Trialbyfire Posted September 13, 2008 Posted September 13, 2008 That's true! And I especially like those threads that when things don't go as the OP spins them, they have the thread closed down. Go back and reread the entire thread. Your assumptions should be nullified. If not, you're trapped in your own assumptions and are welcome to stay there.
Tomcat33 Posted September 13, 2008 Posted September 13, 2008 Go back and reread the entire thread. Your assumptions should be nullified. If not, you're trapped in your own assumptions and are welcome to stay there. That was a general comment. I am staying right where I am thank you very much.
OpenBook Posted September 13, 2008 Posted September 13, 2008 Go back and reread the entire thread. Your assumptions should be nullified. If not, you're trapped in your own assumptions and are welcome to stay there. Why are you taking it so personally?? Tomcat agreed with you. It's all in the OP's spin! And sometimes it doesn't go in the direction that the OP intended. Happens all the time around here.
Star Gazer Posted September 13, 2008 Posted September 13, 2008 I think what's important to point out here isn't that thread starters should ultimately do what's right for THEM, but perhaps the posters responding to those threads should try to not jump on the negativity bandwagon in each and every thread they enter.
Author JoeNewbie Posted September 13, 2008 Author Posted September 13, 2008 I think what's important to point out here isn't that thread starters should ultimately do what's right for THEM, but perhaps the posters responding to those threads should try to not jump on the negativity bandwagon in each and every thread they enter. Very well said. I've seen too many posts that said the guy wasn't interested since he didn't call back within 10 minutes...
Trialbyfire Posted September 13, 2008 Posted September 13, 2008 Alright, I'm not here to bash LS. I use it quite a bit and enjoy it thoroughly. That's good to hear! People should take everything in life with a grain of salt. The best advice to take, is the advice given with your best interests at heart, heavily flavoured with your own opinion and decision-making. You'll find some members are intuitive and others are determined to be right or negative, at your expense, for whatever reasons.
Art_Critic Posted September 13, 2008 Posted September 13, 2008 I think what's important to point out here isn't that thread starters should ultimately do what's right for THEM, but perhaps the posters responding to those threads should try to not jump on the negativity bandwagon in each and every thread they enter. You mentioned the bandwagon.. I have noticed this before.. it isn't the rule but the exception and it does happen on occasion and is something I have noticed... Sometimes the tone of the thread is set by the first few response posts.. if those posts are negative then people jump on the bandwagon.. If those posts are positive then people also jump on that bandwagon as well... It can take a few posts of a different tone during the thread once it is rolling to turn a thread around...
Tomcat33 Posted September 13, 2008 Posted September 13, 2008 I've seen too many posts that said the guy wasn't interested since he didn't call back within 10 minutes... Yes there is a lot of discarding of people that happens on these types of boards. People seem to offer little patience in terms of what the OP is going through, it could be a situation where the person is at a cross roads because they are carefully thinking out the two prespectives and people will be too quick to offer the type of advice that says, "dump them, run away, divorce, he she is not interested, you are wasting your time, throw it away" you know as if we were talking about a pack of chips that were openend and one tasted off. Some times when a person offers a different prespective that is not what the majority says, it is considered coddling and hand holding and even enabling, when in fact some people just want to offer a different prespective to what the majority are ONLY willing to see.
Star Gazer Posted September 13, 2008 Posted September 13, 2008 Very well said. I've seen too many posts that said the guy wasn't interested since he didn't call back within 10 minutes... Exactly. That's what's happening to me right now. Apparently, I am allowing myself to be treated poorly by accepting a date invitation from someone who I know to be dating others, and thus I now I am not his top priority. This despite the fact that I am dating others as well, and we haven't even had a first date yet! The negativity is honestly getting sickening.
Trialbyfire Posted September 13, 2008 Posted September 13, 2008 What you'll find is that there's a small number of posters who post solely to further a hate-filled agenda. It will manifest itself through gendercide or just plain spite. Learn to disregard this type of poster.
Star Gazer Posted September 13, 2008 Posted September 13, 2008 Yes there is a lot of discarding of people that happens on these types of boards. That is the PERFECT way to put it, TC: discarding. Mistakes are not allowed. Miscommunications are not allowed. A busy schedule is intolerable. The nuances of the relationship are not evaluated. It's either they follow all the pre-ordained LS-rules of dating/relationships, or they're commanded to dump/move-out/divorce.
