Concerned1 Posted September 11, 2008 Posted September 11, 2008 My current GF were together for about 3 months before she went overseas. Everything was incredible before she left. We have been madly in love and feel that we are meant to be together. The only time we even had a remote argument was when she was naive around other guys. She is such a nice person that a guy that is obviously interested in her will talk to her and email her infrequently and instead of her telling them that she's not interested romantically she'll just play it off. There will be a guy that tells a friend of a friend that he has a crush on her and she'll be aware and still go to lunch with him as a "friend". Nothing has happened but I feel disrespected by the fact that she is friends with guys. She is amazingly affectionate to me and truly sweet but she went through a period of low self esteem a few years ago and it seems like male attention is a big ego boost for her. Then she is overseas and I see her first round of pictures and there is some dude that she's with. She also went to lunch with him 1 on 1. I expressed a moderate amount of jealousy but nothing crazy and she just laughed and apologized but thought it was cute. Some jealousy is healthy. So later on down the road instead of telling me what she's been doing she'll just tell me about inconsequential things on her trip. I find out that her and the guy that she has been friends with went away on their day off to another city. She neglected to tell me this and I'm wondering why? She'll often tell me a story about hanging out with a "friend" no one in particular and she'll play it off like it's nothing, then 2 or three days later she'll tell the story to a friend on the phone or something and add in the most crucial detail like instead of meeting at a coffee shop, he came to her apartment. She is a naive girl and very sweet and never wants to hurt people's feelings. She'd rather ignore a guys phone calls then tell him that she has a boyfriend and she's not interested. I try really hard not to get worked up over stuff and she has even told me that she really loves that I am so even keeled about her guy friends and that I only get a little bit jealous but in a very appropriate way. She told me that she has never cheated on a BF and I honestly feel like there is a good chance nothing has happened this time, but there is a little bit of me that thinks one of these 1 on 1 trips in another country could have led to more then just friends. Is it worth prying into her about and trying to see if anything really happened, or just don't ask about it and let it go. She'll probably never see the guy again if anything did happen, but I hate to have that feeling that she could have done that to me. Basically she tells me that she loves me and acts that way and is an amazing person and everything is perfect. There is just a part of me that sees the way that she gets when she receives male attention that seems so disrespectful to me. Instead of telling a guy that she's not interested she'll laugh off a offer for dinner. She's more concerned about hurting his feelings by beings serious and saying no then she is about the fact that I'm standing there looking like a jackass while some guy blatantly hits on and flirts with her. Am I supposed to just stand there and take it? I'll throw out a well placed comment but will rarely call anyone out. I'm not a trouble maker, but I do throw out facts when I see them. I know this will work, but it's been several weeks since I've seen her and I think that might be contributing to this as well. Most importantly I have no problem with her hanging out with or being friends with guys, but I've even told her multiple times that as long as she tells me about what she's doing then I'm ok with it. When she does something and leaves out critical details, or doesn't tell me at all, even if it is innocent, it still appears as dishonest. I have asked her to please respect that I feel that way and just keep me in the loop. She agreed with me and told me that she would. I think her naivatee is harmless in the sense that she's actually doing anything, but it makes me think about what to expect all the time.
paddington bear Posted September 11, 2008 Posted September 11, 2008 I think she's possibly not telling you specifics because she knows you'll get jealous and upset while she knows that she's not going to do anything with these guys - if she was really doing anything she wouldn't let slip about having dinner etc. I was once upon a time that niave girl that you are now with (until I got old an cynical from too many heartbreaks) and I was so in love with my boyfriend that it didn't occur to me that other men were hitting on me, I mean, they knew I had a boyfriend right? Why would they try anything? I thought they were just being friendly and responded in kind. I also didn't even contemplate doing anything sexual from a kiss upwards with any of them as I had a boyfriend, but also was brought up to be polite and would continue to be friendly with guys, despite not wanting to go out with them. You said "Instead of telling a guy that she's not interested she'll laugh off a offer for dinner." In my mind that's just her trying to be polite. No one wants to say 'No! I'd rather chew my own arm off than have dinner with you'. I'm guessing she likes the male attention, it's flattering, but it's safe as it's not going anywhere or leading to anything as she knows she has you. For her it is an innocent foray into the world of men without getting in any way involved with any of them. Hope she comes back soon to put your mind at rest.
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