Dating a person I really...really shouldn't?

[stillafool]

I honestly think she was genuinely interested, and not flirting to get the job. Women don't flirt to get jobs anymore, that's so old news. Why would she do that, if she already has strong qualifications to back-up her case? Doesn't make sense to me.

 

I would suggest you offer her the job if you truly think she's qualified, let everything cool off, then if you still like her you can her for a date. You might be suprised to find she's as cool as you think she's is once you guys start working together..lol

 

 

I agree! I say go for it! Wow you must be really handsome Balthazar!

[The Collector]

Tell her she didn't get the job, but you'd like to go for a drink with her anyway. If she declines, it was flirty fakery. If she accepts, tell her you were just testing and the job's hers.

[Tomcat33]

T

In any case, I am veering towards a policy of "no action" on my part, other than hiring her on the merits of her qualifications.

 

 

 

that is the BEST advice you can take, and it is your own.

 

If she is really cut out for the job it would REALLY selfish of you to deprive her of the opportunity to take it because you want to date her, she DID come for the job not a date. If you do hire her and then there is no reason why if the interest was mutual and genuine it can't grow into more?

 

There is nothing that says you can't date once she starts, and if she is going to be there for 5months then that's even better. You'll know in time what that was if it was romantic interest or just flirty "I want this job".

[Shygirl15]

I agree! I say go for it! Wow you must be really handsome Balthazar!

 

Yeah, he's super cute

[Balthazar]

To Carhill and Tomcat:

Again, your advice is sound. I cannot ,logically, fault it.

I would never disqualify her from the job to date her. That would just be wrong.

 

To Stillafool and Shygirl:

 

As you can see from my avatar Ladies, I'm the hottest chick rooster on LS.

Of course, I'm also the ONLY chick rooster on LS.

 

I'm sure you are both lovely ladies.

Shygirl, you have one of the loveliest smiles I have seen in my life.

 

UPDATE follows,

[Balthazar]

UPDATE

 

A bit of detective work(don't worry; I didn't leave my chair) revealed that Marianne has a boyfriend.

She is 29, he is 27.

 

 

OK, so the young lady(Marianne) enters at around 8-ish.

We had arranged to meet so that I could show her what the job entailed.

 

She starts by telling me that she has a problem with taking on the full 5 hours. It seems her schedule is in turmoil and parents are asking her for private lessons(she is a French teacher), but are changing hours on her.

The gist is that she doesn't know if she can do 5 hours of lessons.

 

I tell her it's OK, I can get someone else and we are totally cool. No problem whatsoever.

But she is not ready to cut ties.

 

So says how about 2 1/2 hours of work?

I tell her I can work that out, but she should only take on the work if she is sure she will be able to complete the school year.

Otherwise, it is better if we just leave it. Them, I tell her to answer by Monday.

She says she wants to work with me, even if it's for 2 1/2 hours; we will see what happens on that front.

 

Afterwards, what followed was a 40 minute conversation(It is Friday early evening at the time) between us.

She asked stuff about me and I about her.

Lots of eye contact(her eyes seemed bright and lively) and she seemed to be leaning in all the time.

 

We talked about school, hobbies, music; all the stuff you would do over an introductory coffee date really.

She asked about the theatrical play on Sunday; I told her I would tell her the details, however, I said I might not be going.

I did not suggest going with her at any point.

She started asking me my sign(Aquarius) and other stuff.

 

I cut out conversation at the 40 minute mark(I had stuff to do) but remarked that I had done most of the talking.

 

She said that was fine because she really liked hearing me talking; she definitely seemed interested and body language was very positive.

 

She never mentioned her BF, not even once even though I refereed to a recent relationship.

I am not sure if this is positive,negative or irrelevant.

 

 

What do you think folks?

 

So I have alive one here?

 

What should I do?

 

Thanks,

[Jilly Bean]

 

Marianne has a boyfriend.

 

This is all that matters here.

 

And how did you find out if she didn't tell you? lol

[Balthazar]

So you are saying there is nothing romantic here.

It is just a woman who finds a guy interesting.

Nothing more?

 

As for how I found out... well..... you're smarter than that I think.

[Jilly Bean]

So you are saying there is nothing romantic or sexual here.

It is just a woman who finds a guy interesting?

Nothing more?

 

Im saying that she has a bf, so she is off-limits.

 

And I still want to know how you Nancy Drewed the info, B... (But, yes, I am sure you used conventional methods...)

 

Its hard to tell her real intentions. She could be humoring you for the job, or she could think of you soley as a friend that she finds interesting and nothing more, or she is testing the waters.

 

Still, if she has a BF AND you are her hiring manager, there are two reasons to put her on the *no go* pile.

[carhill]

She's negotiating, dude...

 

Don't bother fastening your shoulder harnesses; the rocket's gonna blow up anyway

[Balthazar]

Im saying that she has a bf, so she is off-limits.

