TDiddy98 Posted September 15, 2008 Posted September 15, 2008 can't remember precisely if it was specifically mentioned that it was to go for a beer, but as she suggested it on wednesday i would assume we both know the context. So wait, are you saying that you didn't actually ask her to go for a beer with you, you just asked what time her shift was and you're assuming she understands that you want to meet her for a beer? Do you think this poor girl reads minds? From going back and reading this whole thing, it really seems like you have these thoughts and feelings and things you want to say, but you never actually express them to her. You overanalyze and create these situations where you would be able to express your feelings, but then fall short of expressing them which only serves to either confuse or irritate her. Possibly both. What you need to do tomorrow is this: Once you get to work, the first thing you do is ask her if she wants to get a beer after work. Don't make too much small talk, don't think about it, just ask her. If she says no, then you just get on with your day. If she says yes, then you take her out for a beer and you tell her exactly how you feel. Again, don't overanalyze things and don't try to send out "signals". The only signals you need to send are words that say exactly what you mean. Good luck to you.
Author silverstar189 Posted September 16, 2008 Author Posted September 16, 2008 thanks guys, i'll just go for it tomorrow. i'll let you know how it goes...
Green Posted September 16, 2008 Posted September 16, 2008 thanks guys, i'll just go for it tomorrow. i'll let you know how it goes... no excuses, I don't care if a tornado comes and it doesn't feel right flat out set up a date ( you don't have to call it a date) if she says shes busy ask her what night she's free and do it then... if she says shes just really busy then give up forever... if you get the hangout thing... then make damn sure you kiss her again and make damn sure to keep asking her out if u like her that is
Author silverstar189 Posted September 16, 2008 Author Posted September 16, 2008 ok....so a tornado did actually come today. we got sat down and told that things in the travel industry aren't good at the moment, etc etc...basically making us aware of the possibility for redundancy. people being called off for meetings left right and centre, we're on different shifts AGAIN, and although we're sitting across from each other today we barely exchange a word, whilst we each talk to everybody else, which really didn't feel good. but screw it, i'm on overtime tomorrow, so without fail i'm finishing at the same time as her....
Lucky_One Posted September 16, 2008 Posted September 16, 2008 Based on reading your posts, this is kind of what it sounds like to me: - You kissed while drinking - After the kiss you ignored her at work and generally acted uncomfortable around her - You followed her onto the train to talk about the kiss, and wound up only telling her that she's "actually a nice girl" - You jokingly questioned why she would kiss someone like you Unless I've missed something here, you have not put out very clear signs that you're into her. Regardless of that though, based on how you've acted so far you need to just come clean and tell her; acting the way you have been is not helping you at all. If you wait too much longer to just tell her, it may be too late. If it's not already. I agree with most of this, but honestly the fact that she kissed you apparently doesn't mean diddly squat in terms of her being into you at all. She just kisses guys all night when she drinks? WTF is that all about?
Lucky_One Posted September 16, 2008 Posted September 16, 2008 ok....so a tornado did actually come today. we got sat down and told that things in the travel industry aren't good at the moment, etc etc...basically making us aware of the possibility for redundancy. people being called off for meetings left right and centre, we're on different shifts AGAIN, and although we're sitting across from each other today we barely exchange a word, whilst we each talk to everybody else, which really didn't feel good. but screw it, i'm on overtime tomorrow, so without fail i'm finishing at the same time as her.... Um bad news. Make sure your resume is up to speed. Last person hired = first person fired. Check out Monster. Good luck. If you go out for drinks, don't spend a lot, and go dutch.
Author silverstar189 Posted September 16, 2008 Author Posted September 16, 2008 I agree with most of this, but honestly the fact that she kissed you apparently doesn't mean diddly squat in terms of her being into you at all. She just kisses guys all night when she drinks? WTF is that all about? yeah, that was a crystal clear lie as i was there the whole night. unless she got busy everytime she went to the toilets, its crap. all i know is now she's ignoring me now, and i'm not fond of it...
Lucky_One Posted September 16, 2008 Posted September 16, 2008 Well, you didn't go there with her, and you didn't go home with her, and you didn't go take a leak with her. You really don't know what she did; all you can ever know is your version of the events that you participated in. I really don't know a woman who would claim to have kissed three guys in one night unless 1) they did it or 2) they think that is classy behavior.
Author silverstar189 Posted September 16, 2008 Author Posted September 16, 2008 I really don't know a woman who would claim to have kissed three guys in one night unless 1) they did it or 2) they think that is classy behavior. i can see your point, she did mention that she went swinging once, why the hell would you tell someone that?
