Billy Bob Posted September 11, 2008 Posted September 11, 2008 So, I am headed towards my wits end! Background: Newly married, I have two children 7 & 9, she has a 15 year old living with us. We have all been co-habitating for about 3 months now. When she moved in she brought two cats and a 9 year old golden retreiver. We live in a pretty upscale suburban environment, all the neighbors treat each other pretty well and mind their own business. I am having problems with cohabitating with this dog. 1. Dog can't be put into the back yard, because it will suffer seperation anxiety and continually yelp for hours to come back in the house 2. Dog can't just be kept in the garage, because it will suffer seperation anxiety and try to chew through the door frame (has done this twice - still fixing our front door). 3. Dog can't be left in the garage in it's dog carrier, or it whines loudly and continually - the neighbors can hear this.. 4. Dog can't be boarded at any kennels because it is allergic to the necessary shots required for entrance. 5. Three neighbors have complained about the dog barking/whining, we have had "how to train your dog phamphlets" left on our door, neighbors at the front door, and now phone calls at 12:30 AM. 6. This is the harriest breed I have ever seen, big tufts of dog hair everywhere. Wife doesn't want to get rid of the dog. Her teen daughter, who feels it is her dog, says "if the dog goes so does she"!.. although she doesn't walk the dog, feed the dog, pick up dog poop or brush the dog.. all that responsibility falls on to my new wife. The dog's life now consists of at least 12-16 hours a day sitting in a dog carrier in the garage. No one really plays with the dog, the 15 year old is not all that interested in her dog.. just doesn't want to get rid of it. My wife claims the dog is old and will probably die in the next year... I looked up and golden's live 12-15 years on average.. so I don't think I can handle another 3-6 years of this old dog! Am I being unreasonable here? I just don't think this new dog is fitting in and it is such a needy dog it causes problems if we even want to go somewhere on the weekend.. When is enough? How many neighbors need to get pissed off before I can get her to get rid of the dog.. Sorry venting!
JackJack Posted September 11, 2008 Posted September 11, 2008 Sit down with her and see if there can be some kind of compromise on things. You knew about the dog before you all got together right? I'm sure some kind of adjustments can be made. If you talk her into getting rid of the dog, I think there will be some resentment there towards you espcially if she really doesn't want to get rid of the dig but goes along with it, so it might be best to talk it out and come to some kind of compromise.
Trialbyfire Posted September 11, 2008 Posted September 11, 2008 I hate to say this but if this dog has been ignored throughout its life as much as now, no wonder it's needy. Poor thing. Is it possible to discuss this in an adult fashion with your wife and step-daughter? Perhaps the tactic could be that the dog is neglected and desperately needs attention from the teenage daughter. If she's unwilling to care for it, then it's best for all if this dog goes to a less neglectful home. Btw, your wife is enabling your step-daughter, to not taking responsibility for a supposed "beloved" pet. This entire situation sounds more like a power struggle, than any serious concern about the dog.
Kasan Posted September 11, 2008 Posted September 11, 2008 Why can't the dog stay in the house? I have two dogs (age 11) that have never been crated. They are just fine in the house. I know crating is the newest thinking, but I never understood it. It will be extremely hard to place a 9 year old dog in a new home.
hotgurl Posted September 11, 2008 Posted September 11, 2008 why can't the dog stay in the house and move around? All my families dogs are in the house during the day, I think crating the dog is unfair to the dog. Why bother having a dog at all! Did she crate the dog at her house? or is this is something new for the dog?
IfWishesWereHorses Posted September 11, 2008 Posted September 11, 2008 I agree with TBF, the dog would be better in a less neglectful home. We live in a neighborhood where every family has atleast one dog. If a dog is barking late at night that person will get a call. One neighbor has a large dog that stays outside and they were forced to buy a bark collar for the dog. If the dog stays then I would suggest hiring a reputable trainer to help you solve the problem. The teenager and mom need to be responsible for brushing this dog daily (try a furminator, they are magic) and vacuuming up the hair daily. I'm a big fan of kennels or crates but they need to be used properly. Ours stays in a corner in the keeping room of the kitchen from which most of the living rooms can be seen. The kennel is their safe haven not a prison. "Do you want to crate?" Should be met with a wagging tail. Infact, I've been trying to get my lazy pooch to go out all day, but he likes it there. That many hours a day if they are in long stretches are bad for their joints and will excellerate arthritic conditions. Get the poor pup some help and get the responsible parties involved. Good Luck Golden retrievers are wonderful pets, I watch over a neighbors when they are out of town, and theirs is pretty whinny too! The first time I called them thinking something was wrong and they said that she just needed some attention!
norajane Posted September 11, 2008 Posted September 11, 2008 Dogs are pack animals, social creatures. Of course he'll be lonely and upset sitting in a dog carrier in the garage all day. Wouldn't you? Sign the whole family up for dog training classes. It will be a fun thing you all can do together, which can bring you closer, and it will help with understanding and caring for your dog. Dogs are usually not the source of the problem - they only know how to be dogs. People, on the other hand, need to take the responsibility of teaching themselves how to live comfortably with their pet if they're going to own one.
