vonerik012 Posted September 13, 2008 Posted September 13, 2008 So what you are saying is that women cheat because they are insecure and men cheat because it is inherent in them? And that good looking successful men just have more opportunities to act out this intrinsic tendency? Tomcat, more or less, yes.. An example.. I dated a nurse.. She explained that all these young nurses come in, and many of them have the goal of landing a doctor, sleeping with a doctor etc. Many many married doctors do sleep with them. Some lie about being married. Some don't etc. Do you feel you would have a better chance of having a faithful partner if you were with a rockstar/pro athlete? Or a man not surrounded day and night by women who are trying to sleep with them? Are you trying to make the argument that men cheat because of emotional reasons? Men do not think of sex every 53 seconds? Men do not get turned on when they see a hot woman? Largely, I do feel men are as faithful as their options.
stillafool Posted September 13, 2008 Posted September 13, 2008 Stillafool, Can you find a psychological study that maintains men and women cheat for the same reasons? Or does it just feel good to believe that? No, I just go by what my female friends and associates do and say. It doesn't feel good to me one way or the other. I really could care less. I'm a happily married woman. Can you tell us why men cheat? I am a woman, I have no idea why men cheat. Even socially, it is more acceptable for a man. Women might be thrilled to date a man who might "have a woman in every port", where as men would be repulsed in most cases.. You are correct. That is why women don't tell men about their secret sex escapades. It's best to act like a "good girl". Stillafool, so worldwide, male and female prostitution are about equal? I have no idea about this as I am not a "pimp" nor do I employ them. You my friend probably know far more about prostitution than I do. However there must be a need or there wouldn't be "gigolos". I don't know why it bothers you so much that women like sex as much as men. I would think it would make you happy!
vonerik012 Posted September 13, 2008 Posted September 13, 2008 Well if you have no idea why men cheat, then how can you be saying it is for the same reasons women cheat, lol. You pay men for sex? Or just all your friends do? Funny, I am thinking I would have heard about this huge industry of women buying men for sex sometime before.. Where are all the male street walkers that women pick up? The male brothels?
Tomcat33 Posted September 13, 2008 Posted September 13, 2008 You pay men for sex? Or just all your friends do? Funny, I am thinking I would have heard about this huge industry of women buying men for sex sometime before.. Where are all the male street walkers that women pick up? The male brothels? WE as women don't have to, we can get sex very easily. THAT'S why the male prostitution industry is not as big ad the female one. Besides isn't it you that says that men wil screw anything walking? If that's so why would women pay for sex when "anyone" and everyone is willing to screw us?
Rooster_DAR Posted September 13, 2008 Posted September 13, 2008 Well here is my take on this: We (men and women) cheat because it's part of human characteristic, no different than other animals. The purpose of evolution is to reproduce and drive the species, sex with multiple partners increases the evolutionary process exponentially. Yes, we have evolved to where we recognize what we think is right or wrong, but we still carry our ancient instincts with us. Does everyone cheat? I don't believe so. There are people who have developed a resistance to infidelity, although many would have to admit that they found someone else attractive other than their own partner at some point. The modern description of this resistance is what we know as integrity, as many would put it. Sex is a driving force for all animals including humans, that's part of why we become so attracted to someone we will do anything to be with them. I think odds of a relationship withstanding infidelity increase when deeper compatibility is introduced from the beginning. However; that is no guarantee that the relationship will last either. New studies would indicate people who cheat lack an underlying integrity, and are unable to fight off the emotional connections they have with the opposite sex. As some PHD's have put it, cheaters tend to be clumsy, while monogamous people are mentally healthier (http://www.oprah.com/article/relationships/couples/relationships_cheat_b1/2). So is you want to avoid all the drama and pain, for me the best way is to just stay single and not get emotionally involved with someone. Cheers!
T L Posted September 13, 2008 Posted September 13, 2008 I do believe a lot of female infidelity is to make the transition from one relationship to another easier for the woman. If you look at a lot of the stories on here and other forums, once a woman has an OM there is often no going back for her, she will forge ahead with the other man or another man. It appears more often that a male cheater will want to come back at some point (although not always). I know these two generalisations can be transposed but thats the way it seems things go down to me. That kind of suggests that the motivation for cheating can be different between the genders.
stillafool Posted September 13, 2008 Posted September 13, 2008 Well if you have no idea why men cheat, then how can you be saying it is for the same reasons women cheat, lol. I would "assume" it is for the same reasons women do. I don't know what goes on in the male mind. I can relate more to the female mind because I am one. You pay men for sex? Or just all your friends do? No, forturnately I don't have to pay for sex and neither do my friends. My cousin does and likes it. I guess if I didn't have a H and was hard up for sex - uh, maybe I would. I don't know. Funny, I am thinking I would have heard about this huge industry of women buying men for sex sometime before.. Why would you have heard about it, you are not a woman seeking these things are you? Where are all the male street walkers that women pick up? The male brothels? I don't know that there are male street walkers for women but I do know they are there for men. Women use male escort services and they aren't cheap.
