the_missing_piece Posted September 11, 2008 Posted September 11, 2008 Ok, so I got the idea in my head that it would be a good idea to take a video of myself masturbating to send to my girlfriend of three years. I'm madly in love with her and I'm pretty sure she's the "one". I went ahead and took one but I wasn't entirely sure as to how it would be received. I was talking online with one of my female friends who I've been been in intermittent contact since 2001 (we live in different countries). I think she's an attractive woman but there's nothing else there for me. Anyway, we were talking and as an academic point I asked her if she thought it would turn her on as a woman if her boyfriend sent her a dirty video. She said no, but to really be able to answer she'd have to see it. I didn't want to send it, but I was also really curious as to how a woman, and more particularly my girlfriend, would react to it. I really didn't want to send it to my girlfriend and have her turn round and be disgusted with me. This carried on for a while with her asking to see it and me saying no. Eventually my curiosity (and lack of self-control) got the better of me and I sent it to her. She watched it a few times and then gave me some feedback on how to 'improve' it and admitted that it was pretty hot. I'll admit it (and this wasn't my intention), it was pretty exciting thinking about being watched, but now (and this'll come as no surprise), I'm wracked with guilt over this. I've called the Samaritans, hardly slept last night, feel sick, have hardly stopped crying and so on. For the first time in my life I've even had suicidal thoughts about what would happen if my girlfriend leave me. I know this isn't healthy, but I've never been in this good of a relationship and the idea of her leaving me makes me sick to my core. There's nothing 'missing' to have made me done this. The one close friend I've spoken to says I'm making a big deal out of nothing, as did the woman at Samaritans, as did the woman who watched it. I'm just not sure if I can get past this. I know I've not technically cheated on my girlfriend, but this feels like a very close call and I'm not sure if I should come clean and hope my girlfriend sees it for what it was. I should reiterate that my intention of sending this video wasn't to titillate or turn this other woman on. It was more to figure out if it was a good idea or not to send it to my girlfriend. We've had issues of trust in the past on both our parts, but I feel like I've crossed the line. Please help P.S. I also posted this in the sex forum, but thought it might get more traffic here.
bish Posted September 11, 2008 Posted September 11, 2008 Ok, so I got the idea in my head that it would be a good idea to take a video of myself masturbating to send to my girlfriend of three years. I'm madly in love with her and I'm pretty sure she's the "one". I went ahead and took one but I wasn't entirely sure as to how it would be received. I was talking online with one of my female friends who I've been been in intermittent contact since 2001 (we live in different countries). I think she's an attractive woman but there's nothing else there for me. Anyway, we were talking and as an academic point I asked her if she thought it would turn her on as a woman if her boyfriend sent her a dirty video. She said no, but to really be able to answer she'd have to see it. I didn't want to send it, but I was also really curious as to how a woman, and more particularly my girlfriend, would react to it. I really didn't want to send it to my girlfriend and have her turn round and be disgusted with me. Oh puuulease. You wanted to make sure your gf wouldnt be disgusted by it, so you sent it to another woman.....simply to test out if your gf would be ok with it? Sorry, thats a load of crap. You sent it to this other girl because you wanted her to see it. How stupid do you think we are? The one close friend I've spoken to says I'm making a big deal out of nothing, as did the woman at Samaritans, as did the woman who watched it. I'm just not sure if I can get past this. I know I've not technically cheated on my girlfriend Well then if thats the case you should have no problem telling her right? I should reiterate that my intention of sending this video wasn't to titillate or turn this other woman on. yes it was and you know it. You are in major denial. It was more to figure out if it was a good idea or not to send it to my girlfriend. Call me crazy, but why didn't you just ASK your gf if that sort of thing would turn her on?? It wouldnt have been an admission that you made a video, just feeling her out. We've had issues of trust in the past on both our parts, but I feel like I've crossed the line. You did. But don't insult us by telling us you sent that video to another girl to figure out if your gf would be upset. The other girl is NOT your gf. Not all women think alike. And your connection with this other girl is inappropriate as a guy with a girlfriend. Well, if there were trust issues before, I'd say you are screwed. I always say come clean. And I think you should, but your gf would be a fool to keep you after that. So I suppose you'll just keep your mouth shut.
Author the_missing_piece Posted September 11, 2008 Author Posted September 11, 2008 Bish, honestly, I didn't send it to her cause I wanted to get this other woman off. I know that nothing I say can convince you of that, but my intention was to get another opinion. I've never taken a video of myself with the intention of sending it to my girlfriend and I had no idea how she would react. Yes, you're right, I should've asked my girlfriend. My connection with this other woman is now terminated. I know I've crossed the line. I don't know what to do now. I *can't* lose this woman, I'd be lost without her.
Shygirl15 Posted September 11, 2008 Posted September 11, 2008 Like Bish said, women do not think alike. While your female friend thought it was hot, I would find it incredibly disgusting, silly and stupid if my boyfriend did such a thing to me. Oh, did I tell you I dumped an ex because he thought it would be "fun" to send me pictures of himself playing with his willy? Sick.
