Author Star Gazer Posted September 13, 2008 Author Posted September 13, 2008 I'm sorry if I came across as defensive. I almost feel as though I have to defend the dudes I meet. NONE of them are perfect. If I let on to one of their imperfections here, y'all jump on them and tear him (and me in the process) to shreds. Like vultures. If I were to follow the advice I receive here, honestly, I'd never even go out on ANY first dates. That said, you didn't answer my question, JB. Why should I be a priority before we've even had a date? Why should he be a priority before we've even had a date?
Author Star Gazer Posted September 13, 2008 Author Posted September 13, 2008 Desperate? I'm hardly hard-up for dates. You of all people should know that.
Jilly Bean Posted September 13, 2008 Posted September 13, 2008 That said, you didn't answer my question, JB. Why should I be a priority before we've even had a date? Why should he be a priority before we've even had a date? Im not saying that you should be a priority to him before ever having a first date (or vice versa), but you deserve to not be disrespected by having a guy tell you in detail about how he is enjoying the company of another woman and his dating plans with her. Certainly if everyone is multi-dating, then it is understood this kind of thing is going on, but is also understood that discretion is called for. He was just really out of line to detail the date and his feelings on it/her, IMO, as I find that insensitive and disrespectfulm and quite frankly - pretty dickish. Im not challenging that he IS dating others or how you would fall in that mix, I would just not jump to go out with a guy who had no problem throwing it in my face.
allina Posted September 13, 2008 Posted September 13, 2008 you deserve to not be disrespected by having a guy tell you in detail about how he is enjoying the company of another woman and his dating plans with her. I would just not jump to go out with a guy who had no problem throwing it in my face. Ok but this guy hasn't done any of that! He explained that he had a fun date because he was explaining the text he wasn't "throwing" anything in her face
TerryTeardrop Posted September 13, 2008 Posted September 13, 2008 You are making yourself look like a fool and you show your true colors time after time. You jump at anyone who dares not agree with your way of thinking and you sound like a petulant child who stamps her feet when disagreed with. You will be used and thrown away when you meet men because you show them very early on that they can disrespect you. You will watch men leave you and marry another because of your own personality. I wish you could see how we percieve you and you would make changes. I am not saying this to hurt you as I do not know you but please sort out your crappy attitude and then you may get a man to stick around!
Trialbyfire Posted September 13, 2008 Posted September 13, 2008 Are we honestly interested in helping out SG, or are we more interested in expressing our personal views about SG? What motivates each and every one of us?
paddington bear Posted September 13, 2008 Posted September 13, 2008 I don't think it's a crappy attitude, I think it's 'The Triumph of Hope Over Experience'... Dating seems so complicated in the States, multi-dating, exclusivity... He was an idiot to send the text, even more of an idiot to start a babbling defence of himself, but go on the date, see if you like him or not. Maybe what he wrote was his standard 'I like you' thing that he writes to every girl he's had a good date with. If he hadn't stupidly sent it to you, you might have got something very similar. In fact...if you do get a similar text message, and you liked him and he writes that he REALLY likes you and wants to see you again, what then? You'll be in the situation where you know you are competing for his affections with someone else and it might change your behaviour when with him.
TerryTeardrop Posted September 13, 2008 Posted September 13, 2008 Are we honestly interested in helping out SG, or are we more interested in expressing our personal views about SG? What motivates each and every one of us? It seems she will not accept any type of help, she simply wants us to covert her own desires and agree with her. Life does not rock that way and that is why Star receives such negativity in each and every one of her posts, it is not by accident. It would be nice to be able to help her but that is not possible.
Trialbyfire Posted September 13, 2008 Posted September 13, 2008 Terryteardrop, what have you accomplished with this beyond pissing her off?
vonerik012 Posted September 13, 2008 Posted September 13, 2008 It is just really bizarre... She found some type of jerk who instead of calling her as he said he would, spends the night with another woman. Even by the words in the text, it sounds like he was intimate with her.."I enjoyed EVERYTHING with you last night, and want to see you again very BADLY" Then he sends this to the girl he blew off. What worse could this guy do? So obviously, most would say "yes, he sounds like a jerk" SG then fights with everyone, tooth and nail sticking up for the guy, trying to prove she has many men after here, states she likes someone else, calls the guy a time filler, and then gets really really defensive, stating SHE WILL GO OUT WITH HIM!! I am not sure how to classify that behavior, but if she acts in that manner on dates, many of her dating problems could be attributed to that. Just about every thread she starts takes that type of turn. Others can see it, but she cannot.
TerryTeardrop Posted September 13, 2008 Posted September 13, 2008 Terryteardrop, what have you accomplished with this beyond pissing her off? There could be a chance that she looks at her attitude and realises that she would get further by changing it. Can we all be wrong?
