wayfaerer1 Posted September 10, 2008 Posted September 10, 2008 She had been sending me messages the last few days, and I ignored them. But, because I did tell her we could still be friends and catch up now and then, I feel like I need to tell her I really feel now, because I can't be friends and still move on. So, I texted her today and just said, "Sorry I haven't been responding, but you wanted space." Then we talked on the phone breifly, and she said she didn't understand why we still couldn't talk as friends and catch up. Anyway, she agreed to call later today to "catch up". And I stupidly agreed, partly because I've changed how I feel - I can't pretend to be friends anymore, but she doesn't know I changed my mind about that, so she was annoyed. Since I feel I need to let her know how I really feel, what should I say on the phone? I want to come across as respectful but not as desperate/needy. I want her to know that my life without her is going very well. Is this how I should handle it? I think after this phone call, I'm going to make it clear that it's best we really stick to "no contact" from now on.
verve Posted September 10, 2008 Posted September 10, 2008 Think about yourself, you're not with her anymore, you have no obligation to keep in touch with her, and usually, keeping in contact 'as friends' hurts both parties and never works. Say to her, I don't want to speak to you anymore and I'm going to cut contact. You've got to be firm and to the point.
Biker2007 Posted September 10, 2008 Posted September 10, 2008 way, I would simply tell her you need some time and space to deal with your emotions. Tell her that you would appreciate no calls, emails, etc. If she does not get the hint, then block her phone and email.
verve Posted September 10, 2008 Posted September 10, 2008 I wouldn't be as polite and as sugar coated as 2007, you don't owe her that. Theres a reason why you split, remember that. It doesn't matter how you cut the contact as long as you get it done. Then you can begin to work on yourself and heal. Good luck with things.
Author wayfaerer1 Posted September 10, 2008 Author Posted September 10, 2008 Even if I want her back again, I should still stick to "no contact"?
verve Posted September 10, 2008 Posted September 10, 2008 Even if I want her back again, I should still stick to "no contact"? Why did you split if you still want to be with her? I'm guessing she finished you? Well going no contact is a lot more effective than keeping in contact however there is no guarantee that will make her want you back.
Biker2007 Posted September 10, 2008 Posted September 10, 2008 Way, If you broke up decent terms, take the high road and close things amicably. If she cheated or generally dissed you, then simply cut her out of your life. Don't ever let someone treat you like a plan B!
CaliGuy Posted September 10, 2008 Posted September 10, 2008 Even if I want her back again, I should still stick to "no contact"? Why would you wait around for someone who doesn't want to be with you. She's keeping in touch and being friends to relieve her own guilt. Not because she NEEDS to be your "pal"... And why would you settle for being second best? Personally I would tell her you can't do the "friends" thing and you'd appreciate it if she would stop trying to contact you. BTW: The more you want to get back together with an ex, the more likely you will screw it up. Let them go. If they want you, really want you, they know how to find you.
neiu Posted September 10, 2008 Posted September 10, 2008 If you can somehow still be friends with an ex without anything tying the two of you together like a child then maybe the relationship you had wasn't as strong as you thought it was. Imagine the number of people on this site figuring out how to get back together with the ex and whatnot, how many actually end up being friends with them in the end? I can bet not a whole lot. When one person wants it more than the other and it's never reciprocated then it's usually a lose-lose situation for both parties. I have done NC many times and it always works in my favour. You step back from it all and it's almost like you're free from the emotional rollercoaster that you've been riding that makes you sick. There are no guarantees in life but atleast take the path that is going to give you the best chance to succeed. If you've ever missed a flight you know what I mean. You don't stand there crying about it and wondering if you would've made it had you done something different. You go and start finding out how you can get on another flight to get you where you need to be. Don't hang around for someone that has already picked up and left cause I can tell you they won't be waiting. I had one ex that broke up with me a couple years back and it ruined me but I wasted months before going NC. She never came back and better yet is now engaged. Get yourself together and move on, you don't need this crap in your life.
Author wayfaerer1 Posted September 11, 2008 Author Posted September 11, 2008 I did it guys... That was hands down the hardest decision I think I ever had to make. But I told her we can't talk and that I can't be friends right now. She said she totally understood. And told me to call when I felt like I had enough time. I don't want to ever call...I want to get over this crap and heal. I'm going to feel like crap for a while, but I think I made the right decision. Right now though, I feel like she's having fun, while I'm super depressed. Knowing that she's having a good time and I'm not bothers the hell out of me. It's like I have to out do her to feel better. How do I get over this feeling?
BCCA Posted September 11, 2008 Posted September 11, 2008 You get over it by trying to forget about her and go out and have some fun of your own! You're a free man, and can do as you please, so go enjoy yourself. If all you think about is her having fun you'll only torture yourself. Put her out of your mind anyway you can!
Biker2007 Posted September 11, 2008 Posted September 11, 2008 Way, Great job, now make your enjoyment of life priority one. I went through a similar situation as you a year ago and I probably allowed myself to dwell on the past too much. Give yourself time to heal and learn from this experience. When you are ready, start meting new people and keep your expectations in check...just have fun. The rest will follow. Good luck and know this...you made the right decision!
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