Being on same college campus

[williamz]

My gf broke up with me over the summer. We got back to school, had sex the first night, after getting tons of texts about how much she missed me. We were gonna try to work it out and get back together since we're back at school but it didn't work out, and im heartbroken.

 

So I'm on like day 8 of NC and my question is what can I do to ease the pain of knowing shes on the same campus as me, I have anxiety walking to class thinking I might run into her. It would be so much easier to get over this if I wasn't constantly in a setting that A. reminds me of her and B. gives high chances that I'll run into her eventually.

 

Any suggestions on how to deal with this?

[0hpenelope]

My gf broke up with me over the summer. We got back to school, had sex the first night, after getting tons of texts about how much she missed me. We were gonna try to work it out and get back together since we're back at school but it didn't work out, and im heartbroken.

 

So I'm on like day 8 of NC and my question is what can I do to ease the pain of knowing shes on the same campus as me, I have anxiety walking to class thinking I might run into her. It would be so much easier to get over this if I wasn't constantly in a setting that A. reminds me of her and B. gives high chances that I'll run into her eventually.

 

Any suggestions on how to deal with this?

 

On the same boat as you are, bro. Except I'm not as anxious because I'm putting in the effort to not be anywhere on campus except when I need to be. When you see her, though... Don't let her faze you. That's the important part. Smile through it or keep that mask on. Don't give her the satisfaction of knowing that she's still got that magic touch on you.

 

You're not ready to deal with anything that she has to say to you and that's completely understandable. You may not even take into consideration what I'm saying and that's ok, too; building up the confidence and the strength to undertake this tactic takes time. Since the break-up sounds fresh... you might not even be at that level.

 

You don't want to see her, you don't want to talk to her. Even if you do, just remind yourself if it's going to do you any good. Short-lived happiness at the sight of her or the sound of her voice, then going back to your residence hall feeling bummed because she's not with you? Mm... that's not an attractive option either.

 

You're going to have to deal with it somehow until you can associate her as a stranger or as a strictly superficial friend. But until then, be consistent on thinking that contact with her will not help you move on (not move on with a new girl, but move on with life); contact will only slow you down if you do.

 

Obligations to those people are completely severed the moment they decided to walk out of our lives.

[williamz]

that's good advice. thanks.

 

I was doing a little better then had a major setback when I saw her at the school's gym. She didn't see me. I was on the second floor running around the track and saw her walking out the door on the first floor and my heart sunk. I wanted to call her to tell her I saw her, but I didn't. And I'm glad I didn't. But ever since then I can't stop thinking about her.

 

I'm so disappointed in myself that I kept up NC over the summer when she broke up with me only to just go back to square one by getting with her the first night back at school and have to start all over.

[0hpenelope]

that's good advice. thanks.

 

I was doing a little better then had a major setback when I saw her at the school's gym. She didn't see me. I was on the second floor running around the track and saw her walking out the door on the first floor and my heart sunk. I wanted to call her to tell her I saw her, but I didn't. And I'm glad I didn't. But ever since then I can't stop thinking about her.

 

I'm so disappointed in myself that I kept up NC over the summer when she broke up with me only to just go back to square one by getting with her the first night back at school and have to start all over.

 

You kept up NC over the summer?! I hope you realize that you've accomplished something that a lot of other LS members have not! Good job! A little pat on the back is in order here.

 

You do know why it's more difficult now, right? It was easier during the summer because you were in an environment where you were at home (or wherever you were) and you didn't have to see her. The true test for NC is always when the ex is right in front of us or even going back to a place where the possibility of seeing them around is statistically higher. College campuses are notorious for this.

 

It's like... if you lived in San Francisco as your "real home" during the summer. And your school is in Seattle. My examples are really extreme because that's exactly what it is: unless by some crap luck that the ex is a neighbor or a fellow local, you are untouchable at home.

 

You don't have to think of restarting with NC. It's more like... an adjustment. You didn't have to see her at home but now that you're more likely to see her around, it's a different environment. You're taking the steps you need to take to make moving on happen for you and again, that's more than what most have done for themselves. You have initiative... you just need encouragement to keep going. Do you have any friends who know this situation? Female friends are good in this - we're the bossier of the 2 genders anyway, in my opinion.

 

Any other LS users willing to share their take on this? Brother will needs an encouragement pow wow!

[JooLee]

hey, i posted the exact same thing about 2 months back! haha (excluding the getting back together part) well, i can tell you that till today it still makes me anxious going to uni and thinking im going to bump into him. ive bump into him 5 times (he does a great job avoiding going to places i'll be at) we pretend we dont know each other. it hurts but it fades away as fast as it comes... but still at times i kind of hope i'll bump into him. its rather weird. but you know its always better when i dont see him... anyways.. i dont know when i'll stop being anxious about it.. so i guess its better if you just face the tiger n get used to it. am i making sense? i dont know.. i guess what im saying is.. no matter what you have to be strong- hold your head up high and smile.

[JooLee]

oh and be around friends all the time. it helps for me. cos they can help divert your attention and thoughts.