Dating a person I really...really shouldn't?

[Balthazar]

I'm in trouble, or can get in trouble, or will be in trouble.

 

Everything started on Wednesday.

I run a firm specializing in language courses for young learners.

I need to hire a teacher for about 5 hours a week(nothing major), and in comes an applicant.

 

About 5'6'', chestnut brown hair, full lips, expressive eyes; in a nutshell...a gorgeous lady.

 

She hands me her CV, I see she is 29; and we start talking about business matters.

Qualifications:Check!

Personality:Check!

Availability:Check!

Financing:Check!

 

However, I notice as we are speaking that we are both looking into each others eyes a lot, and we are leaning into each other over the desk.

I am getting really strong body language from the lady and we start talking about stuff other than the job.

Anyway, I think there was a connection.

I felt it and I'm pretty sure she did too.

 

She asks me if I'm married, and when I tell her I'm not she says "I can't believe you're not married, do you have a difficulty committing?"

 

Anyway, after discussing assorted stuff she says that no matter what I decide she is happy she met me.

 

I call her later that day(to clarify something on the CV) and her voice rises on octave on the phone.

She tells me about her CV but I can tell she wants to talk.

I had mentioned a amateur theater group who are putting on a show on Sunday, and she says that sounds really exciting and that she loves the theater.

I refrain from asking her to go with me; don't want to jump the gun here.

 

My problem is I don't know how to handle this situation.

I am attracted to this woman, but I interviewed her for a job.

She may have been flirting to get the job, but the problem is she really didn't seem that interested in the money, and it's only a few hours a week. She said she wants the classroom experience.

 

What do I do?

 

1) Do I give her the job and forget about dating her?(I don't trust myself to do this,I REALLY like her!)

2)Don't give her the job and ask her out on a date?

(Seems unfair; she is qualified for the work)

3)Give her the job and ask her on a date?

(Mixing business with pleasure;good if you can pull it off. I have in the past.)

 

Do I have any other options?

 

Please don't give me any set pieces about how I shouldn't date employees or co-workers. I know..I know.

Is she flirting to get the job?

Possibly, but if she is, she is a great actress.

I need some realistic stuff on how to work this out.

Problem is I really like this lady and don't want to let it go without an effort.

 

Help!

[carhill]

My first thought is she's stroking your d!ck to get a job.

 

I think I'll go with that...

 

I'll never forget the garbage service saleslady who knocked me out of my chair with her girls .... enjoyed that dumpster and her visits for a couple years...

[Art_Critic]

Carhill nailed it.. flirting....

 

She is going overboard though...

 

If you feel she fits and will do the job well then you give her the job and don't date her.. simple really...

[cheezy100]

I'm in trouble, or can get in trouble, or will be in trouble.

 

Everything started on Wednesday.

I run a firm specializing in language courses for young learners.

I need to hire a teacher for about 5 hours a week(nothing major), and in comes an applicant.

 

About 5'6'', chestnut brown hair, full lips, expressive eyes; in a nutshell...a gorgeous lady.

 

She hands me her CV, I see she is 29; and we start talking about business matters.

Qualifications:Check!

Personality:Check!

Availability:Check!

Financing:Check!

 

However, I notice as we are speaking that we are both looking into each others eyes a lot, and we are leaning into each other over the desk.

I am getting really strong body language from the lady and we start talking about stuff other than the job.

Anyway, I think there was a connection.

I felt it and I'm pretty sure she did too.

 

She asks me if I'm married, and when I tell her I'm not she says "I can't believe you're not married, do you have a difficulty committing?"

 

Anyway, after discussing assorted stuff she says that no matter what I decide she is happy she met me.

 

I call her later that day(to clarify something on the CV) and her voice rises on octave on the phone.

She tells me about her CV but I can tell she wants to talk.

I had mentioned a amateur theater group who are putting on a show on Sunday, and she says that sounds really exciting and that she loves the theater.

