smile711 Posted September 12, 2008 Posted September 12, 2008 Well, after having NC for 19 days, I saw the MM yesterday...at the gas station. I was pumping gas and he pulled in and went inside. Don't know if he saw me at that point or not. When he came out, he looked my way and we both waved. He got in his car and left and then so did I. One of my questions is...does that break NC? I was really proud of the fact that I hadn't called him in that long and this was an accident. On the other hand, I have been beating myself up all night, wondering if I should have gone up to him and asked how he was doing. For those of you who don't know my story, he left his W twice. The second time he lived with me for 4 months, made plans for a home and a wedding together, went on vacation with me. A month ago he packed all his things while I was gone and when I came home, he said he wasn't as strong as he thought and his family was angry (they were) and he was afraid they would never accept him again, much less me, and he left. I work in the same mall as him but I have been careful to avoid contact. I have not called, though it kills me every day. I would really like to know that he at least misses me and thinks about me from time to time...not to get him back but because I want to at least have some peace in knowing that our 2 year + R meant something to him as well. Unfortunately, he is not talking to friends/co-workers about it because they are disgusted by the games that he has been playing. Is it possible that I never even enter his mind anymore?
jj33 Posted September 12, 2008 Posted September 12, 2008 Smiles of course he thinks of you. Of course he misses you. These things are never one sided. But he isnt with you and he is trying just as you are to put the A behind him. Many times when people are trying to "do the right thing" they dont admit to their feelings because they dont want to be misconstrued or they feel it is disloyal to the M. And really what good can come of it. I know it would make you feel better but it also keeps you stuck. You know in your heart what you shared. You know you meant the world to him. Talking about it is a slippery slope. You dont want to go back to the A. You have to find your own peace of mind and know that you were an important part of his life just as he was an important part of yours, but you are both moving on. I know its difficult. But you did the right thing in not talking its too soon. 19 days is nothing in 19 weeks or 19 months perhaps you could say hello if you still wanted to. But its too fresh now. And by then you can just say hello how are you and you will have moved on. Its a slow process. It takes time to get to that place. Be patient with yourself. You are doing great.
whichwayisup Posted September 12, 2008 Posted September 12, 2008 One of my questions is...does that break NC? It does and it doesn't. It was an accident but you did wave at him. You could've not waved and just got in your car, drove off.. (Who waved first, him or you?) Does it really matter if he has or hasn't been thinking of you? Bottomline, even if he is thinking of you, it isn't going to go anywhere.. It's just going to put your mind at ease and give you a slight ego feed to know. That's natural but don't spend time wondering if he is or isn't.
Lookingforward Posted September 12, 2008 Posted September 12, 2008 Smiles of course he thinks of you. Of course he misses you. These things are never one sided. But he isnt with you and he is trying just as you are to put the A behind him. Many times when people are trying to "do the right thing" they dont admit to their feelings because they dont want to be misconstrued or they feel it is disloyal to the M. And really what good can come of it. I know it would make you feel better but it also keeps you stuck. You know in your heart what you shared. You know you meant the world to him. Talking about it is a slippery slope. You dont want to go back to the A. You have to find your own peace of mind and know that you were an important part of his life just as he was an important part of yours, but you are both moving on. I know its difficult. But you did the right thing in not talking its too soon. 19 days is nothing in 19 weeks or 19 months perhaps you could say hello if you still wanted to. But its too fresh now. And by then you can just say hello how are you and you will have moved on. Its a slow process. It takes time to get to that place. Be patient with yourself. You are doing great. Pretty much what happened with mine....but I removed myself physically after a period of LC (2,000 miles away again), makes it a little easier to not have to worry about running into him or his family.
Meaplus3 Posted September 12, 2008 Posted September 12, 2008 Well, after having NC for 19 days, I saw the MM yesterday...at the gas station. I was pumping gas and he pulled in and went inside. Don't know if he saw me at that point or not. When he came out, he looked my way and we both waved. He got in his car and left and then so did I. One of my questions is...does that break NC? I was really proud of the fact that I hadn't called him in that long and this was an accident. On the other hand, I have been beating myself up all night, wondering if I should have gone up to him and asked how he was doing. For those of you who don't know my story, he left his W twice. The second time he lived with me for 4 months, made plans for a home and a wedding together, went on vacation with me. A month ago he packed all his things while I was gone and when I came home, he said he wasn't as strong as he thought and his family was angry (they were) and he was afraid they would never accept him again, much less me, and he left. I work in the same mall as him but I have been careful to avoid contact. I have not called, though it kills me every day. I would really like to know that he at least misses me and thinks about me from time to time...not to get him back but because I want to at least have some peace in knowing that our 2 year + R meant something to him as well. Unfortunately, he is not talking to friends/co-workers about it because they are disgusted by the games that he has been playing. Is it possible that I never even enter his mind anymore? I would not take a wave as a true means of breaking NC.. it was probably just a polite gesture. You ask if he still thinks of you? Probably.. but the fact remains that he is still with his W and if he was thinking about you that much he would be with you. Nineteen day's of not speaking with him is a great accomplishment. Please do keep that up.. it's the best way to move on. Good luck. AP:)
child_of_isis Posted September 12, 2008 Posted September 12, 2008 Noooooooooooooo! You handled yourself well. If you had of approached him, THEN you would have blown it. Now be careful....a phone call might be coming up at you just because of that little wave. He may eventually convince himself that you left him an opening, albeit not enough to get a breath through, but some of these guys will take advantage of even a small (tiny, tiny, tiny) response. DO NOT TAKE THE PHONE CALL! Then I can pretty much guarantee that he is missing you (if he isn't already)...it's evil..but, ya know...whatever On the other hand, I have been beating myself up all night, wondering if I should have gone up to him and asked how he was doing.
Author smile711 Posted September 12, 2008 Author Posted September 12, 2008 I think that what really got me was the unexpectedness of the encounter. I don't want him to call me, but I want him to WANT to call me. Does that make any sense?
Owl Posted September 12, 2008 Posted September 12, 2008 Not if you're hoping to heal from all of this. Spending time and energy thinking/caring/worrying about what he thinks or feels is just holding you back from recovering from the affair. Stop giving him power by thinking about him so much. Start worrying about what's in your life now...what you can do to improve YOUR situation instead of thinking of him. Kinda like changing a TV channel in your mind, ya know?
Meaplus3 Posted September 12, 2008 Posted September 12, 2008 I think that what really got me was the unexpectedness of the encounter. I don't want him to call me, but I want him to WANT to call me. Does that make any sense? Smile, It makes sense but really, if you keep thinking this way then your going to continue to have a sense of false hope. In order for you to move on from this.. your mind set needs to be "Hey I don't care if he thinks about me..or want's to call..It's over." I remember feeling just the same way back when I was in an ea with xmm.. and it was the changing of my thinking habits that helped me the most to get past the EA. I know it's not easy.. but it can be done. AP:)
LadyDi Posted September 13, 2008 Posted September 13, 2008 Yes he thinks of you, but like the others said.....let it go. Keep thinking positive thoughts, the rest will follow.
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