Art_Critic Posted September 13, 2008 Posted September 13, 2008 That is the PERFECT way to put it, TC: discarding. Mistakes are not allowed. Miscommunications are not allowed. A busy schedule is intolerable. The nuances of the relationship are not evaluated. It's either they follow all the pre-ordained LS-rules of dating/relationships, or they're commanded to dump/move-out/divorce. Well now.. that's a positive post SG.. isn't this just jumping on the negativity bandwagon that you just posted about how you hate when people do it ? Just ignore the people on your thread that get down on you..
vonerik012 Posted September 13, 2008 Posted September 13, 2008 Star Gazer, perhaps you just left out the fact that the man texted you by accident, while trying to text a woman he does like saying "I want to see you badly". All on a night he didn't even call you when he was supposed to. Of course, you are leaving that part out now, lol.
paddington bear Posted September 13, 2008 Posted September 13, 2008 More times than not, people consciously or subconsciously only want validation for their action(s) or future course of action(s). With this in mind, they spin according to a predetermined direction, whether to highlight their negative concerns or to highlight the positive. I agree with this, but not just in the context of LS - I've often asked for friends advice and they have absolutely told me what I did not want to hear and I thought 'Oh I know better, I have a feeling, a connection with this person/man that they don't know about and so therefore their advice (that I don't agree with) is invalid'. Well, on every occasion they've been proved to be right. I've always seen what I wanted to see, and only in retrospect have realised that others have seen what I have been unable to. I do think it's the same here in LS, as Trilbyfire wrote - the negative answers are as valid as the positive ones, but I'm guessing some of the more downright blunt answers sometimes cause some pain to the original poster. You can forget that it's real people here genuinely wanting help as it's just words on a screen and e.g. a blunt 'dump him' is not going to help when, say, you're still in love with someone and are not in the right emotional place to simply follow such simple advice.
Trialbyfire Posted September 13, 2008 Posted September 13, 2008 I agree with this, but not just in the context of LS - I've often asked for friends advice and they have absolutely told me what I did not want to hear and I thought 'Oh I know better, I have a feeling, a connection with this person/man that they don't know about and so therefore their advice (that I don't agree with) is invalid'. Well, on every occasion they've been proved to be right. I've always seen what I wanted to see, and only in retrospect have realised that others have seen what I have been unable to. I do think it's the same here in LS, as Trilbyfire wrote - the negative answers are as valid as the positive ones, but I'm guessing some of the more downright blunt answers sometimes cause some pain to the original poster. You can forget that it's real people here genuinely wanting help as it's just words on a screen and e.g. a blunt 'dump him' is not going to help when, say, you're still in love with someone and are not in the right emotional place to simply follow such simple advice. paddington, I don't mind the blunt responses. It's the deliberately spiteful or agenda-based responses that I tend to disregard. I'm sick, sick, sick and tired of the gender-bashing, polluting threads that don't have anything to do with gender. As soon as I see it within one of my threads, even get a sniff of it, that's it for the thread, regardless of the "nuggets" of wisdom.
vonerik012 Posted September 13, 2008 Posted September 13, 2008 You insert your own "gender views" into threads as well TBF. Example.. Thread= "Why do women cheat" Your response "Same reason men do!"
Star Gazer Posted September 13, 2008 Posted September 13, 2008 Well now.. that's a positive post SG.. isn't this just jumping on the negativity bandwagon that you just posted about how you hate when people do it ? Now THAT's the definition of spin. Yes, I'm being negative about posters' posting styles. It's quite another thing to be automatically negative in response to a situation someone presents. There are some people - *cough, cough* VONERIK *cough, cough* - who simply do not know how to see the positive side of ANY situation, and see everything in black and white (and usually focusing on the black!). That's what I take issue with. He, along with others, demand perfection and are not realistic to the way people live their very different lives. If a person does not do/say exactly what the responding poster would want, the responding poster demands that the thread starter move on. "Dump him!" "Demand respect!" "Move on!" They do so all while not being in the OP's shoes. I don't even take those posters' posts with a grain of salt. I do respond to them, but in substance, they're truly ignored. I've always found the, "Well, what do you want? Do you think you're getting what you want from this situation? If not, why? What do you think can you do to change this around?" types of responses much more helpful and POSITIVE, even when they're pointing out an obviously negative trait. Even when not stated in the rhetorical question format, they have the same impact. TBF, DDL, Curious, and quite a few others (thankfully!) are good at doing it that way.
Star Gazer Posted September 13, 2008 Posted September 13, 2008 You insert your own "gender views" into threads as well TBF. Example.. Thread= "Why do women cheat" Your response "Same reason men do!" Uhhh... I guess you don't understand logic?? TBF was actually responding so as to paint the reasons why people cheat as being gender NEUTRAL. Not sure why you can't see that?
