Really feel like giving inbreaking NC,..after 6 months

[selena_cat]

I dont want to get in a long story,but it seems though nothing gets better and this is really depressing me,

i held fast with NC,after he dumped me for someone else, tried the friendzone thing when all it did was give me permission was to toss me breadcrumbs when he did contact me. he'd even ignore me on myspace even though he wanted me to sign up whenever he's online which bothered me,so i dont even check his profile dont want to know whats going on.

Also on my last post, "NC and still having regrets" i never replied to an email he sent where al he did was insult me as well as blatantly rejecting me,everyone told me not to reply and ignore,but still i kick myself for not having the satisfaction and closure of telling him off.

so here i am trying to meet new people,make friends, ( I do have a couple of acquaintances) but it seems though i'm the one whose doing the reaching out to people ,and nothing seems to folow through and this makes me angry,

I constantly compare myself to him,thinking how come it was so easy for him and since i havent heard from him he's probablyhaving a great time.

i'm very outgoing and if there are events happening I would attend when i get a chance.

its a miracle if i can find someone new,I am in this small college town which not much happens,i'm from a bigger city. Eevnthough i'm graduating this semester so i wont even think of going to graduate school there,I cant take it anymore.

I am starting to believe that maybe I shouldve taken whatever breadcrumbs he did want to offer,but i thought i deserve better,doesnt seem better is heading my way even though i try very hard to make it happen.

b/c in all actuality i felt he won, he gets to treat me like dirt and go on about this business and never initiated contact

b/c i miss him,or maybe its just loneliness but this is really depressing.

Any ones suggestions,or experiences and opinions on how to get past this or what would you do,would be appreciate it.

 

love

Drowning_cat

[me007]

I wouldn't contact him unless I seen some hope of reconciling. He dumped you for someone else and sent you an email insulting you, so it sounds like someone you should just let go. You may feel responding to his email is getting everything out you want to say, but you still keep thinking and later there's always more you want to say. It is better to just forget about it as much as possible.

 

If you have plans after the semester to go somewhere else for graduate school, stick to that and keep focusing on yourself. I know it sucks seeing him doing so well, but you know he probably doesn't even think or care if you are doing well or not. If you sent an email he'll most likely barely read it and just delete it. Just keep focusing on yourself to come out ahead.

[BCCA]

I agree with me007, let it go. Trust me, as someone who has gotten those chances to let your ex have it, it really doesnt make you feel any better and he wont even be listening.

 

Dont assume that because you havent heard from him his life is amazing. Ego's keep people from admitting that they messed up or that the grass really wasnt greener. And really, who cares what he does anymore? He's not worth your time. If you're not important enough for him, dont make him important enough for you.

 

Just ignore him completely and move on as best you can. No offense, but to send an ex insulting emails after dumping them for someone else is extrememly immature. You ARE better by not accepting his breadcrumbs, it would be pointless to torture yourself like that. One day, he'll feel guilty for what he did, but dont even respond to anything he has to say anymore. Silence speaks volumes.

[selena_cat]

Thanks Meoo7 (hope i got it right) and BCCA for replying!

I apreciate this. he sent that email months ago when i wasnt interested in being in situated in his "friendzone" after he made it clear that we couldnt be anything else. It seems though insulting me is a natural reflex to him now that i no longer am inportant in his life especially during his times of trouble, job loss,health issues. During those times he had more respect,somehow b/c i dont switch my emotions on and off like he does so easily,Maybe with NC i gained it back from him, i dont know -

I thought by not telling him off, the last time,we went back and forth in which he hurled more insults-everyone i spoke to -on other sites even LS told me to ignore him. Its true BCCA,i shouldnt think b/c i dont hear from him he's having a great time,but i know most dumpees feel that way

Me007, i'm seriously thinking of relocating after school, this place is hurricane alley,just gothit by Gustav

[BCCA]

Trust me, saying nothing will be a whole lot more meaningful than saying anything. If you go on a tirade and tell him what a jerk he is, he probably wont even read it and he'll boost his ego knowing he has that kind of effect on you. By not saying anything, he's left to wonder what youre thinking. If you tell him, you're actually helping him out.

[0hpenelope]

Why should he be the only one having a great time (if he is having one)?

 

You should, too. And I like that you're thinking ahead in your future - graduate school and all that.

 

Breadcrumbs are a no-go... There's just something terrible about feeling that temporary high of being in contact with the person you care about, while knowing well the inevitable crash that will come after you take in those breadcrumbs.

