Shygirl15 Posted October 8, 2008 Posted October 8, 2008 This is utter Bull-sheet. I hate the 'Couldn't help myself'.... 'It just happened'... 'I didn't mean it' ... 'It was an accident', brigade. It's all rubbish. You had a choice, and you made it. " Shall we cheat? Yes or no?" "Hmmmmm....ok, yes!" People can help themselves. It's just more hard work than they're prepared to invest. Sounds like a combination of selfishness and a lack of discipline. She was simply responding to the question asked on the original post, and never asked for your opinions.
Untouchable_Fire Posted October 8, 2008 Posted October 8, 2008 She was simply responding to the question asked on the original post, and never asked for your opinions. She didn't ask for you to chime in either. However, since you have... do you think my assessment of her situation was incorrect?
Rooster_DAR Posted October 8, 2008 Posted October 8, 2008 She didn't ask for you to chime in either. However, since you have... do you think my assessment of her situation was incorrect? Ouch.....
Geishawhelk Posted October 8, 2008 Posted October 8, 2008 Ok, I'm confused. Was that criticism directed at me, or what? The thread title is "What makes a woman cheat on a man?" The OP's question was. "What reasons do women have for cheating?" 'Couldn't help myself'.... 'It just happened'... 'I didn't mean it' ... 'It was an accident' - Do not COMPEL, or make a woman cheat on a man. 'Couldn't help myself'.... 'It just happened'... 'I didn't mean it' ... 'It was an accident' - Are not reasons for cheating on a man. They're excuses or cop-outs. And pretty lame ones at that. And incidentally, just to clarify, it goes just as much for men as it does for women. On open forum, we all of us post comments, POVs and opinions. It's very common, because it's a public forum. It happens.
Shygirl15 Posted October 8, 2008 Posted October 8, 2008 She didn't ask for you to chime in either. However, since you have... do you think my assessment of her situation was incorrect? I do not think my opinion matters.
confusedCA Posted October 8, 2008 Posted October 8, 2008 The thing I could never understand is , Why Cheat? If any of the women I've had relationships with would have simply told me "We're done, it's over, Have a nice life...", it would have been a lot easier on me. I can understand that someone might lose interest in me over time, and I can deal with that. What I simply can't understand is why they thought cheating on me for weeks or even months before breaking up with me was an acceptable alternative, (and all but one of them did). Why couldn't they just be honest with me, and let me go? Women are like monkeys swinging through the jungle, they never turn loose of one vine until they have a firm hold on another.....vines represent men. Before anyone gets upset, this is only a joke I was once told!
Melrapuo Posted October 8, 2008 Posted October 8, 2008 So if your ex leaves you for another guy (assuming they did nothing sexually), is that considered cheating?
2sunny Posted October 8, 2008 Posted October 8, 2008 So if your ex leaves you for another guy (assuming they did nothing sexually), is that considered cheating? totally depends on whether or not the ex invested the emotional energy into the OM/OW. if the emotional energy was diverted - thus not leaving enough for the primary relationship - then i would consider that cheating. sometimes - the diversion of the emotional side is much more detrimental than a physical affair.
RecordProducer Posted October 9, 2008 Posted October 9, 2008 You guys forgot the most important motive. You did mention lack of intimacy or emotional abandonment, but then why not leave? The main motive is REVENGE. The woman still loves the husband, but she wants to punish him for lack of whatever is significant to her. Plus when you add kids, marital assets, etc. to the picture, it makes sense as to why they don't leave. I've never cheated on anyone but I work with a lot of clients with no morals. Judgmental counselor?
Melrapuo Posted October 9, 2008 Posted October 9, 2008 totally depends on whether or not the ex invested the emotional energy into the OM/OW. if the emotional energy was diverted - thus not leaving enough for the primary relationship - then i would consider that cheating. sometimes - the diversion of the emotional side is much more detrimental than a physical affair. She said she had feelings for the other guy; hence why she left me for him. That didn't work out, of course. But still. I at least wish it was physical. Having someone leave you because they think they love someone else hurts a whole lot more, and shatters your confidence.
Melrapuo Posted October 9, 2008 Posted October 9, 2008 You guys forgot the most important motive. You did mention lack of intimacy or emotional abandonment, but then why not leave? The main motive is REVENGE. The woman still loves the husband, but she wants to punish him for lack of whatever is significant to her. Plus when you add kids, marital assets, etc. to the picture, it makes sense as to why they don't leave. Judgmental counselor? I'll go along with this. Usual the cheater gets angry, says that you weren't there enough for them emotionally or physically. So they go and get it from someone else. Again, not justifying their actions. But that's what I've seen so far.
2sunny Posted October 9, 2008 Posted October 9, 2008 I'll go along with this. Usual the cheater gets angry, says that you weren't there enough for them emotionally or physically. So they go and get it from someone else. Again, not justifying their actions. But that's what I've seen so far. well, they need to put the blame on someone - and it's certainly not going to be themselves...
MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted October 9, 2008 Posted October 9, 2008 -People cheat when they have no self control when they're horny and the opportunity presents itself -People become serial cheaters when they lie so often to their SO's that they begin to believe themselves
rinibell-2003 Posted October 9, 2008 Posted October 9, 2008 Some girls have more needs and if they are not getting if from there guy they will move on same thing as for guys if some one is gonna cheat they willl and nothing you say will change there mind.
D-Lish Posted October 9, 2008 Posted October 9, 2008 I only had one instance of hesitation with regard to cheating on my ex husband. It was about a month before we got married. He travelled for work and also lived in Ohio while I was in Ontario, for a contract he was working on. I often wouldn't see him for weeks at a time. I was at home planning our wedding, working, going to school and felt lonley and abandoned. That had been going on for years- the extended time apart. When we got married- he flew in Thursday night, we married Friday afternoon- went up north for 2 days and then he flew back to his contract job and was gone for another month. That was pretty much our life and being lonley was a huge reality for me. I met a guy shortly before the marriage- and I was quite attracted to him and vise-versa. He was a TA for one of my classes... and we had drinks a couple times. Nothing ever happened- but the temptation was there and hard to turn away from. I did turn away from it out of principle. So for me- the temptation was born out of feeling so incredibly lonley. He ended up cheating on me for the same reason- the lonliness of being on the road so much. When you're in a relationship, and technically not alone but feel so lonley- I think that can foster temptation. Even in the best of people.
Untouchable_Fire Posted October 9, 2008 Posted October 9, 2008 When you're in a relationship, and technically not alone but feel so lonley- I think that can foster temptation. Even in the best of people. Each person has thier own pressure point. For me it was the constant feeling of being disrespected. Kudos for resisting.
stillafool Posted October 15, 2008 Posted October 15, 2008 So if it is as simple as attraction, what is to stop you from cheating again if you get attention from a good looking guy? Does your husband/bf know? Sorry I'm just getting back to seeing and answwering this. But when I cheated I was a young girl. I was in a bf/gf relationship with a boy I really loved but was weak and cheated with another boy. What has kept me from cheating since is the lesson I learned from cheating and losing someone I truly loved. That was many moons ago. Yes my husband knows of my past history.
stillafool Posted October 15, 2008 Posted October 15, 2008 This is utter Bull-sheet. I hate the 'Couldn't help myself'.... 'It just happened'... 'I didn't mean it' ... 'It was an accident', brigade. It's all rubbish. You had a choice, and you made it. " Shall we cheat? Yes or no?" "Hmmmmm....ok, yes!" People can help themselves. It's just more hard work than they're prepared to invest. You are right it was utter bull**** that I cheated. I'm sorry I said I was weak. I did what I wanted to do. But at 19 years old you do foolish things.
stillafool Posted October 15, 2008 Posted October 15, 2008 She was simply responding to the question asked on the original post, and never asked for your opinions. Thank you Shygirl for understanding what I was saying.
Rooster_DAR Posted October 16, 2008 Posted October 16, 2008 Sorry I'm just getting back to seeing and answwering this. But when I cheated I was a young girl. I was in a bf/gf relationship with a boy I really loved but was weak and cheated with another boy. What has kept me from cheating since is the lesson I learned from cheating and losing someone I truly loved. That was many moons ago. Yes my husband knows of my past history. I only cheated once in my life, when I was 16 years old. After seeing how badly I hurt that girl, I vowed to never do that to anyone again in my life. Consequently, both of the girls wound up dumping me and I got hurt as well. Cheers!
grogster Posted October 16, 2008 Posted October 16, 2008 My one affair, and it was a doozy, was with a professional 36 year old married woman.Why did she cheat? Here are my surmises: She felt emotionally disconnected from, and lonely in her marriage to, her golf-crazed husband; her sexually unimaginative and inexperienced husband was limited to the missionary position; she had a very high sex drive; and she felt young, beautiful and desireable again. Also, she fell in love.
marlena Posted October 16, 2008 Posted October 16, 2008 Also, she fell in love. Sometimes it is THAT simple.
marlena Posted October 16, 2008 Posted October 16, 2008 Or sometimes they fall out of love. Again, THAT simple.
Geishawhelk Posted October 16, 2008 Posted October 16, 2008 You are right it was utter bull**** that I cheated. I'm sorry I said I was weak. I did what I wanted to do. But at 19 years old you do foolish things. Ooooh, no. Trust me. Age has nothing to do with it! I've met some very wise 12-year olds, and have kept company with some more so-called mature folk who frankly should still be in kindergarten....!! I just think it's better to step up to the plate. I didn't mean to come across as a judgemental fuddy-duddy. I'm sorry. But we are the conductors of our own orchestras. We can play it Fortissimo or Pianissimo, Allegro con brio, andante or Lento. As we wish. It's all up to how we make the music flow. But it is up to us.
grogster Posted October 16, 2008 Posted October 16, 2008 Sometimes it is THAT simple. So true. That's why love affairs (not mere one night stands) are so problematic. What's love have to do with it? Everything. When love and integrity clash in bodies and action, love (or desire) often triumphs. In message board debate, integrity wins. There's the rub.
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