silverstar189 Posted September 10, 2008 Posted September 10, 2008 this is a bit of an ongoing saga...for anyone interested, here's the backstory: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t163531/ to sum it up, i've had a bit of a crush on a girl at work. I decided to get things out in the open, but being on different shifts we weren't going to catch each other after work till next week. she finished 45 minutes earlier than me today, and as she left i just thought screw it, get it over with. I upped and left my desk early (i can get away with this by saying i misread my roster). legged it down to the bus stop, she'd already gone. so i rode the bus into town thinking i'll catch her at the station. after searching round, i caught a glimpse of her on a train and legged it again to the platform. nowhere again. if you're going to skip work, might as well go the whole hog, so i got on the train and finally saw her sitting in a seat. for effect, i randomly get in the seat next to her and say hi, just a bit out of breath. now that i'm knackered and in a really really random situation my brain decides to head for the door, but i get the point across in the most non freaky stalkerish way that i can.... ok, i remember you kissing me on the night out the other month, and i remember you mentioning it last week when we were out (we'd all been drinking and it was kind of a faint memory) and i didn't really know what to think, so i've kept it to myself, but now i know we both know i thought i'd get it out in the open. i've been ignoring you a bit too but it wasn't in a nasty way....err, youre actually a nice girl (lame i know). during the whole thing she didn't look shocked...didn't get the look of joy of' lets run off to vegas' either. i caught the odd smile but nothing that you wouldnt see on a regular day. she asked if theres anything that she should add, to which i jokingly said 'what made you kiss a scumbag like me?' she said she was drunk and she kissed two other guys that night (not sure how, we were in the same group all night that time). on the ignoring point she said she hadn't notice, but mentioned 'way to make me feel special'. by this time her train was about to head off the wilderness, she said we should get a beer after work next time we're on same shift (we do this occasionally anyway). and thats where we are now. ok, so i took a chance....backfired?
TDiddy98 Posted September 10, 2008 Posted September 10, 2008 At any point during this conversation did you actually tell her that you're interested in her? If not, then everything else you did was a total waste. My advice would be to as soon as possible have a serious talk with her. Apoligize for the ignoring and acting strange around her, and tell her how you feel about her. Stop ignoring her; maybe even pay a little extra attention to her. That's the chance you need to take; putting your feelings out there for her to see.
Author silverstar189 Posted September 10, 2008 Author Posted September 10, 2008 i didn't outright express my feelings there and then....i felt that as i'd just randomly ambushed her on a train out of nowhere, the last thing i'd want to do is put the poor girl on the spot/under pressure. i think she'd have to be a complete idiot not to realise that i like her right now though.....
TDiddy98 Posted September 10, 2008 Posted September 10, 2008 Based on reading your posts, this is kind of what it sounds like to me: - You kissed while drinking - After the kiss you ignored her at work and generally acted uncomfortable around her - You followed her onto the train to talk about the kiss, and wound up only telling her that she's "actually a nice girl" - You jokingly questioned why she would kiss someone like you Unless I've missed something here, you have not put out very clear signs that you're into her. Regardless of that though, based on how you've acted so far you need to just come clean and tell her; acting the way you have been is not helping you at all. If you wait too much longer to just tell her, it may be too late. If it's not already.
Author silverstar189 Posted September 10, 2008 Author Posted September 10, 2008 yeah, we kissed on two occasions while drinking. both times she persued me, and afterwards I acted uninterested, then by the time i've finally come clean it's much later (2 months after the last event). then again, the 2 times we kissed were a year apart. i think she was/is/who the hell knows attracted to my strong confident side, but then on the train i didn't crack up like a pleb, but i wasnt mr macho super controlling the situation either. i feel like saying 'but it took me shed loads of balls to come jump on this train and say this!' but we all know doesnt quite work like that..... its not like i'm like this around women usually, but this one's got me stumped.....
paddington bear Posted September 10, 2008 Posted September 10, 2008 Ah bless, don't know if anyone remembers those Impulse ads, where women sprayed on cheap deodorant type scented spray and men came running from nowhere with flowers etc. with the tagline 'men can't help acting on impulse'. That's you! Not sure why you ignored her after the kissing on both occassions...she must be confused now. You kissed, you ignored her then you arrived panting onto a train and babbled at her. Either (hopefully) she thought it was sweet a la Hugh Grant's speech to Andy McDowell in 4 weddings and a funeral...or she was just confused. Clear up the confusion. Say something that can't be misconstrued like: What I wanted to say when we met on the train was that I liked kissing you and would like to see you again...or some such.
