Author premiumjet Posted September 15, 2008 Author Posted September 15, 2008 I agree...I met a guy on a Sunday. Went to dinner with him on Wednesday. He invited me to him home for a dinner he planned to cook that Friday and we had sex. After that we dated for 4 yrs. As a matter of fact he asked me to be his girlfriend in week 2. Having sex with someone soon after meeting them does not make someone a "ho." It can sometimes mean that you have not been involved with someone on a physical level in a while, the chemistry feels right, both are consenting adults and go for it. I know as I woman that is something I used to wrestle with. (sleeping with someone soon after meeting) In that instance it worked out. The fact that she keeps being physical with you is because the physical chemistry is great but she keeps pulling away because you cannot be trusted to be faithful. After the last incident she probably paired that with all of your other deeds with women and determined that this can only get worse if she keeps going. What could she possibly do to stop you? You started out with the texting thing and she overlooked it and you just keep pushing your limits. She is attracted to you and loves you yet she knows you are not boyfriend material. You call her out for sleeping with you soon but you did the same. (you slept with her soon) Also, you cheated on her. What do you call a man who has a girlfriend who he cheats on while maintaining a relationship with her as well/ You say she is a "ho" but what do you call yourself and more importantly why should she continue with you when you keep going down other paths bringing other women into your relationship. Leave her alone. If she suggests meeting up, if you care anything about her, tell her no. She is obviously blinded by the physical attraction but knows you are a bad boy and is having difficulty telling you know. I have 2 friends to speak of who had men who were the same way. They could not see that their men were bad boys until they drugs and alcohol affected their sexual performance. After no longer having that as a distraction, they could see the relationship for what it was. Do her a favor and look out for her when she obviously is unable to do so for herself. Better yet, send her this thread via IM. I didn't say it right when I first talked about it, and I tried to explain. Reading these posts is helping me see how I used to think was wrong, I mean how I used to think when I first started dating her. At first I didn't think she was gf material because we went to bed pretty quik, but we did click and she became my gf. And now I fu*&ed that up because she still hasnt answered me. She did always say how she had a kind of weakness for me (I dont know about 'bad boy' but take it however). Our chemistry was intense and we had so much fun together. We havent slept together in soooo long now. I admit it I messed it all up. I just always thought what you don't know won't hurt you. But I guess it does. Sometimes I want to blame her for not really breaking up with me when she caught me just texting, instead of all this now.
Author premiumjet Posted September 15, 2008 Author Posted September 15, 2008 Jeremy, is that you? My BFF is going through an identical situation. ha no my name isnt jeremy!
nowhereman82 Posted September 15, 2008 Posted September 15, 2008 She is so much better with out you. You sound like a user and manipulator. A lot of people on this site are here because of people like you. If you are about her as a human being, leave her alone. You're going to screw her up and lengthen her recovery time.
mscomplex Posted September 15, 2008 Posted September 15, 2008 I didn't say it right when I first talked about it, and I tried to explain. Reading these posts is helping me see how I used to think was wrong, I mean how I used to think when I first started dating her. At first I didn't think she was gf material because we went to bed pretty quik, but we did click and she became my gf. And now I fu*&ed that up because she still hasnt answered me. She did always say how she had a kind of weakness for me (I dont know about 'bad boy' but take it however). Our chemistry was intense and we had so much fun together. We havent slept together in soooo long now. I admit it I messed it all up. I just always thought what you don't know won't hurt you. But I guess it does. Sometimes I want to blame her for not really breaking up with me when she caught me just texting, instead of all this now. You say you admit you messed it all up. Did you mess up because you cannot have sex with her or because you genuinely miss her as a girlfriend? What is it exactly you want from her? If she does respond to your texts what are you prepared to offer her? Are you wanting a monogamous, meaningful relationship with her? Have you ever asked her what she wants? Are you indeed remorseful and want her back as a girlfriend she can trust and respect. From reading your posts it seems you are only puzzled and want her back because she is not responding to you as she usually does. Sounds like an ego thing but I do not know. I think you need to chalk this one up to a lesson learned and next time think about the way you view women as well as yourself and the way you treat and view relationships.
