mkelee Posted September 12, 2008 Posted September 12, 2008 I will try to keep this short. My wife and have been having problems for a few years. This last couple I have been traveling. we have been together for 16 years. We have 3 kids one is 19 and out of the house . The other two are 10 and 13. Back in april I was home the weekend before easter. I told my wife this wasnt going to work out unless we went to counseling. She told me she was not going to do that and she was done with me . She did not love me and has not loved me for quite awhile. She said that I used her up and sucked here dry, there was nothing left. She also stated that it was the same with our kids. She did not know who she was and needed to go find herself. I told her I did not want a divorce, that we did not do everything we could to save it. I had to go back to work. I finished me job on the 4th of april and resigned and came home. I moved into the spare bedroom. She would not try to work this out. I told if she wanted a divorce to go get one. The only thing we managed to agree on was joint physical custody 50/50. Here we are 5 months later and last monday she went to a paralegal and had the paperwork done. I came home from my new job and she proceeded to tell me that I needed to go sign the papers. She said I could have the kids every other weekend and twice a week. I had to move and pay here 500.00 a month plus daycare. I asked her what happened to the 50/50 and she said that she had agreed to that just so I would not argue with her. I told her I would not sign and maybe we should get lawyers. She got very upset. her boss from work showed and tried to get me to sign. I told my wife that our kids deserved just as much of my time as a parent as her time . These kids did not become who they are today because of her it was because of us. we went around and around and I finally went in my room and shut my door. I spoke about this to a few people and my family etc. Everyone was shocked that she did this and thought she was taking advice from someone that this was not like her. She called me the following day and asked me to go to a mediator with her I told her that I was going to talk with a few lawyers before I did anything. She told me she would agree to 50/50 if I would just got to a mediator. I told her I would think about it. I left work and recieved a call from my boss that a man was there looking for me and would not say why. I called my wife and she was trying to have me served. She tried to talk to me that night but I asked to give me some space and let me be. I have looked into shared custody and it can be a great thing if the parents work together as a team.I wanted to put together a parenting plan that we would agree upon and find a family therapist to help us with any bumps in the road and move on these kids deserve no less than 100% percent of our efforts. I went thru alot of heart ache when I traveled I missed my family so much it was miserable. The next day she called me at work and said she called her paralegal. and told her to change the paperwork to reflect 50/50 shared custody, but I had to move out. Now please go sign the paperwork. I asked why I had to move ( that was my only other problem). When I quit my job because of this I was making decent money. The job I found locally paid 1/3 of what I was making. But that was more than worth to be with my kids. I had told her I would move if the judge tells me to. My wife makes more money than I do. My problem is quite A bit of it is cash and it will be hard to prove this. she make between 500-1000 more a month than I do. Our rent is pretty cheap for the area 900 mo to find a place close by( which is my plan To have us living close enough to walk to school or the two homes) I would have to pay close to double that. I dont get get it maybe I am just niave. She said she just didnt love me anymore and wanted her own life that this would be easy split everything up no bad feelings etc. I did not cheat on her beat her mean drugs etc. I dont even want a divorce. I have already gave up a good paying job. Now I am supposed to take on alarger financial burden making less money. If I cant find a decent place my kids will be living in a hole they do not deserve this. If my wife wants this divorce and she makes more money than I why isnt she willing to move?? If she can afford to pay more rent why doesnt she . My quality of life or our childrens shouldnt suffer because of this we did not do anything wrong??? neither one of us can really afford lawyers but I dont know what else to do it just doesnt seem fair. I am already losing my wife isnt that bad enough??? pleas help me with some advice or point of views thank you evryone.
Green Posted September 12, 2008 Posted September 12, 2008 I would try to get a job that pays more money. Also you should probably just get legal advice from an attorney who has a philosiphy of healing and not causing bigger rifts during a divorce. You and your wife really don't get along so just agree on that, don't let your kids know about what ever your arguing about. and just agree with he on as much as posible pick your battles and try not to have any. Good luck to you in these tough times
mark982 Posted September 12, 2008 Posted September 12, 2008 just what the heck is her boss doing in this picture? coming into "your" house and tring to pressure you. i'd be checking into her and him having something going on.
GettingThere Posted September 12, 2008 Posted September 12, 2008 Just wanted to say you are absolutely right to be outraged by this. Your wife isn't treating you fairly at all and appears to not have the best interests of the kids at the forefront of her mind. I too would question her motives and why her boss was there...there may be nothing in it but it is very odd. I think you should seek legal advice as a matter of urgency but try to stay calm and level headed for your kids sakes. As a separated wife I KNOW how hard it can be to maintain a friendship with your ex for the sake of your kids but trust me the kids will be so much better off for it. I think you are trying to do things the right way and your wife needs to put the needs of the kids above her own needs.
troubadour Posted September 12, 2008 Posted September 12, 2008 It looks that your wife and her boss may be playing "hide the susage". Do not sign anything, get legal help.
onward Posted September 12, 2008 Posted September 12, 2008 I repeat... do not leave the house until there is a final settlement, and one that you are ok with. Like others mentioned, the boss thing is very fishy. It is very likely that your wife is having an emotional or physical affair with him or someone else. But you need to ignore that, and dwelling on it is a waste of time and emotional energy. You need focus your energy on getting a good outcome from the divorce. It is obvious that your wife is hot to trot, and you staying in the house gets in her way. She may make some real concessions in order to get you to move, but whatever happens you are in the best position by staying in the house. You need to find a lawyer ASAP and protect yourself. You can expect that she will file a restraining order against you, with some trumpt up charges of abuse (of her or children). It happens dude, more than you think, and it is part of a standard playbook. I would seek a collaborative lawyer (as mentioned by someone else), but one who has a strong litigation background if possible. and have them put in place a protective framework for you. Then invite your wife to enter a collaborative settlement processes. Watch your back, and good luck.
Author mkelee Posted September 12, 2008 Author Posted September 12, 2008 Sorry guys , I did not mean to infer the boss was a guy the boss is a woman and a friend of hers I do believe she was just trying to help my wife. Do you think that if I leave and find a new place to live which would cost more in rent should I seek spousal support??? As for finding a better job I spend about 20 minutes online and in the papers everyday in my line of work (construction industry) There is not a whole lot out there. It took two months to find what I got. Thank you for any input you can give me.
onward Posted September 12, 2008 Posted September 12, 2008 Please don't focus on the boss, as I said in my note the affair is irrelevant. The real advice I was giving is not to leave and to get legal help. Please re-read my prior post, and consider the non-boss elements.
carhill Posted September 12, 2008 Posted September 12, 2008 OP, get legal advice before making any, even minute, change to the status quo. Only an experienced professional can properly advise you. Lawyers are great at fleshing out scenarios and providing you with options and associated risks. Information is power
TrustInYourself Posted September 12, 2008 Posted September 12, 2008 Simply put, man the f*ck up. Peace.
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