JoeNewbie Posted September 12, 2008 Posted September 12, 2008 One of the most wonderful things in life is also one of the most complex. Establishing a rapport with another person, whether for friendship or romance, involves so much chemistry that it's virtually impossible for a bunch of people on a forum to properly diagnose the situation. Most answers on these threads are based on the general rules and etiquette of dating. However, why is it that we never read any successful stories? I think the vibe on some of these threads is way too negative. And negativity is hardly ever productive. I've posted a few stories from my past just to see people's reactions. In most cases, the thread got negative answers while in reality the outcome was positive. Ultimately, the person who knows best is YOU.
serial muse Posted September 12, 2008 Posted September 12, 2008 One of the most wonderful things in life is also one of the most complex. Establishing a rapport with another person, whether for friendship or romance, involves so much chemistry that it's virtually impossible for a bunch of people on a forum to properly diagnose the situation. Most answers on these threads are based on the general rules and etiquette of dating. However, why is it that we never read any successful stories? I think the vibe on some of these threads is way too negative. And negativity is hardly ever productive. I've posted a few stories from my past just to see people's reactions. In most cases, the thread got negative answers while in reality the outcome was positive. Ultimately, the person who knows best is YOU. Very true, thanks.
Shygirl15 Posted September 12, 2008 Posted September 12, 2008 Ultimately, the person who knows best is YOU. Oh, I thought you knew that already, Joe.
Trialbyfire Posted September 12, 2008 Posted September 12, 2008 What you've stated is the concept of LS. You get umpteen different opinions/advice given and you decide what's applicable to your situation. No one should ever follow anyone blindly.
D-Jam Posted September 12, 2008 Posted September 12, 2008 One of the most wonderful things in life is also one of the most complex. Establishing a rapport with another person, whether for friendship or romance, involves so much chemistry that it's virtually impossible for a bunch of people on a forum to properly diagnose the situation. Most answers on these threads are based on the general rules and etiquette of dating. However, why is it that we never read any successful stories? I think the vibe on some of these threads is way too negative. And negativity is hardly ever productive. I've posted a few stories from my past just to see people's reactions. In most cases, the thread got negative answers while in reality the outcome was positive. Ultimately, the person who knows best is YOU. I agree. I know in my replies I can sound a bit negative, but I more see it as my mistakes and the bad behavior I've seen in my past...and trying to educate others to avoid those mistakes and bad people. I guess I just want both men and women to stop thinking love is supposed to be some fantasy fairy tale as well as it not being some kind of investment where you compare assets. To see it as an added bonus to life and to enjoy it for what it is. To find someone you feel great with and he/she makes you feel great and you do the same for them...not some quest to get someone who doesn't like you to like you. I'd like to see everyone find real love, hence why I try to slap many with hard reality and to be strong and neither give nor take nonsense.
livinlovin Posted September 13, 2008 Posted September 13, 2008 I agree that many of the responses are negative. I think this is for two reasons. First, I think people have a tendency to put forth mainly the "cons" when describing a problem. Second, if any of the posters are like myself, the more they get burned in love the more they learn that love and dating is really quite a lot of work.
Author JoeNewbie Posted September 13, 2008 Author Posted September 13, 2008 I've mostly noticed how positive threads get no interest at all. As for borderline situations, people always say "watch this and watch that" and are very negative about them. But guess what - dating is all about borderline situations! Being surrounded by negativity will only make you fail.
Tomcat33 Posted September 13, 2008 Posted September 13, 2008 Because there is nothing to comment on when things are positive what is there to discuss when there is no discord or a fork in the road? "Hey everyone I met the man of my dreams and we are head over in love" Ok discuss..... Can't really go very far with that. But you post something like "Hey everyone I love my man but he treats me like crap yet other times he is amazing." You can go all sorts of places with a situation like that. It's an advice board, one where people from all walks of life with all sorts of different experiences will share their thoughts in any particular situation that either resonates with something they have already experienced or has heard/read/knows of something similiar and saw the outcome. But you are absolutely right, no one knows what is right for someone except for the individual in their situation. I have a personal philosophy and that is, people already know what they will do or are thinking of doing before they even reach out to others asking what they should do. They just want to see if others would also do the same. I seriously doubt people change the course of their direction given solely on what others tell them. We are already inclined to do what we are doing either way. Look out for this pattern in threads a person can post a problem and 90% of the thread will say one thing but 10% will say something that different but that resonates with the original poster and the person will overlook the 90% of thoughts to delve in deeper into the 10%. Why? Because that is where they were naturally inclined to go before they even posted an answer. We know, more than we care to give ourselves credit.
Art_Critic Posted September 13, 2008 Posted September 13, 2008 I've posted a few stories from my past just to see people's reactions. In most cases, the thread got negative answers while in reality the outcome was positive. Of course advice should be taking with a grain of salt.. You posted those threads knowing very well what the outcome was and knew how they would be go over on LS... I'm not sure what you proved... To me you proved that if you know the outcome then you can't predict the advice.. You in reality didn't prove that advice is worthless since there are 1000's of thread on LS with different results...
Art_Critic Posted September 13, 2008 Posted September 13, 2008 I've mostly noticed how positive threads get no interest at all. As for borderline situations, people always say "watch this and watch that" and are very negative about them. But guess what - dating is all about borderline situations! Being surrounded by negativity will only make you fail. I noticed that you have posted 29 threads on LS many asking for advice.. Did you not get some answers to your inquiry's ?
