cheezy100 Posted September 12, 2008 Posted September 12, 2008 I'm pretty GREEN with dating and relationships. Just wanted to ask for advice on relationships. A guy that I've been seeing said to me that, "I'm taken. I'm already out of the market." Does that mean that we're no longer dating and are building a relationship? We haven't kissed yet. We've been holding hands and good-bye hugs. It seems like a childish thing, but i'm 22 and he's 26. We've been seeing each other for a month already. I'm conservative and he's not. He's dated a lot of women, but he's my second guy in my life that I've dated. Like I've said, I'm so GREEN. I thought we are dating, but I guess no to him. So what's a relationship to you?
Green Posted September 12, 2008 Posted September 12, 2008 I wouldnt consider it a relationship till we were having sex. I'm realy suprised this guy hasn't jumped ontop of you and made out or something affter a month... are you fat?
sweetbutcheeky Posted September 12, 2008 Posted September 12, 2008 Could be his strange way of asking you to be his gf. Or he has already been assuming your a couple. But as KMT said it's usually when your have sex, though it is good to know before hand so that you haven't had sex then wonder ....
pfunkallstar Posted September 12, 2008 Posted September 12, 2008 I know I'm new to this forum but I wanted to give my 2 cents. For me as a 28 year old male who's dated a lot, I think that a relationship is when the two people agree to be exclusive. I can't agree with the others that once you have sex, it's a relationship... What if there was incredible sexual chemistry between you two after the second date and "it just happened"? Do you truly know that this person is relationship material after the second date? Do you know enough about this person to open up and be in a committed relationship? but I digress from the question at hand from the OP. This guy is either: 1) assuming he's in a relationship with you and, as sweetbutcheeky said, could be a strange way to say that he's now "out of the market" because he's with you. or 2) he's one of the those insecure guys who thinks that saying something like that means he's "playing hard to get" and thus making you like him more. i wouldn't say he's playing you otherwise he would have at least hooked up with you already.. I do agree that it is wierd that you guys have been dating for a month and haven't kissed.. what is this high school? Not to be harsh but don't fret getting physical (at least some kissing). Some people think that it's the man's role to initiate the first kiss but that's a whole different discussion. Anyways, I recommend honest communication. If you're confused about something then say it. Put him on the spot. And if he still says that line ask him, "what the hell does that mean? Are we together or not??! are you dating someone else??" Depending on the answers, it will be up to you on how to proceed . good luck!
geekinthepink Posted September 12, 2008 Posted September 12, 2008 I know I'm new to this forum but I wanted to give my 2 cents. For me as a 28 year old male who's dated a lot, I think that a relationship is when the two people agree to be exclusive. I can't agree with the others that once you have sex, it's a relationship... What if there was incredible sexual chemistry between you two after the second date and "it just happened"? Do you truly know that this person is relationship material after the second date? Do you know enough about this person to open up and be in a committed relationship? but I digress from the question at hand from the OP. This guy is either: 1) assuming he's in a relationship with you and, as sweetbutcheeky said, could be a strange way to say that he's now "out of the market" because he's with you. or 2) he's one of the those insecure guys who thinks that saying something like that means he's "playing hard to get" and thus making you like him more. i wouldn't say he's playing you otherwise he would have at least hooked up with you already.. I do agree that it is wierd that you guys have been dating for a month and haven't kissed.. what is this high school? Not to be harsh but don't fret getting physical (at least some kissing). Some people think that it's the man's role to initiate the first kiss but that's a whole different discussion. Anyways, I recommend honest communication. If you're confused about something then say it. Put him on the spot. And if he still says that line ask him, "what the hell does that mean? Are we together or not??! are you dating someone else??" Depending on the answers, it will be up to you on how to proceed . good luck! Very good way of putting things. LOL I wish I had this information 2 months ago
Lauriebell82 Posted September 12, 2008 Posted September 12, 2008 Why don't you just ask him? If he says he is "off the market" that generally means that you are exclusive and he only wants to see you. Just a few questions: He probably realizes that you may be inexperienced when it comes to relationships. Have the two of you talked about this? No having kissed after a month is a little curious, the only explanation I can offer is that he may realize that you are inexperienced therefore he doesn't want to move too fast or make you uncomfortable. Basically that means he cares and is not just after a piece of ass. I would have a talk with him (if you haven't already) and tell him your honest feelings. Ask him for clarification like "Hey hun you say you are off the market, do you mean that you want us to be a couple and be in a relationship?" Then he can either say yes or no and you wouldn't be confused anymore. My best guess is that because you have not dated much, he doesn't want to take things too fast and freak you out. Sounds like he cares about you if he has stuck around.