Author premiumjet Posted September 15, 2008 Author Posted September 15, 2008 She is so much better with out you. You sound like a user and manipulator. A lot of people on this site are here because of people like you. If you are about her as a human being, leave her alone. You're going to screw her up and lengthen her recovery time. Don't we all use each other, really? I gave her what she wanted, we had such good times, we usually were together almost every day and night. She used me for all that too, right?
Author premiumjet Posted September 15, 2008 Author Posted September 15, 2008 You say you admit you messed it all up. Did you mess up because you cannot have sex with her or because you genuinely miss her as a girlfriend? What is it exactly you want from her? If she does respond to your texts what are you prepared to offer her? Are you wanting a monogamous, meaningful relationship with her? Have you ever asked her what she wants? Are you indeed remorseful and want her back as a girlfriend she can trust and respect. From reading your posts it seems you are only puzzled and want her back because she is not responding to you as she usually does. Sounds like an ego thing but I do not know. I think you need to chalk this one up to a lesson learned and next time think about the way you view women as well as yourself and the way you treat and view relationships. Of course I miss her as a gf! I AM puzzled about why she isn't answering me. It's so out of how she normally is, but I guess she needs some time, women don't think of sex the same way men do, so she's angry. I haven't tried calling or texting again, I'm listening to what you and others are saying. But can you explain how my contacting her would "screw her up and lengthen her recovery time?"
nowhereman82 Posted September 15, 2008 Posted September 15, 2008 She has taken steps to distance herself from you because she has realized that yours and hers actions are not acceptable. Contacting her will just either strengthen her resolve or weaken it.
mixwell Posted September 16, 2008 Posted September 16, 2008 Its hard to believe this post isn't a joke but seriously dude.. You cheated on this chick and get pissed because she took to long to respond to you.. This chick was basically wanting to have a future with you and you keep cheating on her.. In my opinion you need a good a$s beating.. I hate punk mother fu*kers like you that pull shiz like this.. She should never talk to you again after what you did.. She is willing to look past your BS you did to her and was willing to work things out.. Man you're probably some little punk B!tch and you need to get your a$s knocked out or get some sense knocked into you.. You should leave this chick alone because you seem like a piece of shiz who doesn't deserve this chick. You're nothing but a fu*king coward you little B!tch.. Fu*k you.. Sorry to be soo harsh/blunt but I hate this kinda ish and cant believe you have the balls to trying and justify your bullshiz of getting pis$ed off at this chick when you're the one that is in the wrong..
Author premiumjet Posted September 16, 2008 Author Posted September 16, 2008 Its hard to believe this post isn't a joke but seriously dude.. You cheated on this chick and get pissed because she took to long to respond to you.. This chick was basically wanting to have a future with you and you keep cheating on her.. In my opinion you need a good a$s beating.. I hate punk mother fu*kers like you that pull shiz like this.. She should never talk to you again after what you did.. She is willing to look past your BS you did to her and was willing to work things out.. Man you're probably some little punk B!tch and you need to get your a$s knocked out or get some sense knocked into you.. You should leave this chick alone because you seem like a piece of shiz who doesn't deserve this chick. You're nothing but a fu*king coward you little B!tch.. Fu*k you.. Sorry to be soo harsh/blunt but I hate this kinda ish and cant believe you have the balls to trying and justify your bullshiz of getting pis$ed off at this chick when you're the one that is in the wrong.. I'm no punk B$T&h... If someone let's you treat them one way and suddenly turns around and stops it, it sucks and that's why I'm writing here. Believe it or not, I have feelings too. I realize my mistake and I guess now its too late because she isnt talking to me. I have other women I can spend time with, thats cool, but her not talking to me is not just pissing me off, but its weirding me out, I am surprised I must say. And hurting. Hasn't anyone else out there been in my position?
