stampdaddy Posted September 11, 2008 Posted September 11, 2008 wow! I NEVER would have believed that I (or any of us) would be where we are today.. Alot of you have follwed my story, and I appreciate all of the support and the criticism. But for the love of God, I NEVER thought it could get this bad.. NEVER!!!! I have read SO many stories, but I would have to say, I have yet to see one with the potential of such disaster as mine.. (and for the record, I am sure there are worst, but for the moment, I couldnt imagine it). I once was at a place where I believed that I had just shown up early.. NOW, I am at a place where I believe that I just showed up at the WRONG place. We had a 3 year relationship befoe we got flat busted.. ** now is over 4 years ***, you know what.... it just sucks...
Author stampdaddy Posted September 11, 2008 Author Posted September 11, 2008 so, today, after all of this time, after a year, I have an hour and 1/2 phone call with the BS Husband yesterday about what a f***ing LIAR she is to the both of us (although it seems that I get most of the truth, which whan I think about it, really sucks), and dont bother with the "well, what did you think?" Anyway, this person, I find BOTH her husband AND myself are wondering "where in the hell did she go?"
Author stampdaddy Posted September 11, 2008 Author Posted September 11, 2008 Now SHE is freaking out because HER life has just changed forever and she doesnt even know how to begin to handle it.. I am ready to move on, HE is ready to move on, and the conversation that him and I had was almost surreal.. Like it was him and I versus her.. pretty damn sad..
bentnotbroken Posted September 11, 2008 Posted September 11, 2008 How do feel about that? How do you feel about the conversation with him? I know at one point, you weren't too keen on talking with him.
Author stampdaddy Posted September 11, 2008 Author Posted September 11, 2008 so this is my update, I am a lost man, but feel the sunshine on my face, and that is all too sad for me at this time.. I know my door is open, and I should run, but that is not Stampdaddy
Author stampdaddy Posted September 11, 2008 Author Posted September 11, 2008 How do feel about that? How do you feel about the conversation with him? I know at one point, you weren't too keen on talking with him. I feel a sense of PEACE to be honest.. he said to me, "I have called you the piece of **** that... BUT, you are the ONLY one that has been honest with me... we talked about alot of stuff..."
bentnotbroken Posted September 11, 2008 Posted September 11, 2008 I feel a sense of PEACE to be honest.. he said to me, "I have called you the piece of **** that... BUT, you are the ONLY one that has been honest with me... we talked about alot of stuff..." There really is something freeing about getting the truth. I think that if Mr. Messy had been truthful in the beginning, I might have thought differently about things. Maybe you and he can move forward with your lives and get rid of the poison that this woman spreads.
Owl Posted September 11, 2008 Posted September 11, 2008 If its not "Stampdaddy" to run...does that mean its "Stampdaddy" to sit there and accept her abuse????? Frankly, the only reason you're still in pain is because THAT IS WHERE YOU HAVE CHOSEN TO KEEP YOURSELF. You've been here a good while, my friend. You know that the power, the options, the choices...they're all yours. They always have been. But as long as you opt to remain where you're at...you're going to keep hurting. The other thing I'd caution you...very often...those changes that go through the cheating spouse...ESPECIALLY one where they've been playing the 'rationalizing and justification game" for so long....become permanent. You're in love with who she used to be...just as her H is. In reality...that person is probably dead and gone...with this alien monstrosity in her place, wearing her body. What's there now only knows one word...ME, ME, ME. I'd bet money that's been about the only word you've heard out of her mouth for a long time now. At some point...you need to take measures to take care of yourself, my friend. I hope that you make that choice soon.