Trialbyfire Posted September 13, 2008 Posted September 13, 2008 von, do everyone a favour and go find some guy to beat up on. Your brand of misogyny is sickening.
vonerik012 Posted September 13, 2008 Posted September 13, 2008 How was my last post symbolic of misogyny? Read through the thread for yourself..
Trialbyfire Posted September 13, 2008 Posted September 13, 2008 There could be a chance that she looks at her attitude and realises that she would get further by changing it. Can we all be wrong? Yes, throughout history, lynch mobs have been known to be wrong. Whether this is applicable in SGs case, I'm not going to hazard a guess. She has to decide for herself, what she wants in life and how she wants to go about getting it. Having said that, take note of who she has issues with and who she doesn't, regardless of advice given.
vonerik012 Posted September 13, 2008 Posted September 13, 2008 If she wants to decide for herself, against all others, then why post a question like that? It is not a lynch mob.. Example.. Someone posts their opinion.. SG does not like it, and attacks them. She then also twists the original story. This leads to back and forth arguing, and pointing out obvious inconsistencies in what she has said before.
TerryTeardrop Posted September 13, 2008 Posted September 13, 2008 She has issues with her issues and is full of drama and that is not the way to get what you want in life. She is being treated like a fool by men who are not worth it. It seems that all star requires in a date is a pulse.
paddington bear Posted September 13, 2008 Posted September 13, 2008 It seems that all star requires in a date is a pulse. Now that's just mean! (and besides I think we'd all prefer to date someone who was actually living...I went on a date once with a dead body, complete with maggots, the smell of decomposition, had to keep propping him up in his chair, bits of him kept falling off. The conversation was, shall we say, a little one-sided. So yeah, a pulse is probably preferable for most of us lol)
Trialbyfire Posted September 13, 2008 Posted September 13, 2008 There are different types of advice/opinions:Spiteful advice/opinion.Tough love.Gentle/compassionate love.Enabling/validating.My personal preference is 2. and 3. Numbers 1. and 4. don't accomplish anything, IMO.
vonerik012 Posted September 13, 2008 Posted September 13, 2008 TBF, are you the Loveshack referee? Your last 5 posts are just telling others how to post. What advice did you give? You seem to be enabling ...What is your advice to SG?
Lizzie60 Posted September 13, 2008 Posted September 13, 2008 Yeah right.. tough love is also a good way used to disguise spiteful advice.. You can defend her all you want.. but she does come across as being desperate and always hooking up with some type of losers.. and as you can see a lot of people ARE seeing it.. This is NOT our fault... We give advices based on what we know of the poster.. simple.
Trialbyfire Posted September 13, 2008 Posted September 13, 2008 Just giving my opinion as I'm seeing it within this thread, just like the rest of you.
I Luv the Chariot OH Posted September 13, 2008 Posted September 13, 2008 Why do I have a feeling he's making it all up? All in all, I would have simply erased him. Exactly what I was thinking...it seems a little too convnient that he sent you the wrong text then happily went into a lengthy rundown about his date...it seems as though he used this as an excuse to make you jealous or something? (Who the hell sends a text to the wrong person, anyway? In order to send a text, you have to either a) type in the person's phone number, or b) select their name from your address book. I've been texting since I was a teenager and have NEVER sent one to the wrong person before, unless it was purposeful!) All in all, I agree with everyone else--he's a loser, forget him!
StartingOver07 Posted September 13, 2008 Posted September 13, 2008 Are we honestly interested in helping out SG, or are we more interested in expressing our personal views about SG? What motivates each and every one of us? At some point, they are one and the same. I generally stay out of SG's threads because they follow a similar pattern: SG posts something about a guy that is giving her that "something's not quite right" feeling. Many posters jump in to affirm her feeling, at which point SG does an abrupt about-face and begins to defend the guy and chastises anyone who does not support her new position. SG has expressed an interest in establishing a meaningful LTR (possible marriage with "the one"), yet continues to sabotage her own efforts on this front. I am not sure how it helps to enable her, yet each thread seems to follow the same evolution. Over time, those posters who "see clearly" drop out and SG is left only with an inner core of "supporters" who further validate her views. It beats me how this is help.
I Luv the Chariot OH Posted September 13, 2008 Posted September 13, 2008 Just giving my opinion as I'm seeing it within this thread, just like the rest of you. I think it's funny that you are literally the ONLY person in the entire thread who sees it this way...and you also happen to be her friend I think people are just trying to say she deserves better. Which she does--everybody deserves basic respect, and nobody deserves to date a loser.
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