stillafool Posted September 13, 2008 Posted September 13, 2008 Well here is my take on this: We (men and women) cheat because it's part of human characteristic, no different than other animals. The purpose of evolution is to reproduce and drive the species, sex with multiple partners increases the evolutionary process exponentially. Yes, we have evolved to where we recognize what we think is right or wrong, but we still carry our ancient instincts with us. Does everyone cheat? I don't believe so. There are people who have developed a resistance to infidelity, although many would have to admit that they found someone else attractive other than their own partner at some point. The modern description of this resistance is what we know as integrity, as many would put it. Sex is a driving force for all animals including humans, that's part of why we become so attracted to someone we will do anything to be with them. I think odds of a relationship withstanding infidelity increase when deeper compatibility is introduced from the beginning. However; that is no guarantee that the relationship will last either. New studies would indicate people who cheat lack an underlying integrity, and are unable to fight off the emotional connections they have with the opposite sex. As some PHD's have put it, cheaters tend to be clumsy, while monogamous people are mentally healthier (http://www.oprah.com/article/relationships/couples/relationships_cheat_b1/2). So is you want to avoid all the drama and pain, for me the best way is to just stay single and not get emotionally involved with someone. Cheers! Great post!
vonerik012 Posted September 13, 2008 Posted September 13, 2008 Lets stick to the topic... A. Why do women cheat? B.. Why do men cheat? Is it for the same reasons? My answer is no. Men are largely as faithful as their options. If you are with ANY man who has women throwing themselves at him all the time, he will cheat. No real reason other than he can. Being a man and saying you do not cheat, is not saying much if you never have the opportunity, or have to really go out of your way to get it. Women get approached for sex, or can have sex with men anytime. So if they cheat, usually it is for more of an emotional reason. Usually if they even have sex it is for more of an emotional reason. I am excluding bi-polar women, or any other type that have certifiable mental issues.
Tomcat33 Posted September 13, 2008 Posted September 13, 2008 Tomcat, more or less, yes.. An example.. I dated a nurse.. She explained that all these young nurses come in, and many of them have the goal of landing a doctor, sleeping with a doctor etc. Many many married doctors do sleep with them. Some lie about being married. Some don't etc. Do you feel you would have a better chance of having a faithful partner if you were with a rockstar/pro athlete? Or a man not surrounded day and night by women who are trying to sleep with them? Are you trying to make the argument that men cheat because of emotional reasons? Men do not think of sex every 53 seconds? Men do not get turned on when they see a hot woman? Largely, I do feel men are as faithful as their options. No doubt people in certain industries have more chances of developing relationships and attractions due to the long hours they spend together, (people in the film industry) or the intensity of the shared experiences plus hours(doctors/nurses) or the level of success/attraction certain people have will denote the types of opportunities they will be presented. I just don't think this is a gender thing so much anymore though. With the amount of women in the workplace there is just as equal amount of women who are willing to cheat as much as men. My brother works in the film industry and I hear all sorts of stories of that, the women so much as the men are unfaithful and there are work romances that happen in those intense weeks of shooting and long hours of hanging out in trailors together. Both men and women cheat for various reasons, some reasons are emotional, some are simply sexual, some are deep seated insecurities. I find it overly simplistic to think men cheat as much as the opportunities that are placed before them when the numbers show that women are behaving in much of the same manner. There are doctors, lawyers, actors, rockstar, athletes, that do NOT cheat. Just as there are accountants, administrators, blue collar workers that do. As there are women who work and those who are stay home wives that also cheat. Of course a person that is in the workforce has more opporunities to develop crushes on people simply because they are exposed to the opposite sex and to relationships they can form with them in a professional manner which could lead to more but ultimately it IS up to the individual.
vonerik012 Posted September 13, 2008 Posted September 13, 2008 Even the fact that you are looking at it as an affair shows the difference between genders. Men might just want to have sex for 5 minutes with a different woman, and it is forgotten, That is what they fantasize about. Hence, why they pay girls to do this since the beginning of time. If they have that opportunity all the time, they will take it. Men think of sex every 53 seconds.. Compared to women who might think of actual sex once a day.. is this not in the equation at all? As many women cheat yes.. But for much different reasons..
