Jersey Shortie Posted September 11, 2008 Posted September 11, 2008 I'm sorry but this is why men are more easily homophobic. When they show any other kind of emotion that shows they care for another person, man or woman, they are thought to be gay. Messed up. The guys in the stituation don't sound gay . Cut them some slack.
carhill Posted September 11, 2008 Posted September 11, 2008 See, I once was in a relationship with a bisexual, and didn't realize he was until much, much later. Everyone laughed behind my back; I was the only one who didn't know. I guess since that incident, I have become a bit wary when I see certain chain of behaviours that I ignored from the bisexual ex.Can you share what about that relationship was painful to you and why? I'm particularly interested in "people laughing behind your back", your reaction and why.... The reason I ask this is because of a psychological phenomena known as "projection". To wit, you perhaps are projecting the behaviors and your global emotional responses from this past relationship upon this man in the here and now.
Author Shygirl15 Posted September 11, 2008 Author Posted September 11, 2008 It's funny, because we even talked of getting married one day. However, not only did he sleep with men sometimes; he also slept with his 'best friend', a guy we used to hang out with all the time. I really liked his friend; he was my good friend too. How gross. Like I said, everybody knew he was bi, including his family and friends, and I'm told they pushed him hard to come clean with me, and let it be my choice to stay with him or leave. Most embarassing moment is that I came to find out through my mom; the word spread out until my mom heard via some church gossips. I was never jealous, not even angry, but I was extremely embarrassed by the whole situation and felt so stupid to be so clueless. Maybe if was more observant, I could have picked up a sign or two. Anyway, I just felt sorry for him; clearly he had issues. I do not wish this experience to repeat in my life ever again.
carhill Posted September 11, 2008 Posted September 11, 2008 This is something I want to understand better, since I don't have any strong feelings about another's sexual preferences... Was your ex unfaithful to you with men? If yes, IMO, that's a relationship/moral issue, not a sexual one. Let's say he was. That said, are you saying, when you see behaviors in men, perhaps a man you are interested in for a R, that remind you of your ex, do you intrinsically feel that this new man is or will become the same as your ex? Succumb to the same temptations? Have the same, perhaps distasteful, appetites? As with most things psychological, it's really about you In other words, you can't control or change this man's affection style, friendships, sexual preference or gender identity. All you can do is decide for yourself what your reactions and actions will be. If my wife told me tomorrow she was bi-sexual, I'd likely respond "well, that explains a lot" And, seriously, it wouldn't matter to me, neither her sexual preference nor the fact that she didn't "fully disclose". No one is required or should feel compelled to tell everything about themselves. Voluntarily disclose? Sure. Do such omissions hurt relationships? Yeah, they do. Such might hurt the R with another man. Not me. We're all different. You seem to have decided where your differences are. Given what you've asserted here, are you sure you want to "date him" when his D is final?
quankanne Posted September 11, 2008 Posted September 11, 2008 if this guy is in the midst of a divorce, and this is his close friend he's gonna be hanging around with, then hell yeah, he'd be concerned about the friend being able to go and not being sick on the trip, because if things didn't go to plan, his whole trip could be ruined. Because it's my guess that the friend is his "mack on chicks, drink/party til you drop" kind of buddy. And that'd be a bummer if things fell through when he was expecting to have a blast with the guy. and no, it doesn't sound weird that they're sharing a room on vacation – more mmoney for playing around!
Star Gazer Posted September 11, 2008 Posted September 11, 2008 Going on vacation together, even when sharing a room, does not make them a gay couple. Honestly, that's one of the most absurd assumptions I've ever heard of. And if sharing a room with someone of the same sex during a vacation makes you gay, then I'm as gay as Ellen Degeneres.
carhill Posted September 11, 2008 Posted September 11, 2008 And if sharing a room with someone of the same sex during a vacation makes you gay, then I'm as gay as Ellen Degeneres. Boy, and with a wife like Portia, artificial insemination oughta be outlawed as a method of sperm donation What was the topic again?
grogster Posted September 11, 2008 Posted September 11, 2008 Going on vacation together, even when sharing a room, does not make them a gay couple. Honestly, that's one of the most absurd assumptions I've ever heard of. And if sharing a room with someone of the same sex during a vacation makes you gay, then I'm as gay as Ellen Degeneres. OK, any young goodlooking male Shackers who want to spend a week with me in Aruba where we can share a hotel room and a good time. Call me at 555-1212.
