Karma101 Posted September 11, 2008 Posted September 11, 2008 I last saw/spoke to my XBF on Sun. I have composed numerous text messages over the past few days and ultimately deleted them. I won't post my story again, but we are not getting back together. I know that. I guess my reason for contact is selfish, it's for me...Hoping to make me feel better. I want to ask him how he's doing. I can't seem to find the strength w/in myself to heal. I'm grasping at simple text messages as a source of strength and comfort. I keep waiting for this ache in my chest to subside. I've tried getting mad at him and the situation he put me in that ultimately broke my heart. That isn't working either. I feel pathetic and weak to be so tormented over this. I have been trying to get on w/ my life by throwing myself into work, going to the gym, hanging out w/ friends, etc. I miss this man so much that I can barely see straight. Even if he responds to a message from me (which is probably unlikely given the situation), it won't change anything. And if he doesn't respond, I'll be upset. Logically a no-win action. Why am I such an idiot?
Gere51 Posted September 11, 2008 Posted September 11, 2008 First of all, let me say that I am sorry for the pain you are experiencing. I went through the exact same thing when my ex-girlfriend broke up with me the day after Memorial Day, totally out of nowhere. Of course, I got the "let's be friends" thing, which I foolishly interpreted as a means to keep the lines of communication open, hoping she would have a change of heart. After six weeks of getting an occasional text or phone call from her I finally took a hard look at myself and decided that I was not going to accept that kind of treatment. I immediately cut off all contact with her, did not take or respond to any phone calls or texts, and got rid of everything around my house that reminded me of her. After she figured out what was going on I got a rash of text messages, even one from another line that I never use, inquiring where I was, was I ok, etc. Let me tell you, the feeling of being in control of my situation was great. No Contact helped me get back my self-esteem and dignity, and sent a powerful message to her that I was not going to accept being just a "buddy" after I had been deeply in love with this woman. From personal experience, if one does not cease all contact, the ex will start seeing you as a "friend" and you'll begin hearing things you don't want to know. In my case she even began telling me about other guys she had met knowing that I was still hurting from this. I suppose that was my "revelation" since I got angry at myself and that's when I decided to change things. My advice is to take the attitude that this person is not coming back, cease all contact, get rid of any reminders put them away and do not be a friend to him. Trust me, after about a month you'll really feel better about yourself and will have more self-respect. I know it's hard, but it's the only way to get through something like this. Here's hoping you heal, sincerely.
CherishG Posted September 11, 2008 Posted September 11, 2008 Karma, I think me and u r on the same exact boat. It seems soooo impossible of having that person out of our lives for good. What makes it hurt even more is that this person who ripped our heart of our chest is out there, somewhere, living their life and loving someone else. I can't bear the pain as well, and I find it so difficult trying not to think about him, to grip the reality of it all, but its just hard when ur still in love with them...
0hpenelope Posted September 11, 2008 Posted September 11, 2008 I last saw/spoke to my XBF on Sun. I have composed numerous text messages over the past few days and ultimately deleted them. I won't post my story again, but we are not getting back together. I know that. I guess my reason for contact is selfish, it's for me...Hoping to make me feel better. I want to ask him how he's doing. I can't seem to find the strength w/in myself to heal. I'm grasping at simple text messages as a source of strength and comfort. I keep waiting for this ache in my chest to subside. I've tried getting mad at him and the situation he put me in that ultimately broke my heart. That isn't working either. I feel pathetic and weak to be so tormented over this. I have been trying to get on w/ my life by throwing myself into work, going to the gym, hanging out w/ friends, etc. I miss this man so much that I can barely see straight. Even if he responds to a message from me (which is probably unlikely given the situation), it won't change anything. And if he doesn't respond, I'll be upset. Logically a no-win action. Why am I such an idiot? You like roller coasters? Man, I love them. I especially like the build up of anticipation as the cars are ascending a hilly part of the track. If it's a high hill, then it's even better... I get way too excited. I think you're at that part of your healing, though. But it doesn't get you excited because you're hurting. We're all creatures of habit in some instances and being with someone became a habit, too. Here's what I mean: You call them when you're having a bad day.They're the ones you have the best time with.Etc. You're not an idiot! If you want to keep contacting him, no one's stopping you. It's the opinion of the majority of LS users that No Contact is one way and one of the most effective ways to get over that lovin' feeling, but we also know that some of us need to trip and fall face flat on the ground before we learn NC. The ones who are completely pro-NC... I'm willing to bet that they had to learn about the importance of this the difficult way, too. It's hard enough to watch him walk away from you. It's even harder to let him go and perhaps, not talk to him ever again, because you have to. Feel this out, ok? Don't be too hard on yourself. If you contact him, it's alright... but you already know the motions. In a nutshell, you're happy for that bit of time that you talk to him and then for the rest of the day you feel like the saddest lifeform on the planet. You're going to get sick of this feeling. Really, really . I love roller coasters. But I know that after a while of riding on several roller coasters, I eventually have to stop.
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