I refrain from asking her to go with me; don't want to jump the gun here.

 

My problem is I don't know how to handle this situation.

I am attracted to this woman, but I interviewed her for a job.

She may have been flirting to get the job, but the problem is she really didn't seem that interested in the money, and it's only a few hours a week. She said she wants the classroom experience.

 

What do I do?

 

1) Do I give her the job and forget about dating her?(I don't trust myself to do this,I REALLY like her!)

2)Don't give her the job and ask her out on a date?

(Seems unfair; she is qualified for the work)

3)Give her the job and ask her on a date?

(Mixing business with pleasure;good if you can pull it off. I have in the past.)

 

Do I have any other options?

 

Please don't give me any set pieces about how I shouldn't date employees or co-workers. I know..I know.

Is she flirting to get the job?

Possibly, but if she is, she is a great actress.

I need some realistic stuff on how to work this out.

Problem is I really like this lady and don't want to let it go without an effort.

 

Help!

 

I think she's unprofessional. During interviews, I personally think you're not suppose to flirt. That's just me though. I think she's just using her moves on you to get a job for experience. I would do the "flirting" too, but I'd rather be professional.

[Shygirl15]

I honestly think she was genuinely interested, and not flirting to get the job. Women don't flirt to get jobs anymore, that's so old news. Why would she do that, if she already has strong qualifications to back-up her case? Doesn't make sense to me.

 

I would suggest you offer her the job if you truly think she's qualified, let everything cool off, then if you still like her you can her for a date. You might be suprised to find she's as cool as you think she's is once you guys start working together..lol

[carhill]

What kind of job is this, exactly?

[JoeNewbie]

I honestly think she was genuinely interested, and not flirting to get the job. Women don't flirt to get jobs anymore, that's so old news. Why would she do that, if she already has strong qualifications to back-up her case? Doesn't make sense to me.

 

Sorry but I strongly disagree with the above. Women will use all of their assets to achieve their goals. Sex to get a job? Not unless it's one helluva great opportunity. Flirt to get a job? Most definitely YES.

 

Now, I think the OP was equally unprofessional during the interview. An interview should never go into personal topics at all. That's my HR view.

 

As a man, here's what I say. Hire her if she is qualified, flirt with her while she works there - but do not date her for as long as she is a co-worker (especially since you hired her).

 

There's a serious study out there that indicates that most male interviewers think that their interviewees are flirting with them - and how such impressions are oftentimes inaccurate.

 

Flirt all you want - but don't ask her out like this.

[Balthazar]

I think I may have incorrectly stated what happened at the interview.

 

There was no flirting of a crude type.

What there was consisted of intense eye contact and leaning in towards each other.

 

Our discussion strayed into other areas and it happened very naturally; we just seemed to like to talk to each other.

 

I understand people may feel she or I were unprofessional(maybe we were), but at 38, I am more confident in the way I approach professional and personal issues.

 

I felt I could converse with her, yet still keep things cool.

 

Funny thing is, I think she really wants me to ask her out.

 

By the way, the job is a 5 hour a week, 2 day job and pays ok, but nothing special.

It is not the kind of a job a person will go to great lengths to get.

[JoeNewbie]

I think I may have incorrectly stated what happened at the interview.

 

There was no flirting of a crude type.

What there was consisted of intense eye contact and leaning in towards each other.

 

Our discussion strayed into other areas and it happened very naturally; we just seemed to like to talk to each other.

 

I understand people may feel she or I were unprofessional(maybe we were), but at 38, I am more confident in the way I approach professional and personal issues.

 

I felt I could converse with her, yet still keep things cool.

 

Funny thing is, I think she really wants me to ask her out.

 

By the way, the job is a 5 hour a week, 2 day job and pays ok, but nothing special.

It is not the kind of a job a person will go to great lengths to get.

 

As an experienced HR person, I don't agree with everything that you say. Talking about relationship status is way off limits, even for colleagues you have known for a while.

