silverstar189 Posted September 11, 2008 Posted September 11, 2008 As a guy, i've thought for a while that chivalry is dead. mainly because of the fact that being polite/sweet makes you seem vulnerable, and therefore too easily obtainable. for instance, the whole hugh grant/ 4 weddings speech, would it be more likely to impress or distress you?
Ocean-Blue Posted September 11, 2008 Posted September 11, 2008 As a guy, i've thought for a while that chivalry is dead. mainly because of the fact that being polite/sweet makes you seem vulnerable, and therefore too easily obtainable. for instance, the whole hugh grant/ 4 weddings speech, would it be more likely to impress or distress you? Every woman is different...some like the sweet, syrupy lovey dovey stuff a lot, others, not so much. Me, I like it in small doses. It's about timing and sincerity. Sweetness as a result of a spontaneous, sincere act beats everyday sweet for me.
Author silverstar189 Posted September 11, 2008 Author Posted September 11, 2008 ive never liked the syrupy lovey dovey stuff as it always sounds as though its being used as a means to an end. i think that when you initially meet someone, if you're being too sweet, you're appealing to their better nature which is fine, but it's being submissive, which as a man i think would be unappealing to a woman, surely?
Ocean-Blue Posted September 11, 2008 Posted September 11, 2008 ive never liked the syrupy lovey dovey stuff as it always sounds as though its being used as a means to an end. i think that when you initially meet someone, if you're being too sweet, you're appealing to their better nature which is fine, but it's being submissive, which as a man i think would be unappealing to a woman, surely? Well some guys are "naturally" just "sweet". I don't consider this overly masculine and would not be attracted to such men. I find it especially attractive when a rugged, all-round alpha suddenly becomes sweet...perhaps because I kid myself into believing that there is something about me that is so appealing that he can't help but succumb? It's as much about him as it is about me.
carhill Posted September 11, 2008 Posted September 11, 2008 Yes, differences... My friend and my wife think sappy romance (the stuff glamorized in the movies) is bunk. Chocolate is a desired sweet, not a symbol of love. Plants live longer than flowers. That kind of stuff. I've also known plenty of women who love romance and sweetness purely for the expression of love in the moment. All depends on the personality of the woman. I vastly prefer the latter, as such is more compatible with how I'm wired. I think, personally, if so many women hadn't been burned by guys who started out with the romance/sweetness stuff and turned it into something traumatic, there would be more out there who would appreciate sincere heartfelt sweetness as the gesture of humanity that it is. There are some of us who just enjoy being good to the world
Author silverstar189 Posted September 11, 2008 Author Posted September 11, 2008 so an alpha male type who's floored by you becomes more attractive, rather than being exposed as weak?
Author silverstar189 Posted September 11, 2008 Author Posted September 11, 2008 thinking about it, thats very true. self confidence is an underlying feature that most 'bad boys' have, it's this that draws women perhaps more than anything? if it was evident that you're very self confident regularly, yet you lost some of this when talking to a potential suitor, would this be a turn off? is constant self confidence necessary to the end?
The Collector Posted September 11, 2008 Posted September 11, 2008 That Hugh Grant speech in Four Weddings & Funeral would make 90% of women heave and run away. Richard Curtis who writes those movies has zero understanding of male-female dynamics.
Ocean-Blue Posted September 11, 2008 Posted September 11, 2008 so an alpha male type who's floored by you becomes more attractive, rather than being exposed as weak? Yes, because he is not susceptible to such things otherwise. No one likes too much of anything, and that includes 24/7 hugsy wugsy BS.
Ocean-Blue Posted September 11, 2008 Posted September 11, 2008 It is a common misconception that girls don't like the guys who are nice/sweet and that they are more attracted to the bad boys or jerks. What women ARE attracted to is a man with a strong and dominant frame. As long as you are a self amusing, self sustaining (in your happiness) man, who is unaffected by the reactions or opinions of others, women everywhere will be magnetically attracted to you. Being sweet or nice is fine man. As long as you're happiness is not dependent on how the girls perceive your nice comments and actions, they will like you. Be yourself and NEVER care what ANYONE thinks about you. Do this, and you'll have all the women you want. Mad Dawg Mad Dawg has got it!
Ocean-Blue Posted September 11, 2008 Posted September 11, 2008 thinking about it, thats very true. self confidence is an underlying feature that most 'bad boys' have, it's this that draws women perhaps more than anything? if it was evident that you're very self confident regularly, yet you lost some of this when talking to a potential suitor, would this be a turn off? is constant self confidence necessary to the end? It all depends on context. A momentary lapse in "confidence" (however you define it) isn't that bad...I mean, it can be cute at times. Are you asking these Qs b/c out of general interest or is it related to you specifically?