Author JoeNewbie Posted September 13, 2008 Author Posted September 13, 2008 Of course advice should be taking with a grain of salt.. You posted those threads knowing very well what the outcome was and knew how they would be go over on LS... I'm not sure what you proved... To me you proved that if you know the outcome then you can't predict the advice.. You in reality didn't prove that advice is worthless since there are 1000's of thread on LS with different results... If you read my post correctly, I mentioned that most answers are based on individual rules and that dating does not always adhere to such rules.
Author JoeNewbie Posted September 13, 2008 Author Posted September 13, 2008 I noticed that you have posted 29 threads on LS many asking for advice.. Did you not get some answers to your inquiry's ? You are missing my point entirely.
Art_Critic Posted September 13, 2008 Posted September 13, 2008 If you read my post correctly, I mentioned that most answers are based on individual rules and that dating does not always adhere to such rules. Actually.. Dating does basically follow a set of rules that can be followed...
Author JoeNewbie Posted September 13, 2008 Author Posted September 13, 2008 Actually.. Dating does basically follow a set of rules that can be followed... As you state it CAN be followed but oftentimes it isn't.
Tomcat33 Posted September 13, 2008 Posted September 13, 2008 Actually.. Dating does basically follow a set of rules that can be followed... AC is right. Dating does adhere to basic rules the fact people want to twist them around and then expect to have some miraculous new outcome that more often than not backfires, is more the reality of what we see here and in the dating world everywhere.
Author JoeNewbie Posted September 13, 2008 Author Posted September 13, 2008 AC is right. Dating does adhere to basic rules the fact people want to twist them around and then expect to have some miraculous new outcome that more often than not backfires, is more the reality of what we see here and in the dating world everywhere. Of course I agree there are some solid rules out there, e.g. she declines a date invitation and offers no alternative (she's not interested), or she says you're a good friend (not interested either). It's on the trickier points that I disagree that rules apply. For example, you receive a date invitation - how much time before you respond? This girl seems very interested but she never calls, letting you making the moves all the time - is she interested?
Trialbyfire Posted September 13, 2008 Posted September 13, 2008 Spin in a thread, is everything. If you spin a thread a certain way, you can easily manipulate the outcome of the responses.
Author JoeNewbie Posted September 13, 2008 Author Posted September 13, 2008 Spin in a thread, is everything. If you spin a thread a certain way, you can easily manipulate the outcome of the responses. I agree!!!
Trialbyfire Posted September 13, 2008 Posted September 13, 2008 I agree!!! Then what have you accomplished beyond proving you can spin?
Author JoeNewbie Posted September 13, 2008 Author Posted September 13, 2008 Then what have you accomplished beyond proving you can spin? I am not trying to prove anything. I am just saying that answers are often based on rules that aren't always applicable.
Trialbyfire Posted September 13, 2008 Posted September 13, 2008 I am not trying to prove anything. I am just saying that answers are often based on rules that aren't always applicable. LS isn't here for people to blindly follow rules. It's here so that people can get multiple opinions, if they sincerely wish it. More times than not, people consciously or subconsciously only want validation for their action(s) or future course of action(s). With this in mind, they spin according to a predetermined direction, whether to highlight their negative concerns or to highlight the positive. The best threads are when people give detail to a reasonable degree, stating as much as possible, both sides of the story. Then you'll see a helluva' lot more diversity in responses.
Author JoeNewbie Posted September 13, 2008 Author Posted September 13, 2008 LS isn't here for people to blindly follow rules. It's here so that people can get multiple opinions, if they sincerely wish it. More times than not, people consciously or subconsciously only want validation for their action(s) or future course of action(s). With this in mind, they spin according to a predetermined direction, whether to highlight their negative concerns or to highlight the positive. The best threads are when people give detail to a reasonable degree, stating as much as possible, both sides of the story. Then you'll see a helluva' lot more diversity in responses. Alright, I'm not here to bash LS. I use it quite a bit and enjoy it thoroughly.
Tomcat33 Posted September 13, 2008 Posted September 13, 2008 It's on the trickier points that I disagree that rules apply. For example, you receive a date invitation - how much time before you respond? This girl seems very interested but she never calls, letting you making the moves all the time - is she interested? Having come to LS myself with a more than unconventional situation I could not agree with your MORE. Had I listened to what what half the people had to say in terms of their own preconceived notions and that also were not AT ALL at par with what I wanted for myself or with the realtity of MY personal situation, I would not have gone on the journey I did and come to the relazations I DID on my very own experience. And as I see it my situation turned out great.
Tomcat33 Posted September 13, 2008 Posted September 13, 2008 LS isn't here for people to blindly follow rules. It's here so that people can get multiple opinions, if they sincerely wish it. More times than not, people consciously or subconsciously only want validation for their action(s) or future course of action(s). With this in mind, they spin according to a predetermined direction, whether to highlight their negative concerns or to highlight the positive. That's true! And I especially like those threads that when things don't go as the OP spins them, they have the thread closed down.
vonerik012 Posted September 13, 2008 Posted September 13, 2008 LS isn't here for people to blindly follow rules. It's here so that people can get multiple opinions, if they sincerely wish it. More times than not, people consciously or subconsciously only want validation for their action(s) or future course of action(s). With this in mind, they spin according to a predetermined direction, whether to highlight their negative concerns or to highlight the positive. The best threads are when people give detail to a reasonable degree, stating as much as possible, both sides of the story. Then you'll see a helluva' lot more diversity in responses. Very well said, and I have seen this recently amongst some posters, lol.
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