iceis44 Posted September 10, 2008 Posted September 10, 2008 Ok the quick and simple, Seeing a wonderful man, so attentive, very confident, level headed, no complaints so far. here is my question, Sexually this man is over the moon, is amazing makes me feel wonderful and desired, sexually attractive, leaves no stone unturned if you get my point. He says he likes to be mildly dominate in bed, mentioned once might spanke, informed him not to do that as it flashes to abuse for me, he have never attempted that, I am just not sure what dominate in the bed means, as I would like to make sure he is getting what he needs, ?? any ideas I know he takes control in bed, very well i might add, but i like being in control also does this conflict with his needs?? pointers please
KinAZ Posted September 10, 2008 Posted September 10, 2008 This might depend on how strong those needs are for him, and what he might be into. This is something you should probably have a talk about. While I love a dominant man, and even a little spank LOL... the shock of random erotic asphyxiation is something else! Scary even! So, you might wanna make sure he's not a choker. If you think you might be able to do some of the things he is actually into, you might want to start out slow or with something being mildly done. But for him to make the general statement of being "dominate" that could mean so many different things.
Author iceis44 Posted September 10, 2008 Author Posted September 10, 2008 Yes no problem we can and do talk about everything, he would never be physically threatening an any sense, the x did the spank thing once and was prying his ass out of the sheet rock! So that will never work in my world, He did the firmly grip and hold the wrists down and that was a total turn on for me!
KinAZ Posted September 10, 2008 Posted September 10, 2008 Well, asphyxiation isn't necessarily threatening. The lack of oxygen, and probably the excitement of it all, is supposed to be arousing. But I've always tended more towards aggressive men anyway, and TWICE I ended up with chokers. (This is probably why I went through a period of dating guys closer to my height.) The first time, I was seeing a rather small guy, who was just slightly taller than myself. I literally thought he was trying to kill me at first. He never did that again. Obviously, it didn't last. The next time, I was in a relationship with a guy who was 6'4" but I wasn't as freaked out because it happened before. Holding down my wrists, hair pulling, and all that stuff I like, as long as he isn't rough about it. I'm a woman, not a rubber doll. As far as the spanking... did he do it hard? Did he use his hand?
spookie Posted September 10, 2008 Posted September 10, 2008 Sounds hot to me. I'm so lazy I prefer being tied up so I couldn't move. I imagine if I was choked so I couldn't breathe that would be even better.
D-Lish Posted September 10, 2008 Posted September 10, 2008 Spank me, choke me, pull my hair, throw me around, pin me down- tie me up- rougher the better is what I say. But that is because I have a "thing" for being submissive- and I want a very aggressive, dominant sex partner. So, to answer your question to what degree he enjoys being dominant.... you will have to ask. If, for instance- he has a fetish for spanking.... this could be a potential problem. It's always important to understand each other's sexual boundaries when in a relationship. I suspect he has brought up his penchant for dominancy in order to open the lines of communication... which is a good thing. You can pick and choose what you are comfortable with.
TigerCub Posted September 11, 2008 Posted September 11, 2008 Spank me, choke me, pull my hair, throw me around, pin me down- tie me up- rougher the better is what I say. But that is because I have a "thing" for being submissive- and I want a very aggressive, dominant sex partner. mmhmm, I hear that! Nothin better than being with a dominant man that brings the throw down, spanks the ass and pulls the hair....
Lovelybird Posted September 11, 2008 Posted September 11, 2008 some of you do enjoy abusement and humiliation? maybe you watch porn too much abusement is equal to masculin now? I'd be careful to date a person who has self-hatred, maybe not sorted out himself yet
grogster Posted September 11, 2008 Posted September 11, 2008 Spank me, choke me, pull my hair, throw me around, pin me down- tie me up- rougher the better is what I say. But that is because I have a "thing" for being submissive- and I want a very aggressive, dominant sex partner. So, to answer your question to what degree he enjoys being dominant.... you will have to ask. If, for instance- he has a fetish for spanking.... this could be a potential problem. It's always important to understand each other's sexual boundaries when in a relationship. I suspect he has brought up his penchant for dominancy in order to open the lines of communication... which is a good thing. You can pick and choose what you are comfortable with.[/QUOT I'm on the other side, the big "D" to the little "s". If one has been in a mutually satisfactory D/s relationship, there's nothing that's more fun. The trick is for the lovers to complement one another. If you're not into the BDSM scene, and your BF is, that could be a problem. Contrary to what some posters preach, on this issue there's no right or wrong, but simply the two "C's": Consent and Compatibility.
