Charisma Posted September 11, 2008 Share Posted September 11, 2008 Hi, I just wanted to find out what it means when a guy tells you all he wants to be for now is friends. I recently went on a date with a guy I liked a lot and I felt he liked me but something wasn't right. He got divorced over 2 years ago and I wondered if it was too soon to be invovled again. He didn't seem to respond too well to any signs of affection. I guess I might have been moving too quickly for him. We spoke on the phone quite a few times and he seems to like talking to me. He told me recently that he's not sure what he wants and can offer only friendship. How realistic is this. I know when girls say it it means they're not interested and how about for men? I left the ball in his court and asked him to call when he was ready or was interested in doing stuff as friends. Was this a good move. Link to post Share on other sites
JoeNewbie Posted September 11, 2008 Share Posted September 11, 2008 To me this definitely sounds like he is not interested. Two years is a lot of time to heal. I wouldn't wait on him. Link to post Share on other sites
paddington bear Posted September 11, 2008 Share Posted September 11, 2008 I'm in agreement with Joe Newbie...it's a bummer the 'I just want to be friends' thing...if you're attracted to him, I say keep him at a distance or the friends situation (ie unrequited love for you) will drive you insane Link to post Share on other sites
Author Charisma Posted September 11, 2008 Author Share Posted September 11, 2008 I'm not sure if it's his divorce that made him say he can only offer friendship or if it's something else. He just wants to hang out from time to time he said because he isn't sure what he wants from anyone. Link to post Share on other sites
paddington bear Posted September 11, 2008 Share Posted September 11, 2008 Probably is the divorce. Maybe he's still emotionally wounded from the whole thing and is scared of getting hurt again, maybe he just wants to have sex with lots of random people before getting into another relationship. However...2 years???? That seems like ample time to me for him to have moved on, but then people are different in how they respond to things. You said "He didn't seem to respond too well to any signs of affection" - so basically you've been flirting and he has not reciprocated. Divorce being the issue or not, this is not a good sign at the beginning of anything. You said "I guess I might have been moving too quickly for him." - no, you're just doing what normal people do when they're attracted to someone, unfortunately for you, his head is not there right now. I'm sure it's no reflection on you, he obviously likes you, likes to talk to you, but just doesn't want to go there in terms of a relationship for whatever reason. He said "he doesn't know what he wants from anyone". I say: Listen to the guy, body language is saying no. Verbal language is saying no. Be friends with him if you like, however if it is only in the hope that one day he might be ready, might change his mind, please do not go down that route - this is coming from me who got herself into a friends situation (twice! how stupid am I??) where I've waited and waited while they've dated...someone else. Link to post Share on other sites
JoeNewbie Posted September 11, 2008 Share Posted September 11, 2008 I'm not sure if it's his divorce that made him say he can only offer friendship or if it's something else. He just wants to hang out from time to time he said because he isn't sure what he wants from anyone. This is VERY clear to me - he is not interested. This is the part where weaker females will use sex to get the guy on-board. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Charisma Posted September 12, 2008 Author Share Posted September 12, 2008 He orginally was flirty with me and that's why I asked him out. It could be that he likes to flirt and is not so interested in a serious relationship. Because when we went on the date he treated it like we were friends...which we were since we don't know each other. I do think that maybe emotionally he doesn't want to get close. I don't know what his divorce was like. He's not intersted in sex with me, as there were no signs of that. We actually had a very long date together that I thought went okay. He did mention that he wanted to take things very slowly. In the past I have waited for a guy to come around and I was a little disappointed in the end but we did become friends and nothing more. I call this person from time to time and we do go out. I guess that worked becasue neither of us were invovled with other people. I'm hoping to give him space and time and see what happens. I agree I can't wait around though for him to come around. If it happens to work out that he does want to do things as friends then so be it. Link to post Share on other sites
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