Author stampdaddy Posted September 11, 2008 Author Posted September 11, 2008 OWL, I guess what I am saying is it is not ME to just tuck and run.. Most including myself have told me to do just that. THAT DOES NOT mean however that I want to wait for her (or whoever this is) to come out on the other side.. Cause let's see how my new chapter would start if I did: Me: Hi Honey, welcome back.. Even though you NEVER chose to come to me, and you have no place else to go, come on in.. Oh, and before you get comfortable, let's address what I have watched you do over the last few years, more importantly, the last few months, where you lied and lied and lied just to stay where you were.. BUT, you kept your relationship with me.. Now, let's talk about the couple of lies that you told ME, even after you swore you wouldnt, actually said you couldnt.. BUT YOU DID.. Do you want to visit about all of the fallout you created by NOT being honest in the slightest bit? I will NEVR be accepted by ANYONE on your side of the fence, most importantly, your children.. Your husband said I could have you, that we were meant for eachother. How do you feel about that? This is a pretty solid start to a long term, loving, trusting relationship.. NOT!!!
Author stampdaddy Posted September 11, 2008 Author Posted September 11, 2008 How do you know she's been honest with you one single bit? You don't know that, and with her track record, I'd be having serious doubts if I were you. It wouldn't be you running FROM a bad situation but TO a better one. Try and remember that. while you are probably correct, the ones that really counted to me are confirmed.. And honestly, I DO think she tried as hard as she could to be honest with me as she knew she wasnt with him.. It doesnt really matter at this point anyway.. A lie is a lie in my book.... and she is a Liar..
Terminator Posted September 11, 2008 Posted September 11, 2008 I've read your prior threads (or some of them) and now I'm lost with this one? What exactly has happened? You had a call with her H, do I assume that he is finally kicking her out and you think she is going to try to take up your R again? Could you clarify a little what the situation here is, it doesn't sound like you've spoken to her yet. Oh and for the record, I thought you were "done" with all this and were NC and moving on with your life? If so, does it really matter what she and he decide to do?
Owl Posted September 11, 2008 Posted September 11, 2008 I'm sorry, SD. I don't consider telling her that there's NO LONGER an open door is "tucking and running". I'd think that its just the wisest thing you could do at this point. See where I'm coming from?
Author stampdaddy Posted September 11, 2008 Author Posted September 11, 2008 I've read your prior threads (or some of them) and now I'm lost with this one? What exactly has happened? You had a call with her H, do I assume that he is finally kicking her out and you think she is going to try to take up your R again? Could you clarify a little what the situation here is, it doesn't sound like you've spoken to her yet. Oh and for the record, I thought you were "done" with all this and were NC and moving on with your life? If so, does it really matter what she and he decide to do? I know, it's probably confusing to some.. I know it is for me. I havent been posting over the last several months, as I didnt want to do "play by play" as I thought things were unfolding. Basically, in May, H told her he wanted a Divorce and would make a plan. He did contact an Attorney and she visited with one too.. They took the kids on a summer vacation (for the kids) and as soon as they got back, he saw the attorney again.. In August, H came to her with his plan.. Very detailed plan.. Well, guess what (as I found out the other day from him). The next day, she came to him crying and crying and begging him to please not divorce her.. She swears she hasnt seen or talked to me since February.. That we were over.. SO, he sat on it for a while.. SHE KEPT SEEING ME and I didnt know this, I thought they were getting divorced.... So, this past weekend in an effort to MAYBE be able to try again with her, ONLY IF she had been 1000000000 % honest (and he said there were NO guarantees, cause he STILL would want ALL of the facts about the affair when he feels he only knows about 1%), he asked her on Saturday and again on Sunday.. He told me she put on quite a show.. I swear, I swear to God she said, that she hadnt seen me... Over and over and over she swore she hadnt even thought about me since February.. He said, OK.. Then you dont mind if I give 'ol Stampdaddy a call to verify do you?? OOPS So, he called me on Monday. I let it go to voicemail while I thought about it all. I texted him Monday night saying that we could talk on Tuesday.. So, Tuesday afternoon we talked.. He asked me when is the last time I talked to her: I dont know When is the last time I saw her: I dont know etc, etc, etc.. finally he told me that I was the ONLY person who had been honest, so why the new trend of lying to him.. I simply said," I dont want to be the one anymore, SHE needs to tell you the truth. He said that I knew that she wouldnt and I agreed.. I said the truth is there, and you KNOW what it is. I am NOT trying to play games with you, it FINALLY needs to come from her mouth, and it NEVER has... (there is a TON more that was discussed, but this is enough) So, later that night, he approached her and said, "we need to talk about you and Stampdaddy.. She said, "I havent been completely honest with you.. I have been in contact with SD..."" KAAABOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM! And, she wasnt even honest with this confession which is really flippin sad.. In an "attempt" to be honest, she lied even more.. H told me that without question or hesitation, IF he faound out that ONE syllable was a lie he would divorce her so fast her head would spin off of her lying body.. He said that he could see how this all would play out, that I would finally have her and I said, "Dont count on it... I dont want a lying piece of sh*t either.." Anyway, hope it clears up a little
Terminator Posted September 11, 2008 Posted September 11, 2008 Thanks Stamp, it did clear it up a little. I'm so sorry you're going through this. It must be hard to find that your memories of a great love (at least on your side) have now been tarnished by discovering she really wasn't what you thought she was. Better to know now than to have been together and then discovered this. Her H still has to deal with her, you are free to move on. Do you think this latest revelation will help you to move on now (finally) and find someone worthy of that love you have to give?