D-Lish Posted September 11, 2008 Posted September 11, 2008 some of you do enjoy abusement and humiliation? maybe you watch porn too much abusement is equal to masculin now? I'd be careful to date a person who has self-hatred, maybe not sorted out himself yet THAT'S RIGHT! Some of us LOVE GETTING FREAKY. FREAKY-FREAKY-FREAKY!!! Wonder what your bible would say about that. Oh wait... I don't care. I'm going to go watch some porn now.
grogster Posted September 11, 2008 Posted September 11, 2008 THAT'S RIGHT! Some of us LOVE GETTING FREAKY. FREAKY-FREAKY-FREAKY!!! Wonder what your bible would say about that. Oh wait... I don't care. I'm going to go watch some porn now. D-Lish, you're going to Hell. But wait, Satan's the Ultimate Dom!
Author iceis44 Posted September 11, 2008 Author Posted September 11, 2008 Oh i do like the pull the hair thing, and we have discussed that, its not rough pull its get a handfull and hold on tight, and yes some of the dominance thing allows you to be submissive when you have been the sexual iniater (my marriage) most of the time, As he said it allows me to let him be in control, he has never been to rough at all, and i have noticed he can get verbally agressive which spurs me on. I guess I can just let him push the envelope a little and see how he feels, because of child abuse i associate spanking with hitting with abuse?
Lovelybird Posted September 11, 2008 Posted September 11, 2008 I really believe our psychology healthy connected to any activities we engage, including sex. Bedroom is a manifestation of our mental status. So that means you enjoy abusement in general, and attracted to those who are abusers. So I think healing soul is the first thing to have a satisfying and healthy relationship. Learn to love and accept yourself (didn't mean being selfish) is the important thing, to a good healthy relationship Being submissive is totally different from being abused. my cousins and many women I know are very submissive, but never their husband treated them unrespectfully or abusively.
Author iceis44 Posted September 11, 2008 Author Posted September 11, 2008 I for one am not attracted to abuse, I am attracted to the idea of letting someone else take the reins and showing me a few things pain, abuse, and degradation is not in this discussion for me. Learning how to allow a man to be in control is. Thats what i need to learn how to be submissive, I am a very agressive woman. I control most aspects of my life. It is even a struggle to allow a man to do things for me, after being married for 26 years, being the one to pay all the bills, make the major decisions, make the hard decisions that had to be made, I struggled all day when this man opened my car door for me.
Lovelybird Posted September 11, 2008 Posted September 11, 2008 If my hb asks me to do that, simply I won't engage in it, because I won't want to be abusive, that make me feel bad about myself. If you associate with child abuse in the past, the dominate scene just revival those bad cycles, not good IMO
vonerik012 Posted September 11, 2008 Posted September 11, 2008 Well it makes sense. The act of sex in itself is a woman submitting to a man. I never quite understood the women that claim to be dominant. How does that work.
Author iceis44 Posted September 11, 2008 Author Posted September 11, 2008 If my hb asks me to do that, simply I won't engage in it, because I won't want to be abusive, that make me feel bad about myself. If you associate with child abuse in the past, the dominate scene just revival those bad cycles, not good IMO I dont think just because he likes some mild dominance, automatically moves the game to abuse, hitting would move it to abuse for me. And he already knows that So if your hb said "Let me fruck you NOW" you consider that abusive? I dont just for the record
D-Lish Posted September 11, 2008 Posted September 11, 2008 I for one am not attracted to abuse, I am attracted to the idea of letting someone else take the reins and showing me a few things pain, abuse, and degradation is not in this discussion for me. Learning how to allow a man to be in control is. Thats what i need to learn how to be submissive, I am a very agressive woman. I control most aspects of my life. It is even a struggle to allow a man to do things for me, after being married for 26 years, being the one to pay all the bills, make the major decisions, make the hard decisions that had to be made, I struggled all day when this man opened my car door for me. Which is part of the psychology behind a submissive sexual mindset. People that are in control in every aspect of their life often enjoy the outlet of being submissive in the bedroom. That's how it is for me. I would never consider being submissive in a relationship outside the bedroom. But- hey, behind closed doors, I enjoy the freedom of letting go like that. Part of the fun is learning to push the envelope with one another. LB has zero clue about these kind of real life things- you don't need to justify anything to her. Put her on ignore.
