LateBloomer Posted September 11, 2008 Posted September 11, 2008 You know, I was gonna type this big long thing ... and I am realizing more and more that we all need to just find our own coping mechanisms.
tuscansun Posted September 12, 2008 Posted September 12, 2008 Something that helps me cope is the idea that it is in my power to never have to know my ex again. IF I WANT TO, I can decide that he is no longer a part of my life, so who cares if he has a new girlfriend, I don't ever have to see that two faced girl again, who cares if his family likes her, I don't ever have to deal with those 'in laws' again, I don't have to know any of em anymore. They are behind me now. I don't have to let any of them be a part of my life anymore, it's up to me. It's amazing how helpful it is to start thinking in terms of, I am leaving them behind, not the other way around. Very empowering. I dunno, works for me. good luck to the rest of you, I know it's hard but we will all be okay!
Chinook Posted September 12, 2008 Posted September 12, 2008 I've learned that pretty much everyone is different and has their own coping mechanisms. What works for me, probably won't work for someone else... but the long and the short of it is, individually for each of us, it doesn't matter as long as it does work for us. The trick is finding your own way of coping. For many years, I subscribed to the over-analysing and navel-gazing attitude of going over and over and over stuff in my head. Talking to friends and counsellors and basically 'getting it out there'. The idea being if I talked and talked and talked... it made it less real. It intellectualised it and rationalised it. In my head anyhow... which creates some distance from the actual impact. Having friends and family comment on situations which were happening to me became a form of self-flagellation and if I'm honest, a form of abuse really. Some friends even went so far as to comment about my inability to talk properly rather than to intellectualise things. Fair point. Then... for some reason, I worked out that whether I talked about an issue or not, didn't make it any less painful to deal with internally. I also read some place that those people who 'shelve' things rather than openly discussing them, don't fare any worse than those who do. So to me, it became a better way of coping by staying busy, avoiding 'the' issue and eventually allowing time to make it less relevant in my life. Time, as they say, is a great healer.
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