Author silverstar189 Posted September 12, 2008 Author Posted September 12, 2008 yeah, i admit i've got my own agenda here. i won't bore you with all the details (i've already done that on here). i'm really self confident usually, i've got a bit tongue tied round a girl i like, and it shows. It all depends on context. A momentary lapse in "confidence" (however you define it) isn't that bad...I mean, it can be cute at times. I think the emphasis shoud be placed on momentary perhaps....
Author silverstar189 Posted September 12, 2008 Author Posted September 12, 2008 hell, its not hard to treat girls like crap, its just hard to treat them nice again afterwards....!
Green Posted September 12, 2008 Posted September 12, 2008 hell, its not hard to treat girls like crap, its just hard to treat them nice again afterwards....! Treating girls like crap doesn't get you girls, if it were that easy you wouldn't be on here thinking about this. You need to be confident, figure out who you are and then be yourself. What do you even mean when you say being sweet? Cause if being sweet means being boring and no fun of course thats a pain
sweetbutcheeky Posted September 12, 2008 Posted September 12, 2008 In my books a guy who is sweet, opens doors and does nice things has never been thought of as vulnerable. Sweet with a little bit of cheeky is always a good balance!
Green Posted September 12, 2008 Posted September 12, 2008 In my books a guy who is sweet, opens doors and does nice things has never been thought of as vulnerable. Sweet with a little bit of cheeky is always a good balance! he's falling short in other ways and blames it specificaly on what he percieves is him being nice. If I were to witness this guy I could tell him exactly what he actualy is doing wrong
sweetbutcheeky Posted September 12, 2008 Posted September 12, 2008 he's falling short in other ways and blames it specificaly on what he percieves is him being nice. If I were to witness this guy I could tell him exactly what he actualy is doing wrong Ah I see. Ok then fix those things and add some cheeky!
Author silverstar189 Posted September 12, 2008 Author Posted September 12, 2008 kind of the other way round KMT....i'm all cheek and confidence, like a cheap version of russell brand (and that guys pretty cheap already). seems like i've got so in character, i'm stumbling trying to act outside of it....failure to show emotion i guess.....
D-Jam Posted September 12, 2008 Posted September 12, 2008 As a guy, i've thought for a while that chivalry is dead. mainly because of the fact that being polite/sweet makes you seem vulnerable, and therefore too easily obtainable. for instance, the whole hugh grant/ 4 weddings speech, would it be more likely to impress or distress you? I never saw 4 weddings and a funeral, but I will tell any guy if they like being a gentleman, then don't change that for any woman. Don't be a doormat, but don't feel that being good to a woman is instantly a repellent while being a jerk gets you women. You need to not think in terms of how many women you lost because of chivalry, but more WHAT KINDS OF WOMEN YOU LOST. If she's the type who gets abused by boyfriends and takes it, never dumping the guy but thinking he'll change, etc...then don't see it that her rejecting your respectful behavior as a sign of you being some "weakling", but more that she can't handle a guy being good to her. She is then a WASTE OF YOUR TIME, and you're better off without her. I used to get rejected a lot for good manners. Holding doors open, opening car doors, helping with coats on, etc. I used to think I was doing something wrong til I saw who these women really were, and how much they would never make me happy in a RL. Now it's my litmus test. She appreciates the gentlemanly etiquette, she's a keeper. She runs from it or looks down on it, then she's a waste. Track record has shown how much more misery the women who rejected me have put themselves through because they have no idea how a real man is supposed to treat her. Current girl was surprised by my conduct, but she loves it a lot. She's definitely a keeper. She's a real lady.
Trialbyfire Posted September 12, 2008 Posted September 12, 2008 Every woman is different...some like the sweet, syrupy lovey dovey stuff a lot, others, not so much. Me, I like it in small doses. It's about timing and sincerity. Sweetness as a result of a spontaneous, sincere act beats everyday sweet for me. I agree with this. Sincerity beats all for me. Most often sweetness is faked. Cynical, hell yes!
Green Posted September 12, 2008 Posted September 12, 2008 kind of the other way round KMT....i'm all cheek and confidence, like a cheap version of russell brand (and that guys pretty cheap already). seems like i've got so in character, i'm stumbling trying to act outside of it....failure to show emotion i guess..... if your like russell brand woman should love you... don't women love russel brand??? well who cares what women want. If being sweet is what you enjoy then be sweet... just make sure your not forgeting about the part where you need to impress the ladies. Truthly being a jerk or being the oposite of sweet ... sour will not get you women... being a negative sour person draws women away. You need the write balance of self and selflessness to truely be accepted
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