Mary3 Posted September 11, 2008 Posted September 11, 2008 My friend started talking to a man on the internet. They got along famously in chat , email , phone. Their new friendship really took off. They really started to fall for eachother. ( It was not a dating site , btw ) One day he tells her he is married. She is totally shocked. He says his wife moved out and he does not know where she is. Then he says he wanted to tell the real truth : His wife and him live together but he does not love her anymore , they haven't had sex in months . The friend asks why he is not divorced if he is so unhappy ? He says after much conversation , that he will get an attorney. He gets a consulatation from an attorney regarding a divorce. He wants the friend to meet him. My friend can't handle the married man stuff anymore. What is the likelyhood he is lying still ? What is the likelyhood of a successful R ? They have not met yet but MM wants to meet her. Should she tell him : "Wait til you are divorced to contact me ?" Even then , what kind of situation is she in for because of the lies ?
norajane Posted September 11, 2008 Posted September 11, 2008 This is such a no-brainer. Forget this guy. He's married. He's a liar. And he's willing to cheat on his wife, if the other woman is willing. There is no "win" in this situation. Just a LOT of bad news. He's bad news.
Spinning Head Posted September 11, 2008 Posted September 11, 2008 Get your friend to read my thread "Taken for a ride . . ." If he lied at the beginning, he will continue to lie. She needs to stop all contact with him. Once he gets a certified true copy of a divorce judgment, then she will talk to him.
xxxheartbrokenxxx Posted September 11, 2008 Posted September 11, 2008 My friend started talking to a man on the internet. They got along famously in chat , email , phone. Their new friendship really took off. They really started to fall for eachother. ( It was not a dating site , btw ) One day he tells her he is married. She is totally shocked. He says his wife moved out and he does not know where she is. Then he says he wanted to tell the real truth : His wife and him live together but he does not love her anymore , they haven't had sex in months . The friend asks why he is not divorced if he is so unhappy ? He says after much conversation , that he will get an attorney. He gets a consulatation from an attorney regarding a divorce. He wants the friend to meet him. My friend can't handle the married man stuff anymore. What is the likelyhood he is lying still ? What is the likelyhood of a successful R ? They have not met yet but MM wants to meet her. Should she tell him : "Wait til you are divorced to contact me ?" Even then , what kind of situation is she in for because of the lies ? If the guy has lied about everything else so far then he will probably just continue to lie in future. He sounds very untrustworthy Im sorry to say.
whichwayisup Posted September 12, 2008 Posted September 12, 2008 He lied from day one, then he lied again..And again. She would be a complete fool if she continued with him, hoping for a relationship. He is very married and isn't leaving his wife or divorcing. She hasn't invested much in this guy so tell her to grieve the loss and move on. There is not a chance they could have a healthy relationship. Now or ever because he lied from day one. Maybe he has kids he hasn't spoken about either.
Meaplus3 Posted September 12, 2008 Posted September 12, 2008 If the relationship started off as one big lie.. then that would be a big red flag in my mind of more lies ahead. I say she should forget about him. AP:)
Lucky_One Posted September 12, 2008 Posted September 12, 2008 "What is the likelyhood he is lying still ?" Fabulous.
whichwayisup Posted September 12, 2008 Posted September 12, 2008 They have not met yet but MM wants to meet her. They haven't actually met face to face? Then she should NOT go meet him. If she does, she's asking for trouble. IF she chooses to go ahead and meets him anyway, she will be putting herself KNOWINGLY in a real stupid situation and making a very bad choice. (*note I'm not calling her stupid*)
MichelleS1983 Posted September 12, 2008 Posted September 12, 2008 LOL...if I had a dime for every married lying sack of sh*t that hit on me while I was online, I'd buy Tahiti and use it for my winter home. Amazingly, there are a few OW on this site whose MM lied to them from Day #1 and they're STILL with these miscreants, years later. I suppose if your friend has no pride and no self-esteem, she'll continue wasting her time on him like some of the OW whose stories I've read here. He's just a nameless, faceless, married loser on the internet - and there are millions and millions out there just like him. They're all ready to lie their sorry asses off just for a little tail on the side. But unfortunately, there are enough stupid women in this world to let them get away with it.
beautifullove Posted September 12, 2008 Posted September 12, 2008 Tell your friend to sign up for classes on LS, called The OW/OM. Then, tell her to take a quick self-assessment. My guess is, she'll pass the course one way or another - by learning the theory here on LS, or through an internship. WARNING: The internship offers no pay, and no rewards. The training is intense and may span over a long period of time, well after the training is completed. Buy some protective gear, to protect you from the unexpected and unwanted debris that may come flying your way. You may also be lucky to leave the programme intact, but that is not guaranteed.
