2nd-Best Posted September 10, 2008 Posted September 10, 2008 Okay, So I was going to just do a reply in my last post, but there is too much info here to just use as a reply and I think it deserves its own thread. this was the old one incase you want to touch up on the facts http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=162105 Okay!!! So, Last time I was on was around August 25th or something and at that point my bf and I were really on the rocks, I was losing all forms of trust and respect for him as well as growing increasingly distant and cold to him because of the resentment that I have been building. So, omg I dont even know where to start.. lets first start with two weekends ago, it was a long weekend so we had 3 days off and we were having a good time and everything was good and then on monday I just wanted to sleep in, my bf woke up super early and went into the livingroom and came into the room a few times asking me to wake up which i said no to because it was like 9am on a holiday I wanted to sleep. finally at about 10:30 I came out of the room and sat on the couch with him and we were watching Movies, he gets ancy alot and went to sit on the other couch and went on his laptop and was playing poker again as usual, I kept falling asleep and then waking back up and falling asleep again. At about 4pm he left the house to go to his moms for something, so like an hour later I want to check my email so i pick up the laptop and click on the address bar and in the scroll down (which by the way up until that point after i busted him those many weeks ago hes been deleting his history) anyways, he i guess forgot too, and it says : myspace.com , facebook, easygals.com, hotmail.com. Easygals is pretty much the first porn related thing I ever saw having to do with him about 1 month into our relationship, and anyways the night befor the address bar was empty so i knew he had been watching it that day.. so upon further looking i noticed that NOT ONLY was he watching porn when I was home, in bed ..but ALSO when I was RIGHT beside him on the other couch.. sleeping, and maybe even when I was awake! THAT is how addicted this man is to porn! Also, guess what kind it was? well it was my favorite kind, and every single one of them too.. the TEENAGE girl kind. Needless to say I fricken FLAILED it!! hes lucky he wasnt home at the time either.. I unplugged his laptop and put it outside our front door, unlucky for me he has a pair of keys to the house since we live together now.. damnit! lol and so, he calls me and can tell that im mad and I tell him not to come home and i tell him that I know what he was doing and I cannot believe that after the last time that he and I faught over this and discussed it that not only would he do it but do it when i was not in the shower but right across from him. He came home and I was so furious and upset and crying, he kept trying to hug me but I was too mad and I didnt want him touching me, he said " Oh my god im so sorry I didnt know you felt this way about it" which made me more mad because HE DID know how i felt about it, I expressed my feelings towards it NUMEROUS times! I told him that I didnt want this relationship anymore.. he said he would do anything for me and that he was so sorry that he made me this upset adn that he never wants to see me that hurt again and promised me to NEVER watch porn again, which by the way Ive never asked him to do, hes always made these empty promises on his own. I told him its not the porn use in general that bothers me, its the type of things he is watching, the AMOUNT of time he is putting into watching them and the result that it is having on my self asteem and our sex life...non existant sex life. anyways, he said he would never watch it again.. that was almost 3 weekends ago, and surprisingly he HASNT watched it and actually deleted the porn that he had saved to his computer for along time.. im assuming his favorites or something... my trust is still not regained in him... although I do appreciate the effort he has been making and because of it I have been focusing even more on trying to satisfy him because of the efort that he is putting forth. We've actually has sex in the past two weeks 5 or 6 times.. and THAT IS ALOT! lol But on this past weekend, we decided that we were going to have some drinks and hangout at home anyways... we started being snippy with eachother and it turned into a fight, he said he was going out and I told him if he was leaving that I wanted my money from him (I had paid half of his rent the week before and he owed me money) I didnt want to have to be stuck at home because hes the one with the car who's decided that he wants to take off, so he wouldnt give me my money which was him controlling me by making it so that i couldnt leave the house, so I took his laptop into the bedroom adn told him that he can have it back when he gives me my money back, both being drunk retards taht we were I assumed he would give me my money because of this, and he was more like "FECK THIS" and grabbed the laptop from me and grabbed me hard by arms and threw me onto the bed... which resulted in ME throwing HIM OUTTTT!! he kept calling me over the weekend saying that he was sorry and that he was drunk and that he was just mad that i took his laptop and that it was his and i had no right, which i replied to him that I had every right because he was withholding my money and leaving me stuck as a control tactic. He kept calling and saying that he would be home and I kept telling him that I didnt want him home.. and that I didnt think that I wanted him at all in general. so two more days go by and the same conversations are being had on teh phone.. then sunday night around midnight he comes home when im in bed sleeping and crawls in beside me kissing me and telling me how sorry he is and how much he loves me and how he didnt mean the things that he said to me (you're such a ****ing idiot, **** you, you're a bitch, I ****ing hate you, dumb bitch,you're so stupid) amongst other things.. I didnt say anything to him except "if you think you can take off after that and come home 3 days later and expect me to welcome you back with open arms you are dead wrong" and for two days I just said nothing to him while I considered my options of what I wanted to do.. so all week I've been pretty serious about perhaps breaking up with him, I spoke to him about it and told him that this is not the relationship that I want, and I love him so much but we're just miserable after moving in together, he had this bright idea of "why dont we just not live together but stay together" which I found rediculous because thats just back tracking.. thats saying instead of fixing our problems and finding a solution lets just pretend that none of the problems exist and ignore them and i dont want to do that, I either want to find out how to work it out or to quit this relationship all together. SO, the other day he says he really wants to talk to me and he doesnt want to break up and that we will make this work (and if you remember my previous thread hes made promises to me about seeking councelling before) so I CAVE, and I go and meet him after work.. and guess what!! hes in the best mood ever, hes really happy and hes once again.. started on SPECIAL K. so, hes quit porn, but taken back up doing drugs. its always one or the other with him, hes all happy now and more lovey than ever but this does not make me happy it hasnt solved anything.. nothing has been fixed, instead hes jsut putting a small bandaid over a massive bleeding wound which needs stitches and healing!!! djkoafudioa Anyways, yesterday I tell him that I want him to be happy but not like this, but I cant stop him from doing what he wants and I know that, but I can choose whether I want to be apart of it or not and I dont.. I told him that I dont want to be with someone who has to Sedate himself to be happy with me, I should be with someone who is happy with me just as himself.. not as his tranquilized alter ego!! Last night, I couldnt even sleep in teh same room as him my stomach is hurting soo much with pain from stress and worry.. I had to sleep on teh couch because laying next to him was driving me nuts.. i just want to smakc him silly!! When I was getting up out of bed he woke up and was like "where are you going " and i told him that I cant sleep next to him and that i needed to be alone, he pleaded for me to lay back down with him and I told him that I couldnt because he is making me fall out of love with him. That was last night, this morning and today we havent talked much.. and as much as I love him and want to help him and I dont want to break up his lack of effort in himself is putting me at my wits end.. and I am starting to feel selfish and cold. so anyways.. thats the new news!! man, im screwed. lol
LucreziaBorgia Posted September 11, 2008 Posted September 11, 2008 It sounds like you would both be better off going your separate ways.