 

And I still want to know how you Nancy Drewed the info, B... (But, yes, I am sure you used conventional methods...)

 

 

You mean how I Hardy-Boyed the info? Look at the bottom left under DIgg.

[Jilly Bean]

You mean how I Hardy-Boyed the info?

 

LOL. I stand corrected, Frank...

[Balthazar]

LOL. I stand corrected, Frank...

 

You know Frank could also stand for Frank Drebin of Police Squad fame:eek:.

[Balthazar]

She's negotiating, dude...

 

Don't bother fastening your shoulder harnesses; the rocket's gonna blow up anyway

 

Please expand Carhill.

I don't understand.

[Jilly Bean]

You know Frank could also stand for Frank Drebin of Police Squad fame:eek:.

 

HAWT.

[carhill]

Please expand Carhill.

I don't understand.

She starts by telling me that she has a problem with taking on the full 5 hours. It seems her schedule is in turmoil and parents are asking her for private lessons(she is a French teacher), but are changing hours on her.

The gist is that she doesn't know if she can do 5 hours of lessons.

 

I tell her it's OK, I can get someone else and we are totally cool. No problem whatsoever.

But she is not ready to cut ties.

 

So says how about 2 1/2 hours of work?

I tell her I can work that out, but she should only take on the work if she is sure she will be able to complete the school year.

Otherwise, it is better if we just leave it. Them, I tell her to answer by Monday.

She says she wants to work with me, even if it's for 2 1/2 hours; we will see what happens on that front

 

Heck, I'm just reading this and it's making my d!ck hard....bla, bla

 

Reminds me of the "special discount" <low cut blouse> on the "larger size" <licks lips> dumpster

[Balthazar]

Tell her she didn't get the job, but you'd like to go for a drink with her anyway. If she declines, it was flirty fakery. If she accepts, tell her you were just testing and the job's hers.

 

Now that is a very interesting proposition Collector.

 

However, getting the job is not that important to her.

 

It's only a lousy 2 1/2 hours a week.

 

Still, she seems to want to keep ties intact.

 

I am at a loss to explain the situation.

[almost famous]

If she has a boyfriend, then do not ask her out, even if she is keeping that information from you during your meetings, and encouraging extending your conversations. She is blatatly flirting with you when you know she has a boyfriend. I am assuming that you have found out about her relationship through MySpace or another internet resource.

 

She is disloyal to her boyfriend and has no integrity.

 

If you became romantically involved with her, she would always be out flirting and encouraging other men. Encouraging a lengthy conversation with you when the business aspect is over, when you are at work and have work to do, is what a woman who is trampy with no morals does. She is the type who wouldn't think twice about having affairs with married men, and wouldn't think twice about an affair if she were married herself.

 

Is she behaving with you as you would like a woman you were in a relationship with and in love with to behave with a guy she has an interview with? Think about it. I feel sorry for her poor boyfriend.

 

But...if you have no integrity yourself, you'll go for it anyway.

[Balthazar]

She has a boyfriend and she has been with him for a little over a year at least(probably more).

 

Did we have an extended conversation after the work issue had finished?

 

Without a doubt.

 

Did she flirt with me?

 

Well, I don't know.

In her mind, everything may have been done in a "friendly" manner.

Maybe I just interpreted her actions as attraction.

That's why I went into details on LS;maybe people here could give me opinions on her behavior.

 

Did she mention her BF?

 

Not once, nor did she even imply she had one, even though our conversation skirted into such topics.

Maybe she forgot to mention him...or

maybe she is one of those women who is very closed about her personal relationship.

 

Does that mean she lacks integrity?

 

I don't know, (again) maybe she was just being very friendly.

Maybe she just feels an attraction but has no intentions of acting on it.

Although I could swear she wanted me to ask her out.

 

Do I lack integrity?

 

I interviewed a lady for a job and felt the butterflies stirring.

But all we've done is talk.

I ,supposedly, don't know anything about the BF.

I haven't asked her out.

 

You know, people are not 100 % ethical.

That doesn't mean they are bad people.

She may be going through a rough patch in her relationship or her relationship may be ending.

She may just want me as a "friend";I could be imagining everything else.

She may just want the job(hardly likely though; she basically limited herself to just 2 hours or so)

 

So Almost, I don't say your points lack validity.

 

I am just a confused guy at the moment.

[Nemo]

I interviewed a lady for a job and felt the butterflies stirring.

I've never heard it called that before. The trick is not to stand up too quickly, or you risk crushing the butterflies.

 

Look, the next time she's leaning all over you, do yourself a favour!!!! You have nothing to lose, except your butterflies.

[CaliGuy]

I am just a confused guy at the moment.

 

I've had this happen before and it's usually very clear. Let her decide where she wants to go. I would however caution you that if you give her the job and you get involved, it will look VERY bad on you.