Author premiumjet Posted September 16, 2008 Author Posted September 16, 2008 Well she wasn't perfect, she wanted me around a lot. But I know I did her wrong and man, now she's showing me she doesn't want me arund at all. I took it for granted she would always let me back because she always did, and now she won't even talk to me. good for her
mixwell Posted September 16, 2008 Posted September 16, 2008 I'm no punk B$T&h... If someone let's you treat them one way and suddenly turns around and stops it, it sucks and that's why I'm writing here. Believe it or not, I have feelings too. I realize my mistake and I guess now its too late because she isnt talking to me. I have other women I can spend time with, thats cool, but her not talking to me is not just pissing me off, but its weirding me out, I am surprised I must say. And hurting. Hasn't anyone else out there been in my position? Seriously there is only soo long you can treat someone like crap before they finally have had enough and walk away... ONLY if you are serious about her and know you wont cheat on her then I would make a real serious effort but if not just let her be..
BCCA Posted September 16, 2008 Posted September 16, 2008 Honestly, I think you've kind of tip-toed around what it is you want from her. If you're just wondering why she wont talk to you anymore, I mean...do you really need anyone to point it out anymore? I understand that you're shocked, but how many times did you really expect to play with fire and not get burned? You admit that you took her for granted, thats a start. But again, are you only contacting her to see why she wont talk to you or are you interested in making things right? You also need to realize that a lot of people here are scratching their heads and racking their brains to figure out what went wrong with their relationships, and your story is kind of a slap in the face. You not only know exactly what happened, but you did it repeatedly, and only came here when the gig was finally up. I dont want to insult you, but you should really be able to realize whats wrong with what you did before it came to this. It's like stealing from work for months before they fire you, and THEN admitting you made a mistake. See the problem?
Author premiumjet Posted September 17, 2008 Author Posted September 17, 2008 Yea I see the problem BCCA. I guess I dont know how to make things right. I texted her again today asking how she is but she hasn't answered that either. I know you guys said to let her alone, but I thought that was an ok text. I want to tell her how bad I feel. What do I want? I think she's a great woman and I know she's smarter and more sucessful then me, maybe I dont deserve someone like her. I want her to forgive me like she has my other mistakes before. I want to hang with her, watch tv with her, lay in bed talking for hours, hear her laugh.
mixwell Posted September 17, 2008 Posted September 17, 2008 I would call/ or text her after a few days and say "look I know I've been an arsehole before but I really need to talk to you its VERY important" say I want to talk to you one more time and after that I promise I will never contact you again if you wish.. that way its kinda saying you REALLY want to talk to her about something serious and not the usually bull crap and she should be receptive to it unless she has completely just cut you off which at this point she has a valid reason too..
Author premiumjet Posted September 18, 2008 Author Posted September 18, 2008 I would call/ or text her after a few days and say "look I know I've been an arsehole before but I really need to talk to you its VERY important" say I want to talk to you one more time and after that I promise I will never contact you again if you wish.. that way its kinda saying you REALLY want to talk to her about something serious and not the usually bull crap and she should be receptive to it unless she has completely just cut you off which at this point she has a valid reason too.. Thanks Mixwell for this. I'll do it.
Author premiumjet Posted September 18, 2008 Author Posted September 18, 2008 well I left her a message because she didnt answer her phone and then I texted her saying that I hope she listens to my message because I really want to talk with her. She hasnt answered me at all so far. I really f*&cked up man! Any more advice anybody?
Red_Apple Posted September 19, 2008 Posted September 19, 2008 I don't think you should have texted her. Well, it was alright to text to say you messed up, but not to talk again! I think it would only end up being like it was before, and you will probably end up treating her the same way, and it's just a vicious cycle. You have to be honest with yourself: What are the statistical odds that I will treat her the same way again once she caves in to me one more time? The chances are high, in my humble opinion. You should let it go, collect what's left, have some time for yourself to think, etc., then if you're ready to be in another relationship or you figure you have a better sense of what that means and you've changed, then by all means, jump in. But I think you're clinging to her b/c you're lonely, and that's not right because it's too soon to rush in again (in my humble opinion).
Author premiumjet Posted September 19, 2008 Author Posted September 19, 2008 I don't think you should have texted her. Well, it was alright to text to say you messed up, but not to talk again! I think it would only end up being like it was before, and you will probably end up treating her the same way, and it's just a vicious cycle. You have to be honest with yourself: What are the statistical odds that I will treat her the same way again once she caves in to me one more time? The chances are high, in my humble opinion. You should let it go, collect what's left, have some time for yourself to think, etc., then if you're ready to be in another relationship or you figure you have a better sense of what that means and you've changed, then by all means, jump in. But I think you're clinging to her b/c you're lonely, and that's not right because it's too soon to rush in again (in my humble opinion). She hasnt answered me anyways, so I guess she isnt "caving in". A good buddy has told me to forget about her too that I have to admit I dogged her. I dont really feel lonely, I have alot going on with working 2 jobs and I've metup with a couple women too. I'm sincere about what I'm writing here.