Mr. Lucky Posted September 11, 2008 Posted September 11, 2008 It sounds like you would both be better off going your separate ways. Second that motion. You keep talking about the "love" between the two of you, but it certainly isn't readily apparent in your posts. Besides the excessive (and sneaky) porn use, drinking, drugs, manipulation, broken promises and name-calling, we can now add physical abuse. Doesn't sound like a Hallmark card to me... Mr. Lucky
Enema Posted September 11, 2008 Posted September 11, 2008 Yeah go your separate ways. There are plenty of guys that will stop masturbating because their fap-material makes you uncomfortable. LOL.
blair08 Posted September 11, 2008 Posted September 11, 2008 People will always show you who they are in the beginning if you look close enough and pay attention to the signs. You already stated you feel he really is into porn, maybe even an addiction, so why continue to put up with something YOU know you don't care for? It wont get better, if anything is will get worse. I'm not saying people can't change, they can, if they want too. He already knows how you feel, and he isn't changing things, so you might be better off not together.
manugeorge Posted September 11, 2008 Posted September 11, 2008 There you have it and we have said it before, this is a man with major issues. He drops porn and picks up something else. Summon your strength dear and go your seperate ways...let him go get help and get better. If it's really meant to be, maybe you will find your way back to each other but as of right now, it doesn't look like it's worth the heartache.
Author 2nd-Best Posted September 11, 2008 Author Posted September 11, 2008 So, I talked to him last night and I told him that he has until the end of the month to straighten out his life or he has to move out. Since we live together I cant really kick him out on the streets, so he has enough warning now that if he wants to continue down this path that he has to find someone and somewhere else to do it.
blair08 Posted September 11, 2008 Posted September 11, 2008 So, I talked to him last night and I told him that he has until the end of the month to straighten out his life or he has to move out. Since we live together I cant really kick him out on the streets, so he has enough warning now that if he wants to continue down this path that he has to find someone and somewhere else to do it. Just make sure that since you threw out the ultimatitum to him that at the end of the month if he is still doing that, that you follow through with what you told him or he will never think you're serious.
Author 2nd-Best Posted September 11, 2008 Author Posted September 11, 2008 Just make sure that since you threw out the ultimatitum to him that at the end of the month if he is still doing that, that you follow through with what you told him or he will never think you're serious. I know this, he actually said something to me the other day that made me realize how much my own feelings have changed and my toleration for this. he said "I still cant figure you out, when you're mad.. I thought I knew but now you're just completely different and ive never seen this mood in you before" And its true because he can usually always tell when I'm upset and mad and he always can figure it out as well and change my mood, but not recently.. so, unless things change I'm really not planning on giving into him and letting him have the upper hand any longer.
norajane Posted September 11, 2008 Posted September 11, 2008 the things that he said to me (you're such a ****ing idiot, **** you, you're a bitch, I ****ing hate you, dumb bitch,you're so stupid) amongst other things.. I would break up with anyone who ever said anything like this to me. Never mind that he's back on horse tranquilizers. The porn issue would be a distant third. He's not a good guy. Why in the world would you ever give him another chance after he said those things to you? You know he means them on some level, a deep down level, if he actually came up with those words. I've NEVER had a man say anything like that to me, ever.
Author 2nd-Best Posted September 11, 2008 Author Posted September 11, 2008 Yeah I said this to him, about calling me the names.. He said to me "I didnt mean that stuff, I was just mad and drunk and I was saying whatever I could think of to make you mad" After that altercation that night I was speaking to his sister in law on the phone after I kicked him out and telling her what happened and she said "hes been like that with all of his gf's, he is always talking down on woman hes just like his dad" Its so true, his dad is a bit of a jerk when it comes to woman.. I've heard him talk to my bfs mom pretty rude before, he talks to my bf rude as well. So anyways, I asked him yesterday "why do you keep wanting to stay together, we're miserable together" and he said "I Love you thats why, and I'm not miserable with you" He's pretty confusing to figure out, and if any of you ever met him you'd be alot more confused than I am.. I can tell you that!
norajane Posted September 11, 2008 Posted September 11, 2008 Then he's a mean drunk. And he could use some anger management classes. And learning how to argue fairly classes. Along with an addiction treatment program. And individual therapy to help him deal with his abusive home life. Do you want to stick by him through all that in the hopes he becomes the man you want him to be?
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