Author stampdaddy Posted September 11, 2008 Author Posted September 11, 2008 Thanks Stamp, it did clear it up a little. I'm so sorry you're going through this. It must be hard to find that your memories of a great love (at least on your side) have now been tarnished by discovering she really wasn't what you thought she was. Better to know now than to have been together and then discovered this. Her H still has to deal with her, you are free to move on. Do you think this latest revelation will help you to move on now (finally) and find someone worthy of that love you have to give? I am hoping so.. I used to sit out on my porch and have these "imaginary" conversations with her while a sipped a glass of wine at the end of my day. They would usually be me comforting her or just slowing her down from everything... NOW, like last night, I sat out there with my wine and imagined her there, and I was just like, "WTF is wrong with you.. do you realize what YOU have done??"
Author stampdaddy Posted September 11, 2008 Author Posted September 11, 2008 It just is the most heartbreaking thing to think about now that my head is clearing up a bit.... This woman is a person that NOBODY knows.. leave me out of it, but her H, her kids, her family, her friends.. and this is the person that I "loved"? God bless it, I mean it has taken all of this for me to finally see her for what she is? It could have ALL been prevented if she had just been HONEST.. but she went down still lying. I dont understand
noforgiveness Posted September 11, 2008 Posted September 11, 2008 They never want the married person once they win. Once the betrayed spouse has had enough of the lies it's like the other person wakes up to the lies too. So sad. So destructive. So unnecessary to tear a family apart. Now everyone will be miserable and there will be no happily ever after.
Author stampdaddy Posted September 11, 2008 Author Posted September 11, 2008 yep.. it's a shame, and you know what? I KNOW I had my part in this, BUT, she is the one that decided to lie to everybody..
Owl Posted September 11, 2008 Posted September 11, 2008 I can tell you that on 'other forums'... There is often a lot of joking that the WS spouse's mind has been beamed up to the mother ship...and that their body was taken over by aliens. Makes you wonder, no?
Author stampdaddy Posted September 11, 2008 Author Posted September 11, 2008 I can tell you that on 'other forums'... There is often a lot of joking that the WS spouse's mind has been beamed up to the mother ship...and that their body was taken over by aliens. Makes you wonder, no? Believe me, I am "wondering" about ALOT?!!? I just am SO disappointed.. And I DO feel sorry for her.. Instead of being HONEST and telling her H that she fell in love with me and things needed to end there (he could have dealt with that in time) OR being honest with ME and telling me that she wanted to stay married (and I could have dealt with that in time), now she has made it somewhat easy for me and H to get over this quicker because of the fact that she is a no good LIAR and now SHE gets to walk on in life a divorced mother of 4 with neither of us.. goodwork, girl...