Author Shygirl15 Posted September 11, 2008 Author Posted September 11, 2008 Going on vacation together, even when sharing a room, does not make them a gay couple. Honestly, that's one of the most absurd assumptions I've ever heard of. It's not just that, it's a combination of that and other things I have mentioned in my previous posts. If it was only that, than perhaps the gay thought wouldn't have crossed my mind. Carhill, yes, I still want to date him after his divorce is final in November. Infact, we are planning more than just dating. Quankanne, thanks for your reassuring thoughts. There's a good chance it may be a pure innocent situation. He's going through divorce, and him and the buddy havent hung out together in a year so it's exciting for them to see each other and all. But I have been there before with someone who turned out to be bi and used to have sex with his best friend, so I'm kind of wary.
Pyro Posted September 11, 2008 Posted September 11, 2008 **Gasp** I used to even sleep in the same tent with other men. Really out there gay. We'd even write our names in the snow together OP, perfectly normal. Men do things together. Believe it or not, we actually enjoy the company of fellow men Exactly. I have gone on plenty of trips with a friend and we shared hotel rooms and tents. Its perfectly normal.
misternoname Posted September 11, 2008 Posted September 11, 2008 If it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck...
Author Shygirl15 Posted September 11, 2008 Author Posted September 11, 2008 Okay, I'm confused. What are you trying to say?
The Collector Posted September 11, 2008 Posted September 11, 2008 OK, any young goodlooking male Shackers who want to spend a week with me in Aruba where we can share a hotel room and a good time. Call me at 555-1212. Can we cuddle afterwards?
Balthazar Posted September 11, 2008 Posted September 11, 2008 Sharing a room with a guy is (at the age of 38) is not what I would normally do. As Morrisey would say "My only wekness is a list of crimes..... My only weakness is well.....nevermind.....nevermind." Quite probably bi.
Balthazar Posted September 11, 2008 Posted September 11, 2008 Boy, and with a wife like Portia, artificial insemination oughta be outlawed as a method of sperm donation What was the topic again? DaMn! tHE LESBIANS are getting all the hot chicks!
The Collector Posted September 11, 2008 Posted September 11, 2008 Okay, I'm confused. What are you trying to say? He's saying your friend ****s ducks. Not that there's anything wrong with that.
grogster Posted September 11, 2008 Posted September 11, 2008 Can we cuddle afterwards? Ok, but I'm NOT Gay. Really, I'm not.
Author Shygirl15 Posted September 11, 2008 Author Posted September 11, 2008 Sharing a room with a guy is (at the age of 38) is not what I would normally do. Well, they're 42. Even more bizarre. I'll give it a benefit of a doubt for now.
Balthazar Posted September 11, 2008 Posted September 11, 2008 Bi is ok. You know what Woody Allen says " Bi's have double the chance for a date on a Saturday night". Seriously, at 42 you shouldn't be sharing rooms with guys unless they are close relatives or finances are really tight.
Pyro Posted September 11, 2008 Posted September 11, 2008 Seriously, at 42 you shouldn't be sharing rooms with guys unless they are close relatives or finances are really tight. I disagree. I don't see any issues here. What if the two guys are attending a funeral for a friend out of town and double up to save on the lodging expenses? I'm sure professional sports players share a room when they are out on the road.
grogster Posted September 11, 2008 Posted September 11, 2008 Grogster, why do you think that? How do you think about this sneaking with a friend to a business trip without the wife knowing? Yesterday he was really panicky about his buddy; he said the buddy (he lives out of state) wanted to arrive in early morning so that they just go straight to the airport, but he wanted him to come at night so that they could relax, spend the night together then drive to the airport in the morning . Lol, he was clearly upset the buddy didn't want to spend the night with him. Shygirl15, that's fairly strong circumstantial evidence of a homoerotic interest, at a minimum. I don't know any middle-aged straight men who go on "business" trips with other guys and don't tell the wife. That's not just done by straight guys. Concealment evidences a guilty mind. Also, your friend was "clearly upset" that his buddy did not want to spend the night-before-the-trip with him. That's not how straight guys would react. We don't become upset if a SAME SEX friend won't spend the night with us. Your friend has an erotic interest in men. Labels are unimportant. I suspect he would be happier changing dance partners. I hope he finds happiness. My very straight-acting, masculine19 year old son came out to us recently. I'm very sensitized to the whole sexual orientation dance. It's a tough gig.
The Collector Posted September 11, 2008 Posted September 11, 2008 Ok, but I'm NOT Gay. Really, I'm not. Me either, I swear. Shall we watch some gladiator movies too?
Ocean-Blue Posted September 11, 2008 Posted September 11, 2008 He sounds gay. I don't know too many men that would want to spend "time" with each other like this...it doesn't seem very hetero to me. His getting panicky is the red flag. There is def. something there.
Recommended Posts