 

She might be naturally flirtatious (many women are) or she might have a thing for you. Either way, if you're the interviewer, I would not rely on that session to gauge her interest level.

 

And I would wait for her to leave before asking her out.

[Balthazar]

Leave? She hasn't even come yet?

[Balthazar]

I honestly think she was genuinely interested, and not flirting to get the job. Women don't flirt to get jobs anymore, that's so old news. Why would she do that, if she already has strong qualifications to back-up her case? Doesn't make sense to me.

 

I would suggest you offer her the job if you truly think she's qualified, let everything cool off, then if you still like her you can her for a date. You might be suprised to find she's as cool as you think she's is once you guys start working together..lol

 

SHe seems like an OK lady Shygirl.

And education is not a cutthroat working environment.

Things are a bit more casual between co-workers and employers.

 

I just felt a connection.

Again, she may be playing me; but I am experienced . i think I would have picked up something.

But I could be wrong as Joe asserts...

[xpaperxcutx]

SHe seems like an OK lady Shygirl.

And education is not a cutthroat working environment.

Things are a bit more casual between co-workers and employers.

 

I just felt a connection.

Again, she may be playing me; but I am experienced . i think I would have picked up something.

But I could be wrong as Joe asserts...

 

B, if you're confident, then I'm sure you're more than able to handle business pleasures. The job is full time, so basically she's only your colleague two days out of a week, so the rest of the time you're entitled to chase tail. I'm firmly against inter office relationships, because it could always erupt into a scandal. Just be sure to tread lightly.

[Balthazar]

Yes, you are right, it is part-time and only a few hours a week.

I got such strong signals from this lady that cannot be easily denied.

We are going to meet up today and ,probably, finalize the work.

 

I will play things by ear and see how it goes.

 

Thanks,

[pfunkallstar]

i say hire her if she has the qualifications. Don't even acknowledge the attraction. If she's still flirty and the chemistry is still there at the work place, still don't explicitly acknowledge it. Sexual tension is a good thing (most of the time).

 

Then non-chalantly ask if she wants to join you at happy hour after work... That you just need a drink after a long day..

 

if what you're saying is true, she'll take you up on the offer.. and if you guys hook up later that night, then you know your answer.

 

If she says no, calmly reply "cool, have a great weekend!..etc"

[Green]

so what happened... penis penis pensis VAGINA!

[Cherry Blossom 35]

I had a very similar experience back in the 90s. I was interviewing a young man for a summer position in the small business I was running. The position was part time, and the person hired would have been an independant contractor, so although I would have been in a supervisory position, I would not have been his employer. Anyway, the interview had a lot of the same elements as yours. I accepted him for the position. I conducted a three day training course with about 8 people, including him. The connection between us was electric. I could feel it across the room. I fact, I have never since had such an intense connection with another person to this day. Shortly after that, I asked him in sort of a roundabout way if he was attracted to me, which he denied. The next day he called me and wanted to talk. The rest...you can figure it out. I had one hell of a summer.

 

I think that if you are on tricky ground here, obviously. If you call her up and ask her out and do not hire her for the job, you could find trouble if that is not what she wanted. Since it is just a part time position, and it sounds like it is not something that has growth potential, then perhaps you could hire her for the job and see if the attraction is real or not. If the attraction is unmistakeable, and she really likes you, then she can always quit and find another job.

[Nemo]

3)Give her the job and ask her on a date?

(Mixing business with pleasure;good if you can pull it off.

It's unlikely to be pulled off, even if her enthusiasm escalates to temporary obsession. I don't think it can support your entire body weight, but pretty close.

 

Anyway, you should go for it!!!! No question about it. She's only a casual employee, so that doesn't count. Seriously.

 

Pass up this golden opportunity, and you may wish you could pull it off permanently.

