HE wanted me more then anything and then HE ended it!!! did I do something wrong?!?

[tine_23]

Hi you guys. I was here a couple of years ago and today I still need you wisdom!

 

I've been seing some guys in the last 2 years. Actually, only 3. Two of them were boyfriends and then there was the last one that ending things like 2 weeks ago even though i tought everything was going really great.

 

I realized over the years that I was being needy in my relationships and I decided to work on that. I am actually pretty proud of myself and I can say as today that I am not needy anymore in my relationships with man.

 

Still, they don't seem to stay.

 

I need your advice on this please!!!

 

This last guy i was seeing was working with my sister in law. She talked to me about him and said that we would totally match but i don't really like blind dates so one night when he was home with her and some friends she introduced us to each other and we talked got a couple of minutes. He was in fact my kind physically but I already had a crush on another guy at that time. When he left she came to see me and said that he had asked her who I was, my name, if I was single and everything and that he tought I was so pretty. Then during that week sometimes he would talk to her about me at their job and he would say he couldn't wait to see me again. The next week end, we saw each other again because my sister in law was having a party at me house (she leaves with us). When I came back around 3 am from my night out we talked untill the sunrise at like 5:30 am. then he went to bed but asked me if I needed company. I said no cuz i'm not that kind of girl. The next week he called me and we started to date each other (I was still seeing the other crush)... He said he was soo into me and that he couldn't wait for us to be officials and he was making all these plans for us for the next months like activities we were gonna do and everything. Then things started to get more serious between us, he kissed me, we slept together and I was realizing that I was very happy with him so I started to tell my other crush that I couldn't see him anymore.

 

(I kept on giving him alot of space. I would call every 2 or 3 days. we would see maybe twice a week. I would not get mad if he could not see. of course I was disappointed and he could feel it i guess. but i would tell him it's ok and that we would see some other day. He would be the one texting me after that he would take me out the next night or something like that. He was very sweet.)

 

Later that week he came home with me sister in law, without me, my mom was there and everything. I was mad when I heard about it because my sister in law came home with him even thought I had not even bring him home yet to present him to my family. I was really mad. I told him about it like 5 days after that. I was really calm I just told him that I was scared that my sister in law would always be between us and everything. Then I told him that i was really getting to like him more and more and that i had even turned down this other guy all the time he had called me the last week. when I said that he looked at my weird and I asked him what was going on? he said: "we slept together and you are seeing someone else?!?" I told him of course not I WAS seeing someone esle. I mean we were not even officially bf and gf yet. and I think he got mad. he started texting me things like, let's fax each other later this week instead of i'm thinking about you beautiful thing... and things like that. in pyblic we would hold hands, take each other in our arms, kiss and everything...

 

we were still sleeping with each other and he was really sweet when were together. he would always kiss me and even made dinner for me one night and would kiss me even on the phone with his mom. and then 5 days later... he called me after being away at his parents for the week end and said that it just would not work with us because it did not "CLICK"... like there was no connection... I was mad. I felt like he was totally laughing at me. he also told me i should nnot react this way and that we were just having fun. I was even more mad. I told him to stop it right there. I did not wanna hear any more. so the month and a half we dated each other was over.

 

What went wrong you guys?!? Why would he make all these future plans, tell me he likes me so much, that he can't wait to be my bf and talkt about me to my sister in law all the time. He would even call her: "HEY IN- LAW!" at their job. It was totally out of the blue.

 

I would sometimes like to call him so that he would explain to me what was going on in his head. Or just call him to go play tennis ( he said he would teach me)... and maybe without asking him about it we would start seeing each other again...

 

I have not tried to contact him since then. We saw each other 2 times at the pub on the campus and he would say Hi cuz he sees me first. Yesteday I made a joke about the amount of beer he asked the barmaid to bring him but that was it. He saw I was habing fun with my friends. I sensed he was looking at me sometimes. then later I saw him talking to some girl. They were clearly attracted to each other. I got sad, it was late, like 1:30 am so I left.

 

Can you guys see a bit what went wrong? Did he get scared?!? I don't understand. I just wanna understand... Be in peace with it.

[IrishCarBomb]

Some guys love the chase. The sad thing is that once they've "got you", they lose interest.

[tine_23]

the guy was with his gf for 4 years but it ended 2 years ago and since then he said he only had relationships that lasted a month or two... i don't know if it has anything to do with the fact that his ex cheated on him towards the end of their relationship...

[Jilly Bean]

Sounds like he played you.

 

For the future, if a guy presses you to sleep with him the first time you are alone, he's probably not going to be LTR material.

[norajane]

Then I told him that i was really getting to like him more and more and that i had even turned down this other guy all the time he had called me the last week. when I said that he looked at my weird and I asked him what was going on? he said: "we slept together and you are seeing someone else?!?" I told him of course not I WAS seeing someone esle. I mean we were not even officially bf and gf yet. and I think he got mad.

 

That's what happened - it's all right there.

 

Sounds like he was falling for you, and he believed you were falling for him. He didn't expect you to be dating another guy and he didn't like how that felt. He tried to get past it to keep seeing you, and found that he couldn't, so he broke up with you. He told you that you didn't click because you don't anymore. That changed when he saw things with a different perspective.

[almost famous]

It is very possible he met this other girl you saw him with while he was seeing you. Then he ended it.

