Meaplus3 Posted September 12, 2008 Posted September 12, 2008 For the past 4 months I have been trying to cope with the loss of someone who had become very dear to me. This very special friend was someone that I could really talk to and was of such comfort to me on so many levels. One day out of the blue the person.. left my life. Not by means of death.. but rather by means of NC.. with no explanation at all. I have gone through so many emotions with this sudden loss.. it has in so many ways just torn me apart. I have tried to contact this friend.. and received NO replys...so I have No closure what so ever. I also have NO reason to be angry.. because we had no falling out. I really would love to make contact once again.. but I'm not sure if I should?? I just want this person to know how very much I miss them.. and that I care. What should I do? Can anyone relate? AP:)
Crazy.S Posted September 12, 2008 Posted September 12, 2008 If you give them time they will contact you when they are ready. And hopefully they will give you an explanation. Good luck
Jilly Bean Posted September 12, 2008 Posted September 12, 2008 Yes, I can relate. Over the years, I have had friends just drop out of sight. Admittedly, I am not that great about staying in touch with people (though I like to view it as I don't NEED to be in constant contact with my friends - lol), but to reach out to someone that you believed was a friend, and get no response, is painful, confusing, and leaves one with a lot of questions. For me, I have wondered if they were alive, in jail, in trouble - all kinds of bad things. None of those were ever true, however (luckily). I have come to realize that people fade out temporarily, or permanently, and in the absence of a genuine argument or disagreement, I can ascribe this to someone going through their own thing. That is to say, it is NOT about you. Sometimes people, even those we view as close friends, go through their own situation, cave, if you will, and there is nothing we can do to help them, or force contact. It sucks for sure. Someone did this to me very recently, actually. Someone I was fond of, and was enjoying getting to know, and they pretty much pushed me away for no reason. What can you do? I suggest you just try and reconcile this that there is nothing you did, that them pulling back has nothing to do with you, and just move on, and if the friendship is meant to continue, then they will reach out again.
LakesideDream Posted September 12, 2008 Posted September 12, 2008 This is why I'm not 100% sold on "NC". I've been around LS for awhile.. and never really understood or bought into "NC". What's happened to you is the "other side" of NC. In my opinion "NC" can be the most painful example of passive agressive behavior. It's enlightening to hear about the other side.
Author Meaplus3 Posted September 12, 2008 Author Posted September 12, 2008 Yes, I can relate. Over the years, I have had friends just drop out of sight. Admittedly, I am not that great about staying in touch with people (though I like to view it as I don't NEED to be in constant contact with my friends - lol), but to reach out to someone that you believed was a friend, and get no response, is painful, confusing, and leaves one with a lot of questions. For me, I have wondered if they were alive, in jail, in trouble - all kinds of bad things. None of those were ever true, however (luckily). I have come to realize that people fade out temporarily, or permanently, and in the absence of a genuine argument or disagreement, I can ascribe this to someone going through their own thing. That is to say, it is NOT about you. Sometimes people, even those we view as close friends, go through their own situation, cave, if you will, and there is nothing we can do to help them, or force contact. It sucks for sure. Someone did this to me very recently, actually. Someone I was fond of, and was enjoying getting to know, and they pretty much pushed me away for no reason. What can you do? I suggest you just try and reconcile this that there is nothing you did, that them pulling back has nothing to do with you, and just move on, and if the friendship is meant to continue, then they will reach out again. Thanks Jilly for your comforting words. This has been so rough beign left with no explantion. It's the first time in my life that it has ever happened so, I guess that has made it much more gut wrenching for me. I pray just about everyday.. that I will hear something.. anything.,, it's hard to let go of that hope but somehow I need to. As much as I want to make contact, it's that huge fear of no reply back that's hanging over my head. Ugh.....I wish I could just forget about this person. AP:)
Author Meaplus3 Posted September 12, 2008 Author Posted September 12, 2008 This is why I'm not 100% sold on "NC". I've been around LS for awhile.. and never really understood or bought into "NC". What's happened to you is the "other side" of NC. In my opinion "NC" can be the most painful example of passive agressive behavior. It's enlightening to hear about the other side. Well the other side sucks! I too believe in NC however , this kind of abrupt NC without reason is a nightmare it cuts to ones core. Your left with a ton of questions that can drive you crazy..very upsetting. AP:)
Jilly Bean Posted September 12, 2008 Posted September 12, 2008 Thanks Jilly for your comforting words. This has been so rough beign left with no explantion. It's the first time in my life that it has ever happened so, I guess that has made it much more gut wrenching for me. I pray just about everyday.. that I will hear something.. anything.,, it's hard to let go of that hope but somehow I need to. As much as I want to make contact, it's that huge fear of no reply back that's hanging over my head. Ugh.....I wish I could just forget about this person. AP:) I know - it does hurt for sure! Remember back in grammar school when they taught us about sets, and subsets? And they would overlap circles to illustrate them? I think friendships and relationships are like that. Sometimes they overlap, and sometimes they don't. My spirituality has me believing that we are all brought together for life lessons. Sometimes it is for our benefit, and sometimes we are just a pawn in someone elses experience. Not every friendship and relationship is meant to last forever. I hope this resolves to your benefit...