Author the_missing_piece Posted September 11, 2008 Author Posted September 11, 2008 Like Bish said, women do not think alike. While your female friend thought it was hot, I would find it incredibly disgusting, silly and stupid if my boyfriend did such a thing to me. Oh, did I tell you I dumped an ex because he thought it would be "fun" to send me pictures of himself playing with his willy? Sick. Ok, I understand where you're coming from, and this was the kind of thing I wanted to avoid. I didn't want to lose my girlfriend over something like that. Instead, clever me has gone and ****ed things up worse....
bish Posted September 11, 2008 Posted September 11, 2008 Bish, honestly, I didn't send it to her cause I wanted to get this other woman off. I know that nothing I say can convince you of that, but my intention was to get another opinion. We aren't talking about sending another woman a picture of you in a new shirt to see how she likes the shirt. When you are committed to someone, you don't send a video of you jacking off to another woman. If you didn't know better than that, well what can I say. Sorry, don't buy it. NEVER would I send another women a video or pics of myself if I am committed to someone else. You say technically it isn't cheating, but I consider it to be, and so would your girlfriend. My connection with this other woman is now terminated. I know I've crossed the line. I don't know what to do now. I *can't* lose this woman, I'd be lost without her. Well then I suspect you will have to keep your mouth shut and keep this secret from her. Because if there were trust issues before, this will definitely be a deal breaker. Not what I condone and I am not advising you to keep your mouth shut. But you say you can't lose this woman. But if you tell her I guarantee she'll end it with you....and who could blame her?
Ruby Slippers Posted September 11, 2008 Posted September 11, 2008 FWIW, I think I would find the video totally hot. But, as this thread demonstrates, women are different. I think you're playing more innocent than you actually are. You did not have to send the video to gauge another woman's response to the idea of it, and you know it. You are trying to convince yourself that your intentions were noble, but we all know they weren't. That said, you're human and you made a mistake. Now you just have to deal with it. If you tell your girlfriend about this, there is a good chance she will break up with you. So, you have to decide: Do you want to do the upstanding thing, come clean, and risk losing her? Or do you want to keep it from her, figure out whether this is indicative of a larger problem (desire to stray on your part), and move forward? Whatever you do, I think it's important for you to think about why you really did this. It wasn't just to get another female reaction. Are you seeking approval that you're not getting from your girlfriend? Are you freaked out that this relationship is going so well and trying to sabotage it? Think about it.
serial muse Posted September 11, 2008 Posted September 11, 2008 Hm...I think there's a piece of information here that you're leaving out. You call this a female friend you're only in "intermittent" contact with, yet she's the one you felt close enough to to talk about something so intimate with and to share it with. Huh. Okay, I understand that you're remorseful, but you might as well come clean to strangers on the internet, if you can't to your girlfriend. So...what was the real nature of your relationship with her? Was she an ex? A one-night stand? Someone you always flirted with and wondered about? I have to tell you, that's probably going to make things worse.
sweetbutcheeky Posted September 11, 2008 Posted September 11, 2008 Nothing says love like sending a video of yourself masturbating!
Shygirl15 Posted September 11, 2008 Posted September 11, 2008 Ruby, Sweetbutcheeky, and myself are enough proof that women do not think alike, OP..
The Collector Posted September 11, 2008 Posted September 11, 2008 Confess. But blame this other woman for brainwashing you into thinking it was a normal thing to do. Say you were drunk. And cry a lot. That's your best shot.
paddington bear Posted September 11, 2008 Posted September 11, 2008 If you're genuinely wracked with guilt now, say nothing. You know you made a mistake...a BIG mistake, telling your girlfriend will just open up a whole can of worms. I think sometimes an indiscretion such as yours is best kept to yourself. I know we're supposed to be honest in relationships, but sometimes it's best to keep schtum. A friend of mine has a boyfriend who sings in a band. She said 'I know there are girls out there wanting you, and if you ever kiss any of them, I don't want to hear about it'. Come on, it's not like you've been having an on-going affair, you did one stupid thing, you know you made a mistake now just move on. Your punishment for showing some other woman a video of you masturbating will be to live with your guilt forever. Telling your girlfriend will make you feel better, but will make her feel terrible and is therefore a selfish act designed to merely assuage your own guilt.
xpaperxcutx Posted September 11, 2008 Posted September 11, 2008 I wonder how you would feel if your gf send someone a video of herself masturbating? You'd think she was cheating too wouldn't you?
spookie Posted September 12, 2008 Posted September 12, 2008 Hm. Am I the only one who doesn't think it's a big deal at all? If this woman lives in a freaking different country, they're basically just online friends. I wouldn't see that as any kind of threat.
Trialbyfire Posted September 12, 2008 Posted September 12, 2008 Hm. Am I the only one who doesn't think it's a big deal at all? If this woman lives in a freaking different country, they're basically just online friends. I wouldn't see that as any kind of threat. If I were his g/f and found out about this, he'd be dumped like a hot rock. Would you be comfortable with your b/f sending out clips of himself wanking off to strange women? If so, I'll give you my email address, for you to forward to your b/f. I live in a different country!
spookie Posted September 12, 2008 Posted September 12, 2008 If I were his g/f and found out about this, he'd be dumped like a hot rock. Would you be comfortable with your b/f sending out clips of himself wanking off to strange women? If so, I'll give you my email address, for you to forward to your b/f. I live in a different country! I can honestly say I wouldn't care, but probably just cause watching my bf wanking off woudln't do anything for me and I can't imagine it being anything other than humorous for anyone else. I don't know. Maybe my head is all screwed up from having been a stripper. A video of someone alone sent to a different country would not come close to my lines.