Lucky_One Posted September 16, 2008 Posted September 16, 2008 i can see your point, she did mention that she went swinging once, why the hell would you tell someone that? I dunno. I wouldn't, unless I just didn't care what someone thought of me. Some people really don't give a rat's butt what other people think, and on the other hand, some people think that being too sexually free tends to be skanky. Is she young? I mean, like younger than 24? She almost sounds as though she thinks she has to put out to be accepted or liked by men, and that she needs to brag about her experience for the same reason.
TDiddy98 Posted September 16, 2008 Posted September 16, 2008 all i know is now she's ignoring me now, and i'm not fond of it... It sounds to me like you missed the boat on this one. Chalk it up to experience, and next time just remember to follow your heart and don't think the situation to death. Of course sometimes you follow your heart and still wind up with it broken (like me), but at least then you don't have to wonder "What if...?"
Author silverstar189 Posted September 16, 2008 Author Posted September 16, 2008 I dunno. I wouldn't, unless I just didn't care what someone thought of me. Some people really don't give a rat's butt what other people think, and on the other hand, some people think that being too sexually free tends to be skanky. Is she young? I mean, like younger than 24? She almost sounds as though she thinks she has to put out to be accepted or liked by men, and that she needs to brag about her experience for the same reason. yeah, she said that a couple of weeks ago. she is younger than 24, and it gave me the distinct impression that she was trying to brag. and thinking about it logically, theres not many scenarios where if someones ignoring you it means they really really like you. bum.
Lucky_One Posted September 16, 2008 Posted September 16, 2008 and thinking about it logically, theres not many scenarios where if someones ignoring you it means they really really like you. bum. You ignored her for a year, didn't you?
Author silverstar189 Posted September 16, 2008 Author Posted September 16, 2008 yeah, but i ignored her in a very discrete way, ie not sitting in the same area as her, but if we came in to contact i would talk to her the same as anyone else, be nice etc, crack a joke. she didnt even realise i was until i told her i'd been avoiding her. ok, she didn't ignore me when i said anything to her today, and responded politely but didn't initiate any conversation with me either. but hell, why come sit in my area? (whilst we hot desk, i sit at the same one everyday, everyone knows where i sit). yet over the last week she's been sitting one or two spaces from where i am. if you want to avoid me, don't come in and sit on the same bank of desks as me, like she did today, right? the guy who dotes on her had plenty of space next to him, why not go sit with your best bud? bah.
TDiddy98 Posted September 16, 2008 Posted September 16, 2008 It sounds like she's not actively ingoring you, but she doesn't particularly want to talk to you either. Think about it, how many people at your work do you sit in the same area with but don't strike up a conversation with? It seems to me like she's just not that into you.
Author silverstar189 Posted September 16, 2008 Author Posted September 16, 2008 i don't know about your workplace, but we have out little groups, and the same huddle of people sit together usually, with a little switcharound because of hotdesking. she knows i sit there, up until a week ago she hadn't sat near to me at all in a long time, i could count them on my hand. I agree, she doesn't want to talk to me. fair enough, i'll leave you be. but i'm not going to move to the opposite side of the floor to sit next to the guy with the dodgy tache who always moans!
paddington bear Posted September 16, 2008 Posted September 16, 2008 God your workplace sounds horrible! Maybe redundancy would be for the best, and you get to work somewhere else where there will be a less confusing girl around for you to work your charm on. By the by, I've kissed 3 guys on the one night. Usually when really drunk and just out having fun pretending to be a teenager again, but not caring about any of the guys particularly. Ok, so I haven't done this in years, and I'm not a skanky slag type girl, just go a little crazy once every few years. But for me it was random strangers, not workmates.
Author silverstar189 Posted September 16, 2008 Author Posted September 16, 2008 the job's been mostly quiet at the moment due to the downturn, and is actually quite bearable. there's just been a hell of a turn of events in the last 2 days. I sure as hell picked my time! if things head south i'll probably find something a bit more hands on and physical- i'm increasingly aware i'm not the office type. this is one of the reasons i like online dating, you break the ice straight off, and then theres no silliness like has happened here. having arranged things online, you can then meet up with someone without having to worry about does she/doesn't she etc etc. you can just concentrate on being yourself which allows you to be more confident and enjoy yourself. despite this not turning out to be the best situation i wouldnt tell people to never date a coworker-youve just got to be prepared for the fallout. however i seem to relatively lucky as noone seems to know anything in the office.....
Green Posted September 17, 2008 Posted September 17, 2008 The sillyness is all your fault! go flat out and ask her out stop making excuses up.
Author silverstar189 Posted September 17, 2008 Author Posted September 17, 2008 ok, i sat opposite her today, was talking a little bit to her this time...she wasnt being overtly disinterested. shared a bus to the station, she had a train to catch. i mentioned who owes who the beer, was a little bit cheeky, she didnt seem to mind. she said that she was round a friends tomorrow, but she seemed to pull this out of thin air. she seems to be playing hard to get-not showing too much interest, but not pushing me away, and being discrete....
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