overseas2004 Posted September 11, 2008 Posted September 11, 2008 HI all, God I never thought I would be back on these boards again. I had a happy marriage for teh most part until my first child was born four months ago. Then my husband just started to be very problematic. It all started in the second week of my child's life. My husband is a recent immigrant and he has had trouble getting a full time job. On top of that, the part time job he has was problematic because he really didnt have much work there. He sat around the office, waiting to be assigned work. It frustrated and angered him, yet he was not really trying hard to find a job. He also had issues with accepting an entry level job. YOu see he had been a Director of Human Resouces in his country and the slide down was tough I guess. Then she was born and he started to act out. In week two of his life he demanded to go back to his home country to go see his first daughter. He wanted to bring his daughter back here to the US to see her sister. The first six weeks of life of my daughter were very difficult for me, I was nursing about 12 hours a day. I asked him if we could postpone that trip a little and he flew into a rage. On top of that he was insisting that he had to go pick her up and take her back. This would cost us a ridiculous amount of money. And she is 14 years old. We had huge fights about this where he threated to divorce me if I didnt let him. Finally we agreed that he could go pick her up and my brother could take her back, since he was going overseas anyway. Then his daughter never ended up coming since she didnt get a US visa. Yet he bought the tickets before getting the visa, and so it cost me alot in cancelation fees. We started to fight about every two weeks and each time he threatened to leave. He became increasingly combative. Mostly the fights were about the fact that he had to help out around the house. Or he started giving me advice on how to raise the baby, which he by the way had no idea on. He also was demanding that he needed more free time (even though working part time). And he started telling me that he wanted nothing to do with my mom, who was coming alot to help me out with the baby. He has never liked my mom, and while I admit she can be difficult, she is my mother. When she would come over here he would go out and sit in the car and just generally started to disrespect me and everything. At my baby's baptism, he cursed at me in front of many of my friends who had come from overseas to see me. He told me I should go F... myself and my stupid ass. This was because my mother had organized the baptism and he had not. He felt like he was not consulted. Which was not true. He chose the godmother and the church. We did it at my mom;s because our apartment is way too small. After this incident we tried to sit down and work our problems out. We found many solutions and agreements but to no avail. After three weeks he told me that I could go see my mom and she could come here but he didnt want anything to do with her and that she was a peice of sh**. I flew into a rage and we had a huge fight. He picked up a suitcase and packed. LEft the house. He tried to come back that night and said that the rain had prevented him from getting on a plane to leave. He wanted to just stay the night with me. I asked him to go to a hotel. The baby was upset from all the fighting and I just could not deal with facing him again. The next day he called and said he was leaving us that evening. HE told me he was sorry and that he loved me and teh baby. But he just knew that if he came back that moment that he would just do the same thing again. Because he was apologetic I tried to reach out to him. I told him to come home and that we could rent him a room somewhere if we needed to be apart. I told him that I would help him get a job somehow and that this would help hm feel better about himself. He told me he would think about it. Later that night he called and said he was getting on the plane. I was really surprised. He loves our daughter or at least I thought and I didnt think he had it in him. He said he would call me. I told him that he had no reason to. He got back home and has sent me a few angry messages since then, which I havent responded to. he mainly blames me for the marriage in them. Saying it was my love for my mother that broke us up. I really dont think my mom is the issue here. I think his lack of ability to get a job and really fit in here, was the issue. He really did not try hard. And I was busy while I was pregnant with two jobs to try to make it work. When the baby was born she consumed my entire time. Still I feel guilty about not helping him out more. I wish I could have. My baby is four months old and I am fighting every minute of every day to not just lose my mind. I work for half a day and come home to take care of her and I cry at night. I dont get any sleep and I am just completely beside myself. Please help
Author overseas2004 Posted September 11, 2008 Author Posted September 11, 2008 I really need some advice
sedgwick Posted September 11, 2008 Posted September 11, 2008 Oh my god, you poor thing! How long have you and your husband been married? What's the story with his first daughter's mother? Sounds like he left them too. I can't imagine moving to another country without my child! Is this a pattern with him? Did you intend to get pregnant? How did he act during your pregnancy?
Author overseas2004 Posted September 11, 2008 Author Posted September 11, 2008 The pregnancy was phenomenal. He was really nice. The other marriage ended in divorce when the little girl was 8 years old. He called today telling me he loved me and the baby and wanted to come back. I couldnt talk to him.,
mark982 Posted September 12, 2008 Posted September 12, 2008 overseas, you have your hands full w/ this baby. why would you want to put up w/ his bull*****?
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