 

If you are really interested in her and she you, then I would simply not give her the job (and you can do that since she can't work the hours), give it to someone else and see if she calls you again.

 

That will give you your answer.

[Balthazar]

I've had this happen before and it's usually very clear. Let her decide where she wants to go. I would however caution you that if you give her the job and you get involved, it will look VERY bad on you.

 

If you are really interested in her and she you, then I would simply not give her the job (and you can do that since she can't work the hours), give it to someone else and see if she calls you again.

 

That will give you your answer.

 

In your case, did the lady have a BF Caliguy?

 

And did things work out between you?

[CaliGuy]

In your case, did the lady have a BF Caliguy?

 

And did things work out between you?

 

In all of the cases, they had signficant others and yes, they did pursue me. You know when you can feel the tension. Lots of eye contact, smiling, talking about things that have nothing to do with the job. I have that same issue right now but she's engaged and I know I have to be "hands off" with her. But it's the same thing I described above. Lots of deep eye contact (the kind that says "I wonder what your lips taste like....") and BSing about nothing in particular. Just lots of laughing and smiling and that "boink me" eye contact we so often make. Good vibes.

 

She asked you personal questions that gave off the "I'm interested!" flags. Like are you married/dating and twice she asked about the show. IMHO there's no doubt she is interested.

 

Did you give her your personal number or work number? How about your email? Once I gave this woman my email (I used to be a headhunter before switching careers) and she pursued me even though she was married. Had to cut her off. I guess I wanted the personal satisifaction of knowing she was interested in me (why can't the ones that pursue me be that hot AND single? lol). Not proud of that but I am human.

 

Look, if you like her and she's giving you the signs, give her avenues to contact you. Don't pursue her just crack the door open a little. First things first though. She has a S/O and unless she dumps the guy, I wouldn't pursue anything.

 

After all, if she will cheat on him, she will cheat on you. Why do you think I am not pursuing the totally hot but engaged woman? Because I respect the ring. If she doesn't, then I can't respect her either.

 

No respect = no foundation for a relationship.

 

If you give her the job, then you will get to know one another and have a better gauge. But if you do that, you musn't date her while working with her. Trust me, that's just bad mojo.

[Balthazar]

Lots of deep eye contact (the kind that says "I wonder what your lips taste like....") and BSing about nothing in particular. Just lots of laughing and smiling and that "boink me" eye contact we so often make. Good vibes.

 

She asked you personal questions that gave off the "I'm interested!" flags. Like are you married/dating and twice she asked about the show. IMHO there's no doubt she is interested.

 

Did you give her your personal number or work number? How about your email?

 

Look, if you like her and she's giving you the signs, give her avenues to contact you. Don't pursue her just crack the door open a little. First things first though. She has a S/O and unless she dumps the guy, I wouldn't pursue anything.

 

After all, if she will cheat on him, she will cheat on you. Why do you think I am not pursuing the totally hot but engaged woman? Because I respect the ring. If she doesn't, then I can't respect her either.

 

No respect = no foundation for a relationship.

 

If you give her the job, then you will get to know one another and have a better gauge. But if you do that, you musn't date her while working with her. Trust me, that's just bad mojo.

 

Well, there was the deep eye contact, the leaning in and the tilted head look over the desk.

There was a compliment(she saw a photo of me from 5-6 years ago and said I look younger than then).

 

Possibly her best compliment was when I told her she is not talking so much and she said

"I enjoy listening to you".

It's not something I think you just say to someone, it logically shows interest.

 

She also commented that she couldn't believe I wasn't married and if I have issues with commitment.

 

She has my cell phone number and I was careful not to ask her out to the theater show on Sunday.

I told her I would call her with the details of the show(address,time, etc..) but I told her I am not sure I was going.

 

I don't think I will do anything tomorrow.

Just let the situation simmer a bit.

 

We are supposed to talk on Monday concerning the hours at the school.

 

But your right about the BF issue.

She never once mentioned him and I have a feeling she didn't speak too much about herself to avoid slipping up and referring to him.

 

Thanks for the advice Caliguy, very useful stuff!

[Balthazar]

FINAL UPDATE

 

I called Marianne today to have a final talk about the job and the hours. She answers the phone but asks if she can get back to me in the afternoon; Of course, I said that is OK.

 

She texts me about 1 hour go(It's Sunday afternoon here) and her text is as follows.

 

Mr.Balthazar, as I am continuing to have problems with my schedule and I don't want to delay you, I would like to thank you for understanding and hope we will be able to work together in the future.

I an glad we met and I wish you success.

 

So, we won't be working together, but it seems she doesn't want any personal contact either.

We were going to talk about the matter on Monday, but I called early Sunday afternoon because I am under a bit of pressure to finalize a schedule.

I don't really think that created any problems though, did it?

 

I guess I was probably imagining things or something else happened.

 

 

Any ideas what may have occured and how to proceed?