Author silverstar189 Posted September 11, 2008 Author Posted September 11, 2008 yeah, i remember those ads, she must have a spare can tucked away somewhere! after sleeping on it, i feel that things aren't a total disaster. thinking about it, it really was like one of those hugh grant films, complete with running down train platforms lol. i think thats seen as a bit lame by people these days (might be good for a poll). Is saying something like 'i haven't said anything in case it was a drunken thing you'd forgotten, but now its out in the open, i liked it' going to be a good option?
Author silverstar189 Posted September 11, 2008 Author Posted September 11, 2008 yeah, i know she she hasn't....i'm struggling to find some way to sound sensible when i speak to her, and rationalise the whole thing.
paddington bear Posted September 11, 2008 Posted September 11, 2008 What's more embarrassing, running down platforms, arriving sweaty and out of breath and saying 'you're actually a nice girl' or saying 'I haven't said anything in case it was a drunken thing you'd forgotten, but now its out in the open, I liked it'. Ok, maybe they're much of a muchness, I find it terribly hard to express what I'm feeling for fear of rejection, so I feel for you, but look, you ran all the way after her that day to say something and you never actually got that something out of your mouth and it just has to be done. You: "Remember we bumped into each other on the train?" Her: "Yes?" You: "Well, what I wanted to talk to you about was that night when you kissed me, just like this..." You then lean over and kiss her. Actions speak louder than words my friend.
Author silverstar189 Posted September 11, 2008 Author Posted September 11, 2008 actions do speak louder than words. that sounds really great.....i do have visions of that going horribly wrong though. but i guess if you're going to crash and burn, do it well right? lol
Author silverstar189 Posted September 13, 2008 Author Posted September 13, 2008 ok, so it was my first day back at work after my little encounter. nobody came up and asked me anything, as if noone was aware, even the guy who spends his time doting on her. i should be thankful for her discretion...after all, is discretion really common nowadays?
Green Posted September 13, 2008 Posted September 13, 2008 Silverstar your really super cool the way you left work early and found her on the train... but you need to say something like "Come over and watch a movie at my place" or if you don't have her number "give me your number were going out for drinks togather"... and then go out for drinks kiss her and move this thing along. Your way to coy
Author silverstar189 Posted September 14, 2008 Author Posted September 14, 2008 yeah, i've started the ball rolling now, maybe i'll get ****canned maybe not, but i'm going to have the balls to see this through, and i'm sure as hell not going to babble again when i see her again! i've got another day or so to work this out in my head.... anyhows, one thing i wanted to ask was, if you liked someone and they didn't give you any sign you liked them back, and then much later on they came out and said they like you, would you have any resentment towards that person?
Green Posted September 14, 2008 Posted September 14, 2008 you shouldn't think or ask her about that ... just do it
Author silverstar189 Posted September 14, 2008 Author Posted September 14, 2008 true.....if we're on different shifts again tomorrow, say i finish earlier, is it better for me to say i'll catch her after work, or wait till we are on the same shifts? i really do think it needs to be done tomorrow....
paddington bear Posted September 14, 2008 Posted September 14, 2008 you're over-thinking this. Just do it tomorrow, somehow. Waiting for same shift is just another way of prolonging the agony of getting this thing you need to say over with. Besides, if on the same shift and you say something and it doesn't go how you want, then you're stuck with an awkward situation for the rest of the day with her, so I would say, just meet her after work in a neutral non-work related environment. Good luck! Let us know how it goes.
Author silverstar189 Posted September 15, 2008 Author Posted September 15, 2008 yeah, i'm over thinking this. i'll be clear but not too formal about the whole thing. i'll let you know how it goes....hopefully it will be positive!
Author silverstar189 Posted September 15, 2008 Author Posted September 15, 2008 ok then....you really couldn't make this up..... i come into work today and we get told that the guy who was the union rep has died in the middle of the night. both her and i are relative newcomers to the department, so it doesn't effect us too much, but a lot of the other people were pretty upset (girls in tears etc), so it really wasnt appropriate today. i was definitely more confident today, and verbally felt i was in control. we were on different shifts again (i mentioned i could finish early, but she said she was getting a lift), so bringing up the idea of going for a beer again i asked her when she was on tomorrow, and we both start at 9. ok, i know we were at work so i was being fairly discrete and she was being the same, but i got a totally neutral, emotionless vibe-i would even go so far as to say cold. but then why tell me when you're available, and why not say anything? if i confused her on the train the other day, she's got me double now.....