Author Meaplus3 Posted September 12, 2008 Author Posted September 12, 2008 I know - it does hurt for sure! Remember back in grammar school when they taught us about sets, and subsets? And they would overlap circles to illustrate them? I think friendships and relationships are like that. Sometimes they overlap, and sometimes they don't. My spirituality has me believing that we are all brought together for life lessons. Sometimes it is for our benefit, and sometimes we are just a pawn in someone elses experience. Not every friendship and relationship is meant to last forever. I hope this resolves to your benefit... Yes.. I do remember that and I really agree with everything you said here truly. I also believe that sometimes people are put in our lives for a reason and believe me, I have used that one over and over again in my head to try and rationalize this. But, geezum.. this one was so extra special and I guess I can only hope that this person knows how deeply.. they touched my life and heart:love: in ways that I will always cherish. If I did the same for them..I can only hope for that. AP:)
Jilly Bean Posted September 12, 2008 Posted September 12, 2008 Then keep the faith, hon. If the connection is that strong, then they will be back when they get done doing what they need to.
JamesM Posted September 12, 2008 Posted September 12, 2008 I have learned that if someone leaves my life either IRL or here on the computer, then it is better to wait until they decide to come back. This is always up for exceptions such as if the person seems to have just become busy. Every case is different, and I don't know all of the details here, but it seems from what you have posted that this guy did NC on his own for more than simply busyness. If my perceptions are correct, then IMO you should probably let him go. However, if there is any reason to believe that he simply "got busy," then perhaps an email saying "hello, how are you" would be appropriate. If he chooses not to respond, let him go. As for impacting our life, I am guessing he knows. My guess is that he also felt that you made a difference in his life. But he could have decided to find a relationship IRL instead of relying on cyberfriends. This would not be anything that is because of you, but it is just him changing how he views what type of relationship he want.
Author Meaplus3 Posted September 12, 2008 Author Posted September 12, 2008 I have learned that if someone leaves my life either IRL or here on the computer, then it is better to wait until they decide to come back. This is always up for exceptions such as if the person seems to have just become busy. Every case is different, and I don't know all of the details here, but it seems from what you have posted that this guy did NC on his own for more than simply busyness. If my perceptions are correct, then IMO you should probably let him go. However, if there is any reason to believe that he simply "got busy," then perhaps an email saying "hello, how are you" would be appropriate. If he chooses not to respond, let him go. As for impacting our life, I am guessing he knows. My guess is that he also felt that you made a difference in his life. But he could have decided to find a relationship IRL instead of relying on cyberfriends. This would not be anything that is because of you, but it is just him changing how he views what type of relationship he want. At first I thought that he got busy. But then I started to think "How could he get so super busy all of a sudden and not even have a minute to contact me"? So I'm sure thats not the case. I probably should just not try and contact him.. and just wait and see if he contacts me..Who knows?? AP:)
motive2002 Posted September 12, 2008 Posted September 12, 2008 I broke NC recently after 5 months of silence. In the end I was left with very little "closure" and the pain was once again new. I think the reason people advocate NC is because they've been there and they know what it's like to tear open old wounds. I would guess that in most cases knowing why the person left helps very little. You're still broken, and time apart only makes this more concrete. They've moved on long ago and now you must move on as well.
Author Meaplus3 Posted September 12, 2008 Author Posted September 12, 2008 I broke NC recently after 5 months of silence. In the end I was left with very little "closure" and the pain was once again new. I think the reason people advocate NC is because they've been there and they know what it's like to tear open old wounds. I would guess that in most cases knowing why the person left helps very little. You're still broken, and time apart only makes this more concrete. They've moved on long ago and now you must move on as well. Thanks for your thoughts Motive. Yeah...The more I think about this.. I'm leaning towards just leaving it alone. For me.. this is strange because every other relationship I've had in my life at least ended with words of some sort. Walking away.. with no explanation..man it's tough. AP:)
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