 

It's not worth it. I'd rather feel the longing and the yearning without knowing anything rather than be in that I'm in contact with him, we're doing things only couples do but we're not "official", etc....

 

Never again. I wish the same for you, too.

[mscomplex]

Hey selena_cat. I have been checking up on you to see how you were doing. Yours was one of the 1st threads I posted to when I signed up for this site. I have thought of you often and checked to see if you were still posting. I am sorry to read that you are still having a difficult time. After one of my previous breakups I was in the same situation. I caught him cheating confronted him, he turned in around on me and said I must have did the same thing, would not talk about it and disappeared. He wasn't insulting with me but tried to place blame on me. (which is actually a form of insult) What I mean is he was not rude or abusive. He was more dismissive than anything. Anyway, I could not move on for nothing. I eventually called him. He was screening his calls and picked up in the middle of me leaving a message. I told him I needed to speak with him and he invited me over. I went over that evening to speak with him. His lawn had not been cut, his house was a wreck and he looked ill. (this was someone who took pride in keeping up his 10 acres and mansion) It did me good to see that. I did not really rehash the breakup. I basically just told him that was sorry the way things ended but felt that if we did not make it as a couple I always knew I could have him as a friend. (he really was overall a pretty nice guy) Anyway, he agreed and told me he had wanted to clear the air. I sort of would not let him explain and said don't worry about it. (like I really did not want to hear it because no reason was good enough-I mean I literally for the 1st time in my life caught my man coming out of his bedroom naked and putting on his clothes) Long story short after that we interacted a few more times via phone and 1x in person. I really was able to see some things that made him very undesirable. I eventually stopped returning his calls and he went away. However, this time was different. I was able to move on with no problem. I said to my self: you know, he really isn't all that great and I really do not want him as a friend. I was wondering why I felt the need to have that closure but it was what I needed. I saw him as totally different but it helped. Maybe you need to get that. I/we do not know. What I am afraid of is if you have an expectation and do not get that will it set you back further. Anyway, just wanted to share a different perspective.

[BackonTrack]

Hello,

Forget the physco babble people are filling your head with.

This is not a game or a battle of the wits.

 

If you really feel like giving in n breaking NC, then it means you still have HOPE in your heart, you can't move on if you have HOPE. Call him, chances are he won't pick up, which will do wonders for you as you will know he's not coming back.

 

If you don't break NC, as time passes, the feeling you are having in regards to breaking NC will go away. Its all a process and your body is getting him out your system.

 

But if you already did NC for 6 months why break it? Just keep walking...

He hasnt changed his mind n he's not coming back n your not getting back together n he disrespected you totatlly but u still love him n he doesn't love you, but thats life so keep pushing forward and forget about him.

[nowhereman82]

I don't agree with everyone here.

 

I say contact him. But cut to the chase. Let out what you want to let out and react to his responses. It will be therapeutic and will help you gauge your progression.

 

It will get the nagging feeling of the NC off your back. And it will either make you realize "hey im fine, **** that dude" or "man that stirred up a lot and I felt like **** for the following 48 hours, I need to stick to NC"

 

NC isn't a blanket answer to every problem. It's a starting ground for you to have time to separate from the relationship and reflect.

[selena_cat]

ThaNks Back and No where man for replying!

well I still havent brokeN NC,I think it was probably an almost momentary relapse or something. Funny thing is someone kept calling on an unlisted number and thought it was him.

So then All these "conversations" popped in my head,things I wanted to say to him,but deep part of me says,man.. why should i tell this guy how much he disrespected me, its soo stupid. He surely must have a conscience buried deep somewhere in that cold barren valley of his brain knowing his part in this.

A man or woman knows if they have crossed the line,so in actuality,

it wasnt him that called,so part of me is glad because really,what on earth could i possibly say to get him to realize how hurtful he was?? .

I read this book Dont Call that man" and it helps alot so i wont be breaking NC,i've come this far-maybe when i'm married or have a hell of a boyfriend,maybe

[HopeDiesLast]

at that point selena- you wont even care.

i went nc with my ex for an entire month after exchanged our things. it had been 2 months into the break up. and i couldnt fight the urge to text him and ask to talk. i HAD to do it. He ignored me.

 

Then he apologized bc he felt bad about it....but still didnt want to talk. Finally i gave it another shot and he told me to call if i needed to get things off my chest. i called and we talked and he was still as vague and "whatever" about things as ever. Soon after that i found out who he was seeing and what a dirtbag she was. He was hanging out with a whole new crowd of dirbags.