dcgirl33 Posted September 15, 2008 Posted September 15, 2008 this is a bit of an ongoing saga...for anyone interested, here's the backstory: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t163531/ to sum it up, i've had a bit of a crush on a girl at work. I decided to get things out in the open, but being on different shifts we weren't going to catch each other after work till next week. she finished 45 minutes earlier than me today, and as she left i just thought screw it, get it over with. I upped and left my desk early (i can get away with this by saying i misread my roster). legged it down to the bus stop, she'd already gone. so i rode the bus into town thinking i'll catch her at the station. after searching round, i caught a glimpse of her on a train and legged it again to the platform. nowhere again. if you're going to skip work, might as well go the whole hog, so i got on the train and finally saw her sitting in a seat. for effect, i randomly get in the seat next to her and say hi, just a bit out of breath. now that i'm knackered and in a really really random situation my brain decides to head for the door, but i get the point across in the most non freaky stalkerish way that i can.... ok, i remember you kissing me on the night out the other month, and i remember you mentioning it last week when we were out (we'd all been drinking and it was kind of a faint memory) and i didn't really know what to think, so i've kept it to myself, but now i know we both know i thought i'd get it out in the open. i've been ignoring you a bit too but it wasn't in a nasty way....err, youre actually a nice girl (lame i know). during the whole thing she didn't look shocked...didn't get the look of joy of' lets run off to vegas' either. i caught the odd smile but nothing that you wouldnt see on a regular day. she asked if theres anything that she should add, to which i jokingly said 'what made you kiss a scumbag like me?' she said she was drunk and she kissed two other guys that night (not sure how, we were in the same group all night that time). on the ignoring point she said she hadn't notice, but mentioned 'way to make me feel special'. by this time her train was about to head off the wilderness, she said we should get a beer after work next time we're on same shift (we do this occasionally anyway). and thats where we are now. ok, so i took a chance....backfired? I don't think it backfired. She may be embarrassed about the drunkin kiss.
Author silverstar189 Posted September 15, 2008 Author Posted September 15, 2008 i'd never thought of it from that angle.....i'd always taken it as a given that she was entirely competent and confident with all of her actions. i've been chatting with the guy who dotes on her on/off over the last couple of days, and he genuinely doesn't seem to have a clue about whats going on...she obviously hasn't said anything to him, even though they talk a hell of a lot together. is it worth reading into her discretion?
paddington bear Posted September 15, 2008 Posted September 15, 2008 so bringing up the idea of going for a beer again i asked her when she was on tomorrow, and we both start at 9. ok, i know we were at work so i was being fairly discrete and she was being the same, but i got a totally neutral, emotionless vibe-i would even go so far as to say cold. but then why tell me when you're available, and why not say anything? if i confused her on the train the other day, she's got me double now..... I'm confused now, did you actually ask her for a beer discreetly or did you just ask if you were on the same shift? I don't understand 'why tell my you're available and why not say anything' - So did she say yes that she was available to meet you for a drink and then didn't follow up with 'at The Fox pub at 5pm tomorrow?' - if so, that was your job, you asked her if she was free, you needed to have a place and time in mind for her to agree to. And...if I'm confused by what you're writing down here, maybe you're not expressing yourself clearly when you're talking to her? I would say it's a good thing that she hasn't said anything to the guy who dotes on her. I can only speak personally, but if I don't like a guy I'll tell people 'bloody hell that guy from accounts, he's nice, but God, he just won't leave me alone. He's ok, but I just don't want to go there'. Whereas if I've some spark of interest, I won't tell anyone for fear of being teased or that other people will try to interfere and make a mess of everything and that I'll end up embarrassed.
Author silverstar189 Posted September 15, 2008 Author Posted September 15, 2008 can't remember precisely if it was specifically mentioned that it was to go for a beer, but as she suggested it on wednesday i would assume we both know the context. her mood was very much one of showing little interest, whilst giving me answers to my questions.perhaps shes humouring me, but at the same time wishing i'd politely drop it?
paddington bear Posted September 15, 2008 Posted September 15, 2008 again with the overthinking! If she seemed uninterested just ignore that (for now), see if you can (finally) meet her post-work and then she'll either show her interest or not, and you can say your piece and find out what her reaction is to it. It's hard to tell what she thinks about you until you put your cards on the table, which I admit is the scary part.
Author silverstar189 Posted September 15, 2008 Author Posted September 15, 2008 i know...if i'd have kept this simple from the start, i would never have been in this mess! what i don't want to happen is for her to be giving me signals for me to back off, and because i'm terrible in this department then not heeding them and then causing some sort of ugly scene.....
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