what makes a woman cheat

[Geishawhelk]

The reason is also simple:

 

Integrity is mental. Love and desire are heartfelt.

Put the two together, and boom!! What normally wins....?

[marlena]

What's love have to do with it? Everything. When love and integrity clash in bodies and action, love (or desire) often triumphs.

 

Yes, it does.

 

In message board debate, integrity wins.

 

Now that gave me a chuckle.

 

So, I guess message board debate does not illustrate real life at all. Wow, does that mean that all the thought that goes into our posts is for nothing?

[grogster]

The reason is also simple:

 

Integrity is mental. Love and desire are heartfelt.

Put the two together, and boom!! What normally wins....?

 

 

The boom!! part.

[grogster]

So, I guess message board debate does not illustrate real life at all. Wow, does that mean that all the thought that goes into our posts is for nothing?

 

The debate does illustrate real life, but not lived, felt intimate life. Integrity posting is important. The steady drumbeat of "no, no, no" must be heard, even when it's not heeded.

[marlena]

Integrity posting is important. The steady drumbeat of "no, no, no" must be heard, even when it's not heeded.

 

I agree, not out of any moral code but rather because affairs are BAD NEWS. They are not worth the misery they cause.

[grogster]

I agree, not out of any moral code but rather because affairs are BAD NEWS. They are not worth the misery they cause.

 

That's true. Regardless of the criteria applied, affairs wreck relationships, destroy trust and cause pain and disappointment. An affair is love, betrayal and deceit all rolled up into one.

 

Better an open marriage than living a lie.

 

Affairs are Bad Mojo.

[marlena]

Better an open marriage than living a lie.

 

 

Yes, at least there is no deceit. So few couples are willing to go down that road and I can fully understand why. I have known a few of couples in an open marriage and I must say, I greatly admired them for overcoming feelings of jealousy and possessiveness.

[grogster]

Yes, at least there is no deceit. So few couples are willing to go down that road and I can fully understand why. I have known a few of couples in an open marriage and I must say, I greatly admired them for overcoming feelings of jealousy and possessiveness.

 

I've toyed with the idea, but never made that leap. Now, I'm on hiatus from erotic relationships of any stripe.

 

What do you call someone who doesn't want to be in an erotic relationship? Is that necessarily unhealthy?

 

When you see what havoc relationships can cause, prudence isn't a bad thing.

[marlena]

Now, I'm on hiatus from erotic relationships of any stripe.

 

 

Same here. Maybe we are only recharging. That's how I like to think of it. Enjoy the quiet while it lasts, my friend !

[Al_Bundy]

Sorry I'm just getting back to seeing and answwering this. But when I cheated I was a young girl. I was in a bf/gf relationship with a boy I really loved but was weak and cheated with another boy. What has kept me from cheating since is the lesson I learned from cheating and losing someone I truly loved.

 

 

I think its a good thing when someone loses the one they truly loved(although I don't see how if they cheated) because of cheating.

 

Then, and only, then do I truly believe a lesson is learned.

[Al_Bundy]

She was simply responding to the question asked on the original post, and never asked for your opinions.

 

but your opinion needs to be heard though, right?

[Rooster_DAR]

Yes, at least there is no deceit. So few couples are willing to go down that road and I can fully understand why. I have known a few of couples in an open marriage and I must say, I greatly admired them for overcoming feelings of jealousy and possessiveness.

 

Yup! I've also heard of people that are content with this lifestyle. I have contemplated it at times, just never really ventured that path. It's a bit of a slippery slope, there are not guarantees your partner won't venture off with one of their lovers.

 

I bet the sex would be great though!

[Walk]

I didn't read all the posts yet. But here's my reason.

1. My needs weren't being met (affection, sex, food).
   
2. Communication was not resolving any of the issues.
   
3. I felt taken advantage of for giving so much without getting the same in return.
   
4. My exH would pout and throw guilt trips when I wanted time to myself.
   
5. He made it clear that if I had my own money that it would mean I didn't love him. Which meant I couldn't purchase things without him knowing.
   
6. He would spend all the money without asking me if I needed anything, or wanted anything.
   
7. When I decided to leave, my exH would beg me to stay, vow to change, would tell me all the things I wanted to hear to make me stay. Then no changes would occur after I agreed to stay. ie... making promises he had no real desire to keep just to get what he wanted.
   
8. There was opportunity to cheat (I was alone with the other man for large portions of time).
   
9. I was hurt, angry, alone, and frustrated... and wanted him to feel how he was making me feel.
   
10. I decided to be selfish and take what I wanted, and needed, to feel happier in my life.
    
11. ExH continually blew all the money so that I had no fiancial means to leave him. (see #5)
    

The thing I took away from this though, is that if you really want to be in a relationship with someone and not worry about them cheating, then never (under any circustances) try to hold them with you if they so much as even breath they are thinking about leaving. Let them go. Don't beg, don't call, don't chase. You've either proven you're someone they can love without abusing, or you're going to guilt/manipulate them into staying where they aren't happy at. And if the person isn't happy, then they aren't going to put your welfare very high on the list of things to concern themselves with.