Tomcat33 Posted September 13, 2008 Posted September 13, 2008 Listen Von if say you want to stay on topic then do so. The opening post asks why do women cheat? Not how many times men think of sex and how many opportunities they have. Women cheat for the same reasons men cheat, opportunity, boredom in a relationship, problems in a rel., excitement, emotional reasons, insecurity and weak characters.
vonerik012 Posted September 13, 2008 Posted September 13, 2008 Tomcat, lol... Why must you include that is the same reason men cheat? It is not. Men largely cheat because they want variety. They can be happy, in love, secure, but just want to feel another womans body for 5 minutes. After that five minutes it is over and forgotten. Thats it. If they have the opportunity for variety, they take it.
vonerik012 Posted September 13, 2008 Posted September 13, 2008 http://hometown.aol.com/cheatingsigns/page28.html As you can see, according to research, and actually studies, the top 3 reasons men cheat are all related just to sex. The top 3 reasons women cheat are related to emotions.
Tomcat33 Posted September 13, 2008 Posted September 13, 2008 Tomcat, lol... Why must you include that is the same reason men cheat? It is not. Because I have some experience in this subject, that's why.
vonerik012 Posted September 13, 2008 Posted September 13, 2008 Anyway you want to twist it, the vast majority of men cheat for sexual reasons. The vast majority of women cheat for emotional reasons. That is what every study says. it should be common sense. The Top Reasons Men and Women Cheat http://www.authorsden.com/visit/viewnews.asp?id=10299 The top 3 reasons men cheat all relate to sex. However sex is not usually the motivating factor for cheating wives. The top 3 reasons women cheat relate to unmet emotional needs or a desire for attention. Listed below are the most common reasons cheating husbands and cheating wives use to justify their extramarital affairs: Why Men Cheat The most frequently cited reasons for infidelity among men include 1. more sex (the desire for a more active sex life) 2. sexual variety (a desire for different kinds of sex) 3. opportunistic sex ( taking advantage of an opportunity to have sex without the fear of getting caught) 4. to satisfy sexual curiosity (about a specific female) 5. a feeling of entitlement (the belief that it's a man's prerogative to cheat) 6. the "thrill of the chase" 7. the desire to feel important or special 8. sexual addiction Why Women Cheat The reasons most frequently cited for female infidelity include 1. a desire for emotional closeness and intimacy (someone caring to confide in and bond with on an emotional level) 2. a desire for attention (wanting be the center of a man's attention again) 3. to reaffirm her desirability (To feel validated as a woman) 4. to re-experience feelings of romance 5. a desire to feel "special" 6. boredom 7. loneliness 8. sexual excitement Men Cheat for Sexual Reasons, Women Cheat for Emotional Reasons Granted, these are not the only reasons men and women cheat. There are other reasons as well. But the bottom line is that men are cheating on their wives primarily for sexual reasons, while women are cheating on their husbands mainly for emotional reasons. However, these are the reasons most frequently given by cheating husbands and cheating wives who are willing to discuss their extramarital affairs. Numerous studies on infidelity bear that out. In one study, 75% to 80% of the men who admitted to having extramarital affairs said that sex was the primary reason. Only 20% of the women who were having extramarital affairs said they did so for purely sexual reasons. [/sIZE][/FONT]
Tomcat33 Posted September 13, 2008 Posted September 13, 2008 Yes Von I know we can both cut and paste articles to substantiate our argument and I am really not interested in that. I can show you articles that show that 40% of women VS 60% of men cheat and that neither end up in divorce and so that would put your theory out of the water but I am not interested in that. The reality is we do not live in 1950 we have a lot of information at our fingertips and the workforce is made up of both genders doing all sorts of different roles and having all sorts of different interactions and the needs of both genders have changed, regardless of how much man VS women think of sex. We all want to feel needed loved and desired, infidelity often stems from there. And it could be something a person carries within them or something that is triggered via the type of relationship they are currently in. Feelings of inadequacy or insecurity do not have a gender.
vonerik012 Posted September 13, 2008 Posted September 13, 2008 Tomcat, what? lol I already know I am correct, and am just using actual studies conducted in a scientific manner to prove my point. It is better than just saying "Oh yeah, I don't think so!" Has nothing to do with a man not feeling loved, lol. Come on... Men and women cheat for different reasons. PERIOD. I understand why this is disconcerting for you, and other women. So you want to live in denial. Most of the time when women cheat, it can be prevented by a husbands actions. he neglects her, she doesn't feel wanted, etc. When men cheat, it cannot be. Men just want the sex, and variety. That gives you less power, and you hate that. Sorry, thats life. So pick a man in a field that does not have women fawning all over him. Or if you do , just realize he will be cheating, and accept it.
marlena Posted September 13, 2008 Posted September 13, 2008 Women cheat for the same reasons that men do. Because they are both human.
Tomcat33 Posted September 13, 2008 Posted September 13, 2008 Men and women cheat for different reasons. PERIOD. No they don't actually. Some do and some don't.