Adunaphel Posted September 12, 2008 Posted September 12, 2008 I am a bit confused. Did he actually lie to her from the beginning, telling her he was single? Or was it just a "lie by omission"? If they got to know each other by friendly chatting on a non-dating site, it makes sense that he was not "upfront" from the beginning, as it sounds he was not after a relationship in the first place. Did she have to ask to find out he was married? Did he just volunteer the information? Or is your friend under the impression that he had to either go with a flat out lie or telling the truth about being married? Was this the only real lie so far? One day he tells her he is married. She is totally shocked. He says his wife moved out and he does not know where she is. Then he says he wanted to tell the real truth : His wife and him live together but he does not love her anymore , they haven't had sex in months . Assuming the second part is true, I would not regard as a "real" lie a lie that does not last longer than a few minutes, after which the liar comes clean with the truth because he felt bad about lying. Also...how long did it take for the truth to come out once they started to fall for each other? If he withhold that single piece information for a long time since they developed romantic interest for each other, I would regard it as a red flag. If the truth about his status came out just after they realized there was interest from both parts...well, it would be quite different, in my opinion. I'd still be wary, because of the situation, but I would not automatically assume the guy is a liar or the classic cake-eater.
jj33 Posted September 12, 2008 Posted September 12, 2008 My friend started talking to a man on the internet. They got along famously in chat , email , phone. Their new friendship really took off. They really started to fall for eachother. ( It was not a dating site , btw ) One day he tells her he is married. She is totally shocked. He says his wife moved out and he does not know where she is. Then he says he wanted to tell the real truth : His wife and him live together but he does not love her anymore , they haven't had sex in months . The friend asks why he is not divorced if he is so unhappy ? He says after much conversation , that he will get an attorney. He gets a consulatation from an attorney regarding a divorce. He wants the friend to meet him. My friend can't handle the married man stuff anymore. What is the likelyhood he is lying still ? What is the likelyhood of a successful R ? They have not met yet but MM wants to meet her. Should she tell him : "Wait til you are divorced to contact me ?" Even then , what kind of situation is she in for because of the lies ? ARE YOU KIDDING? lets look at this step by step. 1. MM on internet charms your friend by phone email and chat so far this means NOTHING compatibility anything other than in person even if he were single means NOTHING. The fact that she has developed such a strong attachment to someone she has never met shows she is fantazing about meeting the one and she is not being objective. THEY HAVE NEVER MET. 2. He tells her he is married. She is shocked. fair enough BUT SHE KEPT TALKING TO HIM she was invested in the ethers of the internet... 3. He can hear her shock so he says his wife has been abducted by aliens.... (or its equivalent) your wife isnt like a stray cat who stops coming round the yard. If shes missing you usually look for her dont you? But your friend being so invested wanted to believe (this is where we all get caught) we want so badly to believe that the biggest sack of lies sound perfectly reasonable. 4. Then he tells her W is actuall living with him but he is unhappy.... AND SHE STILL DOESNT BLOCK HIM or see the light. She wants to help because she is invested in HER FANTASY that he could be the one rather than looking objectively at facts. 5. She asks why he isnt divorced if he is unhappy and LIGHTBULB what a profound thought - this woman whom he has never met has inspired him to hire an attorney I hope she doesnt live in Brooklyn. Someone may sell her the bridge - twice Internet dating can be disheartening. And everyone wants to find that special person and sometimes we ignore red flags and issues because we are so excited that we finally found a connection with someone, that no facts no reason will get in the way. Your friend has to learn more about internet dating and look at her propensity for attachment if she is going to go out into the world of internet dating. There are tons of married men out there looking for action as others have explained. And lots of single "players" who say they want a relatoinship when really they are looking for women like your friend who are easy prey to the quick attachment and quick sex. Rule of thumb - if you dont meet them soon then dont. Dont develop attachments to computer bytes. You only need meet for 15 minutes. If its good you can meet again. But if you spend endless time on phone and reading charming funny insightful emails, etc then you can easily get attached. i speak from experience. A few years ago I tried internet dating and made every mistake in the book in terms of screening. And yes I got one guy who told me he divorced had a child wasnt married. What he later told me on our 4th date, was that he lived with the mother of his child... now I thought that the fact that he divorced and had a child a few months later meant that he was single and something went awry in the marriage before the child was born. No what it meant was the divorce was protracted and by the time it was finalized he was already living with GF and they had a child and he cheats on her... lovely.... and he cheated on 1st wife with the gf... get the picture.... When you date on the internet you have to ask ALL the questions upfront. And separated is tricky. To some men it means I am in the den and she is in the kitchen - we are separated. She needs to block this man from all communications. No explanation needed.
LucreziaBorgia Posted September 12, 2008 Posted September 12, 2008 1. What is the likelyhood he is lying still ? 2. What is the likelyhood of a successful R ? 1. 99.999999999999 percent. 1. .00000000000001 percent.
Recommended Posts