Author beautifullove Posted September 12, 2008 Author Posted September 12, 2008 Ok, you guys are right. He first of all started out apologizing again, to the point where I had to say to him "Just tell me what happened." At that point, most of what he talked about was me and my faults. So, I started to get annoyed, and told him that yes I had my faults, but based on what happened it's clear that my faults were warranted. When I say faults I'm talking about the insecurities I had, and my zero tolerance for bs. So, based on what he was saying, the reasons for him leaving was because of me. But I wasn't having that and told him that I will not take the blame for what he did. Then he started talking about the fact that he was confused and wasn't sure if I wanted to be with him, when I yelled at him on the phone (at the time of the funeral). He kept saying that he never meant for things to turn out the way they did, and that he had not planned to leave (whatever). As he spoke he would slip in the words baby (finger in throat), we this, we that, you know your the woman I want to be with, etc. I rolled my eyes so much that I nearly blinded myself. This is the most pathetic part, he said we have a lot to talk about, and that this is part 1 (lol,lol,lol). He completely denies going back to his wife, and I so desperately wanted to say you low life, ghetto lying MFing, high school drop-out. There I said it. I would never say that to him mind you. Now allow me to confess why I say such a thing. I have access to his email, and he logs on from where she lives. That's how I knew he went back to her in the beginning. He hasn't logged on over the last few days, so maybe she kicked him out. Call it cheating, but I had to make sense of what happened the best I could, when he chose not to give me closure. So, to end, he said he's sorry, and he truly is a sorry ass MF. I'm done with him. P.S. I half said what OWL said about hating what he's done, and not liking the person I became, but he seemed to cut me off and kept saying "I know, I know, I'm sorry, etc" So I don't think I got my point across there, but at this point so be it.
child_of_isis Posted September 12, 2008 Posted September 12, 2008 Be careful. I don't think he is finished. He got an emotional response from you. He'll see it as a weakness & keep at you ....thinking you will cave. The opposite of love is not hate...it's apathy.
Author beautifullove Posted September 12, 2008 Author Posted September 12, 2008 That's where I'm trying to go, but it's tough.
spinningwheels Posted September 12, 2008 Posted September 12, 2008 I agree with child of isis. HE is getting some kind of response, and it encourages him. I have no room to preach, believe me! But I have lived this life for over three years and all I can say is that closure is overrated! You make your own closure and walk the F away. That will speak more for you than any words you can think to say. Good luck.
jj33 Posted September 12, 2008 Posted September 12, 2008 Im sorry it turned out like that but you sound really good. So you got your closure - hes up to the same old tricks. Its not profound but you need to go NC. The only further closure you will get is a change of tactic - it was all my fault, I love you so much I am sorry etc etc he will go through the various strategies that might work to get you to go back. And it will upset you and tug at your heart each time. Next time he calls, if you take the call tell him you have nothing more to say to him and that you want him to stop contacting you forever. I know its not easy. But its the only way. You need to nail the door shut so he knows there are no further openings. Otherwise he will keep trying to wear you down and its exhausting emotionally. You need time to heal. Take good care jj
Owl Posted September 12, 2008 Posted September 12, 2008 So...are you ready to cut him off completely NOW???
Author beautifullove Posted September 13, 2008 Author Posted September 13, 2008 Yes, yes, yes. What I wanted to hear was the truth, but I realize he will never admit/say it - "I went back to my W." I'm not sure why it was so important for me to hear him say it, especially when I already knew he went back. But I know why I wanted to hear him say "I want you back," - so I can tell him where to go. Ah well, I guess that's it - it's time to leave the circus, I just wish I could have thrown him one more banana - but instead of him catching it, it hits him on the head.
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