Trialbyfire Posted September 13, 2008 Posted September 13, 2008 Uhhh... I guess you don't understand logic?? TBF was actually responding so as to paint the reasons why people cheat as being gender NEUTRAL. Not sure why you can't see that? SG, this polarization of genders on a site where people are in pain by being hurt by one individual of the opposite gender, is just pure spite. You might as well just write off the rest of your life from having any happy and healthy relationships, if you view the opposite gender as the enemy. How counter-productive can you get?
paddington bear Posted September 13, 2008 Posted September 13, 2008 paddington, I don't mind the blunt responses. It's the deliberately spiteful or agenda-based responses that I tend to disregard. I'm sick, sick, sick and tired of the gender-bashing, polluting threads that don't have anything to do with gender. As soon as I see it within one of my threads, even get a sniff of it, that's it for the thread, regardless of the "nuggets" of wisdom. No, that was my point, that the negative responses can and maybe are more helpful...just that it's a real person that people are replying to. I'm only new here, but yeah, seems to be a lot of gender-bashing, mind you I guess I do it myself to some degree, the generalising, 'why don't men...?' 'why do men always..? etc etc but again, I've been there too, when I've been so hurt that I truly at that time hate ALL men...of course the next day, I'm back to rational me, sometimes people need to just vent, and of course quote rightly get hauled over the coals for making sweeping assumptions about the opposite sex.
Tomcat33 Posted September 13, 2008 Posted September 13, 2008 The thing is this is ALL so abstract to debate because really where is the line to be drawn in terms of what is constructive what is disrepectful and what is bad or good advice? Some people feel they are being given bad advice simply because it does not agree with their own agenda, or someone people are pegged as enables because they actually LISTEN to the OP and want to let them work it out at their own pace. Their goal may be the same as the majority's goal, their style is different in terms of how they want to guide them there. For example I have gotten into many many battles where I would go against the grain of what everyone else was saying even though ultimately my goal may be the same, and it was not seen at plain view, my tactic is very different. I tend to work with the person asking for advice and I like to build trust and understanding before I can tell them do this or that, NOT with what the majority will feel is the right or wrong thing to say, do or post. Me personally I get a sense for what the OP is feeding back in terms of my interaction with them, if I feel I am helping them then that's great if I feel I am not then I remove myself. Now what happens a lot of times is people LOVE to pick on each other's advice and get into fights about that. I am no angel and I will defend my stance if people pick on my advice and sometimes I'll admit it's just downright fun to debate a stance but ULTIMATELY and when it comes to the type of help I can give the OP THAT is my bottom line, I don't care what other's feel is right or wrong nor do I care to conform to the majority rulling simply to win some popularity contest, in my reality of how I see myself I am popular period! I am popular even when no one agrees with me. (I am using that tongue in cheeck of course but you get the gest of what I am sayin ) I don't operate on majority rulling in real life and I won't start here, nor does herd mentality shake my ground. I DO however care to take each and every single situation I choose to involve myself in as an individual one with its own set of realities and factors to consider. I think that is where the lines are crossed here and the robotic type of advice and all these rules are being made, when every single person is seen as the protagonist playing in the exact same play.
Author JoeNewbie Posted September 13, 2008 Author Posted September 13, 2008 I think some situations are so obvious that a non-neutral advice is ok. Other not so obvious situations require a bit more insight. One of the classics is "He cheated on me, should I dump him?" The answer depends on so many factors that it's almost impossible to debate on a forum with a bunch of strangers.
Trialbyfire Posted September 13, 2008 Posted September 13, 2008 No, that was my point, that the negative responses can and maybe are more helpful...just that it's a real person that people are replying to. I'm only new here, but yeah, seems to be a lot of gender-bashing, mind you I guess I do it myself to some degree, the generalising, 'why don't men...?' 'why do men always..? etc etc but again, I've been there too, when I've been so hurt that I truly at that time hate ALL men...of course the next day, I'm back to rational me, sometimes people need to just vent, and of course quote rightly get hauled over the coals for making sweeping assumptions about the opposite sex. At least you can be back to rational. Some are unable to rationalise anything, if it bops them on the head 400 times. Makes me visualize a cartoon with the spin of the true definition of insanity. *bop, I hate gender A, bop, I hate gender A, bop, I hate gender A, bop, I hate gender A...* And the beat goes on!
Author JoeNewbie Posted September 13, 2008 Author Posted September 13, 2008 *bop, I hate gender A, bop, I hate gender A, bop, I hate gender A, bop, I hate gender A...* And the beat goes on! Yes, insanity occurs in both genders. I remember an ex-girlfriend calling me, desperately telling me she misses me, followed by two weeks of "I hate men". Wonderful times indeed.
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