Red_Apple Posted September 19, 2008 Posted September 19, 2008 I know you mean well, I don't judge you. Sorry if it came off that way, but I really don't judge you in a bad way. But see, you've met up with a couple of women, so that's good.
Author premiumjet Posted September 19, 2008 Author Posted September 19, 2008 Redapple thanks, these other women are cool and are fun to hang out with, but I miss this one EX. When I'm with other people I'm fine but then I start thinking about her right away after that. I read all these other peoples questions and problems on Loveshack and I see that most say cheating is a dealbreaker. It would be for me too. I guess deep down I didnt think she would stop being with me for good because I could always come back to her before when we had a fight or she found out I was talking to some other woman. Sometimes i thought she was easy, such a pushover, I could take care of her later, that kinda thing. If she loves me so much like she said shouldnt we be able to deal with this or am I asking way too much now?
serial muse Posted September 19, 2008 Posted September 19, 2008 Redapple thanks, these other women are cool and are fun to hang out with, but I miss this one EX. When I'm with other people I'm fine but then I start thinking about her right away after that. I read all these other peoples questions and problems on Loveshack and I see that most say cheating is a dealbreaker. It would be for me too. I guess deep down I didnt think she would stop being with me for good because I could always come back to her before when we had a fight or she found out I was talking to some other woman. Sometimes i thought she was easy, such a pushover, I could take care of her later, that kinda thing. If she loves me so much like she said shouldnt we be able to deal with this or am I asking way too much now? I think you're asking too much. Because despite your saying you miss her, it doesn't seem like you've really changed your mind about what you'd think, deep-down, of her taking you back: you wouldn't respect it and you'd think less of her. When she did it before, you really, really didn't respect her for it. What would make it different if she were to take you back now? Nothing, I suspect. You'd respect her even less, perhaps. Hopefully she's finally wised up to that hypocrisy. Sorry, but that's exactly what it is. So please, just leave her alone and let her get on with her healing. And anyway, you know you'd cheat again. You're already dating several other people. So it seems like you're just upset that you've lost power over another human being, not that you're upset because you lost contact with someone you truly care about. That's something you should learn to let go of.
nowhereman82 Posted September 19, 2008 Posted September 19, 2008 Why is this thread still going strong? Premium jet, just take what everyone here has said....they all seem to be saying the same thing. So like 5-6 pages of people telling you the same thing, well they have to be pretty close to right. Enjoy the bed you made.
Konfuzion Posted September 20, 2008 Posted September 20, 2008 Why is this thread still going strong? Agree.... Its quite shocking to me that this thread does get as much attention as it does. When like people like me that treated their woman like a queen and got dumped after 4 years for no "real" reason, only get one reply to their post. And then I am trying to follow the "Stop your Divorce!" book (yes I bought it) and I am forcing myself to date other women and all i can do while I am on the dates is think about how much I love my ex... I guess what I am saying is at least if she caught me cheating it would all make sense, leave the poor girl alone.
Author premiumjet Posted September 20, 2008 Author Posted September 20, 2008 WELL SHE HASNT CALLED ME ANYWAY SO YOU SHOULD ALL BE HAPPY THEN I thought anyone could write here and it was to help everyone. I feel alone and empty inside.
Dmoney28 Posted October 18, 2008 Posted October 18, 2008 ok, this is comming from someone who did a similar thing, i cheated 3 times, she found out, kicked me out...we stayed in contact, but she wanted space and time, i didnt hear from her in 3 weeks...i was soooooo happy when she contacted me....you sir are a ass..what nerve do you have being pissed off. I loved my ex...do you?..i dont think so, i cheated, but at least i was remorseful and repentful, and changed my life around for the good...how dare you get mad...dude, you even make me sick.
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