Tomcat33 Posted September 13, 2008 Posted September 13, 2008 Most of the time when women cheat, it can be prevented by a husbands actions. he neglects her, she doesn't feel wanted, etc. When men cheat, it cannot be. Men just want the sex, and variety. That gives you less power, and you hate that. Sorry, thats life. Whaaaaaaaat? That is the most ridiculous statement I have ever read. I don't care what you personally think Von, you are entitled to see and say whatever you want to see and say but it does not make it so. I have spoken with enough men who cheated and many did it for emotional reasons. I was with a man who left his W to be with me for VERY emotional reasons. He ended up D'ing her for very emotional reasons. Please get out there and live the world a little actually talk to people and make your conclusions on that not from reposted documents you find on the internet.
vonerik012 Posted September 13, 2008 Posted September 13, 2008 Well we will have to agree to disagree. Once again, as an extreme example, men who have options (pro athletes, rock stars) bed thousands of women. On lower levels, men with more options also sleep with more women. It is VERY hard for men to pass up sex that is thrown at them day and night. Married, dating, or completely single. IT IS DIFFICULT FOR MEN TO PASS ON SEX. Almost all women have this same option, but do not sleep with thousands of men. It is not hard for women to pass up sex that is thrown at the by strangers. LOL We are talking about cheating.. Not leaving your wife for another woman. That is a form of cheating, but not the only type. Men simply want to feel another womans body, in the vast majority of cases. it is simple. I know it all from personal experiences. It is obvious. The article is not what I am drawing my conclusions from lol. It just shows that studies conducted find what I am saying to be true. Sorry. You are wrong.
OpenBook Posted September 13, 2008 Posted September 13, 2008 Tomcat, what? lol I already know I am correct, and am just using actual studies conducted in a scientific manner to prove my point. It is better than just saying "Oh yeah, I don't think so!" Has nothing to do with a man not feeling loved, lol. Come on... Men and women cheat for different reasons. PERIOD. I understand why this is disconcerting for you, and other women. So you want to live in denial. Most of the time when women cheat, it can be prevented by a husbands actions. he neglects her, she doesn't feel wanted, etc. When men cheat, it cannot be. Men just want the sex, and variety. That gives you less power, and you hate that. Sorry, thats life. So pick a man in a field that does not have women fawning all over him. Or if you do , just realize he will be cheating, and accept it. Vonerik, you are doing your fellow men a grave disservice by painting them in such an unflattering light. According to your analysis, men are just a globbering pile of testosterone goo that will f*ck anything in a skirt. Most men I know have many more dimensions than their animal drive. Gah!! I can't believe that I, OpenBook, have been driven to actually DEFEND men and their innate humanity!! This is not like me at all.:D
vonerik012 Posted September 13, 2008 Posted September 13, 2008 Open book, open your eyes. Men do cheat purely for physical reasons in most cases.. The Top Reasons Men and Women Cheat http://www.authorsden.com/visit/viewnews.asp?id=10299 The top 3 reasons men cheat all relate to sex. However sex is not usually the motivating factor for cheating wives. The top 3 reasons women cheat relate to unmet emotional needs or a desire for attention. Listed below are the most common reasons cheating husbands and cheating wives use to justify their extramarital affairs: Why Men Cheat The most frequently cited reasons for infidelity among men include 1. more sex (the desire for a more active sex life) 2. sexual variety (a desire for different kinds of sex) 3. opportunistic sex ( taking advantage of an opportunity to have sex without the fear of getting caught) 4. to satisfy sexual curiosity (about a specific female) 5. a feeling of entitlement (the belief that it's a man's prerogative to cheat) 6. the "thrill of the chase" 7. the desire to feel important or special 8. sexual addiction Why Women Cheat The reasons most frequently cited for female infidelity include 1. a desire for emotional closeness and intimacy (someone caring to confide in and bond with on an emotional level) 2. a desire for attention (wanting be the center of a man's attention again) 3. to reaffirm her desirability (To feel validated as a woman) 4. to re-experience feelings of romance 5. a desire to feel "special" 6. boredom 7. loneliness 8. sexual excitement Men Cheat for Sexual Reasons, Women Cheat for Emotional Reasons Granted, these are not the only reasons men and women cheat. There are other reasons as well. But the bottom line is that men are cheating on their wives primarily for sexual reasons, while women are cheating on their husbands mainly for emotional reasons. However, these are the reasons most frequently given by cheating husbands and cheating wives who are willing to discuss their extramarital affairs. Numerous studies on infidelity bear that out. In one study, 75% to 80% of the men who admitted to having extramarital affairs said that sex was the primary reason. Only 20% of the women who were having extramarital affairs said they did so for purely sexual reasons.
Tomcat33 Posted September 13, 2008 Posted September 13, 2008 http://www.sixwise.com/newsletters/05/07/13/the_six_different_reasons_that_men_and_women_cheat_on_each_other.htm
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