 

i couldnt believe what an ******* he was on the phone. or who he chose to associate with. but i dont regret talking to him. it helped me realize that he wasnt avoiding me bc he felt bad or had to "figure himself out". he was avoiding me cus hes A JERK. That phone call made me realize his vagueness and avoidance of questions was the answer. it meant NO...he doesnt want to get back together. NO he doesnt feel the same way. But he was too much of a coward to say it! Unreal!

 

And finding out about who hes with....only puts him on that dirtbag level too. Something i never thought id say about someone i loved as much as him. Maybe im wrong. maybe its a phase. but i doubt it. and until he actually DOES something to prove me wrong, hes gonna be that ******* dirtbag.

 

So i say, if you need to get rid of the HOPE like BackonTrack said, then just do it. You need to do things FOR YOU. this might be what you need to slap you back to reality.

[selena_cat]

wow, your story definately is a warning not to break NC,

it hurts more when you feel invalidated,and with your ex's situation just proves exaclt this, he is a sleazebag,they say you are who you hang with,so if he wants MCdonalds 99 cent instead of a four star restaurant more power to him.

Its just that feeling of not having closure or not having the last word like he did,i hope it passes

[BCCA]

I say go for it. NC is supposed to be for improving yourself, it really has nothing to do with him. If you feel like enough time has passed to have a calm and meaningful conversation, give it a try. You should never be affraid of his answers, because youll get them sooner or later. HDL is a prime example, she took the initiative to get to the root of things so she could actually have a realistic perspective. If she stayed NC forever, she might not have ever realized.

 

My advice is to be mature and to discuss things from an objective point of view. Asking someone why they did something puts them on the defensive, and thats where you get those "whatever - I dunno" crap answers. You dont want anyone feeling interragated, you want them to feel like you're willing to hear what they say. Admitting some fault in the demise of the relationship is a good way for them to know that this talk isnt to bash them or beat answers out of anyone.

 

Be prepared obviously, he could be a total douche. But, again, if he is, there is your answer.

[selena_cat]

Hey selena_cat. I have been checking up on you to see how you were doing. Yours was one of the 1st threads I posted to when I signed up for this site. I have thought of you often and checked to see if you were still posting. I am sorry to read that you are still having a difficult time. After one of my previous breakups I was in the same situation. I caught him cheating confronted him, he turned in around on me and said I must have did the same thing, would not talk about it and disappeared. He wasn't insulting with me but tried to place blame on me. (which is actually a form of insult) What I mean is he was not rude or abusive. He was more dismissive than anything. Anyway, I could not move on for nothing. I eventually called him. He was screening his calls and picked up in the middle of me leaving a message. I told him I needed to speak with him and he invited me over. I went over that evening to speak with him. His lawn had not been cut, his house was a wreck and he looked ill. (this was someone who took pride in keeping up his 10 acres and mansion) It did me good to see that. I did not really rehash the breakup. I basically just told him that was sorry the way things ended but felt that if we did not make it as a couple I always knew I could have him as a friend. (he really was overall a pretty nice guy) Anyway, he agreed and told me he had wanted to clear the air. I sort of would not let him explain and said don't worry about it. (like I really did not want to hear it because no reason was good enough-I mean I literally for the 1st time in my life caught my man coming out of his bedroom naked and putting on his clothes) Long story short after that we interacted a few more times via phone and 1x in person. I really was able to see some things that made him very undesirable. I eventually stopped returning his calls and he went away. However, this time was different. I was able to move on with no problem. I said to my self: you know, he really isn't all that great and I really do not want him as a friend. I was wondering why I felt the need to have that closure but it was what I needed. I saw him as totally different but it helped. Maybe you need to get that. I/we do not know. What I am afraid of is if you have an expectation and do not get that will it set you back further. Anyway, just wanted to share a different perspective.

 

Thanks alot for sharing, just needed to hear ithis, maybe one day i'll be able to talk to him let him know how i feel but not for a very ,long time maybe,not sure

[Flowerpower7]

you know something that helped me in a similar situation as yourself. It sounds weird but it worked so well. I wrote out everything little thing that bothered, angered or upset me about my relationship with my ex on the computer. I just wrote and wrote...dont look at it for spelling or grammar....just keep writing...get it all out until you cant think of anything more to write.....and dont re read it. You'll feel so much better. It did great things for me. I havent read it yet and it was 5 months ago I wrote it.