norajane Posted September 11, 2008 Posted September 11, 2008 If the dog stays then I would suggest hiring a reputable trainer to help you solve the problem. The teenager and mom need to be responsible for brushing this dog daily (try a furminator, they are magic) and vacuuming up the hair daily. And don't expect the dog trainer to magically train the dog to behave the way you want him to. The trainer actually trains the owners as much as they do the dog. It won't help you if you're not all actively involved in the training classes, because what you will end up with is a dog who listens and understands the trainers commands and rewards. That's why you all need to be a part of this and learn yourselves.
D-Lish Posted September 11, 2008 Posted September 11, 2008 This post makes me sick. Crating a dog for 12-16 hours a day??? That's disgusting- how can anyone treat an animal like that- it's abuse. Do I think you're being unreasonable? Yeah- and cruel to this poor animal. The entire family should be ashamed.
Groovy Posted September 11, 2008 Posted September 11, 2008 I understand what frustrations you go through. I am living with my boyfriend who has a dog that jumps up on the bed, whines and wants attention 3-4 times a night. I get sleep deprived and worry about my job performance or worse yet falling asleep at the wheel. Some nights I give up and sleep in another room because like you isolating the dog it just barks. But pets are like kids to many people, even if you do not like the pet or child you must accept it as part of the other person you fell in love with. I have a 70 pound ridgeback mix and he has 105 pd warlock Doberman, both male. If you are all living together under one roof his dog is your pet too. That means it is up to you to train it to live in your home the way you would like to live. If you do not know anything about training a dog please get professional or read books on the subject. Keep in mind this is a big change for the dog as well. They get jealous over relationships that change, new environments feel strange, etc. Give the dog time to bond to you and understand what you want from it. Teach it commands to establish communication. They do sell homeopathic canine remedies for anxiety at many pet food stores that are harmless, like “happy camper”. It is like a person having chamomile tea before bed. And if the dog really is having issues you may want to consider talking to the vet and giving it Benadryl when it becomes overly anxious. Leather furniture is great for pet hair and if you can’t get that use a sheet over furniture you can just shake outside. Even if the pet is not on the furniture it’s amazing how much gets on it anyway. I would get an anti shed shampoo and comb it often. The swiffer will keep your floors looking good too. Consider taking an extra 20 minutes a day share these responsibilities because you love this person and want to live together happily. That seems worth it!
Groovy Posted September 11, 2008 Posted September 11, 2008 I will add I missed the part about crate training the dog 12-14 hours a day. Maybe neither one of you should not be allowed to be pet owners.......
IfWishesWereHorses Posted September 11, 2008 Posted September 11, 2008 And don't expect the dog trainer to magically train the dog to behave the way you want him to. The trainer actually trains the owners as much as they do the dog. It won't help you if you're not all actively involved in the training classes, because what you will end up with is a dog who listens and understands the trainers commands and rewards. That's why you all need to be a part of this and learn yourselves. I have a dear friend who is a trainer, she says she trains people, not animals. She does most of her work inside the clients homes with all of the family. They do have suggestions for problems that are not obvious to owners. An example is, our pup at 6 months was trying to dominate our young son. Not dangerously but it was a problem since it was his dog. The answer was so simple, HE was the only one to feed and water and treat the dog. Worked in a week!
Trialbyfire Posted September 11, 2008 Posted September 11, 2008 I will add I missed the part about crate training the dog 12-14 hours a day. Maybe neither one of you should not be allowed to be pet owners....... It's actually 12 - 16 hours a day.
JackJack Posted September 11, 2008 Posted September 11, 2008 Where is a4a, she might have some good suggestions too.
Final Girl Posted September 11, 2008 Posted September 11, 2008 The revolting cruelty of this family is despicable!! If I knew a family like that, I'd report them!! How DARE you treat a poor dog like that? Is there anyone with an ounce of compassion in your family? Or are you all as bad as each other?
Author Billy Bob Posted September 11, 2008 Author Posted September 11, 2008 This post makes me sick. Crating a dog for 12-16 hours a day??? That's disgusting- how can anyone treat an animal like that- it's abuse. Do I think you're being unreasonable? Yeah- and cruel to this poor animal. The entire family should be ashamed. Well of course I shouldn't own a dog! My point is that unless the dog is crated it tries to chew through the door! Problem is that this dog was my wife's kids dog.. Her 18 yo son is gone and the 15 yo daughter isn't interested inspending time with the dog anymore.. The dog was in her house 24/7 with both her kids until recently. I have made the comment that its not much of a life to be in a crate 12-16 hours per day.. but wife says all the dog does is sleep in one spot on the floor all day anyway.. I think she will do anything not to get rid of the dog. I wouldn't mind leaving the dog in the back yard or garage during the day.. but this dog just can't handle the seperation???
