winx717 Posted September 11, 2008 Posted September 11, 2008 I have lived with my boyfriend for 5 years and we have been together for 6. It has always been a rocky relationship including cheating on both parts, him hitting me, me feeling worthless and unloved, etc. You name it, we have been through it. Well, I started a job about 5 months ago, and I have changed my views on a lot of things, mainly our relationship. All of a sudden him having 3 kids from 3 different women became a problem, the fact that his younger brother is living with us became a problem, the fact that mostly all of his money is tied up became a problem and so on and so forth. Well, as I said in my other entry, I encountered someone in my building where I work, and I am totally curious about him, but not so much in a sexual way. This man seems to be everything I could want in a partner, if he would just get to know me. But that is beside the point and on a different journal entry. I guess my question is that now that I am wanting to be free and have a little alone time and even explore new avenues, my boyfriend has all of a sudden become Mr. Pleasing and all lovey-dovey which is what I have been asking for years, am I thinking clearly? Is Ethan just a way to get me away from Leo? Is Leo only being pleasing because he is afraid of losing? Because let me tell you, for 6 years it has been nothing but being about HIM, HIM, HIM. I am so young and I thought that I wanted to marry Leo, but now I really doubt it. We even come from 2 different countries and cultures, which is difficult for me to cope with now that I am feeling attracted to a caucasian man again. Hmmm... I wonder?????
sacg Posted September 11, 2008 Posted September 11, 2008 First off, do you really want this relationship? its does sound rocky to say the least. but, im a true believer in if you really want it, and your in love, work at it. Whatever you do be honest. If you decide to see if the grass is greener, then tell him and let him go, dont hold onto him or keep him in the wings. And definatley dont cheat. If you love your partner, then talk to him as you are now and tell him, maybe he is afraid of losing you, maybe he's just woken up (believe me, we do, mostly when its too late), maybe this other guy is just a curiousity, as you say. the mind boggles. but actions have major impacts.... be honest with yourself first, what do you want, talk like mad if need be, and make sure he knows how you feel, then make a decsion that will probably have a massive impact on your life and future. Good luck. mind you, he does sound a sod, hitting you?? If thats the case, then maybe it's time to move on, i would never say that could change.
Author winx717 Posted September 11, 2008 Author Posted September 11, 2008 thank you for your input. i do feel like the relationship has become too much for me to handle, but the change is going to be tough to get used to. as for ethan, well, i do think that i need to get to know him, but haven't had that chance and am not sure if i will get the chance. i know there are other people out there too, but this has been a tough 2 months to say the least! and an even tougher 6 years.
sacg Posted September 11, 2008 Posted September 11, 2008 Its weird, because its like talking to me ex in a way. She said to me she detached long before she left me, and she ended up with someone very quick. It destroyed me, because i didnt realise, i didnt see it coming and she didnt commincate enough with me. So just be honest, i hate to say this as I know how hurt this Leo may be, but you have to do what you want when you want it. it will be tough yeah, but you cant wing it out whilst you detach and can leave easily and he's left gutted and shocked. be VERY open. Be HONEST. trust me, i dont want anynone to split, or go through what I am, but if you want that, have the courage to say so and walk, dont wait for better options. Im probably biased, but i hope that helps a little, from a male dumpee perspective.
Red_Apple Posted September 11, 2008 Posted September 11, 2008 It seems like your relationship with Leo has been rocky from the start and you both hurt each other in different ways. I think the relationship has reached a peak. Perhaps it is time to get to know Ethan, or also spend alone time like you stated earlier.
sacg Posted September 11, 2008 Posted September 11, 2008 LOL, Alone time?? that gets me everytime. translated, that means "dont worry, i love you and im sitting in on my own thnking", when really there out starting a new life.
Author winx717 Posted September 11, 2008 Author Posted September 11, 2008 well, truth is ethan is not up to a relationship right now, and i am having a heck of a time getting my head around what he's all about. there is something that draws me to him, and i want to know him. he intrigues me. i appreciate the male opinion... and i have been honest with leo. he even knows about ethan, so please don't think i am being sneaky. leo knows everything that i am thinking about and i think he and i make better friends.
sacg Posted September 11, 2008 Posted September 11, 2008 There ya go, your Bf's trying, its up to you. like i said, not a great start in a relationship, but up to you. if ethan isnt available, is that stopping you from leaving your bf then? are you just waiting for another "ethan" to give you the strength? I beg you, think hard and not lie, to you or anyone. Dont stay with your bf if your not happy, have courage, and you will both seperate a lot more amicably, and with affection. there will aalways be an ethan out there.
Author winx717 Posted September 11, 2008 Author Posted September 11, 2008 WOW! Very strong words... you're good Um, i think that there could be something between ethan and no, it's not because of leo. the whole leo situation irks me and is no longer something i want to live with. but i like that there are other ethans out there!
sacg Posted September 11, 2008 Posted September 11, 2008 Im speaking from your boyfriends perspective really, and i can see how unhappy you are and the temptation thats there for you, understandably, but you wouldnt be here if you didnt have feelings for your bf. Its a tough one, if he's abusive etc, then no question, go, but if theres stuff there that matters to you both, fight like mad before its too late. I wish i had the chance he MAY have, even if he doesnt deserve it, your choice. But be sure of whatever you do. x Actually, reading your post again, seems like youv'e made youre decision.
Author winx717 Posted September 11, 2008 Author Posted September 11, 2008 Yes, i believe i have. but it still hurts when he says nice things to me. for instance, he just sent me an email that says "papi misses u." i used to call him papi. i know i will always love him as he is the only man i have ever had these feelings for, but we have both been unhappy for several years. it just seems so typical that he would start to act properly when i have changed my mind. because i cannot begin to count the times that he has said he is through with me, but i kept begging and hanging on for dear life. now here we are, and it's my call. it's a hard decision to make, and i am so sorry that you went through so much pain with your ex. relationships are an ugly thing, but also one of the most beautiful things. i just feel like i am so young that i don't need to be tied down so much with so many responsibilities. i will be only 23 in 9 days and am just starting my life. i feel like there is more out there for me than just leo, and while i love him, i don't think i will be happy unless i explore on my own.
sacg Posted September 11, 2008 Posted September 11, 2008 This brings tears to my eyes, honestly, im writing through tears. he is too late, like i was, he lost, he neglected you. You are strong enough now to move forward, and nothing he does or says will stop you. He will realise this, and you have done him a favour in that he should recognise faults and become a better person. other than hitting someone, he is almost who i was......very sad. good luck
Author winx717 Posted September 12, 2008 Author Posted September 12, 2008 thank you very much. good luck with all of your endeavors too! I hope you feel better soon. Don't cry, because you'll make me cry!
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