robkris8079 Posted September 12, 2008 Posted September 12, 2008 So me and my GF have been dating for 18+ months or so. I love her to death. She is pretty wonderful to me. Up until a few month ago we could go out and have fun but lately everytime we go out I seem to get upset over something? These are stupid little things too like picking a place to go out or our views on certain people. I can't just relax and have a conversation or something. It's a reall mood killer and if I don't nip this in the bud I don't know how much longer my GF will stick around. I don't even like myself so I couldn't expect her to like me. I really don't know what the hell my problem is. I mean my GF is a blessing in my life. I have never been in a relationship like this where I felt the person is putting in way more work then I am. It's usually the other way around. I don't want to lose her and I don't want things to stay this way. It's almost like I've been PMSing for the past few months? Sorry if that offends ladies. I have mood swings and everything. These episodes come out of nowhere. I'm not on any medicine or haven't changed anything in my life recently so what the hell is up with me? Please give me a few tips on how to "just go with the flow" and not get so uptight. I've never been like this.
norajane Posted September 12, 2008 Posted September 12, 2008 How is everything else in your life? Work, school? Are you under stress? Are you like this with everyone in your life right now, or just your gf?
Ronni_W Posted September 12, 2008 Posted September 12, 2008 In my experience, there is SOMETHING that is going on for you, that you're either not yet consciously aware of...or would subconsciously prefer to ignore. The problem is that whatever it is, is not just going to vanish. You can use your conscious mind to ACT like you're going with the flow, but your insides will know the difference (if that makes sense?) Couple of things that might help to allow your subconscious mind to reveal some clues: 1. Sentence completion. Write on a sheet of paper, "If I had to guess what is causing my mood swings, I'd guess _________." "My shifting moods started when _________." "If something actually was bothering me, it would be _________." "If I was going to pretend that I know what is causing me to act so differently, then I'd say it was ________." Write down whatever comes into your mind first, even if it makes no sense, or feels like utter garbage. Give your subconscious mind (inner voice) permission to just speak, and promise it that you will not censor what it says. 2. Non-dominant handwriting. If you are right-handed, use that hand to write a question on top of page, "What is causing me to act in ways that I really don't want to?" (or something like that.) Change pen to other hand, and start writing -- again, without mental interference...just write whatever words come into your head. Whether or not they are grammatically correct or make logical sense. You can always use your logical/rational mind to "correct" anything at a future time. Alternative, I guess, is to record yourself saying, "I am in the flow, I am calm, relaxed and comfortable, All is well, The flow and I are one", and then just listen to it day and night and day, in an endless loop until it becomes your new 'internal program'. Some people say 21 days. Or 28 days. And I've even heard 40. Good luck. I think it is great that you have at least recognized that something is going on, that you don't like how you are becoming, and that you want to change it. Too many people don't have the kind of self-awareness that you do.
Author robkris8079 Posted September 12, 2008 Author Posted September 12, 2008 thanks for the advice and keep it coming. Work is good, not too stressfull of late. My biggest thing has been my car. I know sounds wierd right? But I drive 650 miles aweek. I am a single dad that has to bring my daughter to school everyday. Then on the weekends meet her mother who lives in a different state. So my car is vital. My car is getting old, 200k miles by next month! I don't have the money to finance a car. I have roomates in my house that seem to be complete slobs but they are family. I can't ever seem to get ahead on the finances. Starting to think it's just a bunch of little things in my life that are getting to me and of course I take it out on the one person that has nothing to do with any of it. Or I can be totally wrong and all these little things are bothering me because of something bigger that I just can't put my finger on?
Chinook Posted September 12, 2008 Posted September 12, 2008 It could be something internally going on with you which needs resolving and Ronni's advice is great for that kind of thing. But it could also simply be the mechanics of the relationship too. Personally to me, it sounds like you guys are in the second phase of your relationship (google 'relationship phases') where you're kinda finding out about each other, pushing each other's buttons (for no apparent reason) and basically testing and re-testing each other. It's a phase which can either be very short and unnoticeable ... or, as in your case, noticeable and worrying... especially when you care about the other person an awful lot. I think it's encouraging that you've noticed a change in your behaviour towards your girl and you're worried about it yourself. If I were you, I'd sit her down and talk to her about it - lack of communication, especially in this phase is a huge killer of relationships. Just ask her what she thinks is going on and ask her what she thinks you guys should do to change it. This is better than you seeking help alone and her thinking something else by herself.
Ronni_W Posted September 12, 2008 Posted September 12, 2008 Rob, your fears about not being able to continue providing the means to earn a living, ensure your daughter's education, and provide the money necessary for food, clothes and shelter is NOT a "little" thing. It is a HUGE, STRESSFUL thing for all of us, when we are faced with such a possibility. On top of which, being without a car would mean that you can't fulfill your obligation to take your daughter to see her mom. Again, no "little" thing (but easier resolved than the thing about possibly needing to find a new job, or being unemployed altogether.) And just because your roommates are family, doesn't mean you have to tolerate them being slobs. Have you talked with them, and asked them to do a better job of acting a bit more like grown-ups in terms of keeping living environment clean for cohabitants? Could I suggest brushing up on your relaxation skills? Breathing exercises, positive affirmations and visualizations, yoga, meditation, stuff like that? Classes are great because it helps keep one motivated and connected to others who are seeking the same things you are, but you can also learn good techniques from the internet.
norajane Posted September 13, 2008 Posted September 13, 2008 Could I suggest brushing up on your relaxation skills? Breathing exercises, positive affirmations and visualizations, yoga, meditation, stuff like that? Classes are great because it helps keep one motivated and connected to others who are seeking the same things you are, but you can also learn good techniques from the internet. Kickboxing class is good, too.
Recommended Posts