Owl Posted September 11, 2008 Posted September 11, 2008 That's what happens when you try to walk down two different paths at the same time...you go NOWHERE. She tried to keep you...AND him. She ends up with neither. I've tried telling SingleDad over in the divorce forum that he needs to EITHER attempt to reconcile his marriage, or work with his wife on an amicable divorce. He can't SUCCESSFULLY do both...he'll end up failing miserable at each. That's where MW is in your situation. She was a cake eater. She wanted BOTH...and that got her to a point where she's going to LOSE you both. But...the best thing here is that you not worry about where its gonna leave her...better to focus on where Stampdaddy is headed to from here!!! I still think you need to take some long term getaway from all of this...or at least a short term one someplace that'll let you get free of the drama for while.
Author stampdaddy Posted September 11, 2008 Author Posted September 11, 2008 That's what happens when you try to walk down two different paths at the same time...you go NOWHERE. She tried to keep you...AND him. She ends up with neither. I've tried telling SingleDad over in the divorce forum that he needs to EITHER attempt to reconcile his marriage, or work with his wife on an amicable divorce. He can't SUCCESSFULLY do both...he'll end up failing miserable at each. That's where MW is in your situation. She was a cake eater. She wanted BOTH...and that got her to a point where she's going to LOSE you both. But...the best thing here is that you not worry about where its gonna leave her...better to focus on where Stampdaddy is headed to from here!!! I still think you need to take some long term getaway from all of this...or at least a short term one someplace that'll let you get free of the drama for while. I cant get away, and I think I will be OK.. Like I said, she has made it somewhat easy for me now that not only did she lie to me about a certain thing last week, it was betrayal, because she had told her H that she wanted to stay married.. BUT, kept seeing me telling me that she was getting divorced. What the hell would I want that??
Owl Posted September 11, 2008 Posted September 11, 2008 You wouldn't...but remember, she isn't in this for what YOU want...or for what her H wants. She's only interested in ONE person's wants....HERS. As long as she sees that she's got any kind of chance with you at all...she's going to keep pursuing the opportunity of having BOTH of you...she's addicted to that situation. The only way to get out of this is to slam that door in her face point blank. You KNOW this, after the time you've spent watching other stories on this forum.
Author stampdaddy Posted September 11, 2008 Author Posted September 11, 2008 You wouldn't...but remember, she isn't in this for what YOU want...or for what her H wants. She's only interested in ONE person's wants....HERS. As long as she sees that she's got any kind of chance with you at all...she's going to keep pursuing the opportunity of having BOTH of you...she's addicted to that situation. The only way to get out of this is to slam that door in her face point blank. You KNOW this, after the time you've spent watching other stories on this forum. It's OVER for her, on BOTH accounts.. OWL, I talked with this man for a VERY long time, it was weird.. VERY open and honest.. he made it absolutely clear: He WILL divorce her and it will be quick! He had totally come to grips with everything, but did leave one last opportunity that IF she had been honest for the last 8 months, then MAYBE he would take another look, BUT, she wasnt.. I, am just a week into the lies to me and they are fresh, but my friend, I have a ZERO TOLERANCE POLICY
Owl Posted September 11, 2008 Posted September 11, 2008 It's OVER for her, on BOTH accounts.. OWL, I talked with this man for a VERY long time, it was weird.. VERY open and honest.. he made it absolutely clear: He WILL divorce her and it will be quick! He had totally come to grips with everything, but did leave one last opportunity that IF she had been honest for the last 8 months, then MAYBE he would take another look, BUT, she wasnt.. I, am just a week into the lies to me and they are fresh, but my friend, I have a ZERO TOLERANCE POLICY Then make sure that SHE KNOWS its over on both accounts...or at least on YOUR account with her. Don't let it be ambiguous in ANY fashion...slam the door in her face so she knows where reality is at now. Its not surprising that you and her H had a "decent conversation" really. I had a similar one with OM in my situation. We talked for about an hour one time. However, our conversation was held when she was still pending flying away to live with him, so it ended on the strained note of me informing him that if he'd lied to her or hurt her the police would never find his body... Give yourself this chance to move on...instead of leaving the door open and living even longer in this "what if" state.
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