D-Jam Posted September 12, 2008 Posted September 12, 2008 Relationship to me is that you two are dating and being intimate, and there is a sense of emotional love in there. The big difference is that you two are also exclusive and monogamous. Dating or seeing one another is like a RL, but there is no commitment of exclusivity. No monogamy. You both can date and sleep with other people. RL is when you two commit. Marriage is when you toss in the legal binding contract for life.
Author cheezy100 Posted September 12, 2008 Author Posted September 12, 2008 I know I'm new to this forum but I wanted to give my 2 cents. For me as a 28 year old male who's dated a lot, I think that a relationship is when the two people agree to be exclusive. I can't agree with the others that once you have sex, it's a relationship... What if there was incredible sexual chemistry between you two after the second date and "it just happened"? Do you truly know that this person is relationship material after the second date? Do you know enough about this person to open up and be in a committed relationship? but I digress from the question at hand from the OP. This guy is either: 1) assuming he's in a relationship with you and, as sweetbutcheeky said, could be a strange way to say that he's now "out of the market" because he's with you. or 2) he's one of the those insecure guys who thinks that saying something like that means he's "playing hard to get" and thus making you like him more. i wouldn't say he's playing you otherwise he would have at least hooked up with you already.. I do agree that it is wierd that you guys have been dating for a month and haven't kissed.. what is this high school? Not to be harsh but don't fret getting physical (at least some kissing). Some people think that it's the man's role to initiate the first kiss but that's a whole different discussion. Anyways, I recommend honest communication. If you're confused about something then say it. Put him on the spot. And if he still says that line ask him, "what the hell does that mean? Are we together or not??! are you dating someone else??" Depending on the answers, it will be up to you on how to proceed . good luck! Thanks for your reply, it really helped. Maybe I didn't write it out correctly. But "i'm taken, i'm out of the market" is actually HIM referring to ME...that I'm taken, i'm out of the market. He has been mentioning for the past week that I need to kiss him still. I still haven't felt the right moment to share our first kiss. It's either I'm too drunk or we're in front of my house where my family could see us (that would be awkward).
Author cheezy100 Posted September 12, 2008 Author Posted September 12, 2008 Why don't you just ask him? If he says he is "off the market" that generally means that you are exclusive and he only wants to see you. Just a few questions: He probably realizes that you may be inexperienced when it comes to relationships. Have the two of you talked about this? No having kissed after a month is a little curious, the only explanation I can offer is that he may realize that you are inexperienced therefore he doesn't want to move too fast or make you uncomfortable. Basically that means he cares and is not just after a piece of ass. I would have a talk with him (if you haven't already) and tell him your honest feelings. Ask him for clarification like "Hey hun you say you are off the market, do you mean that you want us to be a couple and be in a relationship?" Then he can either say yes or no and you wouldn't be confused anymore. My best guess is that because you have not dated much, he doesn't want to take things too fast and freak you out. Sounds like he cares about you if he has stuck around. I think i wrote out that sentence the wrong way. I meant to say, he said that ME, I'm taken and not out on the market anymore. If I reverse what you said, that means he only wants me to see him? Well, when he said that to me, it sounded like a joke...nothing serious. I laughed it out and asked him "what do you mean? are you talking about me, that I'm taken and out of the market?" and he said "yes" I jokingly said, "I'm single, I'm not taken; taken by who?" ^_~ I just laughed it out, but in my head, I was like, "what did he actually mean?" But he repeated saying that "you're taken, out of the market already"
xpaperxcutx Posted September 12, 2008 Posted September 12, 2008 Thanks for your reply, it really helped. Maybe I didn't write it out correctly. But "i'm taken, i'm out of the market" is actually HIM referring to ME...that I'm taken, i'm out of the market. He has been mentioning for the past week that I need to kiss him still. I still haven't felt the right moment to share our first kiss. It's either I'm too drunk or we're in front of my house where my family could see us (that would be awkward). You need to stop looking for excuses and kiss him already. If you like him, I don't understand why you feel awkward kissing him when you're in front of your parents. Are you scared of public display of affection? How about a peck on the cheek?
Author cheezy100 Posted September 12, 2008 Author Posted September 12, 2008 You need to stop looking for excuses and kiss him already. If you like him, I don't understand why you feel awkward kissing him when you're in front of your parents. Are you scared of public display of affection? How about a peck on the cheek? It's not excuses, but I have never made the first move on skinship. I mean, if he just initiated without asking me, i wouldn't back away. I seriously wouldn't mind kissing him now or a peck, but I never made the first move. I always want the guy to make the move first. Well, I've never kissed a guy in public before, so I'm not really sure if i'm scared of public display. But I'm ok with holding hands in public. ^_^...lol...I guess maybe next time I see him and he asks, I'll give him a peck on the cheek...hehehe...just as a teaser...I'll give him a real kiss when he makes the first move. hehhe It's just that kissing him in front of my family when I know in my head my family would never accept him, just ruins the mood.
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