PandorasBox Posted September 11, 2008 Posted September 11, 2008 There are alot of people who crate their dogs while at work, as a way not to let the dogs tear up things etc, as soon as they get home the dog is let out and free to roam around be with the family etc. Now if the dog has been trained by a behavioral expert then some may not feel the need to crate one and be ok to roam free while no one is home. Having one outside is another option too, epscially if you have a fenced in yard and the dog has a dog house too. Except in really hot or cold weather might be best to bring them inside. Let us know waht you and your wife decide to do after you talk with her.
Groovy Posted September 11, 2008 Posted September 11, 2008 Most dogs do not want to be alone outside all day or left in the garage. Your crating the dog excessively because you are all incapable of training a dog, simple as that. It takes time, knowledge, money and patience. I am sorry you are not a dog person but in that case you should not be with this family. Dogs are not goldfish and require work. Please do not make excuses. You are either committed to owning a dog responsibly or not. It's people like you I'd like to teather to a pole outside and leave all day on a chain in the hot florida sun......
norajane Posted September 11, 2008 Posted September 11, 2008 Well of course I shouldn't own a dog! My point is that unless the dog is crated it tries to chew through the door! Problem is that this dog was my wife's kids dog.. Her 18 yo son is gone and the 15 yo daughter isn't interested inspending time with the dog anymore.. The dog was in her house 24/7 with both her kids until recently. I have made the comment that its not much of a life to be in a crate 12-16 hours per day.. but wife says all the dog does is sleep in one spot on the floor all day anyway.. I think she will do anything not to get rid of the dog. I wouldn't mind leaving the dog in the back yard or garage during the day.. but this dog just can't handle the seperation??? Why is the garage the only option? Why can't the dog be in the house?
whichwayisup Posted September 11, 2008 Posted September 11, 2008 This thread makes me sad. Solution? Hire a dog walker to come afew times a day, and this person can spend time with the dog. It's lonely and sad, being left alone for so many hours - And having to hold it's poop and pee in for such a long period of time isn't good either. The dog is having separation anxiety because of all the changes, and having people around for a long time and now noone is around DOES affect animals, just like it would humans.
Author Billy Bob Posted September 11, 2008 Author Posted September 11, 2008 why can't the dog stay in the house and move around? All my families dogs are in the house during the day, I think crating the dog is unfair to the dog. Why bother having a dog at all! Did she crate the dog at her house? or is this is something new for the dog? I'm really not a dog kind of guy... I'm not going to leave the dog in the house when everyone is gone. the dog is free to be in the house when someone is home. Otherwise the dog needs to be outside or in the garage. i don't think I am being unreasonable about that. However we have discovered we can't leave the dog in the backyard by itself for more than 5-10 minutes or it starts continually yelping or chewing on the fence gate. This pisses all the neighbors off. It goes on for hours and hours.. If we put the dog in the garage it yelps and tries to chew through the door... so we have to put it in a dog crate... then all it does is whine and yelp. The neighbors can her her do this as well. My deal when she brought the dog to live with us, was that it would sleep in the garage. This dog sheds soo much I don't even like it in the house for the amount of time when we are home.
Groovy Posted September 11, 2008 Posted September 11, 2008 Why do you keep repeating your ignorance over and over? That you don't want to deal with it and want it all fixed without doing anything? Good luck to you......
blair08 Posted September 11, 2008 Posted September 11, 2008 Since the dog is your wife's daughters dog, then maybe you and your wife should ask her what she wants to do about it? You said she doesn't want to be responsbile for it anymore and isn't interested, so just go to her and say since you're no longer interested what is your suggestion on the dog? If she doesn't seem interested or wont really give you all a straight answer then maybe let your wife read these replies and then let her decide.
blair08 Posted September 11, 2008 Posted September 11, 2008 "We can't leave the dog in the backyard for more than 5-10 minutes or it starts to continually yelping or chewing on the fence gate. This pisses all the neighbors off." Look in the phone book in your are or google online for dog trainers/behavioral speaalist then. Bring in a professional that can help you all with the issue! It wont happen overnight and will take some work and consistancy for you ALL. Anything worth having is going to take some work.
Author Billy Bob Posted September 11, 2008 Author Posted September 11, 2008 Most dogs do not want to be alone outside all day or left in the garage. Your crating the dog excessively because you are all incapable of training a dog, simple as that. It takes time, knowledge, money and patience. I am sorry you are not a dog person but in that case you should not be with this family. Dogs are not goldfish and require work. Please do not make excuses. You are either committed to owning a dog responsibly or not. It's people like you I'd like to teather to a pole outside and leave all day on a chain in the hot florida sun...... Well, I came here asking for advice.. Not to be lambasted.. This dog has been around for 9 years.. I wasn't under the impression it even needed training, all I was told is that it was a good dog. I don't think crating the animal so many hours of the day is much of a life for the dog either.
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