sacg Posted September 12, 2008 Posted September 12, 2008 Ok, i have other posts on here with a little more history, but this is really a different topic as such. We were together for 7 years, i thought we'd be together forever. She was depressed, had been for years, not because of me :-), and started taking prozac, she changed and became very confident and wreckless, i could see her changing and she was becoming more distant. A different person. Since she left just over 2 months ago, she has been seeing this guy and is in a relationship with him, im told it started within weeks of her leaving. I now know she had met him before she left me and that he was showing her "what it was she really wanted in a relationship, and was flattering her, she felt good". She says hes everything she wants, and i wasnt,.... wasnt for 7 years???? Was this how she now looked at life on prozac, that she was always unhappy with me? When i asked her how she could move on so quick after what we had, she said she detached from me long before she left (bitch, pity i didnt have that option), and she had lost her feelings when she actually walked. So effectivley, I strongly believe she has left me for him, she wont admit it, so it cant be a rebound can it? She made a choice, whilst she was with me i would assume. Is it grass is greener scenario? Did he cause the feelings to go in her when she saw what it is she thinks she wants? Can this be effects of Prozac? I will add that the relationship had hit hard times the last few months, and we'd list the intimacy, both our faults.
wayfaerer1 Posted September 12, 2008 Posted September 12, 2008 This is why everyone needs to stick to no contact. I mean, unless you just heard the news from somebody else, but this is exactly one of the reasons you just need to forget her, as hard as it is. I know how you feel though, my ex said she wants to date other people, so I know it's only a matter of time before she does, I mean she may not find anyone, but she may. In any case, I don't need to hear about it, because I already suffered enough heartache from the break-up alone, anything more will just crush any happiness I have left right now. Since it's Friday, and I'm feeling like complete crap about my ex, and since I know everyone else on here is too, let's make this a good Friday for ourselves. Go out and have fun, forget your ex for a day and try to convince yourself that you don't need them to make you happy. Just go out and talk to people of the opposite sex, you don't need to be trying to date anyone right now, you're not ready for that, just go and meet people. You may be surprised at how much fun it can be. I know how you all feel though, I felt like my ex was my soulmate, that we'd be together forever, etc. I know you've all heard it before, and it's kinda cheesey, but it's true: "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger." Eventually you'll see that, but for now, keep busy and flirt with people. That's my plan tonight - hope you guys all have a good night as well. As crappy as we all feel, at least we have each other on here to vent to. We'll all make it through this - brave the storm and it will pass.
0hpenelope Posted September 12, 2008 Posted September 12, 2008 So what if he's a rebound? After the temporary ego boost (that she's just using him and it's not as "deep" as your 7-year relationship), the aftermath is nothing beneficial to you. Don't bother analyzing it, bro. Just carry on, take care of yourself and don't pay attention to what she's doing anymore. Going crazy over these "what ifs" assumptions... it's not worth it!
megapositive Posted September 12, 2008 Posted September 12, 2008 The prozac might have given her the push out of the depression to make choices and act on them, instead of sitting there stuck in a rut, feeling miserable but not able to move. I'm sure she's made many changes in how she's living her life since the prozac kicked in, you're right, her serious depression had nothing to do with you. Regardless, no matter what made her finally move, i.e., leave you, she has. And I agree with ohpenelope, it doesn't matter if it's a rebound or not, that's inconsequential to you. We all try to analyze why someone left us, searching for some explanation that sits well within ourselves. However, there really is none, until you can clear your head and move past the immediate heartache, is there? With time comes perspective.
Author sacg Posted September 12, 2008 Author Posted September 12, 2008 With time comes perspective. It's been 3 months, although staying in touch has unearthed **** on the way which has probably prolonged. but 3 months, and I dont feel like im letting go really or miving on. shr left for someone else and slept with him within weeks for gods sake, why doesnt that sink in? i hope he turns out to be a twat, i hope he treats her like ****, i hope she hates him and regrets meeting him. then i hope she calls me for a shoulder to cry on, and I hope by then im strong enougth to **** her right off.
megapositive Posted September 12, 2008 Posted September 12, 2008 With time comes perspective. It's been 3 months, although staying in touch has unearthed **** on the way which has probably prolonged. but 3 months, and I dont feel like im letting go really or miving on. shr left for someone else and slept with him within weeks for gods sake, why doesnt that sink in? We all have our own timeline for healing. It sounds like you really do need to go complete NC, from what you've said about staying in touch. I don't know, why doesn't it sink in? What do you really wish could happen, if you waved a magic wand?
northstar1 Posted September 12, 2008 Posted September 12, 2008 With time comes perspective. It's been 3 months, although staying in touch has unearthed **** on the way which has probably prolonged. but 3 months, and I dont feel like im letting go really or miving on. shr left for someone else and slept with him within weeks for gods sake, why doesnt that sink in? 3 months is not a long time, esp after a 7 year relationship. Especially if you've had recent contact. Don't be so hard on yourself. There is no right timeline to fully move on - but at this point, the only one in control of that is you. One day at time.