[Balthazar]

I think that if you are on tricky ground here, obviously. If you call her up and ask her out and do not hire her for the job, you could find trouble if that is not what she wanted. Since it is just a part time position, and it sounds like it is not something that has growth potential, then perhaps you could hire her for the job and see if the attraction is real or not. If the attraction is unmistakeable, and she really likes you, then she can always quit and find another job.

 

Yes, tricky ground indeed.

She is ,without a doubt, qualified for the job and it would be a shame not to work together because of the attraction.

Even if I am imagining things(I don't think I am:confused:), the lady would be a good addition to the school.

She has a nice personality and would work well with the students.

Sounds like good advice Cherry, thanks!

[Balthazar]

It's unlikely to be pulled off, even if her enthusiasm escalates to temporary obsession. I don't think it can support your entire body weight, but pretty close.

 

Anyway, you should go for it!!!! No question about it. She's only a casual employee, so that doesn't count. Seriously.

 

Pass up this golden opportunity, and you may wish you could pull it off permanently.

 

Something tells me we are talking about "pulling off" different things!:lmao::lmao:

 

You're an LS treasure my man!

[Balthazar]

i say hire her if she has the qualifications. Don't even acknowledge the attraction. If she's still flirty and the chemistry is still there at the work place, still don't explicitly acknowledge it. Sexual tension is a good thing (most of the time).

 

Then non-chalantly ask if she wants to join you at happy hour after work... That you just need a drink after a long day..

 

if what you're saying is true, she'll take you up on the offer.. and if you guys hook up later that night, then you know your answer.

 

If she says no, calmly reply "cool, have a great weekend!..etc"

 

I think your advice on sexual tension is spot on.

However, a small problem is that we start work in a work or so. Things may cool off by then and it may be better to strike while the iron is hot.

 

Then again, if the attraction is strong, it should be there after a week.

Thanks,

[Tomcat33]

As an experienced HR person, I don't agree with everything that you say. Talking about relationship status is way off limits, even for colleagues you have known for a while.

 

She might be naturally flirtatious (many women are) or she might have a thing for you. Either way, if you're the interviewer, I would not rely on that session to gauge her interest level.

 

And I would wait for her to leave before asking her out.

 

I could not agree with this more, SPOT ON JoeNewbie.

 

 

 

I understand people may feel she or I were unprofessional(maybe we were), but at 38, I am more confident in the way I approach professional and personal issues.

 

 

?????????????????????????

 

Are you confident you approach them well, or confident you don't approach them well?

 

 

You need to hire an HR manager to hire staff for you.

 

 

And what is this bit about her not being interested in the money? Did she say she would work for free?

[Lucky_One]

Don't hire her if you want to date her. Do not **** where you eat.

 

And then call her in a week. THEN see if she is still interested after you don't give her the job.

[Balthazar]

Don't hire her if you want to date her. Do not **** where you eat.

 

And then call her in a week. THEN see if she is still interested after you don't give her the job.

 

These are valid point Lucky one.

Which is why I am ambivalent about all these issues.

 

However, I don't live in the US.

These issues are possibly less clear cut here in Europe.

It is a bit difficult for me to explain the whole situation without launching into a pages long post.

 

In any case, I am veering towards a policy of "no action" on my part, other than hiring her on the merits of her qualifications.

 

CHeers,

[Shygirl15]

You might be suprised to find she's NOT as cool as you think she's is once you guys start working together..lol

 

Word was missing, hope it wasn't too confusing.

 

Funny how people are embracing the idea she was flirting for part-time, average pay teacher's position more than the fact that she could be genuinely interested in our hotter than hot B! Clearly during your phone conversation she was keen for you to take her to this theatre, and you played it very well by not offering.

 

The working environment appears to be laid back with no formal HR protocols, so I do not see any harm in asking her out once she's settled in and your interest in her is still there.

[carhill]

I'll opine too much too fast on her part and remain steadfast in my projection of ejection seat with no chute on this one. Proceed at your own risk