Trialbyfire Posted September 12, 2008 Posted September 12, 2008 I can honestly say I wouldn't care, but probably just cause watching my bf wanking off woudln't do anything for me and I can't imagine it being anything other than humorous for anyone else. I don't know. Maybe my head is all screwed up from having been a stripper. A video of someone alone sent to a different country would not come close to my lines. I think this is a situation that might require it happening to you. While you can say this now with due knowledge that it's hypothetical, if it were to happen to you, without your knowledge initially and you found out about it afterwards, you might find your opinion changes. The action in itself, isn't as bad as the deceit or deceit by omission. It also depends on how much you value your partner. If you're seriously invested in someone, your territorial instincts might kick in.
spookie Posted September 12, 2008 Posted September 12, 2008 I think this is a situation that might require it happening to you. While you can say this now with due knowledge that it's hypothetical, if it were to happen to you, without your knowledge initially and you found out about it afterwards, you might find your opinion changes. The action in itself, isn't as bad as the deceit or deceit by omission. It also depends on how much you value your partner. If you're seriously invested in someone, your territorial instincts might kick in. I guess I actually believed the OP when he said he wasn't doing it to turn the woman on, also. I could see myself doing something similar and thinking nothing of it, which is why that he could do that with no sketchy intentions struck me as plausible. I would probably feel differently if I thought that the act was sexual in nature, for my bf.
TigerCub Posted September 12, 2008 Posted September 12, 2008 Quick! Everyone check on UTube, we might see the video of the_missing_piece playing with his piece... To me, That would be the bigger fish to fry, not just the fact that your gf might react badly if you tell her, but the fact that you sent this video to a girl you aren't that close with that you just cut off ties with - I dunno, might be tempting for her to post it....
Jilly Bean Posted September 12, 2008 Posted September 12, 2008 Wow. Missing - what was really your motivation in sending this video to this woman? I am curious to know what possessed you to send her the video. Was it to have another woman sexually validate you without you feeling like you were actually involved? And what was the cause of your previous trust issues? Im going to refrain from passing comment until I hear a little bit more about the reasons and your relationship. Btw - my ex ex ex bf and I would send each other cell phone clips of ourselves masturbating. HOT. I loved that boy - lol.
sweetbutcheeky Posted September 12, 2008 Posted September 12, 2008 Ruby, Sweetbutcheeky, and myself are enough proof that women do not think alike, OP.. Hopefully you could tell I was being sarcastic because he said he was in love with the girl. lol But your point is still true, I'm in the middle of Ruby and Shygirl (hey ladies!). I wouldn't break up with the guy, but wouldn't be turned on.
Green Posted September 12, 2008 Posted September 12, 2008 watching a guy jack off would probably only turn on other men who were gay... Girls would probably more enjoy a shirtless calendar or something
sweetbutcheeky Posted September 12, 2008 Posted September 12, 2008 watching a guy jack off would probably only turn on other men who were gay... Girls would probably more enjoy a shirtless calendar or something Now that's an idea, lets make a calendar! And no KMT I am not going to flash my boobs in December, even though that is my b-day month. Besides it should be all shirtless men! Or naked men is good too, just as long as they aren't jerkin it.
serial muse Posted September 12, 2008 Posted September 12, 2008 Missing - what was really your motivation in sending this video to this woman? I am curious to know what possessed you to send her the video. Was it to have another woman sexually validate you without you feeling like you were actually involved? And what was the cause of your previous trust issues? Yep - that's pretty much what I was asking, too...I actually don't quite believe that it was totally innocent, sending it to this woman. And he did say that it turned him on to imagine her watching it. I think there's probably some history there. Perhaps she's connected to the previous trust issues he and his GF have had, or perhaps that was someone else. I also think it's a little odd that if he was that worried that it'd be a turnoff for his girlfriend, he'd still want to send it to someone else. I get that it seems like no big deal to you, Spookie - but for you that's consistent and across the board, right? For him, he's aware that it could be a big deal, in fact he was worried about it - but he chose to send it to this woman anyway and not to his GF. I'm not saying he intended to cheat or anything, but I think there's something off here. It just seems like there's more to this than what was said.
Trialbyfire Posted September 12, 2008 Posted September 12, 2008 I guess I actually believed the OP when he said he wasn't doing it to turn the woman on, also. I could see myself doing something similar and thinking nothing of it, which is why that he could do that with no sketchy intentions struck me as plausible. I would probably feel differently if I thought that the act was sexual in nature, for my bf. How could this act not be sexual by nature, since it's a portrayal of a sexual act? He didn't send the clip to this woman, so she could be impressed with his cinematography.
Recommended Posts