Try a gallery opening if she's into art. Try a walk someplace scenic if she's into nature. Most women aren't checking to see how much you spent on the bill, but more are seeing how interesting you are in what you take her to do. and maybe even have her pay for half. Don't do that. I don't care who says differently. I stick to traditional thinking. I pay for the first date and even the next few dates. If she offers money, then I know she's generous. However, I still know many women will be turned off a guy who accepts it on the first few dates. Sounds like a game, but just stick to the old fashioned etiquette. If things work out, then she will gladly treat you and things will be fine. In the beginning, show her you're a real gentleman.
Author Whey2Big4u Posted September 13, 2008 Author Posted September 13, 2008 thats the problem I do the old fasion stuff, and its draining me I like the free stuff, but i seem to meet girls who want fancy things...........ughhh well thank you for everyones input
KinAZ Posted September 13, 2008 Posted September 13, 2008 That seems to be a common problem. I see a lot of people who are attracted to (and I hope this doesn't come across the wrong way) the vain and shallow. And of course, they get stuck with the consequences of it. If you like the women who pay 65 for a pedicure on a regular basis, you'll have to get used to the increased likelihood of her expecting you to spend money. She probably doesn't want to go on a picnic in a pair of $150 jeans. That doesn't mean she's a gold digger, but people who have no problem spending money don't always mesh well with people who are trying to hold on to their own. If I'm REALLY into a guy (which has been pretty rare) it doesn't really matter where we go as long as we're having a nice time together. For those who I think may be interesting, as D-Jam said, I am trying to see how interesting he will be. His personality, his character, his interests.... essentially, who he is and what he's made of. I don't think there's anything at all wrong with coffee on the first date. And if a woman says she'd much rather you take her to something more pricey on the first date, you probably shouldn't bother with her. That very first date is just an introductions, and if she's interested, she should be game.
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