Lovelybird Posted September 11, 2008 Posted September 11, 2008 I for one am not attracted to abuse, I am attracted to the idea of letting someone else take the reins and showing me a few things pain, abuse, and degradation is not in this discussion for me. Learning how to allow a man to be in control is. Thats what i need to learn how to be submissive, I am a very agressive woman. I control most aspects of my life. It is even a struggle to allow a man to do things for me, after being married for 26 years, being the one to pay all the bills, make the major decisions, make the hard decisions that had to be made, I struggled all day when this man opened my car door for me. Hi, this is what problem many women have, like D-lish In real life, they cannot be sumissive, they want to control everything, want to drive the car, but deep inside they have genes to be submissive, want to be coddled, want to be taken care of, but they mistake abusement with submission. Why they want to control everything? fear and lack of self acceptance. A real submissive woman can sit backsit in a car, let the man drive (lose the control seemlingly). but They are treated like princess. They don't have to control and worry everything. they have strong self-sense and womanly confidence. So many women have to learn to not being in control about everything. Just relax and enjoy
Ariadne Posted September 11, 2008 Posted September 11, 2008 But- hey, behind closed doors, I enjoy the freedom of letting go like that. I'm not surprised about you having to defend yourself. Some people here are the most uptight.
D-Lish Posted September 11, 2008 Posted September 11, 2008 I'm not surprised about you having to defend yourself. Some people here are the most uptight. :lmao::lmao: But that's not you Adriane:love: I think LovelyBird thinks I need to be saved, when all I really need is a good spanking
TigerCub Posted September 11, 2008 Posted September 11, 2008 Which is part of the psychology behind a submissive sexual mindset. People that are in control in every aspect of their life often enjoy the outlet of being submissive in the bedroom. That's how it is for me. I totally agree, because that's what makes that kind of thing really good for me too, I can't imagine myself actually being told what to do and being submissive to someone in any other aspect of my life, but in the bedroom, its just completely different and its a huge turn on to be with a man that takes charge and isn't affraid to push the limits as long as there is trust.
D-Lish Posted September 11, 2008 Posted September 11, 2008 I totally agree, because that's what makes that kind of thing really good for me too, I can't imagine myself actually being told what to do and being submissive to someone in any other aspect of my life, but in the bedroom, its just completely different and its a huge turn on to be with a man that takes charge and isn't affraid to push the limits as long as there is trust. Yep- and I didn't figure out myself how much I liked it until a few years ago. I found a whole lot of freedom in it. The TRUST and consent is what makes it thrilling- but it's always safe. You're never doing anything you don't want to do. To me- it would be degrading to be submissive to my partner in our daily activities and roles. Have fun with it- TALK to your guy about it though- it was the talking about it initially that unleashed the supressed desires in me. I think you'll have just as much fun talking about it as trying it...
vonerik012 Posted September 11, 2008 Posted September 11, 2008 Yep- and I didn't figure out myself how much I liked it until a few years ago. I found a whole lot of freedom in it. The TRUST and consent is what makes it thrilling- but it's always safe. You're never doing anything you don't want to do. To me- it would be degrading to be submissive to my partner in our daily activities and roles. Have fun with it- TALK to your guy about it though- it was the talking about it initially that unleashed the supressed desires in me. I think you'll have just as much fun talking about it as trying it... Why would it be degrading to relinquish control? To be honest, most women are not NATURALLY out for power. I think the sex makes sense as well. It isn't about being a doormat, it is about being a true woman. Work is work. Relationships are a different manner. You know you don't really want to call all the shots, as you would rather follow a mans lead whom you respect. Would you rather take care of a man, or be taken care of? I am guessing the latter. When it comes to relationships maybe quit the quest for being "equal" as you are actually just lowering yourself, and turning men off in the process.
Ariadne Posted September 11, 2008 Posted September 11, 2008 :lmao::lmao: But that's not you Adriane:love: I think LovelyBird thinks I need to be saved, when all I really need is a good spanking (yeah, hopefully the 40 yr old has more experience than those young guys if it comes to that) And to the OP... Can't you figure that out when you are with the guy? But according to this: mentioned once might spanke, informed him not to do that as it flashes to abuse That's a pretty bad start, this is not going to fly.
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