torm3nt3d Posted September 10, 2008 Posted September 10, 2008 A recent birthday has had me thinking about how long I have been in love with this woman and wondering if these feelings will ever go away. the story...(sorry it's long just want to give the full story ) Thirteen years ago I was 20 years old, had no real relationships to speak of, and was practicly a virgin. I began dating a girl that I had known from work and we really hit it off. I really thought I was in love. Well at five months into dating we got engaged. This is how that happened, we were at the mall one night and she went into a jewelry store and started looking rings. I told my mom about this and the next thing I know, her and my sister are helping me pick out a ring. Anyway, about a month into the engagement I came to a sad realization that I was in love with her sister. I had never felt the way she made me feel. I had found true love. Here comes the stupid part, being young and immature and not wanting to look bad in anyone's eyes (her, her family, my family, her 1 year old daughter who had been calling me daddy for 6 months that i loved like my own, or the woman i loved...her sister), I went through with the wedding. Our marriage was a rocky one. My wife was a shopaholic that drove up debt, developed deep distain for me & my profession and she cheated on me several times. While we were married though, her sister and I became closer. We had gotten to be very close friends. We would have those conversations that we wouldn't have with anyone else. We just got each other. We never so muched as kissed, and we would go out of our way to avoid physical contact but there was always that connection and we both knew it. She was a very level headed girl who knew as well as I did nothing could ever come of it.Through 5 years of conversations we only discussed the topic of "us" once. And that was if either of us won the lottery or got rich we would run off together. Well, when divorce came around we talked about how we would still hang out together and remain friends. But it became pretty akward to everyone else, us hanging out when me and her sister weren't together anymore. So we pretty much got to see each other every once in a while when I would go to pick up my step-daughter. Several months after the split, my sister-in-law broke the news that she was getting married. I fell into a deep depression and distanced myself from everything I had known. House, job, location, friends. Besides seeing and talking with my step daughter I went off the grid. I began dating a new girl and we had a lot of fun. I wanted her to know from the get go my situation. I had been in love and was not looking to fall in love again. She said she understood and we went out for months and she even moved in with me. But I had never lead her to believe anything had changed. Well, I had had surgery one day and was high of hydrocodone laying bed beside her and told her I loved her. Well, several days passed and she brought it up. I had hoped that she would have dismissed it from me being high but she didn't. And once again, not wanting to hurt her feelings I didn't tell her I wasn't in love with her. Well, nine years later I'm married to her and have a beautiful child with her. And as horrible as I may sound, I'm still in love with my ex-wifes sister. I haven't even spoken to her in over 7 years, but I'm as much in love with her now as the day I realized it. She is on my mind when I wake up and when I go to bed. When I'm sad, and the world has kicked me in the balls, I can think of her and the times we shared and feel better. Ok on to the advice seeking.... I have never regreted falling/being in love with her. She was the most precious person to me in my life besides my daughter and I wouldd never want to feel any different, but after 7 years of not even speaking a word with her, you would think these feelings would deminish some but they haven't. I always took us being together as something that couldn't happen. But 13 years down the road, with a lot of growing up I realise it could be possible. Maybe not today, maybe not next year but maybe someday. What if we really do have that one true soul mate out there. My marriage has been on the rocks for about the last 6 years, with my wife threating divorce for the last 6 months. She is still with the man she married. Sadly she has been seperated once & cheated on several times. So the possibility of us both being single is great. And since it's been so long, we could pull off a relationship without the families having to know. So....is it crazy for me to start thinking and hoping...maybe even guiding a chance meeting between the two of us? Is this new hope crazy? Has anyone been in a similiar situation?
Final Girl Posted September 10, 2008 Posted September 10, 2008 You are in love with the idea of her...the idealism of her. At a rocky time in your life, she was the one constant. You got married twice to women you didn't love, taking away their chances, at least for a while, of being with men who really DID love them. You say that 'sadly' the sister has been separated, yet you paradoxically seem excited at the prospect of at last your fairytale having a happy ending!! When your life goes wrong, it is natural to think back to the one person who had brought you a snippet of happiness and think 'if only'. But if you TRULY loved this sister, you would WANT her marriage to work out and think to yourself that she was the one who got away....and that's it!!! She is NOT the magic pill that is going to make your life better...YOU are the one who is going to have to stop making wrong choices and involving other (innocent) people...and start making the right ones!!!
Author torm3nt3d Posted September 10, 2008 Author Posted September 10, 2008 She is still with the man she married. Sadly she has been seperated once & cheated on several times. So the possibility of us both being single is great. Upon reading this again I realize this does sound bad. I used the word "great" as large in size. Just meant with the way our marriages stand now there is a big possibility that we could both end up single. And her happiness is very important to me and I would never wish any sadness on her. I want her marriage to last, if that's what makes her happy and fulfills her.
Final Girl Posted September 10, 2008 Posted September 10, 2008 Upon reading this again I realize this does sound bad. I used the word "great" as large in size. Just meant with the way our marriages stand now there is a big possibility that we could both end up single. And her happiness is very important to me and I would never wish any sadness on her. I want her marriage to last, if that's what makes her happy and fulfills her. Lol it's ok...I understood what you meant!! It was just you were very quick to think of you two getting it on, when she may be in the death throes of her marriage. You MUST stop messing innocent people around. Your wife was sitting by your hospital bed when you proposed...you 'hoped' she would see that you were high...but you didn't think to tell her?? This lady who sat by you in your time of need?? You need to work on yourself first and foremost, and your habit of dragging other innocent people into marriages that are based on deceit, instead of giving so much of your time and energy to a phantom.
Author torm3nt3d Posted September 11, 2008 Author Posted September 11, 2008 So has noone else felt the kind of love I'm talking about? Or just don't care to share?
Kindle Posted September 14, 2008 Posted September 14, 2008 If your current wife doesnt make you happy, and isnt right for you, then let her go. Its not fair to her or you to stay and try to make it work if its clearly not going to. Then and only then, can you go find *your love* Life is for living, not for regrets, and if you really think this woman would make you happy above all else then i say go for it. I do know of the love you feel and it never goes away, just sits there quietly in the background while you go on with your daily life, and feel like you are living a lie. Just be prepared that she may not feel the same...
Recommended Posts