[tine_23]

First of all I did not sleep with him the first time we were alone. We did a bunch of activities just the two of us at his place for like 2 weeks before we slept together. hey! i'm not made of wood you know... i have sexual feelings to...

 

That's what happened - it's all right there.

 

Sounds like he was falling for you, and he believed you were falling for him. He didn't expect you to be dating another guy and he didn't like how that felt. He tried to get past it to keep seeing you, and found that he couldn't, so he broke up with you. He told you that you didn't click because you don't anymore. That changed when he saw things with a different perspective.

 

I thought about that Norajane. And you know what?!? Last night I talked with my sister in law, the one that introduced us.. She keeps our conversation private and don't tell him what we talk about. I don't want him to know that I talk about him. She told me things that she had never told me before. She told me that the night I told him that I was "dating" some other guy he called her later and asked her if she knew anything about it. She didn't cuz I never told her because we only had seen each other (me and the other guy) like 1 time alone and nothing had happened. She also told me that his ex of the 4 years had cheated on him towards the end of their relationships and that he had told my sister in law that it was something he could not cope with.

 

When I told him that I WAS (as in the past) "seeing" an other guy (before we slept together) I only wanted him to know that I was choosing him and that I was falling hard for HIM and that the other guy was nothing to me... I guess he didn't see it that way...

 

do you think I could still make him see it the way I wanted it to be seen?!?

[norajane]

Maybe you can give it some time and try to talk with him later. Or he might be too scarred from his ex's cheating to be able to see it differently. It's hard to say without knowing him.

[tine_23]

thanks norajane. it was my opinion too... glad to see i'm not crazy.

[tine_23]

i called him.

i said that we did not have a chance to talk about what happened since we took our separates ways and and I would like to clear some things with him that I might have said and that might have been misunderstood by him.

 

he was very nice and said he would do it. so i told him we could meet on sunday... you know... i did not want to sound desperate to see him cuz i'm not really... i can wait...

 

then he said that he decided to stop seeing each other because he did not want to be with someone like me. he said he had tought about it for like a week and that he decided that i am not his type of person. ok..... what made you change your mind?... that why i want to clear some stuff with him.... things i know i said and that he did not like because he told my sister in law...

 

i hope i can clear some stuff on sunday...

 

i'm not gonna get my hopes up...

 

well... we all know we do anyways...

[tine_23]

well... I finally saw him yesterday around 8:00

 

he was in a happy mood and me too so it was fun. we talked for about an hour about all sorts of things from popsicle to travelling. it was really fun...! we laughed ALOT! and then we talked about what had happened between us for about 20 minutes.

 

he sais that it had simply started to click less between us... for him... like 3 weeks after we started dating... and that what I had said about seeing another guy and about my sister in law had probably not helped but it was not the reason he decided to stop seeing me. He said that he should be alone for a while (he doesn't know how long) because he knows his relationships never last longer then a month or 2 and he doesn't know why.

 

I told him that of course I would like to still call him and do activities (like he wanted to teach me how to play tennis) because we have fun together and yesterday is the perfect example but that it would maybe not be such a grat idea cuz of the feelings I have for him. I told the truth you know?!? I said it was kinda weird for me when I would see him and I would noe expect it... that my heart was racing and that sorts of things but I then said but it's of course gonna go away... it always does.

 

i'm a girl so i talk about this stuff with my mom and she told me that maybe he's the one who "chased" me in the beginning but that if I really want him i can also "chase" him now... but I don't know... i don't wanna get hurt you know...

 

why did he get all excited about me and then he lost it... is he too young (23) and scared?!?

 

what should I do... call him in like a week and a half to play tennis... or not?!?

[whichwayisup]

You have feelings for this guy, he isn't interested in you like that anymore. CAN you handle "just" a friendship? Nothing more, nothing less?

[tine_23]

I don't know if I could handle it... I really wish I could and that it would work...

 

i had of friend of mine like 3 years agot that was interested in me and had told me but I was not at that time and then like 6 months later i realized when he told me was gonna go to see his ex for like 3 days in Ontario (they had remained good friends) I felt weird and did not want him to go. I realized I wanted more then friendship...

 

he also told me yesterday that he doesn't know why it loses the "loving" interests... because he knows he wants to be in a long term relationships, he can't wait to be with someone for a long time and that he likes it...! I told him to stop saying that cuz it was getting me even more mad and i started laughing...

 

all of the girls that he said lost loving interests in never saw him again... I just wonder if i stay a bit longer around... and that he only got scared everytime in his realtionships... maybe he's gonna realize that we have fun together and that the're nothing to be afraid of.... i don't know... i wish it would work....

 

could it?!? what kind of activities should I offer doing?!? shoul i do it?!? could it work?!?

[pandagirl]

It seems like he's not ready for a relationship, even though he says he wants one. As for being friends with him, it might end up causing you a lot of pain. If you can proceed with your friendship with him, with no expectations or ulterior motives, then it would be fine. But, BE WARNED, if you still have feelings for him, it might be a painful road!

[almost famous]

My advice is to forget him. You even saw him with another woman. You have to put your big girl panties on, realize he is just not that into you, and move on and don't call him again. Don't ask your sister in law about him, either.

As another poster stated, he's just not interested in you and he has told you this outright. Time to move on, don't 'ya think?

Don't "chase" him because it won't work. He doesn't want to be chased by you.

It sucks to like a guy and he drops you, but you have to move on from it.

[tine_23]

i'm not that much a fan of the tough love but thanks... i guess!