airstr5000 Posted September 10, 2008 Posted September 10, 2008 I am with this girl who supposedly feels that our relationship wasn't progressing because she still has feelings for her ex boyfriend of two years. We would have been going out for 3 months tomorrow. She is a very jealous person and wants to know what I am doing ALL the time(For instance, I changed my AIM status to "Life is good" and she flipped out and texted/IMed me all day wondering what it was and she also asked me what I was doing outside yesterday when she called me). She also likes to emphasize the fact that she just needs time to get over it.(like there is a chance after) Anyways, my question is, I think that the No Contact Rule will work VERY well and I may get her back in a period of less than a week. She is very NEEDY herself and will almost come crawling back for attention and care. She is playing the friend card so she can still interact with me and not feel the pain of losing me. Even if I don't get her back, I know that this will make me feel better and more confident. I am already confident now so I think things are already in a good direction. Finally, how should I start the No Contact Rule without coming off as a jerk? Like, should I say, Call or text me when you feel like this relationship is going to work. But what should I say before that to initiate a reason we "can't" talk?
Author airstr5000 Posted September 10, 2008 Author Posted September 10, 2008 I think the No Contact Rule is really good, but I just talked to her through AIM and I told her that I started working out more. She was VERY suprised and I said maybe not being together was better for the both of us. She responded. Yeah... I guess. Then I said Well I hope you feel as good as I do about how things are going. She responded. Yeah uhm... I'm gonna go. This is the type of girl that doesn't show her emotions or atleast not directly. Did I interpret this as (Wow, he is doing good without me did I make a mistake?). She might have even broken out into tears after what just happened. She is very emotionally unstable and LIVES off people. So, my question again is. How should I address the No Contact Rule or should I do it at all? Would it be the icing on the cherry or the last blow to finish off her feelings for me? HELP ME... lol
Karma101 Posted September 10, 2008 Posted September 10, 2008 Just go dark. No contact = no contact. No explanation necessary. Let her wonder what you are doing by not hearing from you. I have to wonder, why would you want someone who you describe and jealous and needy anyway, not to mention still having feelings for an X? As someone who was just dumped by her BF to go back to his X, I would steer clear of this potential rollercoaster! Good luck!
Author airstr5000 Posted September 10, 2008 Author Posted September 10, 2008 Just go dark. No contact = no contact. No explanation necessary. Let her wonder what you are doing by not hearing from you. I have to wonder, why would you want someone who you describe and jealous and needy anyway, not to mention still having feelings for an X? As someone who was just dumped by her BF to go back to his X, I would steer clear of this potential rollercoaster! Good luck! I don't believe she dumped me for her ex. I think she she used that as an excuse to show the fact that the fire in our relationship is out. I have turned into a Wuss which is not what girls want. She wan'ts me to discover myself and become a MAN. She really wants to be with me. I can tell. She just wants me to find that inner MAN in me. Which seems I am doing.
Author airstr5000 Posted September 10, 2008 Author Posted September 10, 2008 Isn't it sorta messed up to just NOT talk to someone out of the blue when we are now "friends".
neiu Posted September 10, 2008 Posted September 10, 2008 I don't believe she dumped me for her ex. I think she she used that as an excuse to show the fact that the fire in our relationship is out. I have turned into a Wuss which is not what girls want. She wan'ts me to discover myself and become a MAN. She really wants to be with me. I can tell. She just wants me to find that inner MAN in me. Which seems I am doing. I'm sorry is this what she has said to you because believe me, if she's done with you in less than 3 months then forget about it. What's so special about her anyway if she's doubting it after such a short time. Stop making excuses for what happened and snap back into reality my friend. You say you're friends? Sorry to say it but once you're emotionally involved with feelings of being with the other person, you've crossed into a whole different territory. NC is NC, 2 words that can only mean one thing. Just step away from her, emotionally unstable dependant girls are a recipe for disastor. Cut the contact and get on with life, it'll do you a whole lot better than being in limbo. Find a girl who will love you for who you are and not who they want you to be.
Karma101 Posted September 10, 2008 Posted September 10, 2008 Isn't it sorta messed up to just NOT talk to someone out of the blue when we are now "friends". Not to be harsh, but you are not friends. Not so early after a break up. No way. She's trying to string you along. Now THAT'S pretty messed up. She is very emotionally unstable and LIVES off people. And I ask again, why do you want her? She really wants to be with me. I can tell. If she really wanted to be with you, she would be with you. Plain and simple. Again, I don't mean to sound harsh, I'm going through a pretty crappy break up myself. Sometimes the truth hurts...and sometimes it's just what you need to hear to move on. 3 months?!? Life is too flippin' short. Never settle.
CaliGuy Posted September 10, 2008 Posted September 10, 2008 No contact = Cold Turkey. If you quit smoking, you go cold turkey. If you've been dumped, you go cold turkey with your ex. Think of your ex as cigarettes and you're quitting them.
BCCA Posted September 10, 2008 Posted September 10, 2008 People dont change that drastically in 3 months, and there is no way you turned into a different person so soon. She told you she still has feelings for her ex, and this is probably her way of being available for him and using you when she feels like it. You are not at her service when she wants, who cares how she feels about no contact? Karma speaks the truth, you are not friends, and she isn't looking for anything but an ego boost or shoulder to cry on. And if she did in fact want to be with you, she would be. I think you're worrying FAR too much about such a short relationship. If she can walk away after 3 months, thats not saying she was interested in giving it much of a try. There is a chance that she dated you in hopes of making her ex jealous, and when it didnt work, she needed to go. The fire doesnt die in 3 months, and I dont think she was lying about having feelings for her ex. I know its hard to accept, but she just doesnt seem that into you. Listen to CaliGuy, go completely cold turkey with the NC. If she ever changes her mind, she WILL let you know. But honestly, all I see if her trying to use you for a temporary crutch. Youre better than that, nip this in the bud and find another girl. It was only 3 months, why even bother with trying?
0hpenelope Posted September 11, 2008 Posted September 11, 2008 You can't make someone who feels he/she isn't ready to be "ready"... You can assume all you want about what she may be feeling or may not be feeling, but you're shooting blanks here. You're not in control of her. She is. Assumptions will just drive you crazy. If she's not over her ex-bf yet, perhaps this is one of her ways of moving on: dating. I'm sorry that your heart getting broken was collateral damage in her journey of moving on. Her treatment of you is inexcusable, but she's going through something herself. Having the person miss you is merely one of the possible effects of No Contact. But it's not a guarantee. To quote one of my favorite snark communities of all things fandom-related: "You're doing it wrong!" You can try this because we can't make you do anything, but more likely your plans will not follow through the way you wish they would. Let her go. Go NC.
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