Author sacg Posted September 12, 2008 Author Posted September 12, 2008 At this very moment? i'd want her here with me, like she was, loving me. But i really dont know if Im going to feel that way if that was to happen. i dont think i could deal with whats shes done. Its just now, the present, when she can do nothing wrong and i miss her so much. Give me the feeling of her coming back, all sorry, and me being resentfull, i want that feeling now!
BCCA Posted September 12, 2008 Posted September 12, 2008 At this very moment? i'd want her here with me, like she was, loving me. But i really dont know if Im going to feel that way if that was to happen. i dont think i could deal with whats shes done. Its just now, the present, when she can do nothing wrong and i miss her so much. Give me the feeling of her coming back, all sorry, and me being resentfull, i want that feeling now! Do yourself a big favor, assume you'll never hear from her again. There is a good chance you wont. Break all contact with her immediately, and just dissapear from her life (as she dissapears from yours). As someone who has done TOO much waiting around while life passes me by I can tell you waiting on your ex's next move is just keeping yourself in limbo. I dont give a crap what my ex does ever again, hopefully I'll never even have to hear/see about her.
megapositive Posted September 12, 2008 Posted September 12, 2008 At this very moment? i'd want her here with me, like she was, loving me. But i really dont know if Im going to feel that way if that was to happen. i dont think i could deal with whats shes done. Its just now, the present, when she can do nothing wrong and i miss her so much. Give me the feeling of her coming back, all sorry, and me being resentfull, i want that feeling now! Feeling resentful and making her suffer is a totally understandable way of wanting things! I know it well!!! I myself was with a guy who I discovered was talking with another woman -- I have no idea how far it went, but that was bad enough. I was hurt deeply and wished we could have what he had all back, but I knew I'd never trust him again, or that in order to trust him he'd have to do things he'd never do to earn the trust back. Anyway, after a couple months when I had my head together a little, I finally agreed to meet up with him. My plan? To have a great time with him, not talk about the relationship, not let him see my anger or sadness, just have a great time reminding him of what he's been and will be missing. Oh, and I made sure I looked hot! Not too sexy, just as pretty as I could with a little sexiness thrown in (haha), to make sure he missed that aspect of our relationship too. And it worked. Made me feel like I had some power back... like I had the last word. Because the second part of my plan was not to see him again, ever, and all that. But I had to wait until I was strong enough. (And in reality, it wasn't all that easy, I had to deal with some mixed feelings afterwards.) HOWEVER, I also knew that that fix was mostly for me, because as soon as he realized I would never go back with him, in any way, friends or whatever, he'd just twist everything around in his head and tell himself all these negative things about me, to justify why he didn't really want me anyway. My point is, what feeling you really, really want is indifference. Anger is a good step, but indifference is the goal.
Author sacg Posted September 12, 2008 Author Posted September 12, 2008 I dont think its about thinking ill never see here again, i do think that. Its more a case of how could she after you think you know someone and how can she be so happy ****ing him and not giving us a thought, 2.5 months ago she was in my bed, now she's in his!
megapositive Posted September 12, 2008 Posted September 12, 2008 I dont think its about thinking ill never see here again, i do think that. Its more a case of how could she after you think you know someone and how can she be so happy ****ing him and not giving us a thought, 2.5 months ago she was in my bed, now she's in his! Right! That's an awful thing, hideous! I really think NC is the best for you, I really do. Any type of contact will just keep you stuck right here where you are, wishing you could have her back, angry because she betrayed you, and harboring thoughts of wanting her to give you what she clearly isn't going to -- an "I'm so so so sorry..." Go NC!!!
BCCA Posted September 13, 2008 Posted September 13, 2008 If you're waiting for an "Im sorry" it wont happen. She would die before she said that. The most you can expect is am 'Im sorry, but...' which means nothing...I've gotten enough of them to tell! To apologize to you would be to admit to herself that she was wrong, which she wont admit because she can rationalize it to herself. At the end of the day, people have to make themselves happy first, and she probably thinks this is the way to do it (however crappy that is). Also, this guy is little more than something to keep her from being lonely. Chances are, shes going to dump on him, too. She's probably working herself toward being ok alone. She sounds extremely selfish, as most people Ive come accross are.
Author sacg Posted June 28, 2010 Author Posted June 28, 2010 Its been a loooong time since ive returned here, and I thank you for your response BCCA, i only apologise i missed it first time round. That's exactly what happened, although he was the loser we all knew, (which made it harder) and yes she now is...i think. And I'm quite impressed, she NEVER has been alone, BPD traits in there somewhere. Thanks again, and sorry.
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